What is your experience of mental health?

[a m ole]

just echoing what the guys above have said @leighavfc, and also that it feels scary and embarrassing asking a professional for help but it really is the hardest part and once you get over that hill it’s really worth it, I promise. Taking to your friends is good - but in some ways it is best to stay somewhat surface level with them so they know you’re having a tough time and can be there for you without you having to feel like a burden to them or embarrassed about the details, that’s what talking to the professionals is for. They listen with no judgement and help you manage your feelings.

good luck mate, and please, reading about Villa in On Topic is only gonna make it worse

[bielesibub]

@leighavfc if you're up for talking to someone on the phone, the Samaritans (Tel: 116 123)  are a good choice.  I'm fortunate enough to have a mate who volunteers for them. 

Take care of yourself.

[Mr_Dogg]

8 hours ago, leighavfc said:

Sat here wide awake crying my eyes out despite being up since 4 o clock yesterday morning and driving back from Cornwall this evening. Some of you may have read my posts in the addiction thread recently and some of the destruction it has caused me over the last month or so. 

In a few hours time our dog is being rehomed due to me and my partner splitting due to me and my problems. She is going back to her dad's and I'm having to move out of the place we rent due to not being able to afford it on my own. I have had no involvement with the rehoming situation over past few weeks as I love my dog so much that apart from my kids is the only thing I have left. 

I have argued so much with the ex about stopping her from doing this but it's just carried on and on. I got a message the first night I was away from her saying the charity who was helping her re-home the dog had found a home for her. Again I tried and tried to stop her from doing it, but just ended up in row after row to the point I was arguing and in tears on the phone whilst having dinner in a restaurant the other night.. embarrassing isn't even the word...It has truly wrecked my only time off from work this year, the only time I've had to get away and try and get my head together after the destruction I have caused (I'm under no illusion ultimately this is all down to me and my addiction btw). The dog has really helped me get through this at times when craving or down, I've been able to play with her or take her for a walk etc, which has really helped me out. Even before the problems came to a head I loved every minute of being with her, I'm a massive dog lover.

I have tried to avoid thinking about it by reading and posting on the Villa side of the board but I have literally just crumbled over the last hour..I am truly heartbroken, I'm sat here balling my eyes out at what's going to happen in the next few hours. The dog is nestled next to me wondering what's going on... Honestly I have hit rock bottom... I can't do this.. I can't see her go it will literally kill a big part of me and I'm worried what it might do to me in terms of my recovery from drugs and alcohol. I'm trying to stay strong, I'm trying to be positive, im trying not too to be "so pathetic" over a dog as she keeps telling me... 

My life is wrecked as far as I'm concerned and just don't know how much more fight I have in me anymore to deal with any of this. I again contemplated what things would be like for those around me if I just ended it all... I just don't enjoy life anymore, even before this the drugs were just propping me up and making me feel like things weren't as bad as they are.

Im sorry it's me again posting another long post on VillaTalk pouring out my pathetic life to you good people, I really am..

Hi, is the problem that your new place will not accept a dog? Is their any interim solution where your dog can be fostered and you can try and get a place thatsm accepts dogs?

Don't let any anyone dismiss your feelings toward your dog, they are your companion and comfort.

If there is no solution then at least know they will be minded and loved, the charities do good work on vetting homes etc

[leighavfc]

Hi everybody..

Sorry I haven't replied, I tried several times yesterday but just couldn't get into the right frame of mind too. Thank you for all your messages, support and suggestions, il try and reply to all of them if I can. 

Well yesterday was a very traumatic day... The dog has gone to her new home unfortunately for me... She has settled in well and is ok, thankfully. I've been a mess the last 24 hours and pretty much not stopped crying about it. 

I handed her over around lunchtime and then came back to the house and just sat in silence all day in tears. Very nearly went to a pub on the way home from it, found the strength to say no though.

