What is your experience of mental health?

[Dodgyknees]

1 hour ago, Anthony said:

This post could go here in the Mental Elf thread, Things That Cheer You Up, or Things that Piss you off.

I decided to post here because it's probably the most useful place.

I am 52. 53 in Feb.

I had a load of mental health issues from about 2004 (age 34) onwards; basically very bad depression, resulting in eventually losing my job, my home being repossessed twice, two stays in hospital, loads of therapy and wound up on antidepressants for about 17 years. Things are so much better now, hurrah!

In August of last year I contacted my Psychiatrist to talk about changing my meds, as although I was good and stable, being a single chap I missed the intimacy of being in a relationship, but I had zero interest in sex due to the medication; I figured I it would be a dealbreaker for any relationship, so the idea was to shake things up a bit.

The psychiatrist agreed and as a starting point, we agreed to slowly reduce my meds over a few weeks, with a view to changing to something else once they were out of my system. What actually happened was we phased out my meds and I was.... fine. More engaged with life around me, more interested in stuff generally and my libido was creeping back. I had a phone call scheduled with him to discuss next steps, but then I read a thing...

It was on Facebook (yeah, I know). My friend posted one of those memey type things, approximately the length of a tweet, which said something along the lines of "You know that thing when you've been meaning to tidy up for a while and you realise it's been seven months. And you when you start doing that thing, but you don't quite get round to finishing it, and realise your home is scattered with half finished projects. When it's exhausting to even think about doing the washing. Or the cleaning. When you leave everything to the last minute and crash and burn spectacularly, or get through on adrenaline." I thought, oh, ha ha! Not just me then! But it was the last bit that blew me away, which was, "Yeah, ADHD sucks."

So I started reading around about ADHD in adults and, yup. That's me. Nearly every issue I've had in my life comes back to having undiagnosed ADHD.

In the scheduled phone call to my psychiatrist I mentioned it and asked if I could be assessed as it seemed bloody obvious to me. He said it didn't sound like it, but they always discuss every case within the team, which to me is bloody good healthcare: get loads of knowledgeable and experienced heads together for each patient. He called me back two days later, said it's quite likely he was wrong, and they're going to refer me to the ADHD clinic.Hurrah!  But there's a bit of a wait. Two years. Boo!

That was August 2021 and I'm still waiting, but I'd mentioned it to a few friends, some of whom were sceptical, most of whom didn't really understand, but were happy for me, and a couple who knew and understood. Then there was one who said, "Oh my god! Me too! I was finally diagnosed about a year ago, have got medication and it is absolutely life changing." She then gave me a bunch of her Adderall pills to see if they would help me. That was in September and I've been scared to take them in case they make me go hyper, or don't work, or work and then I run out, or, or, or... Procrastination is a key behaviour with ADHD.

I had my first one this weekend and my god, the difference is night and day. I was in tears. Is this how easy life is for non ADHD people all the time? I could just do stuff, without the endless exhausting inner struggle. I mean basic stuff, like standing up when I've been sitting on the sofa. It just happened without me thinking about it. I didn't have to steel myself. I cleaned up the kitchen and I just did it, without gritting my teeth and growling and swearing. I can just do... stuff. It's so easy.

So I'm cheered up because it's real, and it's not my fault. As someone who has been labelled as lazy their whole life, the validation is life affirming. It's not my fault. I'm not lazy. There is a way forward and it's quite simple. Not loads of therapy, not loads of workbooks or some endless twelve step program. Just take a pill when I need to adult and bang - a fully functioning normal human being.

But I'm pissed off because I'm not going to get seen until August at the earliest. For once, it's not wholly the fault of the bastards underfunding the NHS. The wait means that I have to ration these few pills until I REALLY need them, whereas if I had access to enough so I could take them daily as needed, then I could study or get a job. It's so bloody frustrating!

So, if this resonates for you, have a look at this short video - it's a psychiatrist who specialises in adult ADHD talking about how to decide if it's worth getting an assessment.

 

Stay strong mate

[TheAuthority]

1 hour ago, Anthony said:

This post could go here in the Mental Elf thread, Things That Cheer You Up, or Things that Piss you off.

I decided to post here because it's probably the most useful place.

I am 52. 53 in Feb.

