Genie Posted March 29, 2023 Share Posted March 29, 2023 I’m not expert on these things, but I have learned that women do like a little lap dog they can string along. They also seem to often be attracted to someone who treats them like shit. As above, ask her on a first date. If it’s a no make it obvious you’re moving on and cut all the little flirty chit-chats out. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy Lifeboats Posted March 29, 2023 Share Posted March 29, 2023 I see no problem with a 10 year age difference. But for a 22 year old that is a massive difference. She may be interested but a little worried by the age difference. I echo the other posts on here. Ask her out for a serious date. If she declines you treat her as a work colleague from then on. You might even find the lack of attention makes her more interested. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post AVFC_Hitz Posted March 29, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted March 29, 2023 Put her stapler in jelly and throw her shoe over the building. 4 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genie Posted March 29, 2023 Share Posted March 29, 2023 Just now, AVFC_Hitz said: Put her stapler in jelly and throw her shoe over the building. That’s the real quiz. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StefanAVFC Posted March 29, 2023 Share Posted March 29, 2023 Being 31 I couldn't imagine anything worse than dating somebody in their early 20s. What could you possibly have in common? Have fun with her sure, but a relationship? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFC_Hitz Posted March 29, 2023 Share Posted March 29, 2023 31 minutes ago, Genie said: That’s the real quiz. Fray Bentos 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobzy Posted March 29, 2023 Share Posted March 29, 2023 She's already told you she's not into having a relationship with you and thinks dating a work colleague would be a bad idea. As much as you fancy her, that's a pretty clear "look, nothing is going to happen here" message. You're probably reading too much into things as well such as the perfume on a card. Just as an example, If I wrote a card straight after getting ready, chances are it would smell of cologne. You're either going to have to suck it up and continue being friends who possibly have a flirty side (which happens) or you're going to have to explain to her that you're into her and can't carry on 'as normal' if you genuinely can't. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genie Posted March 29, 2023 Share Posted March 29, 2023 Maybe a friends with benefits arrangement is the middle ground here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted March 29, 2023 VT Supporter Share Posted March 29, 2023 11 hours ago, villaajax said: I've spoken to a few female friends and family about this to get their take, from a female perspective, but I've not actually spoken to any men about this so for no good reason I thought I'd open myself up to VT. I didn't mention this to anyone until it kind of blew up, then recounted the timeline of events so I'll do the same here. I really like this professional snowboarder, I mean, this girl at work... She joined at the end of September and maybe a week or two in, somebody mentioned to her that I'm half Dutch, as she is Dutch herself. So she came over and introduced herself and we kind of hit it off. We'd speak a little Dutch, relate about Dutch food and cultural things and just generally chat about whatever. She'd come and stop by at my desk just about every day for a chat and have a stroopwafel, it was great. One day she asks me if I have Instagram, I said I do and she asked if she could follow me, I said of course, so we connected on there and started chatting outside of work too, just as before, maybe a little more personally that office chat but nothing at all, you know, like that... in the office, I noticed more that she'd be a little shy around me, sometimes hiding her smile. When we'd talk she'd sometimes throw in a compliment and when we'd chat outside of work, sometimes she'd be a bit more, I wouldn't say flirty but maybe playful. Now, I am terrible at picking up signs, on more than one occasion when I've been out with friends I've had girls come over and talk to me and when they'd go away again, my friend would say "I think she was flirting with you, mate..." and I'd say "What, with me?!" but at this point I was starting to think "maybe she likes me a little?" but as she's 22 and I'm 32, I thought, I do like her and enjoy her company but this age gap is a little big... So things continued and coming up to the office Christmas party, she was asking me to come along so we could hang out but I'd already decided not to go and it was all booked by then anyway, plus the World Cup was on . So I was at home, wathcing the football and I start to get notifications on my phone then I've received a message from her, then another and another. I look at the short preview and see she's making a few attempts at spelling my name so I know she'd probably had a few at the party and I think to myself "I'm not sure I should get into this conversation right now...". In the end I think I had 6 or more messages but when I went in to read them, they'd been deleted. So that got my mind going. The