What is your experience of mental health?

[Mandy Lifeboats]

Things may seem bleak @leighavfc but remember the following  - 

Lots of people beat drug addiction and turn their life around.  It's not easy but lots of people have shown its possible.  

Lots of people beat or live good lives with a mental illness (including me).  Its not easy but it's definitely possible. 

Whatever problems you face I can guarantee that people have beaten them. 

@Rugeley Villa @TheAuthority and I don't know you other than in this forum.  If we are offering help just think how much help is out there waiting for you. 

 

 

[Brumstopdogs]

Try and stay strong @leighavfcyou can beat this.

Support is out there. PM me if needed.

[Dodgyknees]

Something dark

Spoiler

I recently was made homeless because the person I was living with was abusive towards me, including, wanting access to my phone at all times, and manipulating situations so I could only lose (and then suffer their rage). I was homeless for Christmas.

Like the cockroach I am, I am back on my feet.

[choffer]

43 minutes ago, Dodgyknees said:

Something dark

Been there, done that. Well not exactly but I'm sure I'll have written about my past relationship back in this thread and the coercive control and abuse. If it's any source of encouragement, two years down the line, life is way better. I am sure now you're out of it, you will be able to breathe and happier times are ahead. Sorry your Christmas was effed but one Christmas is a small price to pay for your freedom. 

[Anthony]

53 minutes ago, Dodgyknees said:

Something dark

  Hide contents

I recently was made homeless because the person I was living with was abusive towards me, including, wanting access to my phone at all times, and manipulating situations so I could only lose (and then suffer their rage). I was homeless for Christmas.

Like the cockroach I am, I am back on my feet.

Was it actually Scuba Steve? Good that you're back on your feet.

[Dodgyknees]

32 minutes ago, choffer said:

Been there, done that. Well not exactly but I'm sure I'll have written about my past relationship back in this thread and the coercive control and abuse. If it's any source of encouragement, two years down the line, life is way better. I am sure now you're out of it, you will be able to breathe and happier times are ahead. Sorry your Christmas was effed but one Christmas is a small price to pay for your freedom. 

this is so helpful and I’m so sorry Thank you. Felt like it was total war against me, and the stuff that she used to start arguments, just makes no sense when I tell people. “So what did you do to annoy her” - nothing!

Edited January 15 by Dodgyknees

[mjmooney]

[MNVillan]

10 hours ago, mjmooney said:

r/stopdrinking on Reddit has been a huge help for me when I quit drinking

[chrisvilla4]

@leighavfc you dont know me, or me you, we could stand next to each other in a queue and never know. 

Reach out, vent, say anything- there is no judgement here. Message me if you need to get anything of your chest. I don't care what it is (well, I do but you know what I mean!) 

I hear you say that taking your life is an option, a way out. I hear things are so tough right now and have been for some time and it hurts. Its not the only option though, please believe that. There are others.

 

[NurembergVillan]

On 14/01/2024 at 02:38, leighavfc said:

My mental health issues all stem from years of drug use and abuse tbh. I don’t want to take anything away from those who genuinely suffer day to day without substance abuse, mine is self inflicted totally.....

 

i have tried to get sectioned and taken out of society a few times now... the reason being I’m a danger to myself and others also. Because of the drugs and my addiction they won’t section me at all which I understand to an extent....they say its the drugs making me feel that way... I’m getting to the point where I will be the next suicide stat though..... and I feel as if my drug use is me slowly trying to kill myself.

i want out from the pain I’m in and causing everybody, I do N/A 4 times a week amd it’s just not enough to stop me. I genuinely want to die and stop the pain... that’s not a realistic option but I don’t know what else to do... my ex partner who works in a&e said I have to literally threaten people to be sectioned. That’s not me at all, I want to harm myself and nobody else.

 

the song take me away by 4 strings says it all for me... take ,e away.... a million miles away from here.

You can live a happy life without drugs, without pain, without misery. It's just gonna take some struggle.

You're stronger than you think. You've survived every worst day you've ever had.

[Chindie]

Received my mental health referral letter last week. It basically said 'we'll be in touch by a particular date, don't do anything until that date, if you haven't heard from us by that date call this number and give these referral details.

Date has past, nothing heard. Call number.

Person I get through to asks for everything but the referral details. Great sign.

'Oh you aren't supposed to be seen by us, you need to call this other number'.

Call number they give me. Person answering doesn't ask for referral details. Great sign.

