What is your experience of mental health?

[sharkyvilla]

I always have a bit of sympathy for those who have felt the need to stay in the closet for decades and can't imagine what it must feel like.  Hopefully these days a Philip Schofield could be open in a relationship with another man when he's young rather than fight to hide it and end up in this mess.

[Davkaus]

5 hours ago, Demitri_C said:

Gary speed did. Its a good point though the same applies on most famous people. 

Don't think that's true in the way Mandy Lifeboats was talking about. He was in management at the time of his death, had Wales in fine form and was incredibly well regarded. Don't think there's any suggestion that fans or online abuse was something he experienced to any extent or had a role in his death.

We'll probably never know for sure but it seems like the poor bloke had some demons, just goes to show it doesn't matter how rich or successful you are, it doesn't always make you happy.

Edited June 2, 2023 by Davkaus

[Designer1]

13 minutes ago, Davkaus said:

Don't think that's true in the way Mandy Lifeboats was talking about. He was in management at the time of his death, had Wales in fine form and was incredibly well regarded. Don't think there's any suggestion that fans or online abuse was something he experienced to any extent or had a role in his death.

We'll probably never know for sure but it seems like the poor bloke had some demons, just goes to show it doesn't matter how rich or successful you are, it doesn't always make you happy.

Yeah Gary Speed suffered from depression his whole life. Iirc didn't they discover a letter from him to his wife (then girlfriend) from when he was 16 or 17 saying that he basically wanted to go to sleep and never wake up.

Really **** sad stuff.

[Mandy Lifeboats]

2 hours ago, Davkaus said:

 

We'll probably never know for sure but it seems like the poor bloke had some demons, just goes to show it doesn't matter how rich or successful you are, it doesn't always make you happy.

This is a very important point - depression and happiness are not connected in any way.  

Wealth and success will probably make you happy.  

Wealth and success will definitely NOT cure depression. 

 

 

[maqroll]

12 hours ago, Demitri_C said:

What happens if your son or daughter is abit of a loner though and meets someone completely innocent who helps them turn their life over?

I dont think the age is important its what happens in that relationship whether it enters the realm of predators 

The hard reality of the world is that adults prey on children. If my kid was a loner, I'd probably be doubly vigilant about adults showing interest. I'd want to know who the person is , how my kid knows them, what is the stated reason for wanting to spend time together, etc. If there's no clear purpose to the relationship, (mentor/coach/teacher), I'd discourage it, but more likely, not allow it all all, especially if it is a man, and unknown to me. 

 

 

[maqroll]

4 hours ago, sharkyvilla said:

I always have a bit of sympathy for those who have felt the need to stay in the closet for decades and can't imagine what it must feel like.  Hopefully these days a Philip Schofield could be open in a relationship with another man when he's young rather than fight to hide it and end up in this mess.

There's so much ingrained shame. It's why I have huge respect for Graham Norton, who has been openly, publicly, and unapologetically gay for years, and he comes from Ireland, which was much different in the 80's and 90's in terms of how LGBTQ people lived their lives there.

[Demitri_C]

14 hours ago, Davkaus said:

Don't think that's true in the way Mandy Lifeboats was talking about. He was in management at the time of his death, had Wales in fine form and was incredibly well regarded. Don't think there's any suggestion that fans or online abuse was something he experienced to any extent or had a role in his death.

We'll probably never know for sure but it seems like the poor bloke had some demons, just goes to show it doesn't matter how rich or successful you are, it doesn't always make you happy.

Sad story with speed, like you saw we never know. Just speculating/hypothetical  here but if he received a lot of abuse as a player then as a manager that could also hava a impact on a already fragile individual 

Like i said before i am glad i am not famous

10 hours ago, maqroll said:

The hard reality of the world is that adults prey on children. If my kid was a loner, I'd probably be doubly vigilant about adults showing interest. I'd want to know who the person is , how my kid knows them, what is the stated reason for wanting to spend time together, etc. If there's no clear purpose to the relationship, (mentor/coach/teacher), I'd discourage it, but more likely, not allow it all all, especially if it is a man, and unknown to me. 

 

 

I definitely think as a parent you have the right and responsibility to ask questions of who the friend is. However I think there is a lot of genuine people out there who are juat interested in helping others regardless of age with no grooming/sexual intentions.

The worlds certainly a different place to the one where i was growing up. Alot of my friends in school were alot older than me and there was never any grooming or anything like that. Thats just my experience 

[maqroll]

5 hours ago, Demitri_C said:

Alot of my friends in school were alot older than me

Bit different to a 40 year old befriending a 14 year old though, right?