I had a load of mental health issues from about 2004 (age 34) onwards; basically very bad depression, resulting in eventually losing my job, my home being repossessed twice, two stays in hospital, loads of therapy and wound up on antidepressants for about 17 years. Things are so much better now, hurrah!

In August of last year I contacted my Psychiatrist to talk about changing my meds, as although I was good and stable, being a single chap I missed the intimacy of being in a relationship, but I had zero interest in sex due to the medication; I figured I it would be a dealbreaker for any relationship, so the idea was to shake things up a bit.

The psychiatrist agreed and as a starting point, we agreed to slowly reduce my meds over a few weeks, with a view to changing to something else once they were out of my system. What actually happened was we phased out my meds and I was.... fine. More engaged with life around me, more interested in stuff generally and my libido was creeping back. I had a phone call scheduled with him to discuss next steps, but then I read a thing...

It was on Facebook (yeah, I know). My friend posted one of those memey type things, approximately the length of a tweet, which said something along the lines of "You know that thing when you've been meaning to tidy up for a while and you realise it's been seven months. And you when you start doing that thing, but you don't quite get round to finishing it, and realise your home is scattered with half finished projects. When it's exhausting to even think about doing the washing. Or the cleaning. When you leave everything to the last minute and crash and burn spectacularly, or get through on adrenaline." I thought, oh, ha ha! Not just me then! But it was the last bit that blew me away, which was, "Yeah, ADHD sucks."

So I started reading around about ADHD in adults and, yup. That's me. Nearly every issue I've had in my life comes back to having undiagnosed ADHD.

In the scheduled phone call to my psychiatrist I mentioned it and asked if I could be assessed as it seemed bloody obvious to me. He said it didn't sound like it, but they always discuss every case within the team, which to me is bloody good healthcare: get loads of knowledgeable and experienced heads together for each patient. He called me back two days later, said it's quite likely he was wrong, and they're going to refer me to the ADHD clinic.Hurrah!  But there's a bit of a wait. Two years. Boo!

That was August 2021 and I'm still waiting, but I'd mentioned it to a few friends, some of whom were sceptical, most of whom didn't really understand, but were happy for me, and a couple who knew and understood. Then there was one who said, "Oh my god! Me too! I was finally diagnosed about a year ago, have got medication and it is absolutely life changing." She then gave me a bunch of her Adderall pills to see if they would help me. That was in September and I've been scared to take them in case they make me go hyper, or don't work, or work and then I run out, or, or, or... Procrastination is a key behaviour with ADHD.

I had my first one this weekend and my god, the difference is night and day. I was in tears. Is this how easy life is for non ADHD people all the time? I could just do stuff, without the endless exhausting inner struggle. I mean basic stuff, like standing up when I've been sitting on the sofa. It just happened without me thinking about it. I didn't have to steel myself. I cleaned up the kitchen and I just did it, without gritting my teeth and growling and swearing. I can just do... stuff. It's so easy.

So I'm cheered up because it's real, and it's not my fault. As someone who has been labelled as lazy their whole life, the validation is life affirming. It's not my fault. I'm not lazy. There is a way forward and it's quite simple. Not loads of therapy, not loads of workbooks or some endless twelve step program. Just take a pill when I need to adult and bang - a fully functioning normal human being.

But I'm pissed off because I'm not going to get seen until August at the earliest. For once, it's not wholly the fault of the bastards underfunding the NHS. The wait means that I have to ration these few pills until I REALLY need them, whereas if I had access to enough so I could take them daily as needed, then I could study or get a job. It's so bloody frustrating!

So, if this resonates for you, have a look at this short video - it's a psychiatrist who specialises in adult ADHD talking about how to decide if it's worth getting an assessment.

 

Thanks for sharing all of that mate and I'm glad that you are feeling positive.

Though I do want to caution you about taking meds that aren't prescribed for you, especially if you aren't under supervision. You sound very much on top of things so just ignore this if you are aware. But I have read about the potential habit forming nature of adderrall and it also has some nasty side effects. 

Hope this all redundant and good luck 

[Anthony]

58 minutes ago, TheAuthority said:

Thanks for sharing all of that mate and I'm glad that you are feeling positive.

Though I do want to caution you about taking meds that aren't prescribed for you, especially if you aren't under supervision. You sound very much on top of things so just ignore this if you are aware. But I have read about the potential habit forming nature of adderrall and it also has some nasty side effects. 