next day at work she seemed to avoid me and then eventually came over and said a very awkward Hello and rushed off again. That evening I sent her a message just to say I know she had sent me messages but I hadn't seen them and not to feel awkward of embarassed about it, it's absolutely fine. She then explained her got drunk and her friends had to take her phone off her and delete the messages. On her last day in the office before Christmas she left me a card with a lovely message in there, just to say she was plased to have met me and helping her settle in, but she'd also given it a good spray with her perfume. Now at this point everyone I've told this to has said "She really likes you then?!". Well, as I go on to say... apparently not... She deactivates her IG account over Christmas so we don't get to speak but in the new year, she just seems a little different with me, not coming over to speak so often, still friendly but it doesn't feel the same. Previously I had mentioned to her a great Sushi restaurant as we both like Sushi and she was really up for going, so I asked her if she wanted to go for her birthday. She was up for it, arranged a time and day that suited her, got it all booked, she seemed excited for it. Then 2am the morning of, she messages me to say she feels unwell and has to cancel and that was that. No more said. So okay, no worries. I notice that in the office she's still got that shyness around me, still hiding her smile and that. Then one afternoon I jokingly said to her that she was only friends with me for my stroopwafels. She took that bad. I had to apologise to her... So by this point I'm thinking, I really do like this girl, I actually look forward to work as I'll see her and spending any amount of time with her brings me happiness that I've not felt in many years. She seems to like me. That age gap is a little big but forget it. So I messaged her to say I'd been thinking about how things were and about the time she sent me those deleted messages, the card with the perfume, amongst other things, and said that if I was adding these things up right, I want her to know I feel kind of the same way. I got a pretty snappy response around 1am telling me we're colleagues and I'm older and she has no feelings and didn't know what I was getting at. I apologised but she didn't read it until the morning, then deactivated her account. That week at work, I WFH on the Monday, Tuesday I don't see her, Wednesday I see her down her end of the office but I don't think she came up my end all day. Thursday, I had to go down her end, twice. First time she's at the copier and sees me and turns her back on me. Later on I have to go even closer to her, she just looks through me like I'm not there. On the Friday morning, I'm sat there thinking "She hates me, she doesn't want to talk to me anymore, I don't know how to fix this... maybe I give it time?" with that I see she's heading my way and I catch her eye. I'm about to look away but notice that shes giving me a big smile... She comes and sits down next to me and says she wants to apologise for what she said and it was just anxiety and she took it out on me. Then then asked me if what I said was true? I was a bit taken aback at this sudden change and being put on the spot I just kind of grinned and said "Well... you know..." indicating YES! and she gave me such a big smile. I then asked if everything wa good? and continuing to smile she gave me two thumbs up, then said she needed to go back to her work. Got up, gave me another smile and went off. For the rest of the day, whenever she'd pass, she'd give me a big smile. I was confused as hell about where I now stood but I thought "I've not slept at all this week, I'm just going to leave this as it for now". I attempted to speak to her the following Friday and she didn't have time, then went home early. So the following Friday I asked if she had a minute to speak and she did. So for clarity I asked "You asked me if what I said was true... is it true what you said?" "Yes, it's not reciprocal. I don't think office relationships are a good idea" and that was kind of that... feeling a little awkward we both went back about our business. Since then we speak, we're friendly, I had to go to Holland and I brought her some stuff back (some that she'd asked for and some bits I knew she'd like) and other times it's like I don't exist to her. What the hell? She's got a real hold over me and I wish she'd just give me a chance because I know it would be great. Most people I've spoken to say "I think she does like you but... she seems confused" and some say "She sounds like a nightmare, you've dodged that one". What does VT say? I think you've basically done the right thing so far. I was ready to tell you to just tell her how you feel, but you've done that. That's the first step. The ball is in her court now. Sounds like she's either unsure (which probably isn't a good sign) or has something else going on. It's easier said than done but the best thing is to probably distance yourself from her, and if she asks why be honest. you really like her but don't feel like she feels the same so it's hard to spend time with her. That will probably be enough to make her mind up. Either she'll realise she's losing you and it'll make her mind up. Or she'll accept the distance and you'll have your answer. As shit as that last part is, believe me it's better than being stuck in the friend zone 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Wainy316 Posted March 29, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted March 29, 2023 13 minutes ago, Stevo985 said: believe me it's better than being stuck in the friend zone Could always enlist some help though... 