 

[Chindie]

Today's one of those days where I could quite happily take a hammer to every thing in my house, screaming until my lungs burst, and then out myself out of my misery.

[Chindie]

Well this is a bad week.

I hadn't been happy with the way things were for a bit, so a fortnight ago I decided something needed to change. I decided to come off Sertraline.

I'd been on Sertaline for years, 150mg of it. I never really noticed what it did, and what I was on it for I never really felt it helped that much (equally it didn't seem to make things better). But this year I've slowly found myself becoming increasingly despondent, increasingly unbothered and unmotivated, and it was reaching a point I felt needed to give, and decided the sertraline probably didn't help. I know you're not supposed to go 'cold turkey' with these things, but equally I didn't feel I was getting a huge effect from it anyway, so how much would coming off effect me? Seemingly a fair bit it turns out, but I also don't think going back on it would help me either.

This week I've moved between barely held rage and frustration, and outright despair. Why? Well, as long term readers will know, everything is shit. What is everything?

Life. I don't have a social life, I don't have friends or anything outside of this house and a couple of hobbies, and posting here (and a couple of other forums). The story is same as it's always been, my mental/stomach issues put paid to doing much, my friends of old moved on, my parents are dead, my siblings have their own lives. I have my girlfriend, we've progressed beyond the covid related concerns we had and we now have dinner together 5 nights a week and spend a few hours of a Saturday evening together. But even that is getting me down, in recent weeks the regular schedule of my cooking a HelloFresh meal every night has burned me out to the extent I simply can't be arsed most nights and I wasn't enjoying it at all. I found myself finishing work and the last thing I would want to do was to immediately transition to cooking something.

Work is an issue. A big issue. In many ways I'm very lucky, my employer is very good and has accomodated my issues with Covid to allow me to work from home. But... the job at the moment is poison to any sense of success, motivation, achievement, engagement. We are under significant pressure. We are not hitting our targets, and the implication is the reason is firmly us - that we aren't working hard enough, we aren't working 'right'. This isn't the case, but it's obvious the powers that be think thats what the problem is. The problem is quite simple, but nobody is listening or offering ways to fix it. The opportunities we are being given, are not good enough, our ability to make the most of them isn't there, and what we consider a good oportunity is far too narrow. Where we do manage to get things we can work with, we've go dozens of hurdles to get through. Everything is a slog. But all of this is waved over, the finger is being pointed at us not doing well enough, and we've got eyes on us, which makes us even less motivated. We get regular updates that the numbers aren't good, which we already know, which do nothing but compound matters. We have meetings where one minute we're getting implicitly told theres not any intention to place any focus on making our lives better, because other teams are were we succeed, apparently, then the next day we get another meeting where it's obvious someone has been sent in to get comments and report back to management on our 'failing'.

This is compounded because, last year, I was advised that if I hit a particular milestone, it would bring increased stature in my role and would have a (small) monetary uplift. I hit that milestone. The money didn't arrive. I was then advised the money was contingent on various other milestones being hit as well. Ok... except those milestones aren't realistically possible. They include htting a monthly income level 3 months on the trot that I think I've hit once and would reckon the entire team has had maybe had someone hit 4 times in the entire time I've been in the business. They also include hitting performance ratings of a particular level 3 months on the trot, but the business operates that wonderful methodology where only so many people can be considered having a high rating at any one time, so you might smash all your KPIs miraculously and still not hit that rating because someone else did better, or a decision was made you didn't deserve it. And then even if you were to hit all of those, the decision is up to a senior, senior team leader who makes the call (for an idea of how senior - so senior they won't even know I exist), and that decision is only made twice a year.

That is further compounded because, compared to last year, our capacity to hit income levels is reduced. The things we're looking at has been kneecapped and scalped. At the top end we're looking at business half the size of what we were last year, and a chunk of the business we look at has been given to another team entirely to look after. Thus we have a massively reduced capacity to hit targets - and working harder is an answer. I've heard from colleagues recently they are massively demotivated and I can only think you'd need to be supernaturally optimistic and bright eyed to not be at the moment.

When you add that I'm underpaid anyway and its a nightmare.

Away from work I'm basically neglecting myself. I've put on incredibe weight. I'm not looking after myself at all, I don't feel any motivation to do so. And I'm neglecting other things as well. I've never enjoyed gardening, for instance, and I don't spend any time out there because I don't like to be out there, but it's a disgrace. But also the thought of spending a second out there feels like a second wasted from the meagre time I get to enjoy things away from work. I would rather take a sledgehammer to my cock than spend a nanosecond with a strimmer for no-ones benefit. But then it extends to other things. The house is in limbo. It's a bit better than it was but it's still a mess with the living room part finished, the kitchen functional but tired, the bathroom needing a few fundamentals, lots of clearing things out all over the place... I find I get frustrated and tired and my motivation dies rapidly even when I'm amped up to do things. It doesn't help that my attempt to put some shelves out was so bad my sisters partner had to fix it and advised when I did the other side to just ask him to do it.