Hope this all redundant and good luck 

Absolutely, yeah. We did lots of reading around side effects and contraindications, and of course the potential for it to be habit forming. When I took it we made sure I wasn't on my own at all, just in case my heart exploded or I went manic or started voting Tory or something.

[maqroll]

I'm starting at home ketamine treatment in a week or two for my low level depression/anxiety symptoms.

Gonna try it for a month to see if the hype is real.

 

 

[Dodgyknees]

2021-22 has been some of the worst moments of my life, from COVID to other issues that have arisen and left me mentally drained. Toxicity at work and more that meant my weekends became time to build myself up for another week at work. It’s been horrible for long periods. But I’ve also had good, I’ve got good, I have good and more is coming because I’ve seen it. Just want everybody struggling to know that things truly do get better. Last Christmas I spent the whole day alone, this year I’ll be with people who care about me.

But if anybody here is alone this Christmas, DM me, let’s do a WhatsApp group and have some chats. Xx 

Edited December 23, 2022 by Dodgyknees

[Dodgyknees]

9 hours ago, maqroll said:

I'm starting at home ketamine treatment in a week or two for my low level depression/anxiety symptoms.

Gonna try it for a month to see if the hype is real.

 

 

I hope it helps buddy

[Vive_La_Villa]

13 hours ago, Anthony said:

This post could go here in the Mental Elf thread, Things That Cheer You Up, or Things that Piss you off.

I decided to post here because it's probably the most useful place.

I am 52. 53 in Feb.

I had a load of mental health issues from about 2004 (age 34) onwards; basically very bad depression, resulting in eventually losing my job, my home being repossessed twice, two stays in hospital, loads of therapy and wound up on antidepressants for about 17 years. Things are so much better now, hurrah!

In August of last year I contacted my Psychiatrist to talk about changing my meds, as although I was good and stable, being a single chap I missed the intimacy of being in a relationship, but I had zero interest in sex due to the medication; I figured I it would be a dealbreaker for any relationship, so the idea was to shake things up a bit.

The psychiatrist agreed and as a starting point, we agreed to slowly reduce my meds over a few weeks, with a view to changing to something else once they were out of my system. What actually happened was we phased out my meds and I was.... fine. More engaged with life around me, more interested in stuff generally and my libido was creeping back. I had a phone call scheduled with him to discuss next steps, but then I read a thing...

It was on Facebook (yeah, I know). My friend posted one of those memey type things, approximately the length of a tweet, which said something along the lines of "You know that thing when you've been meaning to tidy up for a while and you realise it's been seven months. And you when you start doing that thing, but you don't quite get round to finishing it, and realise your home is scattered with half finished projects. When it's exhausting to even think about doing the washing. Or the cleaning. When you leave everything to the last minute and crash and burn spectacularly, or get through on adrenaline." I thought, oh, ha ha! Not just me then! But it was the last bit that blew me away, which was, "Yeah, ADHD sucks."

So I started reading around about ADHD in adults and, yup. That's me. Nearly every issue I've had in my life comes back to having undiagnosed ADHD.

In the scheduled phone call to my psychiatrist I mentioned it and asked if I could be assessed as it seemed bloody obvious to me. He said it didn't sound like it, but they always discuss every case within the team, which to me is bloody good healthcare: get loads of knowledgeable and experienced heads together for each patient. He called me back two days later, said it's quite likely he was wrong, and they're going to refer me to the ADHD clinic.Hurrah!  But there's a bit of a wait. Two years. Boo!

That was August 2021 and I'm still waiting, but I'd mentioned it to a few friends, some of whom were sceptical, most of whom didn't really understand, but were happy for me, and a couple who knew and understood. Then there was one who said, "Oh my god! Me too! I was finally diagnosed about a year ago, have got medication and it is absolutely life changing." She then gave me a bunch of her Adderall pills to see if they would help me. That was in September and I've been scared to take them in case they make me go hyper, or don't work, or work and then I run out, or, or, or... Procrastination is a key behaviour with ADHD.

I had my first one this weekend and my god, the difference is night and day. I was in tears. Is this how easy life is for non ADHD people all the time? I could just do stuff, without the endless exhausting inner struggle. I mean basic stuff, like standing up when I've been sitting on the sofa. It just happened without me thinking about it. I didn't have to steel myself. I cleaned up the kitchen and I just did it, without gritting my teeth and growling and swearing. I can just do... stuff. It's so easy.