'Oh you've not been referred to us it's with your GP, you need to speak to them'.

...

Call back the first number with a different tact. 'Hello I've received a letter saying I'm referred to you can give you the referral details?'. They won't take the details. Inform me that I need to email another organisation, gives me the email address.

...

The funnel of pills and vodka is easier.

[mjmooney]

28 minutes ago, Chindie said:

Received my mental health referral letter last week. It basically said 'we'll be in touch by a particular date, don't do anything until that date, if you haven't heard from us by that date call this number and give these referral details.

Date has past, nothing heard. Call number.

Person I get through to asks for everything but the referral details. Great sign.

'Oh you aren't supposed to be seen by us, you need to call this other number'.

Call number they give me. Person answering doesn't ask for referral details. Great sign.

'Oh you've not been referred to us it's with your GP, you need to speak to them'.

...

Call back the first number with a different tact. 'Hello I've received a letter saying I'm referred to you can give you the referral details?'. They won't take the details. Inform me that I need to email another organisation, gives me the email address.

...

The funnel of pills and vodka is easier.

You should send the entire text of the above post to every one of the above contacts, and copy to your local councillor and MP (even if they're Tories). And your local newspaper. 

The pills and vodka route may seem easier, but it would be the wrong choice. 

[villaajax]

Feeling kind of extra rubbish lately. I live with a sense of bleakness that I just get along with but January is always a rubbish month. Having my birthday in the middle of the year, the end/start of a calendar year always feels to me like a mid year review where I just remind myself I'm failing at life, in my opinion. As I said in the General Chat about lockdown, I enjoyed it because it felt like life was on hold.

I've been doing a lot of genealogy recently and have managed to get my mum in touch with cousins she hadn't spoken to in years and some she didn't even know existed, as well as her best friend from her teens and I'm glad that I've been able to do that because I feel bad about being a dead twig on the family tree. Her side of the family has been traced back over 500 years and it just comes to a dead end with me. I'm 34 this year and I've never actually been in a relationship. If it's not outright rejection then I just get messed around, more than once I've had girls agree to go out with me and then they find someone better and that's the end of that, most recently, a girl who seemed to liked me even more than I liked her just flipped and blanked me one day and that was the end of that, total silence and ignorance. I am very introverted, I have no confidence or self worth whatsoever so to even get to the point of asking a girl out or telling her how I feel about her, that is a hell of an effort and each time it fails, I just feel a little more dead inside and what's heightening this at the moment is that I've kind of taken a liking to a girl at work but I know it's a bad idea to even make an effort because ultimately I will end up feeling even more miserable.

Growing up I always thought I'd have my own family by now and be happy but here I am, alone and nothing to show for my life, my best efforts to make anything about it better always fail. I really do feel that all I'm here for is to keep my mum going and when she's gone, I don't need to be here. Never thought I'd see the day when the best thing going in my life was Aston Villa, haha.

[VILLAMARV]

9 hours ago, villaajax said:

Feeling kind of extra rubbish lately. I live with a sense of bleakness that I just get along with but January is always a rubbish month. Having my birthday in the middle of the year, the end/start of a calendar year always feels to me like a mid year review where I just remind myself I'm failing at life, in my opinion. As I said in the General Chat about lockdown, I enjoyed it because it felt like life was on hold.

I've been doing a lot of genealogy recently and have managed to get my mum in touch with cousins she hadn't spoken to in years and some she didn't even know existed, as well as her best friend from her teens and I'm glad that I've been able to do that because I feel bad about being a dead twig on the family tree. Her side of the family has been traced back over 500 years and it just comes to a dead end with me. I'm 34 this year and I've never actually been in a relationship. If it's not outright rejection then I just get messed around, more than once I've had girls agree to go out with me and then they find someone better and that's the end of that, most recently, a girl who seemed to liked me even more than I liked her just flipped and blanked me one day and that was the end of that, total silence and ignorance. I am very introverted, I have no confidence or self worth whatsoever so to even get to the point of asking a girl out or telling her how I feel about her, that is a hell of an effort and each time it fails, I just feel a little more dead inside and what's heightening this at the moment is that I've kind of taken a liking to a girl at work but I know it's a bad idea to even make an effort because ultimately I will end up feeling even more miserable.

Growing up I always thought I'd have my own family by now and be happy but here I am, alone and nothing to show for my life, my best efforts to make anything about it better always fail. I really do feel that all I'm here for is to keep my mum going and when she's gone, I don't need to be here. Never thought I'd see the day when the best thing going in my life was Aston Villa, haha.

