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Chindie

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Chindie last won the day on March 23

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About Chindie

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  1. I've had bloods done, nothing came back other than I was low in B12 and my cholesterol was high. I gave about 12 vials of blood back in January that they seem to have lost somehow, although that was prompted by the blood clots. The last time I saw the doctor they recommended I try to get in to see Birmingham Healthy Minds Psychiatrists, as I had exhausted the avenues the GP could take.
  2. As said, it's been touch and go more than a few times. I've had to sprint for a loo more times than I'd care to mention, and been lucky I did. It is a palpable feeling. The anxiety comes from it, and exacerbates it.
  3. Written constitutions bring their own issues, as the US will attest.
  4. Mindhunter is excellent. It's about different things to the usual crime drama - it's about the development of 'smarter' policing, using psychology and methodology to catch some of the worst of the criminal world, who were very good at hiding, and it's about the way that can be used. I actually felt that the second series was a bit of a stumble in some respects, the stuff with Tench's kid was as subtle as a brick and stood out like a sore thumb against the real stuff they were pulling from, and the personal life of the doctor was just kinda pointless. We understand that she's cold and looks at emotions the way an alien would - witnessing them and analysing them, but not really understanding them, a whole side plot about her **** up a relationship and deciding to walk away isn't needed. It does help with the series if you're interested in the people they interview, I guess. Theres an exploitation esque thrill to the portrayals of these deeply broken people.
  5. We're in difficult constitutional territory, and unfortunately 'why not?' is a perfectly arguable point. Effectively this case will decide whether the government can decide to suspend parliament if it wishes to avoid difficult problems parliament might want to raise, something that hasn't really needed to be tested before. We unfortunately have a government that is prepared to flout the kind of 'gentlemans rules' that parliament has built itself around, so the question is being raised. And if the question is why 5 weeks, the constitution doesn't seem to offer a reason not... But it might do after this case.
  6. Did CBT. Didn't help. I 'got' it, I could see what it was trying to do, but it didn't get in, so to speak. It was basically immersion therapy with associated techniques to handle anxiety, mindfulness, breathing exercises, etc. The doctors have basically said I have IBS, deal with it. When I mentioned that this was severely affecting my mental wellbeing (in a suicidal ideation kinda way) they switched to trying to deal with that, while I was saying if I get the stomach sorted, or whatever is causing that, the rest will go away.
  7. The checkpoint system was basically just a way of getting through the journey. All the while I'll be on edge and my stomach will be a mess - just usually not as bad as it can be. I have had close calls, which I remember all too vividly, but thankfully nothing more. I have contingency through the roof. I carry around various supplies, from stuff like immodium to just having tissue on me, and the car usually had something to change into if I needed it. Funnily enough the CBT aimed to get rid of this. At home I'm better but still have moments - I've been woken with a burning stabbing pain being dragged through my guts and that has lead to needing the loo urgently and painfully. As said, I avoid certain foods, particularly if I'm due to be travelling at all, and have a fairly limited diet. I know that certain things appear to make it worse, and I try to avoid them.
  8. I've had various tests for bowel issues and all come back as normal. I can therefore only assume I'm nuts. I can't talk myself 'out' of being ill. At times I've been able to force myself through it. Pretty much every trip I was doing this - even when I was getting to work every day (albeit stupidly early) I was pretty much working on a checkpoint system - get to here, get to there - to get to work, with the ridiculous thoughts of 'if you stomach plays up here, theres that, or this'. Down to alleyways, slightly hidden nooks, etc, honestly. Never needed them, but it went thought my mind on every trip. And then there would be the bad days where I was, as said, berating myself viciously to get to work. I'm 30. I lost my parents when I was 26. My nan died when I was still in school, when my dad was first ill. This has all been going on for 20 years at this point. My siblings are fine. They don't really offer help in any way. They have their own lives, and I don't ask (nor would I know what they'd be able to do to help tbh). My girlfriend just plugs away. We don't live together yet, the plan is once I get back on my feet she would move in at last, but thats a way off it seems. She helps as she can but again it's hard to say what she can do. She's paid for things more more recently when we are doing things (it's a ritual that we have a weekend takeaway and recently she's paid for that). It certainly affects her, although she doesn't really show it. It would have to - we don't really do much. Nothing has helped, really. I'm on medication, I've done limited diets, I've done mindfulness, I've done hypnotherapy... they all don't make much of a dent.
  9. Leaving the house in general. I've got out with my girlfriend rarely recently, the last time being a cinema trip nearly 2 months ago. But whatever it is causes issues. Even the shortest trip - my doctors is over the road from me (literally - I could chuck a stone at it and nearly hit it), I got my car MOT'd at a place a 2 minute walk away in the summer... I thankfully managed to get a haircut last week, at a place a 5 minute walk away. I drove. I know exactly when it started. When I was younger it was a weekly ritual that I would go out with my nan on the bus on a Saturday. She'd do some bits of shopping and I'd maybe spend whatever money I had and we'd get something to eat. One week, everything was as usual, we tried a new place to eat before coming home, and I started to feel really dodgy. I rushed to a public loo, was in there for a while, then we got on the bus and I was a state, eventually getting off by a pub about a third of the way home, where I ended up being sat in the loo for ages with a severely upset stomach. I eventually managed to get out from the toilets and we got back on a bus and got home. And after that, I was like this, to one degree or another. In the same period my dad was diagnosed with cancer and was in hospital, the dog died and then my nan died. I struggled badly with getting to school. I eventually got back to being able to cope and did well, but it was always in the back of my head and to one degree or another it was always affecting me. It never prevented me doing something I really wanted to do but