What is your experience of mental health?

[Mandy Lifeboats]

Living with a mental illness is hard. Living with someone with a mental illness is even harder.  Maintaining a friendship with someone who has a mental illness is challenging.  

Look after yourself first.  If it's causing you issues then do something about it.

Talk to your friend.  Explain how he makes you feel.  Suggest some boundaries or structure to discussing his mental health.  Something very simpe like you want 75% of your conversations to be about topics not connected to his mental health.  

We've got mental illnesses. That sometimes means we don’t appreciate the full picture and make bad decisions.  Help him by explaining the full picture and make good decisions.  

[Mandy Lifeboats]

19 hours ago, Xela said:

The things I used to enjoy and look forward to, I'm not bothered with anymore......

Such as?  

I have been through this.  As you get older you do tend to leave things behind.  It sometimes needs a concerted effort to add new things to replace them.

[mottaloo]

On 22/03/2023 at 20:57, Xela said:

I just feel numb most of the time now. The things I used to enjoy and look forward to, I'm not bothered with anymore. I just tread water through life. 

I'm not unhappy with anything, I'm not that happy with anything. If my life was a biscuit, it would be a rich tea or a plain digestive. Safe and sensible.

Need to sort myself out! 

Sorry to hear that Alex. What do you reckon could help ? Change of job/employer or an internal move ? A bit of female company....bit of online flirting ? Do you think the change of seasons might help ? Plan a jolly abroad where they serve foaming flagons of ale (Belgium ?).

Hope you can get your head around it. PM me if you want. 

[VILLAMARV]

I said I'd tell the other bit of the story when I had the chance so I'll do the bit about reaching out for help. (as per my previous post)

Quote

So The point at which I'd moved out, was staying with family and trying to patch things up with the better half was the point in my previous post that I said i'd write a seperate one. But actually if we go back before the pandemic I had sat down with my GP and spoken with him about a few different things trying to explain all the situational issues that were piling up on me. It was around the time there were adverts all over the place encouraging men to speak to medical professionals. He was really good at listening and I can remember being quite happy i'd reached out to him. I explained my issues and then I discussed my reticence to reach out. Among the many things we talked about was my relationship to social media and me getting rid of any mobile phone. How they are built to be addictive. How weird I find it sat in a group round a table and everyone is half listening a lot of the time, how the noise goes off and people jump to it, how people get upset if communication isn't instantaneous. Parents ignoring their kids because candy crush, people shoving them in my face to watch the latest blurry video with inaudible soundtrack thats too loud regardless of what is happening in the real world. the toxicity of twitter/facebook etc. I told him how hard it was watching people I knew reaching out to the NHS for help to ultimately end up disappointed or abandoned by the realities of the available patient care pathways and that I didn't want or feel the need for medication. I've seen psychosis up close. I didn't feel there was a chemical imbalance going on with me. I knew I was coherent in thought. I'd be happy to engage with counselling, but not sure what I'd get out of it. And I'd hate to waste anyone's time. I'd be more than interested in a diagnosis, but unless I commit a crime of violence against anyone I was unlikely to be dysfunctional enough to get near one. The GP understood and admitted there are limitations to what is available. We laughed a bit about how the two things I said weren't really going to help me were the two things he could offer. But we left it at if I felt I needed or wanted help in the future to reach out and ask.

By the time we were in lockdown my family and partner both suggested I was dismissing the counselling without trying it and that it was a fairly undefendable position. There was a split decision on the pills. My partner understood my reasoning and agreed about things being situational/behavioural rather than chemical and my GP seemed happy with this too. friends and family seemed concerned and surprised me a little at how much they were literally annoyed with me for not wanting medication - despite me pointing out the doctor understood and we'd spoken about them at length. But I relented on the counselling and a quick phone call to the doctor later I was put on the list for counselling and could expect 10 weeks of 1 hr sessions a week, over the phone because lockdown. It's worth me saying the Dr and me did chat about MIND. In a small community like this I wasn't overly comfortable purely because i know a few of the MIND staff round here socially. And they are lovely. But this is supposed to be confidential medical information right?

