What is your experience of mental health?

[blandy]

Just now, A'Villan said:

7:30pm

Adelaide time?

[blandy]

7 minutes ago, blandy said:

Absolutely perfect. I posted something years ago, I guess, about a silly thing I did before Covid. I used to go to the canteen at work every day and 2 of the staff were, on the surface, quite miserable

 

[A'Villan]

2 minutes ago, blandy said:

Adelaide time?

Melbourne

[TheAuthority]

7 minutes ago, blandy said:

Absolutely perfect. I posted something years ago, I guess, about a silly thing I did before Covid. I used to go to the canteen at work every day and 2 of the staff were, on the surface, quite miserable - little interaction with their customers, kind of thing. So I resolved to make the first one, east European sandwich lady, chatty. So I’d just ask her silly questions, like

“cheese and onion barm please”

”£2.50”

”what crisps would you recommend, with my sandwich?”

”sorry?”

”what crisps would you recommend, with my sandwich?”

“”I don’t like onion, but I do like cheese and tomato, with salad cream and salt and vinegar crisps”

”brilliant, thank you, I’ll try that tomorrow”

then next day:

”I’ll have your favourite please”

it just works, and you get the smile and flash of tiny light the next time and so on

or Malaysian till lady

”(presenting plate of pie and chips to pay for) Just a salad for me, today, by the way, I always pick your queue because you’re the best, quickest operator”.

”(Little smile, and flicker of connection), which then became near daily low level human stuff “ how are you” - miles away from “£4.00” and already looking to the next person in the queue.

At the risk of them thinking I’m some kind of idiot I got smiles and recognition and “hello again” and tiny joy from, both achieving my secret aim of making gloomy, non-smilers smile, but more importantly, just connecting with people.

And I always see you on VT being a very kind poster. The way in which you respond is with acceptance and kindness.

It's very easy to take an extreme side - in fact these days it's almost the status quo (and I'm very guilty of it) and you don't fall into that (I'm thinking of an earlier post from today about Southgate in particular) but it is a wonderful trait of yours.

[rjw63]

37 minutes ago, TheAuthority said:

And I always see you on VT being a very kind poster. The way in which you respond is with acceptance and kindness.

It's very easy to take an extreme side - in fact these days it's almost the status quo (and I'm very guilty of it) and you don't fall into that (I'm thinking of an earlier post from today about Southgate in particular) but it is a wonderful trait of yours.

Lucky for you you've not seen him wobbling about outside the Holte after 12 pints, telling everyone they're a word removed

[Paddywhack]

I reckon the conversation went more like this.

3 hours ago, blandy said:

“cheese and onion barm please”

”sorry?”

“cheese and onion barm please”

"what the hell is a fricking barm?"

 

[mjmooney]

4 minutes ago, Paddywhack said:

"what the hell is a fricking barm?"

It's like a smaller stottie. 

[AVFC_Hitz]

Jesus wept he's gone there...

 

[blandy]

7 minutes ago, Paddywhack said:

I reckon the conversation went more like this.

 

No, because they're northerners. I've infiltrated their tribe by using these strange terms.

[blandy]

3 hours ago, rjw63 said:

Lucky for you you've not seen him wobbling about outside the Holte after 12 pints, telling everyone they're a word removed

I deny the 12 pints part.

[rjw63]

3 minutes ago, blandy said:

I deny the 12 pints part.

Nine then. 

[blandy]

4 hours ago, A'Villan said:

I'll be on TV tonight, on the ABC.

Floods in SA and NSW, voting, corrupt politicians, Ukraine Drugs...I guess I just missed you. Damn. The news is depressing everywhere, no wonder people get anxious.

[mottaloo]

Well said @blandy. I always make a point of thanking the lads and lasses at my local council rubbish tip site, for directing me to the right container, helping me with bulky items or just for being there in the lousy weather. Sad thing is, they're often taken aback with my thanks and it takes a second or two for it to register before I get a response. 