And then I have wider concerns about how to operate and live a normal life when I'm such a mess. But thats longer term.

All in all, I'm not in a very good place at the moment. And perhaps whats more annoying is I can read all of this and give the answers to a good chunk of it, but it's one thing to 'know' that answer and another to actually implement them.

Whats more irritating, I know in 6 months I'll be back here again, still feeling demotivated, frustrated, seething in rage at all of it, still too fat and too feeble and too mental.

[rjw63]

21 minutes ago, Chindie said:

Well this is a bad week.

I hadn't been happy with the way things were for a bit, so a fortnight ago I decided something needed to change. I decided to come off Sertraline.

I'd been on Sertaline for years, 150mg of it. I never really noticed what it did, and what I was on it for I never really felt it helped that much (equally it didn't seem to make things better). But this year I've slowly found myself becoming increasingly despondent, increasingly unbothered and unmotivated, and it was reaching a point I felt needed to give, and decided the sertraline probably didn't help. I know you're not supposed to go 'cold turkey' with these things, but equally I didn't feel I was getting a huge effect from it anyway, so how much would coming off effect me? Seemingly a fair bit it turns out, but I also don't think going back on it would help me either.

This week I've moved between barely held rage and frustration, and outright despair. Why? Well, as long term readers will know, everything is shit. What is everything?

Life. I don't have a social life, I don't have friends or anything outside of this house and a couple of hobbies, and posting here (and a couple of other forums). The story is same as it's always been, my mental/stomach issues put paid to doing much, my friends of old moved on, my parents are dead, my siblings have their own lives. I have my girlfriend, we've progressed beyond the covid related concerns we had and we now have dinner together 5 nights a week and spend a few hours of a Saturday evening together. But even that is getting me down, in recent weeks the regular schedule of my cooking a HelloFresh meal every night has burned me out to the extent I simply can't be arsed most nights and I wasn't enjoying it at all. I found myself finishing work and the last thing I would want to do was to immediately transition to cooking something.

Work is an issue. A big issue. In many ways I'm very lucky, my employer is very good and has accomodated my issues with Covid to allow me to work from home. But... the job at the moment is poison to any sense of success, motivation, achievement, engagement. We are under significant pressure. We are not hitting our targets, and the implication is the reason is firmly us - that we aren't working hard enough, we aren't working 'right'. This isn't the case, but it's obvious the powers that be think thats what the problem is. The problem is quite simple, but nobody is listening or offering ways to fix it. The opportunities we are being given, are not good enough, our ability to make the most of them isn't there, and what we consider a good oportunity is far too narrow. Where we do manage to get things we can work with, we've go dozens of hurdles to get through. Everything is a slog. But all of this is waved over, the finger is being pointed at us not doing well enough, and we've got eyes on us, which makes us even less motivated. We get regular updates that the numbers aren't good, which we already know, which do nothing but compound matters. We have meetings where one minute we're getting implicitly told theres not any intention to place any focus on making our lives better, because other teams are were we succeed, apparently, then the next day we get another meeting where it's obvious someone has been sent in to get comments and report back to management on our 'failing'.

This is compounded because, last year, I was advised that if I hit a particular milestone, it would bring increased stature in my role and would have a (small) monetary uplift. I hit that milestone. The money didn't arrive. I was then advised the money was contingent on various other milestones being hit as well. Ok... except those milestones aren't realistically possible. They include htting a monthly income level 3 months on the trot that I think I've hit once and would reckon the entire team has had maybe had someone hit 4 times in the entire time I've been in the business. They also include hitting performance ratings of a particular level 3 months on the trot, but the business operates that wonderful methodology where only so many people can be considered having a high rating at any one time, so you might smash all your KPIs miraculously and still not hit that rating because someone else did better, or a decision was made you didn't deserve it. And then even if you were to hit all of those, the decision is up to a senior, senior team leader who makes the call (for an idea of how senior - so senior they won't even know I exist), and that decision is only made twice a year.