After a few months waiting, in the first session I had the lady explained she'd need to start by reading out legal disclaimer stuff and that that initial process would take up about 20mins. Half way through this there was a beep boop type noise in the background but she got through it. She checked if I had understood. I said yes. She said she wanted to read out the medical notes she had from my GP to just check what we were dealing with and were on the same page etc. The bullet poimts were all present and correct and to my liking - except - one of the things she read out was "dislikes technology" there was no other mention of the above. So I clarified with her that that was all it said on the matter and I felt a little cheated tbh. It isn't easy for me to ask for help at all. I don't feel comfortable opening up on the record. To find out what I said could be boiled down to 2 words that i feel misrepresent what I said was crushing and I lost a lot of faith in the process right there. She asked if I had any more questions for her before we began.

"Can I just ask what that beep boop noise was in the background when you were reading that out?"

"yes no problem, that was my Amazon Alexa"

"Well can I ask you to turn it off or better still unplug it and put it in a different room perhaps?, I think you might have put yourself in a bit of an ethical quandry here."

"I will, but can I ask why?"

And so I got into how I didnt want to come across as a tin foil hat man on our first ever meeting but I didn't think it was an appropriate thing at all to have listening/recording devises run by 3rd party private companies running in the background of talking about my medical history within an NHS setting - even if she was working from home. She wanted to know why they would be listening and so I explained it wasn't about wanting to listen to me personally but that the main players had been fined in the past for recording stuff they said they wouldn't and their defense in court was around training the AI, especially to learn different accents. That there had been data breaches. And that she didn't know this made me think she hadn't opted out of whatever she needed to by the small print etc etc

So a frosty start. LOL. Of all the people she could have been handed! To her credit at the start of session 2 she said before we started that she'd looked into what I'd said about alexa the week before and that it was all true and on the record. So she was at least on the level. And her willingness to admit fault gave me a bit of hope back that I wasn't wasting everyone's time.

Wk 3 she said to me "Oh, do you even need me?" When I named a few concepts or theories she was attempting to drip feed into conversation. Have I ever considered X or Y or Z? Oh you're talking about abandonment issues or Oh I read a book on that concept of the inner child. Nothing in depth really entry level things that I genuinely was hoping she might extrapolate upon. but she seemed genuinely miffed as if id stolen her thunder.

Wk 4 was when my friend had committed suicide and she wanted to speak about that. I was happy to mention how it affected me but if im honest I felt more comfortable talking about my friend with my other friends. As I've said before I know I'm lucky to have these outlets available to me. But she hadn't earned my faith/trust if that makes sense to anyone.

Wk5 onwards I became more and more disillusioned with the whole thing because the reasons I had reticense at the start were starting to materialise in the ways others had described the process. Ultimately it wasn't really useful TO ME.

I got through to week 8 and we left it there. Ultimately I felt that her time could be better spent dealing with people on her waiting list. Perhaps they might get something out of it.

If you remember my body building mate from the earlier story he had a similar experience with talking therapy as it is apparently known. But more than a disclaimer, and in an effort to ward off countless replies about being dismissive. But also more importantly because anecdotally it's true. I absolutely know people who were down before, during and after lockdown who have accessed the NHS 10 week therapy sessions and found them useful, helpful, informative, sympathetic and all the good qualities about the process. People in my anecdotal experience on their own. People without the ability to talk openly with the people around them for a myriad of different reasons. I'm not bashing the NHS. I'm trying to be open and honest about my experience. 