So I'm cheered up because it's real, and it's not my fault. As someone who has been labelled as lazy their whole life, the validation is life affirming. It's not my fault. I'm not lazy. There is a way forward and it's quite simple. Not loads of therapy, not loads of workbooks or some endless twelve step program. Just take a pill when I need to adult and bang - a fully functioning normal human being.

But I'm pissed off because I'm not going to get seen until August at the earliest. For once, it's not wholly the fault of the bastards underfunding the NHS. The wait means that I have to ration these few pills until I REALLY need them, whereas if I had access to enough so I could take them daily as needed, then I could study or get a job. It's so bloody frustrating!

So, if this resonates for you, have a look at this short video - it's a psychiatrist who specialises in adult ADHD talking about how to decide if it's worth getting an assessment.

 

This very much sounds like me although I thought it was just procrastination and laziness that many people have a problem with. I make notes in Penzu (online journal) now and then and the stuff I wrote about around things I was going to do back in 2016-17 are the same as now. It’s like nothing ever changes.  Everything is pretty much always last minute or never gets done.  Energy levels always low.
 

I’ve been on meds for as long as I can remember and unfortunately have the dreaded side affects but whenever I’ve tried to come off them id go back in to a deep dark depression worse than ever: kind of just accepted I’m stuck on them for life . 
 

Thanks for the post. It’s very interesting.

Edited December 23, 2022 by Vive_La_Villa

[Vive_La_Villa]

9 hours ago, maqroll said:

I'm starting at home ketamine treatment in a week or two for my low level depression/anxiety symptoms.

Gonna try it for a month to see if the hype is real.

 

 

Not heard of this before. Good luck, let us know how you get on. 

[AndyM3000]

 

Halfway through this, it's a good listen so far. Thought I'd post it as you never know who it might help.

[VILLAMARV]

I've ended up opening a can of worms here and written a VERY long post. I'm putting it in a quote box so you can close it down when phone or tablet scrolling or skipping past. Also it's fair to warn people it's going to mention suicide.

Quote

So the years leading up to Covid weren't great. Lots of situational issues (Family, business, friendships dissolving and relationship things) had resulted in me hiding away from the world and my responsibilities. Life had definitely gotten on top of me. I wasn't looking after myself and lost weight to the point of people saying I looked gaunt. Things became really strained with the better half. I lost any motivation to work, which as a self employed person is especially financially crippling, and burnt through what little savings I had. Got rid of my car which literally hadn't moved in 12 months. Ignored my business partners. Stopped contacting friends and family. Lived in fear of the phone ringing or the doorbell going. Dreaded people asking how I was with any depth of real interest. Two of my old schooltime friends came down (on separate occasions) to find me/check up on me during this time. Another that lived round the corner stopped visiting after I shouted alot when his dog pissed on my floor. I was tightly wound and not necessarily that quick to anger but I was just a pressure cooker ready to explode over something or nothing. Whatever respect I had for myself was gone replaced with feelings of stupidity, foolishness, inadequacy, abandonment and embarrassment and when I crumbled it all came out. I'm not talking about anything physical here, but I lost the ability to control myself. My emotional state. Ruined a few social occasions. Let rip at a few people while playing team sports over next to nothing. If I felt victimised in any situation it was nigh on impossible to let things go and it was all consuming. I tend to internalise anyway. I'll definitely cringe about something that happened 35 years ago, the slightest faux pas. And all day, every day was consumed with bitterness, mostly aimed towards myself, but also aimed at people who wronged me. This would basicallly be over a 2/3 year period between '17 - '18 - '19. We 'functioned' as a couple through this time (whatever that actually means) in that we eat enough to stay alive and spoke daily about banalities. But, especially with the benefit of hindsight, I can admit now I was incredibly closed off. Any attempt to talk about finances or work and I'd shut down or remove myself.

I posted on here alot, spent far too much time staring at my computer screen for me. Apart from popping out for shopping and chatting with my partner it was basically the only connection I had to the outside world at that point. And yet there's little hope of escaping myself. In fact posting here more and more kind of had the opposite effect I'd say. It more highlighted, at least to me, some of the stuff in the previous paragraph. I got genuinely tired of my own bullshit. I had a break from the online world. Gave up having a mobile phone.