Tried to do some housework when home and keep myself busy but just didn't have the strength too. Later on I had to take my eldest to cricket training at the sports club round the corner.... It was tough as a lot of locals I know we're in there having a drink, I made sure I sat away from everybody on the other side of the field on my own. I didn't want to see or speak to anyone in the state I was in...more importantly I wanted to stay away from the drink... I did fortunately. I had to hold back a big outburst of tears throughout the cricket and as soon as I got through the front door I broke down big style.

I'm not sure I feel any better today so far, although it's still very early. I had long sleep last night catching up from the previous 24 hours, which can only be a good thing for me. Got a busy day today with football training this morning with the kids and then the Villa later.... I'm only going to be spoiling my day more at the Villa later im sure of it... Probably not a good idea to go! Any chance we pull off a miracle to make me feel slightly better I'm hoping I can get through both tear free.

I'm hoping the coming days will see me settle about the dog going, definetly feel like something is missing from the house now. Can't believe what has happened over the last 2 months, I have nothing left now bar the kids and thank God I'm not having to do battle with her over them. It's the one thing she has always said would never happen if we ever split... She has stayed true to her word so far which I'm grateful of.

 

Will reply to all your MSG's after football training, thanks all feel a tiny bit better this morning 

Edited September 3, 2022 by leighavfc

[KentVillan]

21 hours ago, a m ole said:

just echoing what the guys above have said @leighavfc, and also that it feels scary and embarrassing asking a professional for help but it really is the hardest part and once you get over that hill it’s really worth it, I promise. Taking to your friends is good - but in some ways it is best to stay somewhat surface level with them so they know you’re having a tough time and can be there for you without you having to feel like a burden to them or embarrassed about the details, that’s what talking to the professionals is for. They listen with no judgement and help you manage your feelings.

good luck mate, and please, reading about Villa in On Topic is only gonna make it worse

This is very good advice

[a m ole]

Congrats for getting out mate, and don’t underestimate how much an achievement it is getting through the day and making the choice not to drink

Edited September 3, 2022 by a m ole

[leighavfc]

Hi all hope your all ok

Had a good day yesterday in general, was quite busy at football training and then the Villa later on... The Villa really perked me up yesterday evening for a bit, came home and then sunk a bit thinking about the dog. Managed to get to sleep early and get a good rest though. Today started off ok with my son's football training but it has been hell throughout the rest of it so far... Constantly rowing with the ex about this that and everything in between...

Housing situation is coming to head within the next week too, my next month's rent is due which I'm struggling to pay on my own but I have to pay because I haven't given my notice yet. I have been frantically trying to find a new more affordable place to live over past few weeks, but there is so much competition for every single property that comes up... I just haven't got accepted on one yet unfortunately don't know how il get through the next month but Il figure it out somehow...

[leighavfc]

Also going to attend a narco anon meeting later for help on that side. I am doing ok with the substance stuff but past few days have had me itching and thinking about it. Want to nip that in the bud asap.

I promise to reply to you all later, sorry I'm not ignoring your messages just been busy and stressed with the rest of it going on 

[Xela]

Not much more I can add @leighavfc apart from sending you positive vibes and wishing you all the best.

In terms of the rent, is the tenancy agreement in both of your names? If so, your ex should be paying her share?

[Anthony]

Just popping in here for a mo to mention a thing into which I had a small input a few years ago:

Doc Ready

It's a little tool to help you prepare for your first trip to the docs to talk about your mental health issues.

And it's really handy.

Edited September 5, 2022 by Anthony
Typos

[Marka Ragnos]

I don't know how it is in UK higher education, but in USA, college and university professors more and more are being forced into the role of part-time counselors for everything from self-harm to substance abuse to gender crises to minor criminal problems, and it's left me and my colleagues feeling under-equipped and overwhelmed. Mental health services are way underfunded here, generally, with endless queues, too few staff, etc. Just second week of fall classes, and I've already had at least three students with mental health crises, and you end up feeling complicit with the system because there are no great solutions, if that makes sense?

Edited September 6, 2022 by Marka Ragnos

[a m ole]

 

23 hours ago, Anthony said:

Just popping in here for a mo to mention a thing into which I had a small input a few years ago:

Doc Ready

It's a little tool to help you prepare for your first trip to the docs to talk about your mental health issues.