I'm intersted in understanding myself. Understanding my behavioural traits. Trying to figure out where they came from. I'm interested in the nature/nuture aspect. I'm interested in changing myself for what I consider to be the better, if that's possible. Nobody has put a label on anything from the last few messages. Was I depressed those years I was hiding away? Is what I feel at certain times panic or a panic attack? Do I have clinical issues or do I fall into the category of various personality disorders? Am I making it all up and inventing things like hollywood actors? Am I worthy? Is it ok for me to ask for help from those more learned than me? I find socially a fair bit of gatekeeping of trauma goes on. How does my trauma rank alongside others's trauma. How does that fit with the triaging process in the NHS.

I don't feel I'm any closer to knowing anything about any of that. And it's very much not that i want a diagnosis to use as an excuse for errant behaviour. I see this in people around me and I often think they're missing the point. Surely the point is you are aware of how you would normally react to things and actively do things to try and negate that. Or put simply learn to control yourself at triggering moments.

I don't think about harming myself on a daily basis. I do not present as potentially physically dangerous to other people. Therefore I am functional enough to deal with it on my own. That's my takeaway from it all.

I have spoken to a few other people locally recently and ran into 2 people with different stories about inappropriate things said during their councelling and I have asked if they remembered the name of the councellor. They both spoke to the same lady as me. Perhaps that means something. Perhaps not.

Anyway. Again. That's my experience. Ask anything if you want or not. It's all good.

[mjmooney]

13 minutes ago, VILLAMARV said:

I said I'd tell the other bit of the story when I had the chance so I'll do the bit about reaching out for help. (as per my previous post)

Anyway. Again. That's my experience. Ask anything if you want or not. It's all good.

Just because you haven't had much response to these posts, Marv, don't think nobody's interested. I've read every word, with great interest. It's quite a lot to take in before commenting. 

[VILLAMARV]

Just now, mjmooney said:

Just because you haven't had much response to these posts, Marv, don't think nobody's interested. I've read every word, with great interest. It's quite a lot to take in before commenting. 

Oh right I thought the response was alright. Inflation huh

But seriously, cheers mooney. I'm not chasing the dopamine hits of the like buttons.

And I thought long and hard about bothering to say anything. Or logging back in at all. But yeah. Interacting with the thread title on a literal basis.

I used to avoid this thread at times coz I wasn't up to reading it. Especially long introspective posts.

It's all good. It's nice to be back.

 

[Follyfoot]

On 22/03/2023 at 20:57, Xela said:

I just feel numb most of the time now. The things I used to enjoy and look forward to, I'm not bothered with anymore. I just tread water through life. 

I'm not unhappy with anything, I'm not that happy with anything. If my life was a biscuit, it would be a rich tea or a plain digestive. Safe and sensible.

Need to sort myself out! 

Tate two days of blood is out later this year  mate. If that doesn’t cheer you up, nothing will

[Xela]

On 23/03/2023 at 16:31, Mandy Lifeboats said:

Such as?  

I have been through this.  As you get older you do tend to leave things behind.  It sometimes needs a concerted effort to add new things to replace them.

I used to love going to new countries. Can't be bothered now. Same as going to non league football games. Sad thing is, If I made the effort I know I would enjoy it! 

[Xela]

On 24/03/2023 at 10:22, mottaloo said:

Sorry to hear that Alex. What do you reckon could help ? Change of job/employer or an internal move ? A bit of female company....bit of online flirting ? Do you think the change of seasons might help ? Plan a jolly abroad where they serve foaming flagons of ale (Belgium ?).

Hope you can get your head around it. PM me if you want. 

I'm not sure to be honest mate. I do like my job, although it can be very stressful at times. Everything just feels a a bit 'meh' now. Like every joy is blunted. I got paid my bonus last week, it was a decent amount. I've not even checked my bank to see how much I picked up after tax. Thats unlike me. Its not that I'm depressed, its just a sense of apathy. Maybe its a post covid thing. A few people from work feel the same as well, to different degrees. 