We moved from our flat in Cardiff, where neither of us had ever lived in one place for so long. It was quite a wrench to leave that place. I still miss growing veg in the garden and I miss my friends that are still down there. But we were both unhappy at the time and we knew something had to change. I reached out to another old friend with a trailer for help and we moved to Swansea. Changed the routine (little by little right), gave up tobacco, got back into eating well and getting out and about doing exercise (which is easy in Swansea because the Bay is beautiful) and then Covid hit. So all the claustraphobia of that first lockdown was kinda compounded by the fact that we had just moved to a new city where we didn't know people, though of course in addition to that none of the above had been resolved in any way. But lockdown was intersting for a bit. I popped back into VT for a short stint amidst the chaos all around us and told myself to 'just bear witness', 'dont get involved in pointless back and forths' and with all the best intentions. I still chuckle to myself occasionally about mooney laughing with me about how quick it was before I was calling the beeb the stasi. (something something internalising and not letting things go!) - but also to hell with the brackets and the hiding behind self depricating humour for a brief moment. The shame I can place on myself for the smallest of things, eats away at me so much more and more effectively than anything anyone else could ever say or do. And I don't mean my views or your views or that they don't always align. But if i think I've upset people or people are unhappy with me. If I'm being misunderstood. I'm definitely blighted by a need for acceptance. I kinda knew I wasn't thinking straight and I got less able to judge people's emotions correctly. And if that toxicity spilled out onto the boards at any time I can only hold my hand up and apologise. For me it's remembering that I am not intrinsically toxic. But that things were really toxic. (I know having spent the time to write this out that everything about the last few paragraphs is describing a really toxic environment but it's the slowly boiled frog syndrome thing, living in a bubble if you like. It's obvious to me now sure, but back then...jeebus). And all the dysfunction and toxicity has been spilling over into my home life. And she's locked in with someone who has lost his self respect. We had a massive row and, with nowhere to remove myself to I felt trapped. And so I left. In the middle of the first lockdown. Family members agreed to quarantine me.

We ultimately decided being together was what we both still wanted and over the phone had some very real and long overdue conversations. And shared an understanding that things had to change. A couple of really noteworthy things happened in this time. I arranged to speak to a doctor about everything. (I think I'll do a separate post about that side of it. This one has turned into something much bigger than expected when I started it!). Also a friend I went to school with who happened to be into his weight lifting reached out to me. He had heard on the grapevine I wasn't in a good place. He insisted I went out to his and trained with him. 3 times a week. The first set we did he looked me straight in the eyes and asked me did I remember an old aquaintance of ours, which I did, and how he ended up killing himself, which again I obviously hadn't forgotten in a hurry. He told me how he'd tried to help him out, knowing he was in a terrible place and had ended up lending him a load of cash, which only hired him a hotel room far away from home where he ultimately topped himself. And how he wasn't going to let it happen again on his watch (hey he's a macho body builder type innit) and all the guilt he carried with him for both doing that, and not doing more, when of course in reality he was the one person who never gave up on him. And I got back into a routine and for the first time in years it was a healthy routine.

I reached out to the first friend I mentioned. One of the guys who'd visited me in Cardiff during the darkest days (lets call him friend 1). He was ok, his kids were ok yadda yadda. I asked him about the other one that had also visited me in Cardiff (friend 2) and he explained he was having a hard time of it, lots of shit going on. But he was around, had lived with his new girlfriend through lockdown who seemed nice and he seemed happy. Friend 3 (with the incontinent dog!) got a call and we cleared the air. Friend 4 in the story (with the trailer) had had an emphasema diagnosis years earlier so he hadnt left the house for months at this stage, despite summer being here and lockdown 1 having finished for lots of us. And friend 5, the weights guy, kept chatting. and we lifted more weights and chatted more and lifted more etc. We spoke very candidly with each other and he was the first person I really spoke to about the suicidal thoughts I'd been having for years at this point. How I'd walk round Swansea checking out trees, I'd imagine finding somewhere tall to climb up. I tried to explain how I thought it was a benign threat but that I vocalised it. And not in the company of others. I'm not talking about saying it to people as a threat. I said it to me. Every day. And not in anger or at stressful moments. I mean like when I'm making a cup of tea, or singing along to songs just change all the words like some sort of mantra. Out loud. And I was still doing it then, back in the hills.