And it's really handy.

That’s very very good. 

Edited September 6, 2022 by a m ole

[MakemineVanilla]

I thought some might find this helpful:

 

[Chindie]

I go through periods of being down and done with things. And recently there's been a bunch of things going through my mind that spark those feelings. 

My life's pretty empty. I veer from huge frustration to outright apathy by way of pure depression. I realised the other day I'd not seen friends in 5 years. I don't have friends anymore. I'm pretty alone. I see my girlfriend more now, we do 6 days a week spending a couple of hours together - most of those I knock up dinner from a HelloFresh subscription. But my life otherwise is empty. Every day I get up, go to the computer, log in to work, and my motivation is sapped by the time I've typed the password. By 5 I log off, start cooking, we eat around 6.30, watch a few things and talk, joke at things, then I take her home. Then I spend the evening sat here alone watching shit on YouTube and browsing the net. That's every weekday. At weekends I just do nothing, having no motivation and when I do do anything I get tired and feel grim exceptionally quickly. I tried to put some shelves up recently. Within an hour I'd made a hash of it, was tired and dripping in sweat.

On the work front I just struggle to get motivated. We have various issues but the main one is every penny we bring in is hard fought and each one is the result of a billion pieces of shit dug through. That's then magnified by my personal issues - I avoid making errors like the plague which makes every bit of work even bigger a slog, and I've no faith in my abilities either because I feel like I've not developed in the role. Equally I'm also frustrated because for all this turmoil I'm not that well paid - which in the current climate bites all the harder. Unfortunately despite numerous interviews over the last year or so I've always got the 'really liked you and for another role would offer you the seat now but not quite what this position wants'.

I sit at my desk some times during the day and just want to scream and smash the room up. I can feel that feeling boiling in me to just rage at the whole state of things in my world.

I've outright neglected myself for a while now, I've put on loads of weight through a combination of being inactive (I work from home and don't go out much because of COVID health concerns and stomach issues) and eating crap through sheer despondency.

I feel somewhat trapped. I've wondered recently whether I'm autistic, to an extent. I think my stomach problems, the thing that absolutely pathetically has ruined me, are a combination of IBS, perhaps that autistic-ish element, and a phobia interacting to a grim degree. My life is kinda slipping away, and I don't see it improving to the point where I stop that. I'm kinda aimlessly going through the motions day to day. There's nothing in my life I'm proud of really. I've achieved nothing. I realised the other night that my entire working life, over a decade now, has basically been set against a backdrop of economic doldrums. I've never had a payrise. I've increased my salary by moving jobs. And that seems to be a dead end now.

This is just a rant really. I know in a while I'll have a few good days somehow and it'll be fine for a bit. I don't really want to say all this but I'm caught between the patheticness of it all, the fact I can see what the resolutions to some of it are but lack the motivation to crawl through to them, the fact I want to vent it all as I've no outlet otherwise, and the pointlessness of venting it. I don't expect a reply, or a reply to solve all this - as I said, I can see the solutions to some of it - get more active, eat better you clearing in the woods - and the chin up solidarity responses, as appreciated and thankful I'd be for them, also makes me think back to the people with real problems and cringe. But here we are.

Apologies, a stream of thought of the shit in my head. I've missed things.

[blandy]

3 hours ago, Chindie said:

but lack the motivation to crawl through to them, the fact I want to vent it all as I've no outlet otherwise, and the pointlessness of venting it. I don't expect a reply, or a reply to solve all this - as I said, I can see the solutions to some of it - get more active, eat better you clearing in the woods