That is further compounded because, compared to last year, our capacity to hit income levels is reduced. The things we're looking at has been kneecapped and scalped. At the top end we're looking at business half the size of what we were last year, and a chunk of the business we look at has been given to another team entirely to look after. Thus we have a massively reduced capacity to hit targets - and working harder is an answer. I've heard from colleagues recently they are massively demotivated and I can only think you'd need to be supernaturally optimistic and bright eyed to not be at the moment.

When you add that I'm underpaid anyway and its a nightmare.

Away from work I'm basically neglecting myself. I've put on incredibe weight. I'm not looking after myself at all, I don't feel any motivation to do so. And I'm neglecting other things as well. I've never enjoyed gardening, for instance, and I don't spend any time out there because I don't like to be out there, but it's a disgrace. But also the thought of spending a second out there feels like a second wasted from the meagre time I get to enjoy things away from work. I would rather take a sledgehammer to my cock than spend a nanosecond with a strimmer for no-ones benefit. But then it extends to other things. The house is in limbo. It's a bit better than it was but it's still a mess with the living room part finished, the kitchen functional but tired, the bathroom needing a few fundamentals, lots of clearing things out all over the place... I find I get frustrated and tired and my motivation dies rapidly even when I'm amped up to do things. It doesn't help that my attempt to put some shelves out was so bad my sisters partner had to fix it and advised when I did the other side to just ask him to do it.

And then I have wider concerns about how to operate and live a normal life when I'm such a mess. But thats longer term.

All in all, I'm not in a very good place at the moment. And perhaps whats more annoying is I can read all of this and give the answers to a good chunk of it, but it's one thing to 'know' that answer and another to actually implement them.

Whats more irritating, I know in 6 months I'll be back here again, still feeling demotivated, frustrated, seething in rage at all of it, still too fat and too feeble and too mental.

Sorry to hear this, but the first thing I'd be doing is changing job. They sound like a complete bunch of pus ridden words removed.

[Genie]

39 minutes ago, Chindie said:

Well this is a bad week.

I hadn't been happy with the way things were for a bit, so a fortnight ago I decided something needed to change. I decided to come off Sertraline.

I'd been on Sertaline for years, 150mg of it. I never really noticed what it did, and what I was on it for I never really felt it helped that much (equally it didn't seem to make things better). But this year I've slowly found myself becoming increasingly despondent, increasingly unbothered and unmotivated, and it was reaching a point I felt needed to give, and decided the sertraline probably didn't help. I know you're not supposed to go 'cold turkey' with these things, but equally I didn't feel I was getting a huge effect from it anyway, so how much would coming off effect me? Seemingly a fair bit it turns out, but I also don't think going back on it would help me either.

This week I've moved between barely held rage and frustration, and outright despair. Why? Well, as long term readers will know, everything is shit. What is everything?

Life. I don't have a social life, I don't have friends or anything outside of this house and a couple of hobbies, and posting here (and a couple of other forums). The story is same as it's always been, my mental/stomach issues put paid to doing much, my friends of old moved on, my parents are dead, my siblings have their own lives. I have my girlfriend, we've progressed beyond the covid related concerns we had and we now have dinner together 5 nights a week and spend a few hours of a Saturday evening together. But even that is getting me down, in recent weeks the regular schedule of my cooking a HelloFresh meal every night has burned me out to the extent I simply can't be arsed most nights and I wasn't enjoying it at all. I found myself finishing work and the last thing I would want to do was to immediately transition to cooking something.

Work is an issue. A big issue. In many ways I'm very lucky, my employer is very good and has accomodated my issues with Covid to allow me to work from home. But... the job at the moment is poison to any sense of success, motivation, achievement, engagement. We are under significant pressure. We are not hitting our targets, and the implication is the reason is firmly us - that we aren't working hard enough, we aren't working 'right'. This isn't the case, but it's obvious the powers that be think thats what the problem is. The problem is quite simple, but nobody is listening or offering ways to fix it. The opportunities we are being given, are not good enough, our ability to make the most of them isn't there, and what we consider a good oportunity is far too narrow. Where we do manage to get things we can work with, we've go dozens of hurdles to get through. Everything is a slog. But all of this is waved over, the finger is being pointed at us not doing well enough, and we've got eyes on us, which makes us even less motivated. We get regular updates that the numbers aren't good, which we already know, which do nothing but compound matters. We have meetings where one minute we're getting implicitly told theres not any intention to place any focus on making our lives better, because other teams are were we succeed, apparently, then the next day we get another meeting where it's obvious someone has been sent in to get comments and report back to management on our 'failing'.