Helped by MrsVM's work all working from home by then, we ended up moving back permanantly to the rural Wales of our childhoods. We agreed not to move back in with each other but she ended up staying a mile up the road from me with her godfather and we went about trying to repair the damage. Which I'm glad to say we eventually did. We celebrated 15 years together the other week. But we needed to talk about the miscarriage we experienced that neither of us had really processed properly. I needed to talk about it. It's so weird but our problems, as in the relationship issues, all stemmed back to that moment. It's crazy to think but I spoke more with a VT poster in pm's that i've never met about that than anyone other than MrsVM. And that was hardly in depth, but it was something, it was a release. Thank you, genuinely. You know who you are.

My weight lifting mate came down with me when I hired a van to move out of the flat in Swansea. After the normal moving experience of everything taking 3 times longer than you thought we got home, where I was greeted by my partner and my mum in floods of tears hanging around outside the place I was staying. Friend 2 had hanged himself the night before. People had been looking for him all morning. MrsVM's godfather had come across a body on his morning run and he and the farmer whose field and tree it was had spent all morning waiting for the police et al. In such a small town it didn't take long for people on facebook to realise the two things were related. As I dont have a mobile phone anymore or go near facebook and such anymore I hadn't heard and no one could phone me. I think I was definitely with the right friend to hear that news with. And there it was. Suicide. And I felt and I witnessed some of the heartbreak, the anger, the confusion, the horror, the guilt, the outpouring of love. I miss my friend. He came and sought me out in a very dark period of my life. It's hard not to think of all the ways I could have reached out to him. Why didn't he speak to one of us? and all that. But he didn't want to be here anymore. He wanted to stop all the crap going round his head. And I hate him for it. But I understood a little bit. I hope when his boys grow up they can find some peace with it. It's so unbelievably sad. And he spread that sadness around. To the people that loved him. It was very humbling and it made me realise this is not the path for me. And the patterns of behaviour might be hard to change but it stopped me from giving it any serious consideration. It stopped me playing this weird taunting game with myself if that makes any sense to anyone.

Oh, and Friend 4 passed away last month. What was left of his remaining lung gave up. He was 50. He was one of the most hilarious, caring and reliable people I'll ever meet. He fixed my guitar up before he left us. The one that MrsVM has never seen any strings on in 15 years! he used to take us out to a local open mic night and basically kick me on the shins going "when are you going to start doing music stuff again Marv?". And I owe it to him to do so. So next month I'm doing 3 songs in memory of him assuming theres space on the bill.

I am very lucky. I have all these friends that care, I have a genuinely loving relationship with the most amazing woman. I have people to turn to for help. People to talk to. Family that open their doors. I worry for people who don't. But I also have an understanding that in those dark moments where everything seems so futile it didn't matter. Not in a malicious way. I could still be grateful for those things but the self loathing can be so all consuming at times it all just fades away. It's not rational thought.

I didn't mean to write so much or really share so much, but hey ho. It's actually been quite cathartic this end. I've not had to put it all into words and I haven't written any of this down anywhere before. As I said, I'll write about my experiences with reaching out for help later. This kind of kept coming like a sort of verbal diarrhoea. But that's been my experience over the last few years. That's where I've been. I've drastically changed my career. re-trained and now I'm doing building work. Physical manual work and I'm loving it. It's hard starting from basically scratch and it takes time to build a reputation but financially I'm scraping by somehow. I still have a lot to sort out.

But my lust for life is back. And if there's anyone reading this and looking for a tidy conclusion there isn't one. There's no easy answer. No quick fix. But things can be better. Things can change.

 

[maqroll]

Anyone on here have ADHD? I have some of the symptoms, and looking back on my life, I might have always had some form of ADD. When I was in junior high, the admin broke into my locker looking for drugs and they accused me of being on cocaine, LOL. I'd never even seen cocaine then. As an adult, I've been hindered by a lack of focus and discipline. I can never quite round the corner. Very frustrating. My physician might be putting me on meds to see if it makes a difference. I have a bunch of stuff I want to do and need to channel my energy productively, which has been challenging for me, so I hope this works.

I'd recently tried ketamine tablets for a couple of months. Didn't really do anything. I almost feel like the company is just selling false hope. I think intravenous ketamine therapy works, just not the tablets, at least for me.