Existance can be bleak at times for sure. For things/issues/problems you can identify, perhaps there's also a little hope. Identifying what the thing nagging away at you is ultimately the first step in doing something about it - and we do have some agency in affecting our futures. We're not powerless against unfulfilled ambitions.

I hope my joke in another thread didnt land too harshly the other day btw and I don't want to sound all sanctimonious or preachy etc. But to me the scars of trauma and the realities of society/existance are often things we need to find a way to carry with us in some way, because we are powerless to change them - the futility of war for example, childhood trauma and so on. But you're worthy of love. You could absolutely find companionship. The bad bit is you have to keep putting yourself out there and as someone who struggles with self worth and with motivation at times I empathise with the things that ultimately lead to inaction. I find myself frozen at times over the most seemingly mundane of things, but the crippling anxeity is very real when it hits.

I don't know you or your circumstances, I have known friends to have crazily high expectations of perfect relationships and I don't know what the perfect companion is in your head, but lots of people are looking for companionship. If it's important to you, you'll find it, I reckon.

I always um and ahh about posting these in a doubting myself kind of way. All I'm really trying to convey is hang in there mate. Things can be less shit.

[VILLAMARV]

I think I'm really clumsily saying we can't change the past but we can affect the future or something like that.

[Chindie]

I may as well follow up on recent events.

I got my referral. They recommended I self refer to another service, which I have done, but might take 3 months to contact me. I also had a pharmacist call and discuss putting me on something else (currently not on anything for being mental). Nothing has happened since that call a week ago.

How have things been since then? Dire. I needed to go to the pharmacy, which I can see from my house, and walk to in a minute, and I couldn't. I was sobbing on the bathroom and thumping the wall in frustration at just but being able to feel ok to go there. I eventually did it but it took well over an hour and 3 attempts, and when I finally did it I was literally going out of sheer rage, I was shaking in anger and frustration at myself when I finally got there, I must have looked like a maniac. 

I've also failed to pick up the girlfriend so many times we've stopped my going to get her most of the time. The last time I picked her up I got caught in traffic at the top of her road and was screaming at myself in such a rage my voice was hoarse for about 4 days. I also have spent most of the week trying and failing to go fill the car up. Including an hour tonight trying to prepare to go where I completely failed and decided I wasn't sitting there all night sobbing and bruising up my arms from slamming the walls in rage and frustration at not being to simply get in the **** car and go fill it up at a petrol station a 2 minute drive away. And now I'm sat here being contemplative about what all this means. And I'm just thinking about my life is so empty and so pointless, how all of this is absurd, and how my little corner of this nasty little world is **** empty but for frustration. How every evening is a waste and every day is pointless at a deeply frustrating and maddeningly hopeless job to hide party stone books to sustain this nightmare. And how even writing this is pathetic impotent whinging for which any response is pointless and any threat is empty, even though a significant part of me is saying the sensible choice is bleeding out, and shouldn't be written because it's pathetic and you should just get over it. But equally I've got no way to vent and bottling it quenches nothing. I hate it all.

[Anthony]

2 hours ago, Chindie said:

I may as well follow up on recent events.

I got my referral. They recommended I self refer to another service, which I have done, but might take 3 months to contact me. I also had a pharmacist call and discuss putting me on something else (currently not on anything for being mental). Nothing has happened since that call a week ago.

How have things been since then? Dire. I needed to go to the pharmacy, which I can see from my house, and walk to in a minute, and I couldn't. I was sobbing on the bathroom and thumping the wall in frustration at just but being able to feel ok to go there. I eventually did it but it took well over an hour and 3 attempts, and when I finally did it I was literally going out of sheer rage, I was shaking in anger and frustration at myself when I finally got there, I must have looked like a maniac. 