This is compounded because, last year, I was advised that if I hit a particular milestone, it would bring increased stature in my role and would have a (small) monetary uplift. I hit that milestone. The money didn't arrive. I was then advised the money was contingent on various other milestones being hit as well. Ok... except those milestones aren't realistically possible. They include htting a monthly income level 3 months on the trot that I think I've hit once and would reckon the entire team has had maybe had someone hit 4 times in the entire time I've been in the business. They also include hitting performance ratings of a particular level 3 months on the trot, but the business operates that wonderful methodology where only so many people can be considered having a high rating at any one time, so you might smash all your KPIs miraculously and still not hit that rating because someone else did better, or a decision was made you didn't deserve it. And then even if you were to hit all of those, the decision is up to a senior, senior team leader who makes the call (for an idea of how senior - so senior they won't even know I exist), and that decision is only made twice a year.

That is further compounded because, compared to last year, our capacity to hit income levels is reduced. The things we're looking at has been kneecapped and scalped. At the top end we're looking at business half the size of what we were last year, and a chunk of the business we look at has been given to another team entirely to look after. Thus we have a massively reduced capacity to hit targets - and working harder is an answer. I've heard from colleagues recently they are massively demotivated and I can only think you'd need to be supernaturally optimistic and bright eyed to not be at the moment.

When you add that I'm underpaid anyway and its a nightmare.

Away from work I'm basically neglecting myself. I've put on incredibe weight. I'm not looking after myself at all, I don't feel any motivation to do so. And I'm neglecting other things as well. I've never enjoyed gardening, for instance, and I don't spend any time out there because I don't like to be out there, but it's a disgrace. But also the thought of spending a second out there feels like a second wasted from the meagre time I get to enjoy things away from work. I would rather take a sledgehammer to my cock than spend a nanosecond with a strimmer for no-ones benefit. But then it extends to other things. The house is in limbo. It's a bit better than it was but it's still a mess with the living room part finished, the kitchen functional but tired, the bathroom needing a few fundamentals, lots of clearing things out all over the place... I find I get frustrated and tired and my motivation dies rapidly even when I'm amped up to do things. It doesn't help that my attempt to put some shelves out was so bad my sisters partner had to fix it and advised when I did the other side to just ask him to do it.

And then I have wider concerns about how to operate and live a normal life when I'm such a mess. But thats longer term.

All in all, I'm not in a very good place at the moment. And perhaps whats more annoying is I can read all of this and give the answers to a good chunk of it, but it's one thing to 'know' that answer and another to actually implement them.

Whats more irritating, I know in 6 months I'll be back here again, still feeling demotivated, frustrated, seething in rage at all of it, still too fat and too feeble and too mental.

Sorry to read this buddy, @rjw63 beat me to what I was going to open with. The job situation seems to need to be addressed. I think you’d be surprised how changing 1 thing makes other issues go away, or leave you motivated to smash them head on.

The best time to job hunt is when you have a job already, you’re far more marketable employed than unemployed. It can’t hurt to polish up the CV, cast it out and see if you get any bites.

My other thought was about WFH. It seems to me like you might be better off going into the office and mixing with people. I feel really fed up sometimes WFH, especially when the wife is out and I’m on my own all day. I force myself to go into the office (it’s 40 miles away) despite the fact it costs me money and I have to get up an hour earlier. I feel so much better for it. I definitely think there’s something in that as I, and many others feel it too.

I’m thinking about one of those hierarchy of needs and the base layer of being undervalued at work is having a load of negative knock on effects to other parts of your life.

Edit: A bit like as a new parent everything is hard, difficult, annoying and frustrating… it isn’t really, it just feels that way cos you’re so **** tired.

Edited June 8, 2023 by Genie

[Marka Ragnos]

On 08/06/2023 at 16:48, Chindie said:

Well this is a bad week.

I hadn't been happy with the way things were for a bit, so a fortnight ago I decided something needed to change. I decided to come off Sertraline.

I'd been on Sertaline for years, 150mg of it. I never really noticed what it did, and what I was on it for I never really felt it helped that much (equally it didn't seem to make things better). But this year I've slowly found myself becoming increasingly despondent, increasingly unbothered and unmotivated, and it was reaching a point I felt needed to give, and decided the sertraline probably didn't help. I know you're not supposed to go 'cold turkey' with these things, but equally I didn't feel I was getting a huge effect from it anyway, so how much would coming off effect me? Seemingly a fair bit it turns out, but I also don't think going back on it would help me either.

This week I've moved between barely held rage and frustration, and outright despair. Why? Well, as long term readers will know, everything is shit. What is everything?