I wouldn’t remotely think I can provide any solution, or even necessarily help, but I can recognise an element of your larger post than the bit quoted. You clearly know “yeah, doing these things should help”, but struggle to actually do them. That is so common to so many people. I certainly recognise it. The thing is, doing all those things can seem like a big change, and too much, too different. So if I may, don’t do them. Do one of them, so just a tiny change. Like, for example, you mentioned putting up shelves and making a hash of it. But the thing is, ok, you may have put them up wonky, or they may be loose, or you maybe didn’t finish it. It’s ok. There’s not a soul on earth who hasn’t done the same. The point being you can “go again”, with the benefit that you’ve learnt something. That learning might be that your drill is inadequate, or the wall is crumbly, or the shelves you bought were flimsy, or getting it level is quite tricky, or whatever you found. You didn’t fail, you achieved half a job, or more. So with your new knowledge about walls/ drills/ levels, you have new powers to do the next bit. And with your YouTube viewing, maybe find a YouTube of putting up shelves and watch that.  Resolve to, in the next week/2 weeks to, with your new skill, and you do have a new skill, or half skill, to fix/ repeat/ finish the tiny home improvement.

or the going outside. At the weekend when you’re just sat around, I have this thing: “do one thing”. Like, I’m not gonna let today just tumble by, I’m gonna “do one thing”. That one thing could be “clean this room”, or it could be “fix the light in the hall”, or “get the bedding changed and washed and ironed”, or if the weather is good “go to the park and watch wildlife for one hour (or befriend a dog) or walk round it 3 times”

Whatever, and all this might be trite nonsense, but, genuinely, “do one thing”. Find and make a new recipe, hand make focaccia, clean the fridge, buy or make something for your g/f, book a meal out, gather stuff you don’t need anymore and take it to a charity shop, or eBay it, or take it to the tip. Book gig tickets…Make a super healthy meal.

 

[TheAuthority]

1 minute ago, blandy said:

I wouldn’t remotely think I can provide any solution, or even necessarily help, but I can recognise an element of your larger post than the bit quoted. You clearly know “yeah, doing these things should help”, but struggle to actually do them. That is so common to so many people. I certainly recognise it. The thing is, doing all those things can seem like a big change, and too much, too different. So if I may, don’t do them. Do one of them, so just a tiny change. Like, for example, you mentioned putting up shelves and making a hash of it. But the thing is, ok, you may have put them up wonky, or they may be loose, or you maybe didn’t finish it. It’s ok. There’s not a soul on earth who hasn’t done the same. The point being you can “go again”, with the benefit that you’ve learnt something. That learning might be that your drill is inadequate, or the wall is crumbly, or the shelves you bought were flimsy, or getting it level is quite tricky, or whatever you found. You didn’t fail, you achieved half a job, or more. So with your new knowledge about walls/ drills/ levels, you have new powers to do the next bit. And with your YouTube viewing, maybe find a YouTube of putting up shelves and watch that.  Resolve to, in the next week/2 weeks to, with your new skill, and you do have a new skill, or half skill, to fix/ repeat/ finish the tiny home improvement.

or the going outside. At the weekend when you’re just sat around, I have this thing: “do one thing”. Like, I’m not gonna let today just tumble by, I’m gonna “do one thing”. That one thing could be “clean this room”, or it could be “fix the light in the hall”, or “get the bedding changed and washed and ironed”, or if the weather is good “go to the park and watch wildlife for one hour (or befriend a dog) or walk round it 3 times”

Whatever, and all this might be trite nonsense, but, genuinely, “do one thing”. Find and make a new recipe, hand make focaccia, clean the fridge, buy or make something for your g/f, book a meal out, gather stuff you don’t need anymore and take it to a charity shop, or eBay it, or take it to the tip. Book gig tickets…Make a super healthy meal.

 

Beautiful post @blandy

The thing that stood out to me @Chindie was the cooking "HelloFresh."

Well, I know you're incredible smart - why not go out and find the ingredients yourself to a highly rated online recipe?

I hope that doesn't sound contrite but, just being kind to everyone who is running wound the supermarket and talking to the cashier/checkout clerk can be a cathartic exercise and is being a real human. Simple things like getting the right ingredients for a meal make me feel really good! Also developing an (admittedly) superficial) relationship with a local "essential worker" is just healthy!

If the goal is to be a bright spark to everyone you meet at the grocery store, then the ingredients and the outcome of the meal become insignificant!