at it's worst, what I wanted to do became very limited. Regardless, I went to university, did well there, got into work, and eventually was in a role where I was travelling to see clients around the country, travelling to and around London on work engagements, etc etc. Then about 2 years ago it started to get worse. I was getting up earlier and earlier - I started work at 9 but I was getting up at 5 to get ready to go, going back and forth to the loo and leaving the house at 7 to avoid traffic, and finishing work at 5 and going to the office loos for over an hour to prepare for the journey home. And even those journeys were fraught - I got to work once screaming at myself for the entire journey that if I didn't get to work I was going to slash my wrists when I got home. Another time I failed to get to work, aborting the journey at the point of no return and rushing back home as my stomach was playing up, and got in the house and just screamed in rage and frustration. I feel like that a lot. But I was still doing the job, I was just ill more than I'd like. This getting worse seemed to coincide with a couple of things. In quick succession I had a couple of journeys that were bad. Traffic was awful and I was caught in it with no choice but to sit there while my stomach was going mad twice in the space of maybe a month. At the same time I was going through sorting out a mortgage on the family home to sort out the inheritance with my siblings. And work was getting grim in little niggling ways - I had a couple of cases which I just couldn't resolve and they became a festering sore nagging away at me that I didn't seem able to get off my plate. This carried on for a few months, until at Christmas 2017 I was needed to cover the office one day. I was told not to worry too much about getting in early, just come in late morning, hang around until mid afternoon and go. I got up at 5, and did the usual routine. I left the house, drove to work, got about 5 minutes away, and had to turn home. Half an hour later I left again, and had the same thing happen. An hour after that, I got a little further, but had to turn around again. That time I turned around again at part of the way home, and then turned around again to go home. An hour later... and so on. I eventually made it to the office at about 12pm, with that last trip having seen me turn back on myself at various points about 5 times, and with me literally talking to myself through the journey that I had to get to work. And after that the wheels fell off. I worked from home for 3 months or so, ended up in hospital with blood clots in my lungs, got signed off, and never went back to work, despite my saying I wanted to at least work from home. Then understandably I left the job. And now I'm here, totting up stuff I can flog to make sure I can pay the bills this month, and theres not that much left. It manifests as, variously, an unsettled stomach, pain, and an urgent need for the loo. The latter being the worst. I can feel fine, and then suddenly be in urgent need of a loo - I once left the office to go buy some nurofen, a walk of 2 minutes. Just after leaving the office my stomach started playing up, I was determined to power through it, I got to the shop, and in the shop was so unwell I damn near sprinted out of there back to the office. That in turn causes anxiety, which makes it worse, probably. Some things seem to make it worse - certain foods I will avoid if I know I'll be travelling in the next day or so. Sometimes things can seem to literally go through me - I've bought a sandwich before now where I was clamped to the loo within a couple hours of eating it (I don't have coeliac disease. That would actually be a good thing at this point). Nothing seems to make it much better, I literally seem to just flip a coin and see how bad I'm going to be today. I'd feel better if I could just get back to living what approaches a normal life.
  10. I'll take a point against this West Ham side. We should have got more, we spurned a few good chances. But, equally, we made those chances, where at the start of the season, we wouldn't have. Defensively, we looked pretty solid. And we are still a work in progress, we'll keep getting better as things settle and players click and gel. We are still unfinished, unfortunately, however. We miss forward options - wingers and strikers. But, overall, theres plenty of positives to take from the game, it only leaves a sour taste because we had the chances to make more of it. Heaton - had very little to do Guilbert - quick becoming a favourite. You have to love a fullback that can lose the ball in midfield, chase back and win it back by his own box. Engels - excellent. Calm, assured, stifled West Ham. Mings - As with Engels, though with more Blood and Thunder style. Great again. Taylor - Taylored. Not as good defensively as he has been this season so far, had a few cock ups. Also provided a collectors item Good Cross late on. Nakamba - Good debut. He has energy, spark, drive, good feet, some aggression, a bit of skill. He misplaced a few passes, but all in all a good debut. McGinn - Ran and ran, had a few shots, one of which just whistled wide, put himself about. Standard McGinn performance. Won't be in his highlight reel but not a bad one either. Grealish - Involved in pretty much everything again, but is falling into the trap of trying too hard and making dumb errors when the easy thing is the right move. He's still making the moves, but he's cocking them up. Equally, put in some cracking passes and really, really should have scored. Jota - Not a game to remember. Not bad per se, but his lack of pace and strength cost him too often. Wesley - Possibly his worst game so far. Missed a couple of good chances, went down too easily at stupid times too often, didn't get involved like he has done before now... He has ability, but we aren't making the most of him and he needs to get better. El Ghazi - a bit of a stinker. Lax defensively leading to a completely stupid coming together with Mings, which has to stop now, poor touches all over the shop. Equally, had a few chances, bravely went in against Fabianski... not quite there yet somehow. Elmohamady - Came on, got fouled leading to the red, and didn't really do much else to catch the eye. Luiz - Put in a brilliant deep cross that Grealish just failed to convert, and didn't have much else in the little time on the pitch he had. Davis - Came on, put himself about for 5 minutes, and that was it.
  11. I don't think we've had a manager that makes subs like the forum wants.
  12. Could go either way. I don't think he's a natural finisher, and we don't seem to create chances for him. But he has skill holding up and his physical presence might get him a chance or 2. He's not going to be prolific by any means. I think he might grow into the season with the team, we're still not that gelled.
  13. We're relying on the midfield and wingers chipping in a fair few. If Wesley gets double figures he's had a good season.
  14. It was obvious we were after another winger and sastriker, and we'll suffer for not having got them.

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