Life. I don't have a social life, I don't have friends or anything outside of this house and a couple of hobbies, and posting here (and a couple of other forums). The story is same as it's always been, my mental/stomach issues put paid to doing much, my friends of old moved on, my parents are dead, my siblings have their own lives. I have my girlfriend, we've progressed beyond the covid related concerns we had and we now have dinner together 5 nights a week and spend a few hours of a Saturday evening together. But even that is getting me down, in recent weeks the regular schedule of my cooking a HelloFresh meal every night has burned me out to the extent I simply can't be arsed most nights and I wasn't enjoying it at all. I found myself finishing work and the last thing I would want to do was to immediately transition to cooking something.

Work is an issue. A big issue. In many ways I'm very lucky, my employer is very good and has accomodated my issues with Covid to allow me to work from home. But... the job at the moment is poison to any sense of success, motivation, achievement, engagement. We are under significant pressure. We are not hitting our targets, and the implication is the reason is firmly us - that we aren't working hard enough, we aren't working 'right'. This isn't the case, but it's obvious the powers that be think thats what the problem is. The problem is quite simple, but nobody is listening or offering ways to fix it. The opportunities we are being given, are not good enough, our ability to make the most of them isn't there, and what we consider a good oportunity is far too narrow. Where we do manage to get things we can work with, we've go dozens of hurdles to get through. Everything is a slog. But all of this is waved over, the finger is being pointed at us not doing well enough, and we've got eyes on us, which makes us even less motivated. We get regular updates that the numbers aren't good, which we already know, which do nothing but compound matters. We have meetings where one minute we're getting implicitly told theres not any intention to place any focus on making our lives better, because other teams are were we succeed, apparently, then the next day we get another meeting where it's obvious someone has been sent in to get comments and report back to management on our 'failing'.

This is compounded because, last year, I was advised that if I hit a particular milestone, it would bring increased stature in my role and would have a (small) monetary uplift. I hit that milestone. The money didn't arrive. I was then advised the money was contingent on various other milestones being hit as well. Ok... except those milestones aren't realistically possible. They include htting a monthly income level 3 months on the trot that I think I've hit once and would reckon the entire team has had maybe had someone hit 4 times in the entire time I've been in the business. They also include hitting performance ratings of a particular level 3 months on the trot, but the business operates that wonderful methodology where only so many people can be considered having a high rating at any one time, so you might smash all your KPIs miraculously and still not hit that rating because someone else did better, or a decision was made you didn't deserve it. And then even if you were to hit all of those, the decision is up to a senior, senior team leader who makes the call (for an idea of how senior - so senior they won't even know I exist), and that decision is only made twice a year.

That is further compounded because, compared to last year, our capacity to hit income levels is reduced. The things we're looking at has been kneecapped and scalped. At the top end we're looking at business half the size of what we were last year, and a chunk of the business we look at has been given to another team entirely to look after. Thus we have a massively reduced capacity to hit targets - and working harder is an answer. I've heard from colleagues recently they are massively demotivated and I can only think you'd need to be supernaturally optimistic and bright eyed to not be at the moment.

When you add that I'm underpaid anyway and its a nightmare.

Away from work I'm basically neglecting myself. I've put on incredibe weight. I'm not looking after myself at all, I don't feel any motivation to do so. And I'm neglecting other things as well. I've never enjoyed gardening, for instance, and I don't spend any time out there because I don't like to be out there, but it's a disgrace. But also the thought of spending a second out there feels like a second wasted from the meagre time I get to enjoy things away from work. I would rather take a sledgehammer to my cock than spend a nanosecond with a strimmer for no-ones benefit. But then it extends to other things. The house is in limbo. It's a bit better than it was but it's still a mess with the living room part finished, the kitchen functional but tired, the bathroom needing a few fundamentals, lots of clearing things out all over the place... I find I get frustrated and tired and my motivation dies rapidly even when I'm amped up to do things. It doesn't help that my attempt to put some shelves out was so bad my sisters partner had to fix it and advised when I did the other side to just ask him to do it.

And then I have wider concerns about how to operate and live a normal life when I'm such a mess. But thats longer term.

All in all, I'm not in a very good place at the moment. And perhaps whats more annoying is I can read all of this and give the answers to a good chunk of it, but it's one thing to 'know' that answer and another to actually implement them.

Whats more irritating, I know in 6 months I'll be back here again, still feeling demotivated, frustrated, seething in rage at all of it, still too fat and too feeble and too mental.

Sorry about what you're going through. It sounds hard. I know the complicated scientific relationship of SRIs and the gut and mental health is practically a whole thread in itself, too, and another thing to cope with, I would imagine. Sorry.