As for female company, perhaps, I do need to make more of an effort in that regard. At the moment though, I can't be bothered with it all. One plus this weekend was that I had an impromptu pub crawl with a couple of mates yesterday. That was good fun and a few flagons of foaming ale were quaffed as we compared tasting notes

 

 

[mottaloo]

8 hours ago, Xela said:

I'm not sure to be honest mate. I do like my job, although it can be very stressful at times. Everything just feels a a bit 'meh' now. Like every joy is blunted. I got paid my bonus last week, it was a decent amount. I've not even checked my bank to see how much I picked up after tax. Thats unlike me. Its not that I'm depressed, its just a sense of apathy. Maybe its a post covid thing. A few people from work feel the same as well, to different degrees. 

As for female company, perhaps, I do need to make more of an effort in that regard. At the moment though, I can't be bothered with it all. One plus this weekend was that I had an impromptu pub crawl with a couple of mates yesterday. That was good fun and a few flagons of foaming ale were quaffed as we compared tasting notes

 

 

Sounds like you're in "auto cruise" mode and I reckon you probably need a distraction or something new to take some of your attention, hence me suggesting the dating part at least. 

Take it from me; I was in "meh" mood for longer than I care to remember and before I knew it five years had passed and I'd been living like a hermit. I had my fingers burned from a bad marriage but eventually I needed to put myself out there so I did and it was a buzz. Despite you being in sales, you sound like a decent bloke (!) and would have plenty to offer a girl....but that's your choice.

Change of job ? Could be you're too comfortable and not challenging yourself ? Stay in the same field or retrain in another ?

Be it different job, new girl or something else, sure its a risk but as I tell myself "there's only one way to find out".

Hope you can snap yourself out of this odd feeling mate. 

 

[mottaloo]

On 04/12/2020 at 10:48, Designer1 said:

Has anyone heard from @kurtsimonw recently?

For no apparent reason Kurt popped into my head this morning. I knew his twitter name was the same as VT one so I searched but nothing recent and looks like he switched it off.

I even thought about tweeting one of his followers in one particular thread about online gaming but couldn't make it sound non-suspicious, like I wasn't trying to hunt him down so I didn't send it in the end.

I don't know the lad in real life, never met him but I really hope he is OK.

[A'Villan]

Consider this..

When two people meet and share an interaction, there are at least six minds present for this encounter. 

Let's have a look..

Two people get together and have a discussion. 

Throughout is each person, as each person sees themselves.

There is each person, as they see the other person.

There is each person, as they see the other person to see them.

We can keep adding to that, though we will leave it at six. There's enough dimensions to illustrate that what may seem apparent to us from one angle may have greater depth.

Perspective is often down to the lens and focus in which we view it from.

Forgive me if this isn't welcome discussion.

[mjmooney]

"O wad some Power the giftie gie us

To see oursels as ithers see us" 

(Robert Burns) 

[mjmooney]

[Demitri_C]

Prob belongs here as its mental health issue but if not feel free to move to a appropriate thread

I cant help but think that this phillip schofield drama thats going on has a 'caroline flack' feel about it.

 i Don't know the ins and outs of this affair but apparently the guy he had a affair with was 20 (which is legal age even if he is alot older but not against the law) why is this such a top story?

I think the media are going to send schofield to suicide if they continue. They way he is talking its like another Caroline flack. The "be kind" lasted long didnt it?

So glad im not famous

[tomav84]

8 minutes ago, Demitri_C said:

Prob belongs here as its mental health issue but if not feel free to move to a appropriate thread

I cant help but think that this phillip schofield drama thats going on has a 'caroline flack' feel about it.

 i Don't know the ins and outs of this affair but apparently the guy he had a affair with was 20 (which is legal age even if he is alot older but not against the law) why is this such a top story?

I think the media are going to send schofield to suicide if they continue. They way he is talking its like another Caroline flack. The "be kind" lasted long didnt it?