[MNVillan]

On 17/03/2023 at 20:26, maqroll said:

Anyone on here have ADHD? I have some of the symptoms, and looking back on my life, I might have always had some form of ADD. When I was in junior high, the admin broke into my locker looking for drugs and they accused me of being on cocaine, LOL. I'd never even seen cocaine then. As an adult, I've been hindered by a lack of focus and discipline. I can never quite round the corner. Very frustrating. My physician might be putting me on meds to see if it makes a difference. I have a bunch of stuff I want to do and need to channel my energy productively, which has been challenging for me, so I hope this works.

I'd recently tried ketamine tablets for a couple of months. Didn't really do anything. I almost feel like the company is just selling false hope. I think intravenous ketamine therapy works, just not the tablets, at least for me.

I don’t, but I know multiple people who do. Their meds make a huge difference, I can tell days they forgot to take them without even asking.

I hope they work for you! The medicine has worked wonders for a few people in my life.

[Anthony]

On 18/03/2023 at 01:26, maqroll said:

Anyone on here have ADHD? I have some of the symptoms, and looking back on my life, I might have always had some form of ADD. When I was in junior high, the admin broke into my locker looking for drugs and they accused me of being on cocaine, LOL. I'd never even seen cocaine then. As an adult, I've been hindered by a lack of focus and discipline. I can never quite round the corner. Very frustrating. My physician might be putting me on meds to see if it makes a difference. I have a bunch of stuff I want to do and need to channel my energy productively, which has been challenging for me, so I hope this works.

I'd recently tried ketamine tablets for a couple of months. Didn't really do anything. I almost feel like the company is just selling false hope. I think intravenous ketamine therapy works, just not the tablets, at least for me.

Oh yeah! See my post further up the thread. I have a closer friend who deals with kids with adhd, and she says that it can sometimes take a while to get the right medication - lots of trial and error, but when they get the right meds it's transformational. Stick with it. I'm rooting for you. 

[leemond2008]

I got in touch with my mate yesterday, haven't heard from him in over a month, I purposely took a step back because he has a multitude of mental health problems and to be honest, he was dragging me down every time I spoke to him.

I asked him how he's been doing and pointed out that I hadn't heard from him and he said "yeah I haven't really messaged anyone because I'm sure they are all sick of my bullshit" 

He then went on to tell me how he has been off work since before the new year (I didn't know about this) because of his crippling mental health issues, how he is supposed to be back at work on Monday but it just isn't going to happen because he is getting panic attacks just thinking about it etc etc etc....

It really is tough, I was hoping that he would have just said "yeah I'm fine how are you" its like he wants to tell me about his problems but doesn't want to talk about them if that makes sense.

[maqroll]

38 minutes ago, leemond2008 said:

I got in touch with my mate yesterday, haven't heard from him in over a month, I purposely took a step back because he has a multitude of mental health problems and to be honest, he was dragging me down every time I spoke to him.

I asked him how he's been doing and pointed out that I hadn't heard from him and he said "yeah I haven't really messaged anyone because I'm sure they are all sick of my bullshit" 

He then went on to tell me how he has been off work since before the new year (I didn't know about this) because of his crippling mental health issues, how he is supposed to be back at work on Monday but it just isn't going to happen because he is getting panic attacks just thinking about it etc etc etc....

It really is tough, I was hoping that he would have just said "yeah I'm fine how are you" its like he wants to tell me about his problems but doesn't want to talk about them if that makes sense.

Tell him to post in here, we'll help you shoulder the load.

[leemond2008]

40 minutes ago, maqroll said:

Tell him to post in here, we'll help you shoulder the load.

I reckon the majority of you would end up taking time off with mental health problems yourselves if you tried to shoulder some of the burden.

One of the last conversations I had with him went along the lines of me asking "alright mate, how are you doing" and then getting the reply "yeah not too bad, just a few minutes ago I was seriously considering throwing myself down the concrete stairwell at work, like I was really considering it, I only just managed to stop myself, I just can't see the point in anything anymore" 

Now when someone asks me if I'm alright my response is usually something along the lines of "yeah, I'm good, I just had a bacon sandwich for breakfast so I can't complain"

[maqroll]

1 hour ago, leemond2008 said:

I reckon the majority of you would end up taking time off with mental health problems yourselves if you tried to shoulder some of the burden.