I've often thought that "bin men" get looked down upon and I wouldn't blame them for any attitude or feeling of being much maligned.

[mjmooney]

21 minutes ago, mottaloo said:

Well said @blandy. I always make a point of thanking the lads and lasses at my local council rubbish tip site, for directing me to the right container, helping me with bulky items or just for being there in the lousy weather. Sad thing is, they're often taken aback with my thanks and it takes a second or two for it to register before I get a response. 

I've often thought that "bin men" get looked down upon and I wouldn't blame them for any attitude or feeling of being much maligned.

There's a Down syndrome lad collects the trolleys at our local Morrisons. He's always cheerful, says hello to everybody - and most people look through him like he's not there. I was there at about 8.00 last night and the poor guy looked absolutely shattered. We had a chat and he told me he'd just pulled a double shift, but at least had a day off the next day. I think he was just glad that somebody had taken a bit of notice. 

It costs nothing. 

[Stevo985]

5 hours ago, blandy said:

Absolutely perfect. I posted something years ago, I guess, about a silly thing I did before Covid. I used to go to the canteen at work every day and 2 of the staff were, on the surface, quite miserable - little interaction with their customers, kind of thing. So I resolved to make the first one, east European sandwich lady, chatty. So I’d just ask her silly questions, like

“cheese and onion barm please”

”£2.50”

”what crisps would you recommend, with my sandwich?”

”sorry?”

”what crisps would you recommend, with my sandwich?”

“”I don’t like onion, but I do like cheese and tomato, with salad cream and salt and vinegar crisps”

”brilliant, thank you, I’ll try that tomorrow”

then next day:

”I’ll have your favourite please”

it just works, and you get the smile and flash of tiny light the next time and so on

or Malaysian till lady

”(presenting plate of pie and chips to pay for) Just a salad for me, today, by the way, I always pick your queue because you’re the best, quickest operator”.

”(Little smile, and flicker of connection), which then became near daily low level human stuff “ how are you” - miles away from “£4.00” and already looking to the next person in the queue.

At the risk of them thinking I’m some kind of idiot I got smiles and recognition and “hello again” and tiny joy from, both achieving my secret aim of making gloomy, non-smilers smile, but more importantly, just connecting with people.

This isn't really related to mental health, just half related to your post.

I'm proper introverted so I don't go as far as you with conversation, but a while back, I don't remember when, I made a concious decision to make eye contact and smile to everyone who takes my order, serves me at a till, shows me to my table, anything like that.

It's amazing how many beaming smiles you get in return from the unlikeliest of people (just judging from their body language). You can often see the surprise in their eyes when they do it. Makes you feel good

Doesn't always work. Some people you get nothing back from. But it's a nice thing to do.

Edit: this makes it sound creepy. I don't just stare at them smiling. I mean as I say thank you I do it while giving them a smile and making eye contact.

Edited November 24, 2022 by Stevo985

[El Zen]

F*** me. Yesterday really knocked me out cold. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt this depressed before. 

[Rds1983]

1 hour ago, El Zen said:

F*** me. Yesterday really knocked me out cold. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt this depressed before. 

Tomorrow is another day. Focus on that. 

[A'Villan]

On 24/11/2022 at 20:14, blandy said:

Floods in SA and NSW, voting, corrupt politicians, Ukraine Drugs...I guess I just missed you. Damn. The news is depressing everywhere, no wonder people get anxious.

My sincere apologies @blandy I got the time muddled up. The show was QandA and it aired live at 8:30pm AEST. You didn't miss me though because the panel didn't have enough time to get to my question.

[blandy]

59 minutes ago, A'Villan said:

My sincere apologies @blandy I got the time muddled up. The show was QandA and it aired live at 8:30pm AEST. You didn't miss me though because the panel didn't have enough time to get to my question.

No worries!