So glad im not famous

he literally said in his BBC interview "do you want me to die? because that's where i am right now"

there's been no mention whatsoever of any police investigation...it's a 50something man having an affair with a 20 year old man. at the end of the day if the 20 year old man was female there wouldn't be this level of pile on...GB news and the daily heil jumping all over this to get their homophobic viewers and readers frothing at the mouth (and conveniently distracting them from the fact that government is witholding whatsapp messages from boris that will likely incriminate him further)

his career is over, he's said that much himself. it's punishment enough, leave him alone now. glad to hear his kids have stuck by his side...don't you think they'd have disowned him if there was a more sinister side to this story?

[Davkaus]

38 minutes ago, Demitri_C said:

apparently the guy he had a affair with was 20 (which is legal age even if he is alot older but not against the law) why is this such a top story?

He met the lad when he was only 15, at the kid's drama school, stayed in contact with him, and went on to directly get him a job at ITV on This Morning, so he not only met his partner when they were a child, but was a much older, famous and powerful figure in their career.

It has the perception of a combination of child grooming, as well as the power imbalance and dynamics of the MeToo/Weinstein case, which takes on even more sinister tones when it was claimed in court that his brother confessed to being a nonce and good old Phil did nothing about it.

This stuff has been an open secret for years, with allegations of an injunction, which might explain the media frenzy because they've been wanting to take this guy down for ages.

Edited June 2, 2023 by Davkaus

[Demitri_C]

6 minutes ago, Davkaus said:

He met the lad when he was only 15, at the kid's drama school, stayed in contact with him, and went on to directly get him a job at ITV on This Morning, so he not only met his partner when they were a child, but was a much older, famous and powerful figure in their career.

It has the perception of a combination of child grooming, as well as the power imbalance and dynamics of the MeToo/Weinstein case.

Is there evidence thiugh that he was being groomed?

I didnt realise you cant be friends with someone under the age of 15 then when he is 20 (legal age) develop feelings for that person?

I of course feel IF that he he was groomed (which i haven't seen him say or seen any evidence) then of course thats wrong.

I think and its just my opinion, its being blown out if proportion. You would think the guys jimmy Saville.

21 minutes ago, tomav84 said:

he literally said in his BBC interview "do you want me to die? because that's where i am right now"

there's been no mention whatsoever of any police investigation...it's a 50something man having an affair with a 20 year old man. at the end of the day if the 20 year old man was female there wouldn't be this level of pile on...GB news and the daily heil jumping all over this to get their homophobic viewers and readers frothing at the mouth (and conveniently distracting them from the fact that government is witholding whatsapp messages from boris that will likely incriminate him further)

his career is over, he's said that much himself. it's punishment enough, leave him alone now. glad to hear his kids have stuck by his side...don't you think they'd have disowned him if there was a more sinister side to this story?

I agree. His careers in tatters that alone could drive him to suicide then if that were to happen we will get all the bollocks be kind for around 6 months then move onto the next person to destroy. 

Edited June 2, 2023 by Demitri_C

[Mandy Lifeboats]

33 minutes ago, Demitri_C said:

Prob belongs here as its mental health issue but if not feel free to move to a appropriate thread

I cant help but think that this phillip schofield drama thats going on has a 'caroline flack' feel about it.

 i Don't know the ins and outs of this affair but apparently the guy he had a affair with was 20 (which is legal age even if he is alot older but not against the law) why is this such a top story?

I think the media are going to send schofield to suicide if they continue. They way he is talking its like another Caroline flack. The "be kind" lasted long didnt it?

So glad im not famous

There are a few issues here.  

1. He lied to numerous people about this matter. That included his employers and his own lawyers.  

2. The conduct he describes fits the criminal offence of grooming.  An adult meeting someone under age but not having a relationship until a legal was exactly the same defence used by Rolf.  

3. The press have gone over the top again.  His fame is the reason he is in the press, not the seriousness of the matter. 

4. Schofield could easily do something stupid.  The press will be to blame again but nothing will happen.  

[Mandy Lifeboats]

"What is grooming"

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/grooming/#types