Sorry to be a male trying to give solutions, but this video always inspires me to cook and makes me happy

 

 

[A'Villan]

I'll be on TV tonight, on the ABC. My input:

 

Australian Commission On Saftey and Quality in Health Care

 

Principles of care underpinning the clinical care standards:

 

-Treating patients with dignity and respect.

-Encouraging patient participation in decision-making.

-Communicating with patients about their clinical condition and treatment options.

 

Why do the foundational principles take a backseat passenger position to the assumption that a person's behaviour is lacking somehow and a diagnosis implicit of there being an inherent problem with this person, is the tried and true way to deal with behaviour that we seek to change?

 

No matter how polite or diplomatic one says it, what it is in essence suggesting, is something's wrong with this person or their way of living, and that people who know better should be appointed to try and attempt to solve this.

 

This is not only condescending and undermining of someone's being but it also gives credence to all of the possible factors and aspects that make a person the way they are, have been accounted for. This is legitimised because the industry and its authorities have decided it's what's best.

 

Let's be democratic and scientific and question this?

 

Why tell people they are the problem and that if they follow what is recommended by clinician, they may get better, unless prevented by obstructions?

How often do clinicians assume responsibility for that work not producing outcomes?

How often do those in treatment assume responsibility for shortcomings?

 

How many people in the public health care sector have been asked, at any stage along the way, if they felt like they were able to make decisions free of counsel or instruction from their clinician?

Is self-determination being practiced and endorsed as it is meant to be?

 

How many people in the public health care sector have been encouraged to make decisions independent of their treating team and clinicians?

Where is the dignity of risk being given an opportunity to see if it can elicit behaviours and coping strategies independent of what is textbook?

Could it be that by trial and error with clinicians as a safety net, dignity of risk allows for the development of behaviour and coping strategies that are unique and tailored to the person in treatment?

 

How many of us, are told, today in therapy, we are going to seek to identify the talents that you are blessed with that will equip you to have meaningful relationships and contributions in your personal life and society at large?

If we assume, why not have some faith in ourselves?

Pessimism is too entrenched in failure that it never leaves for pastures new.

 

What can be done to rectify and amend the shortcomings of an industry that claims and undoubtedly for the most part aims to offer support and raise standards of living?

We are all fallible and no one needs to be told they are at the heart of it, not good. However is it not fair to say, leadership should return the faith it demands from those in treatment?

[blandy]

1 minute ago, TheAuthority said:

just being kind to everyone who is running wound the supermarket and talking to the cashier/checkout clerk can be a cathartic exercise

Absolutely perfect. I posted something years ago, I guess, about a silly thing I did before Covid. I used to go to the canteen at work every day and 2 of the staff were, on the surface, quite miserable - little interaction with their customers, kind of thing. So I resolved to make the first one, east European sandwich lady, chatty. So I’d just ask her silly questions, like

“cheese and onion barm please”

”£2.50”

”what crisps would you recommend, with my sandwich?”

”sorry?”

”what crisps would you recommend, with my sandwich?”

“”I don’t like onion, but I do like cheese and tomato, with salad cream and salt and vinegar crisps”

”brilliant, thank you, I’ll try that tomorrow”

then next day:

”I’ll have your favourite please”

it just works, and you get the smile and flash of tiny light the next time and so on

or Malaysian till lady

”(presenting plate of pie and chips to pay for) Just a salad for me, today, by the way, I always pick your queue because you’re the best, quickest operator”.

”(Little smile, and flicker of connection), which then became near daily low level human stuff “ how are you” - miles away from “£4.00” and already looking to the next person in the queue.

At the risk of them thinking I’m some kind of idiot I got smiles and recognition and “hello again” and tiny joy from, both achieving my secret aim of making gloomy, non-smilers smile, but more importantly, just connecting with people.

[blandy]

1 minute ago, A'Villan said:

I'll be on TV tonight, on the ABC.

What time?

[A'Villan]

4 minutes ago, blandy said:

What time?

7:30pm