One of the last conversations I had with him went along the lines of me asking "alright mate, how are you doing" and then getting the reply "yeah not too bad, just a few minutes ago I was seriously considering throwing myself down the concrete stairwell at work, like I was really considering it, I only just managed to stop myself, I just can't see the point in anything anymore" 

Now when someone asks me if I'm alright my response is usually something along the lines of "yeah, I'm good, I just had a bacon sandwich for breakfast so I can't complain"

Yeah, that's tricky. Sounds like a tightrope. But at the end of the day, you need to preserve your own well being, so if you need to restrict contact you should do it. Some people might unknowingly sap other people's spirit when they say things like that. You should tell him the next time he threatens suicide you'll have him sectioned. 

[Xela]

I just feel numb most of the time now. The things I used to enjoy and look forward to, I'm not bothered with anymore. I just tread water through life. 

I'm not unhappy with anything, I'm not that happy with anything. If my life was a biscuit, it would be a rich tea or a plain digestive. Safe and sensible.

Need to sort myself out! 

[foreveryoung]

1 hour ago, Xela said:

I just feel numb most of the time now. The things I used to enjoy and look forward to, I'm not bothered with anymore. I just tread water through life. 

I'm not unhappy with anything, I'm not that happy with anything. If my life was a biscuit, it would be a rich tea or a plain digestive. Safe and sensible.

Need to sort myself out! 

I think it maybe called getting old chap.

[VILLAMARV]

On 22/03/2023 at 10:56, leemond2008 said:

One of the last conversations I had with him went along the lines of me asking "alright mate, how are you doing" and then getting the reply "yeah not too bad, just a few minutes ago I was seriously considering throwing myself down the concrete stairwell at work, like I was really considering it, I only just managed to stop myself, I just can't see the point in anything anymore" 

It's a really hard position to be in @leemond2008. I have a friend who says things like this to me.

In fairness to him I have invited it, Each persons situation is obviously always going to be different and our ability to cope with different things also differs with time and circumstance. In my experience/example we've spoken alot over the years about various issues and our frienship is kinda formed around the fact that we 'understood' each other or where we were coming from from the off. He's a lot older than me. He has a lot of issues to deal with and overcome or not. A once 'recovered' alcoholic who fell off the wagon a few years back when a number of people close to him, both family and friends, passed away. he's been a lonely man ever since. Exacerbated by his drinking driving people away. He knows he can speak to me about things without judgement but also without pandering to his ego. I'll tell him straight if I think he's out of order. But he's got an outlet and he knows it. If I'm busy or just can't handle it if he gets in touch I'll arrange to meet him at a later date.

I'm not sure what I or anyone can offer him other than a non judgemental outlet to talk over things....if he wants to. It's up to him what he does. He's an intelligent guy, he knows he can access MIND services, he knows what the drink does to him and will do to him. He knows he can stop, he knows how to stop. He's been the doctors, had the pills, done the counselling. I can't teach him anything about how to deal with what he's going through.

And as a friend and not his/a counsellor I try and encourage him to take up his interests. In his case, art. So I bought him some black paper and some gold/silver pens. Left them at his. Sketch book and pens at xmas (he likes pen and ink) and recently he told us we'd 'inspired' him to do some drawing. I presume he meant they sat on the side in his flat until the other day when he picked them up and reminded himself how much he enjoys being the creative guy I love to call my friend. He's massively overweight, telling him to do some exercise or anything like that would be a bit glib you know, but he still has 'his thing' that can at least keep his brain occupied for a bit. It might sound a bit pithy but

Did you feel your friend was phishing for a chat? Firing something out there to see if there's a conversation to be had? I assume like my friend they've accessed the available help before. So here's the number for MIND and/or samaritans or telling people they can always section themselves if they feel at risk to themselves would be useful or not? Or just being unaware of how his toxicity spills out onto others?, namely you.

On 22/03/2023 at 09:33, leemond2008 said:

He then went on to tell me how he has been off work since before the new year (I didn't know about this) because of his crippling mental health issues, how he is supposed to be back at work on Monday but it just isn't going to happen because he is getting panic attacks just thinking about it etc etc etc....

It really is tough,

I have a different friend been having issues with his work over a period of time. We had a good chat after the lockdowns about stuff and he said to me

"Well, you see, turns out Marv, you know all this panic attack stuff, yeah well it's real isn't it it's not just people don't want to get out of bed"

This was quite a monumental moment for him. he's a pull your socks up kinda guy.

Yeah, it's tough.