[Anthony]

This post could go here in the Mental Elf thread, Things That Cheer You Up, or Things that Piss you off.

I decided to post here because it's probably the most useful place.

I am 52. 53 in Feb.

I had a load of mental health issues from about 2004 (age 34) onwards; basically very bad depression, resulting in eventually losing my job, my home being repossessed twice, two stays in hospital, loads of therapy and wound up on antidepressants for about 17 years. Things are so much better now, hurrah!

In August of last year I contacted my Psychiatrist to talk about changing my meds, as although I was good and stable, being a single chap I missed the intimacy of being in a relationship, but I had zero interest in sex due to the medication; I figured I it would be a dealbreaker for any relationship, so the idea was to shake things up a bit.

The psychiatrist agreed and as a starting point, we agreed to slowly reduce my meds over a few weeks, with a view to changing to something else once they were out of my system. What actually happened was we phased out my meds and I was.... fine. More engaged with life around me, more interested in stuff generally and my libido was creeping back. I had a phone call scheduled with him to discuss next steps, but then I read a thing...

It was on Facebook (yeah, I know). My friend posted one of those memey type things, approximately the length of a tweet, which said something along the lines of "You know that thing when you've been meaning to tidy up for a while and you realise it's been seven months. And you when you start doing that thing, but you don't quite get round to finishing it, and realise your home is scattered with half finished projects. When it's exhausting to even think about doing the washing. Or the cleaning. When you leave everything to the last minute and crash and burn spectacularly, or get through on adrenaline." I thought, oh, ha ha! Not just me then! But it was the last bit that blew me away, which was, "Yeah, ADHD sucks."

So I started reading around about ADHD in adults and, yup. That's me. Nearly every issue I've had in my life comes back to having undiagnosed ADHD.

In the scheduled phone call to my psychiatrist I mentioned it and asked if I could be assessed as it seemed bloody obvious to me. He said it didn't sound like it, but they always discuss every case within the team, which to me is bloody good healthcare: get loads of knowledgeable and experienced heads together for each patient. He called me back two days later, said it's quite likely he was wrong, and they're going to refer me to the ADHD clinic.Hurrah!  But there's a bit of a wait. Two years. Boo!

That was August 2021 and I'm still waiting, but I'd mentioned it to a few friends, some of whom were sceptical, most of whom didn't really understand, but were happy for me, and a couple who knew and understood. Then there was one who said, "Oh my god! Me too! I was finally diagnosed about a year ago, have got medication and it is absolutely life changing." She then gave me a bunch of her Adderall pills to see if they would help me. That was in September and I've been scared to take them in case they make me go hyper, or don't work, or work and then I run out, or, or, or... Procrastination is a key behaviour with ADHD.

I had my first one this weekend and my god, the difference is night and day. I was in tears. Is this how easy life is for non ADHD people all the time? I could just do stuff, without the endless exhausting inner struggle. I mean basic stuff, like standing up when I've been sitting on the sofa. It just happened without me thinking about it. I didn't have to steel myself. I cleaned up the kitchen and I just did it, without gritting my teeth and growling and swearing. I can just do... stuff. It's so easy.

So I'm cheered up because it's real, and it's not my fault. As someone who has been labelled as lazy their whole life, the validation is life affirming. It's not my fault. I'm not lazy. There is a way forward and it's quite simple. Not loads of therapy, not loads of workbooks or some endless twelve step program. Just take a pill when I need to adult and bang - a fully functioning normal human being.

But I'm pissed off because I'm not going to get seen until August at the earliest. For once, it's not wholly the fault of the bastards underfunding the NHS. The wait means that I have to ration these few pills until I REALLY need them, whereas if I had access to enough so I could take them daily as needed, then I could study or get a job. It's so bloody frustrating!

So, if this resonates for you, have a look at this short video - it's a psychiatrist who specialises in adult ADHD talking about how to decide if it's worth getting an assessment.