[TheAuthority]

Hi @Chindie

Even though we've not interacted directly that much in VT, I always enjoy your posts and really respect you as a poster (apart from all the superhero movie stuff, that can get in the bin - just not my thing ) 

While I can't begin to imagine your own personal situation, I do want you to know that you are liked and respected and have a "place" or a "home" here on VT even if it is not the environment that our fathers, uncles and grand-fathers knew.  The internet and virtual world has caused a lot of damage in our society. But there are small pockets of goodness and my image of VT is almost like an old pub in an old village long before the internet existed. There are the folks who are entertaining oddballs, the pure entertainers, the balanced, the calm, the crazy, the downright stupid and everything in between all of those. But we all show up, because it's human to want to have connection to others. Our little VT pub isn't made of bricks and mortar but it's not also limited to who can walk here and stumble home. It's also not limited by having to close at 11pm. It's a global pub and you can choose to ignore who you don't like, and learn a lot from certain folks, and you are always someone I enjoy hearing the thoughts of.

As someone who has my own struggles (but far too proud to go into detail about them on here) the only advice I can offer is this (and apologies if it's shit advice.) I have told and convinced myself that however shit things can seem, there is always going to be a moment when it isn't anymore. I just have to keep telling myself that when things are getting on top of me. An unexpected benefit of this has led me to stopping myself when I recognize I'm having a good time, and saying "drink it in, enjoy it, acknowledge it and savor it."

Hang in there - You talk about reading what you wrote and you can give yourself many of the answers. Listen to the voice that gives yourself the answers but don't beat yourself up if you don't follow that voice on everything. Just start with one thing that voice is giving you and do it everyday for a week or a month. Do it until you have the capacity to add a second thing that you know is right to do, but just can't seem to bring yourself to at this moment.

All my very best to you.

[Demitri_C]

On 08/06/2023 at 21:48, Chindie said:

Well this is a bad week.

I hadn't been happy with the way things were for a bit, so a fortnight ago I decided something needed to change. I decided to come off Sertraline.

I'd been on Sertaline for years, 150mg of it. I never really noticed what it did, and what I was on it for I never really felt it helped that much (equally it didn't seem to make things better). But this year I've slowly found myself becoming increasingly despondent, increasingly unbothered and unmotivated, and it was reaching a point I felt needed to give, and decided the sertraline probably didn't help. I know you're not supposed to go 'cold turkey' with these things, but equally I didn't feel I was getting a huge effect from it anyway, so how much would coming off effect me? Seemingly a fair bit it turns out, but I also don't think going back on it would help me either.

This week I've moved between barely held rage and frustration, and outright despair. Why? Well, as long term readers will know, everything is shit. What is everything?

Life. I don't have a social life, I don't have friends or anything outside of this house and a couple of hobbies, and posting here (and a couple of other forums). The story is same as it's always been, my mental/stomach issues put paid to doing much, my friends of old moved on, my parents are dead, my siblings have their own lives. I have my girlfriend, we've progressed beyond the covid related concerns we had and we now have dinner together 5 nights a week and spend a few hours of a Saturday evening together. But even that is getting me down, in recent weeks the regular schedule of my cooking a HelloFresh meal every night has burned me out to the extent I simply can't be arsed most nights and I wasn't enjoying it at all. I found myself finishing work and the last thing I would want to do was to immediately transition to cooking something.

Work is an issue. A big issue. In many ways I'm very lucky, my employer is very good and has accomodated my issues with Covid to allow me to work from home. But... the job at the moment is poison to any sense of success, motivation, achievement, engagement. We are under significant pressure. We are not hitting our targets, and the implication is the reason is firmly us - that we aren't working hard enough, we aren't working 'right'. This isn't the case, but it's obvious the powers that be think thats what the problem is. The problem is quite simple, but nobody is listening or offering ways to fix it. The opportunities we are being given, are not good enough, our ability to make the most of them isn't there, and what we consider a good oportunity is far too narrow. Where we do manage to get things we can work with, we've go dozens of hurdles to get through. Everything is a slog. But all of this is waved over, the finger is being pointed at us not doing well enough, and we've got eyes on us, which makes us even less motivated. We get regular updates that the numbers aren't good, which we already know, which do nothing but compound matters. We have meetings where one minute we're getting implicitly told theres not any intention to place any focus on making our lives better, because other teams are were we succeed, apparently, then the next day we get another meeting where it's obvious someone has been sent in to get comments and report back to management on our 'failing'.