I've also failed to pick up the girlfriend so many times we've stopped my going to get her most of the time. The last time I picked her up I got caught in traffic at the top of her road and was screaming at myself in such a rage my voice was hoarse for about 4 days. I also have spent most of the week trying and failing to go fill the car up. Including an hour tonight trying to prepare to go where I completely failed and decided I wasn't sitting there all night sobbing and bruising up my arms from slamming the walls in rage and frustration at not being to simply get in the **** car and go fill it up at a petrol station a 2 minute drive away. And now I'm sat here being contemplative about what all this means. And I'm just thinking about my life is so empty and so pointless, how all of this is absurd, and how my little corner of this nasty little world is **** empty but for frustration. How every evening is a waste and every day is pointless at a deeply frustrating and maddeningly hopeless job to hide party stone books to sustain this nightmare. And how even writing this is pathetic impotent whinging for which any response is pointless and any threat is empty, even though a significant part of me is saying the sensible choice is bleeding out, and shouldn't be written because it's pathetic and you should just get over it. But equally I've got no way to vent and bottling it quenches nothing. I hate it all.

 @Chindie@Chindie@Chindie@Chindie  oh the **** irony! I'm trying to reply, but my phone and keyboard are going nuts as soon as I @ you. 

Anyway, it sounds **** shit, and you deserve better. I haven't been exactly where you are, but **** close. Unable to even start doing stuff. I eventually lost my job, not because I was ill, but because I didn't send in my sick notes. Which were on the table. I lost thousands because I couldn't put a piece of paper in an envelope. 

I'm about to go to bed, so I'm not going to type long, but for me all the depression, all the lost years, lost relationships and lost opportunities came down to one cause. ADHD. And it took **** ages to find that out. 

I hope for you it's something as simple, but being **** around by people who are supposed to give a shit, but don't, makes it so much harder to get the support you need and deserve. It still gives me rage like nothing else. 

If you want to pm, please do. 

[lapal_fan]

2 hours ago, Chindie said:

I may as well follow up on recent events.

I got my referral. They recommended I self refer to another service, which I have done, but might take 3 months to contact me. I also had a pharmacist call and discuss putting me on something else (currently not on anything for being mental). Nothing has happened since that call a week ago.

How have things been since then? Dire. I needed to go to the pharmacy, which I can see from my house, and walk to in a minute, and I couldn't. I was sobbing on the bathroom and thumping the wall in frustration at just but being able to feel ok to go there. I eventually did it but it took well over an hour and 3 attempts, and when I finally did it I was literally going out of sheer rage, I was shaking in anger and frustration at myself when I finally got there, I must have looked like a maniac. 

I've also failed to pick up the girlfriend so many times we've stopped my going to get her most of the time. The last time I picked her up I got caught in traffic at the top of her road and was screaming at myself in such a rage my voice was hoarse for about 4 days. I also have spent most of the week trying and failing to go fill the car up. Including an hour tonight trying to prepare to go where I completely failed and decided I wasn't sitting there all night sobbing and bruising up my arms from slamming the walls in rage and frustration at not being to simply get in the **** car and go fill it up at a petrol station a 2 minute drive away. And now I'm sat here being contemplative about what all this means. And I'm just thinking about my life is so empty and so pointless, how all of this is absurd, and how my little corner of this nasty little world is **** empty but for frustration. How every evening is a waste and every day is pointless at a deeply frustrating and maddeningly hopeless job to hide party stone books to sustain this nightmare. And how even writing this is pathetic impotent whinging for which any response is pointless and any threat is empty, even though a significant part of me is saying the sensible choice is bleeding out, and shouldn't be written because it's pathetic and you should just get over it. But equally I've got no way to vent and bottling it quenches nothing. I hate it all.

You need to seek help, immediately.  Don't accept a referral, demand something be done.

If you're going "oh.. ok then" the person on the line is probably prioritising someone else they're on the phone to sounding much more desperate.

It's going to be the same as A&E, who you going to rush through the door?  The guy moaning about his hand he hurt playing football, or someone with chest pain?  It's not the right system, but it's the one we have, I suggest you play the game.

I don't understand what you're going through, because I find the world a beautiful and fulfilling place, full of wonder and interesting things (minus @sidcow).  We're all one in a trillion, we're all incredibly lucky to be here, but life is to a point what you make of it.  

Surround yourself with positivity if possible.  Cut out the shit, leave the "downers" and make sensible decisions on the things you CAN control.

I'm assuming you have Agoraphobia, I'm sure that's shit and I'm sorry you're experiencing it.  You spoken to anyone about it?  Gone online to find help?  Joined a community who might understand what you're going through and maybe suggesting things to make it slightly less shit, so you can walk a minute up the road?

Do things you find happiness in.  You seem to have hobbies.  I know there's a massive toy fare (fair?) Coming up at the NEC, you going?  If not?  Why not?  It'd be right up your street.  Sounds like you could pick up a paint brush or pencil and do some art too.  I'm sure your inner mind would bring to life some really interesting things.