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foreveryoung Posted March 29, 2023 Share Posted March 29, 2023 Dating a girl in there 20s when your in your 30s will always end in tears, believe me, I've been there. 5 years on boo hoo, I've lost all the good times partying with the girls being with you for so long". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pas5898 Posted March 29, 2023 Share Posted March 29, 2023 (edited) Just be honest.... Tell her you found yourself liking her and wanting to explore things further no pressure. If not you really appreciate the friendship. I had a similar situation with my (now) wife. We met through friends, flirted a bit, swapped numbers etc.. She liked me apparently, I didn't pick up on the signals or pursue it; mainly because i'm useless. She got impatient, moved on and completely ignored me. A few months later we had a chance meeting, after some Dutch courage I was honest with her, told her I liked her but basically don't know how to act around people I like. Turned out she liked me as well. Now we are happily married with annoying 2 children and a mortgage we can barely afford. Edited March 29, 2023 by pas5898 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomav84 Posted March 29, 2023 VT Supporter Share Posted March 29, 2023 thing is at 32 you're probably looking for something different to what a 22 year old is looking for. 10 years difference is fine if you're 45 and she's 35, because you're probably both looking for something non-short term. the whole turning her back on you, looking past you like you're not there etc she doesn't strike me as a particularly mature 22 year old either. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mottaloo Posted March 29, 2023 Share Posted March 29, 2023 At best she sounds a bit immature which is fine at that age. At worst.....I'd be worried for your pet rabbit's welfare 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Zen Posted March 29, 2023 Share Posted March 29, 2023 32/2 + 7 = 23. Sorry 2 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted March 29, 2023 Share Posted March 29, 2023 4 hours ago, pas5898 said: Dutch courage 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tinker Posted March 29, 2023 VT Supporter Share Posted March 29, 2023 Jesus, sorry to be brutal but you have fucXed about for so long without going in for the kill she's probably just moved on and found some one willing to take a chance and go for it. You may not be the type who wants to take chances and if that's the case then you have probably got off lightly. You have to move on, it's game over, she may come back but chances are she has moved on. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xela Posted March 29, 2023 Share Posted March 29, 2023 Move on. If it was going to happen, it would have happened by now. She doesn't sound particularly mature by her actions towards you and sounds like she just likes the attention and validation. Don't message her out of work either as it could come back to bite you at work (I know from experience!) I know its difficult when you like someone but you are just torturing yourself by thinking "what if?" 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demitri_C Posted March 29, 2023 Share Posted March 29, 2023 1 hour ago, tinker said: Jesus, sorry to be brutal but you have fucXed about for so long without going in for the kill she's probably just moved on and found some one willing to take a chance and go for it. You may not be the type who wants to take chances and if that's the case then you have probably got off lightly. You have to move on, it's game over, she may come back but chances are she has moved on. Sorry to say but yes this is what i think. You been friend zoned. Took too long and now she sees you as a friend. Learn from it and move on.sorry to be harsh but id be suprised if this wasnt thw case as it sounds like friend zone vibes 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Albrighton Posted March 29, 2023 VT Supporter Share Posted March 29, 2023 Yeah, move on. Be polite enough, friendly enough when the situation warrants it. Don’t go out of your way to speak to her unless it’s necessary, if she wants to speak to you, she will. In my experience, women aren’t too fond of keen men, especially when it’s been established you like them. And if she specifically asks you to bring something back from Holland, I think you can - provided it’s reasonable and with minimal fuss. But don’t bring back extra things you think she’d like. Doing so would just be a reminder that “Hey, here you go - I still like you!”. There is a very good chance you will look back at such displays of eagerness and think “what was I doing?”. I know I think that about a few moments from my past and slightly wince with embarrassment. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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