This is compounded because, last year, I was advised that if I hit a particular milestone, it would bring increased stature in my role and would have a (small) monetary uplift. I hit that milestone. The money didn't arrive. I was then advised the money was contingent on various other milestones being hit as well. Ok... except those milestones aren't realistically possible. They include htting a monthly income level 3 months on the trot that I think I've hit once and would reckon the entire team has had maybe had someone hit 4 times in the entire time I've been in the business. They also include hitting performance ratings of a particular level 3 months on the trot, but the business operates that wonderful methodology where only so many people can be considered having a high rating at any one time, so you might smash all your KPIs miraculously and still not hit that rating because someone else did better, or a decision was made you didn't deserve it. And then even if you were to hit all of those, the decision is up to a senior, senior team leader who makes the call (for an idea of how senior - so senior they won't even know I exist), and that decision is only made twice a year.

That is further compounded because, compared to last year, our capacity to hit income levels is reduced. The things we're looking at has been kneecapped and scalped. At the top end we're looking at business half the size of what we were last year, and a chunk of the business we look at has been given to another team entirely to look after. Thus we have a massively reduced capacity to hit targets - and working harder is an answer. I've heard from colleagues recently they are massively demotivated and I can only think you'd need to be supernaturally optimistic and bright eyed to not be at the moment.

When you add that I'm underpaid anyway and its a nightmare.

Away from work I'm basically neglecting myself. I've put on incredibe weight. I'm not looking after myself at all, I don't feel any motivation to do so. And I'm neglecting other things as well. I've never enjoyed gardening, for instance, and I don't spend any time out there because I don't like to be out there, but it's a disgrace. But also the thought of spending a second out there feels like a second wasted from the meagre time I get to enjoy things away from work. I would rather take a sledgehammer to my cock than spend a nanosecond with a strimmer for no-ones benefit. But then it extends to other things. The house is in limbo. It's a bit better than it was but it's still a mess with the living room part finished, the kitchen functional but tired, the bathroom needing a few fundamentals, lots of clearing things out all over the place... I find I get frustrated and tired and my motivation dies rapidly even when I'm amped up to do things. It doesn't help that my attempt to put some shelves out was so bad my sisters partner had to fix it and advised when I did the other side to just ask him to do it.

And then I have wider concerns about how to operate and live a normal life when I'm such a mess. But thats longer term.

All in all, I'm not in a very good place at the moment. And perhaps whats more annoying is I can read all of this and give the answers to a good chunk of it, but it's one thing to 'know' that answer and another to actually implement them.

Whats more irritating, I know in 6 months I'll be back here again, still feeling demotivated, frustrated, seething in rage at all of it, still too fat and too feeble and too mental.

Its good you have reached out chindie that takes enormous courage so be proud of yourself for that first step. 

Do you think the medication could be making you feel this way?Might be worth speaking to your GP and see what they say.

It sounds like you might be lacking vitamin D too which has been linked with our mental health too. If your not already top up on your vitamin D by taking a supplement and get outside too as most of Vit d is from the sun and not what we eat. Like you i hate gardening but in its own way it is abit therapeutic 

Maybe start small do 10 mins and see how you feel after? Have some music on while you do it see how you get on

[Chindie]

Thanks for the comments. I always feel bad when I don't acknowledge replies.

Unfortunately I don't really have much to respond with. I'm probably on a slightly more even keel this week but I'm still not in a particularly good place. All I can hope is for a few weeks to go well and hopefully swing my mindset again. But I do know that will invariably swing back again and I'll be questioning what the **** point is when life is **** empty all over again.

[VILLAMARV]

I tend to write a reply, read it back, think it looks a bit pithy and wonder if it just exascebate everything. Doubt myself and what I'm saying to the point where I delete it all and start again, which invariably leads me to post nothing. And then thankfully some one like @TheAuthority above comes along and says things a bit more eloquantly than me. And I can get away with hitting the like button instead.

 

[AvfcRigo82]

10 hours ago, Chindie said:

I'm probably on a slightly more even keel this week but I'm still not in a particularly good place. All I can hope is for a few weeks to go well and hopefully swing my mindset again. But I do know that will invariably swing back again and I'll be questioning what the **** point is when life is **** empty all over again.

I don't know you that well @Chindie and we hardly cross paths on here.

I can relate to a few things you have mentioned and it's a horrible place to be when feeling that way for sure.

I hope things start to take a turn for the better for you soon. It's a tough battle and a long road at times but never give up & always believe.

[chrisvilla4]

@Chindie

I'm wondering if you are feeling overwhelmed, sometimes that can make us procrastinate and demotivated. If you could change one thing - big or small, what would that be and what would it feel like? 

its good you've shared these thoughts on here, I hope its helped in some way. Have you anyone else you can speak to about things? 

Please don't feel the need to reply

[Xela]