This is total guess work, and as you mentioned in your irony filled post, you probably won't even register this, but you're a bright, intelligent person who can't leave his own house without losing your shit.  It's kind of.. not surprising you're depressed.  I work from home and unless I go out, I often feel shit.

So start at the start and rather than trying to "get better", try to do the little things you can do which help.

Anecdotally, I play a lot of ps5 and play battlefield and have done for 15 years.  A guy I've played with since bf3 came out (in 2010?) hadn't been online much at all lately.  He came on the other day, I had a chat with him and he told me he nearly took his own life after some small skin issues became a real point of depression.  I just sat on the other side of a headset and listened to someone telling me some deeply private stuff..  the skin stuff was just the tipping point to lots of other stuff, but I was glad to hear he was in a much better place mentally.  He's not out of the clear, but he's made the effort to approach his issues with professionals and fair play to him.

Good luck to you.

 

[sidcow]

8 hours ago, lapal_fan said:

You need to seek help, immediately.  Don't accept a referral, demand something be done.

If you're going "oh.. ok then" the person on the line is probably prioritising someone else they're on the phone to sounding much more desperate.

It's going to be the same as A&E, who you going to rush through the door?  The guy moaning about his hand he hurt playing football, or someone with chest pain?  It's not the right system, but it's the one we have, I suggest you play the game.

I don't understand what you're going through, because I find the world a beautiful and fulfilling place, full of wonder and interesting things (minus @sidcow).  We're all one in a trillion, we're all incredibly lucky to be here, but life is to a point what you make of it.  

Surround yourself with positivity if possible.  Cut out the shit, leave the "downers" and make sensible decisions on the things you CAN control.

I'm assuming you have Agoraphobia, I'm sure that's shit and I'm sorry you're experiencing it.  You spoken to anyone about it?  Gone online to find help?  Joined a community who might understand what you're going through and maybe suggesting things to make it slightly less shit, so you can walk a minute up the road?

Do things you find happiness in.  You seem to have hobbies.  I know there's a massive toy fare (fair?) Coming up at the NEC, you going?  If not?  Why not?  It'd be right up your street.  Sounds like you could pick up a paint brush or pencil and do some art too.  I'm sure your inner mind would bring to life some really interesting things.

This is total guess work, and as you mentioned in your irony filled post, you probably won't even register this, but you're a bright, intelligent person who can't leave his own house without losing your shit.  It's kind of.. not surprising you're depressed.  I work from home and unless I go out, I often feel shit.

So start at the start and rather than trying to "get better", try to do the little things you can do which help.

Anecdotally, I play a lot of ps5 and play battlefield and have done for 15 years.  A guy I've played with since bf3 came out (in 2010?) hadn't been online much at all lately.  He came on the other day, I had a chat with him and he told me he nearly took his own life after some small skin issues became a real point of depression.  I just sat on the other side of a headset and listened to someone telling me some deeply private stuff..  the skin stuff was just the tipping point to lots of other stuff, but I was glad to hear he was in a much better place mentally.  He's not out of the clear, but he's made the effort to approach his issues with professionals and fair play to him.

Good luck to you.

 

I agree with your post wholeheartedly and I'm just glad I can play my part and keep you a little grounded. 

Seriously @Chindieyou do need to push people and make it crystal clear to them how you're feeling. The NHS unfortunately gives nothing at the moment till you absolutely demand it. It's not right but with budgets at the moment that's the way it is.

Best wishes that you get this sorted. 

[DCJonah]

@Chindie what @lapal_fanhas written above is absolutely correct. You need to force the issue. 

My wife works in mental health and the system is ****. Like everything linked with the NHS its broken. These services are having to refer people to other services and GPs because they have to prioritise those who are severely mentally ill. Its shit but that's the situation. 

By the sounds of your post you feel like things are worthless so this is where you need to fight for yourself and demand that help. Go to A&E or phone an ambulance and demand it. Tell them how you are feeling. 

I had a close friend take his life last year. He didn't get the help he needed and he got worse and worse. I've seen the devastation to his family and friends. I wish things could have been different. 

Please seek the help you need. Things feel bad because you're unwell. If it was a physical injury making you feel this way you'd go and get the help you need. Don't push it to one side and accept these delays just because it's mental health. 

I sincerely hope you get the help you need. 

Edited February 17 by DCJonah