Irreverentad's Relationship Advice Thread

[rjw63]

7 hours ago, robby b said:

For the fiirst time in ten years I've finally fallen in love with someone again but she's from the east of France. Great. Suddenly Brexit is hurting me a lot. Before i could easily have got my UK job in France (warehouse operative) but not anymore. Any ideas/solutions? Please. I'm head over heals for this 'girl' ! (Gorgeous 51 year old, Madonna style somehow looks about ten years younger).

DHUTWU

[VILLAMARV]

@robby b

give up the warehouse job and become a model

Quote

Non-EU/EFTA nationals (including UK residents)

When you are from outside the EU/EFTA, you will likely need a work visa. There are some exceptions to this rule. You don’t need a visawhen you work in or at:

• Modeling and artistic posing
• Sporting, cultural, artistic, and scientific events
• Conferences, seminars, and trade events
• Occasional teaching activities by invited lecturers
• Production and distribution relating to cinematic, audiovisual works, shows, and music recordings
• Providing an individual employer’s services in France (personal services and domestic work)
• Audit and consulting in IT, management, finance, insurance, architecture, and engineering, under the terms of a service agreement or intra-company transfer agreement

https://www.expatica.com/fr/moving/visas/france-work-visas-101098/#non-eu-efta

Edited September 22, 2023 by VILLAMARV
tidying

[Xela]

How well do you know her in order to uproot your life and move to France? 

[Genie]

Could she come to the UK? I’m guessing her English is better than your French.

[robby b]

13 hours ago, Genie said:

Could she come to the UK? I’m guessing her English is better than your French.

No, because she's just about to buy a little house in Jura and make it a gîtes and that will be her income, from her guests. And she has an 18 year old son and a 20 year old daughter, she gets on well with them both and I think she probably wants to continue living in the same country as them.

And no, my French is better than her English, I lived in France for four years and used to be fluent. I left in 2012 so now I'm quite rusty, now I'm nearly fluent rather than actually fluent. Her English is quite good, it's intermediate so it's not far off my level in French.

Edited September 22, 2023 by robby b

[fightoffyour]

9 minutes ago, robby b said:

No, because she's just about to buy a little house in Jura and make it a gîtes and that will be her income, from her guests.

And no, my French is better than her English, I lived in France for four years and used to be fluent. I left in 2012 so now I'm quite rusty, now I'm nearly fluent rather than actually fluent. Her English is quite good, it's intermediate so it's not far off my level in French.

I moved country for love! Could maybe give some guidance, although I am a useless word removed so I wouldn't count on it.

[robby b]

13 hours ago, Xela said:

How well do you know her in order to uproot your life and move to France? 

I know her quite well now but we're still just friends for the moment. We met on the Conversation Exchange website in February and wrote long messages half in English and half in French. Then we started weekly video calls in April: one hour in English and then one in French. 

And then last week she was staying at a friend's house in London and came to visit me in Bridgend for four days and we got on so well. I recently moved back to Wales from a sabbatical year out in South America and am temporarily a lodger in a flat (with the live-in-landlord) so I couldn't offer her accommodation. So she stayed at two airbnbs with a live-in-host and we met up each day until I had to leave for work at 2.30 or 3.30.

I don't know, we just clicked from the first video call and here in bridgend too, we were quite flirty and I feel there's chemistry between us. She's invited me to visit her in France but I don't think I can till January, boooo  I don't think I have holiday entitlement till then as I'm new in ny job... I only started two weeks ago, with Argos.

Edited September 22, 2023 by robby b

[mjmooney]

Whoa there, tiger... you were talking like this was the love of both your lives, but now you say you're only at the flirting stage? 

I wouldn't be making any emigration plans just yet, if I were you. 

[robby b]

2 minutes ago, mjmooney said:

Whoa there, tiger... you were talking like this was the love of both your lives, but now you say you're only at the flirting stage? 

I wouldn't be making any emigration plans just yet, if I were you. 

No, exactly, I totally agree. I haven't made any emigration plans. I'm just in love and sad that she's gone back to France again. (The east of france! Far. Boo. Not even the north).

[fightoffyour]

15 minutes ago, robby b said:

I know her quite well now but we're still just friends for the moment. We met on the Conversation Exchange website in February and wrote long messages half in English and half in French. Then we started weekly video calls in April: one hour in English and then one in French. 

And then last week she was staying at a friend's house in London and came to visit me in Bridgend for four days and we got on so well. I recently moved back to Wales from a sabbatical year out in South America and am temporarily a lodger in a flat (with the live-in-landlord) so I couldn't offer her accommodation. So she stayed at two airbnbs with a live-in-host and we met up each day until I had to leave for work at 2.30 or 3.30.

I don't know, we just clicked from the first video call and here in bridgend too, we were quite flirty and I feel there's chemistry between us. She's invited me to visit her in France but I don't think I can till January, boooo  I don't think I have holiday entitlement till then as I'm new in ny job... I only started two weeks ago, with Argos.

I met my wife here and just met nothing else, talking in a bar with other people around. We met up the next day for some alone time, but just walking around talking for an hour or two. It just clicked, I was done.

We carried on a relationship over messages, video calls, then flying to and fro every few weeks or as often as possible. And then eventually there was anything more, and then thinking about emigration when it turned out not to be viable to live in england. That's my very brief story.

Basically I understand you can be in love already and yeah, give it a go - nothing to lose (unless there is something to lose).

[KentVillan]

I agree with @mjmooneythat making big plans off the back off just flirting with someone is a bit premature.

However, to reassure you @robby bI can speak for myself and few of my mates that long distance / cross cultural relationships can definitely work, and don't worry about that side of things. If it turns out that you get along well and both want something to happen, then throw yourself into it. Just take your time making sure that actually is how you both feel! Good luck!

Edited September 23, 2023 by KentVillan

[Seat68]

8 hours ago, fightoffyour said:

I moved country for love! Could maybe give some guidance, although I am a useless word removed so I wouldn't count on it.

Love of beer, amirite lads??!!

[AVFC_Hitz]

I've moved to different countries twice for 'love'. I married an Armenian Türk after moving to Istanbul in 2010. The life experience was amazing but after a while I realised I'd married the family not just her and it culminated in me divorcing and leaving to Bulgaria where I met a much more stoic, straight forward but still sort of bat s***t crazy Bulgarian. She's amazing and the mother of my two kids, but you have to suck up the cultural differences before being happy. Luckily I've got a group of British friends here who keep everything grounded and keep me supplied with squash and cheddar.

I say do it. Go balls deep and treasure those early morning baguette runs, beer with large head and the gallic shrug.

[fightoffyour]

46 minutes ago, Seat68 said:

Love of beer, amirite lads??!!

That sweet, sweet Tyskie.

[luckyeddie]

9 hours ago, robby b said:

No, because she's just about to buy a little house in Jura and make it a gîtes and that will be her income, from her guests. And she has an 18 year old son and a 20 year old daughter, she gets on well with them both and I think she probably wants to continue living in the same country as them.

And no, my French is better than her English, I lived in France for four years and used to be fluent. I left in 2012 so now I'm quite rusty, now I'm nearly fluent rather than actually fluent. Her English is quite good, it's intermediate so it's not far off my level in French.

I'd say trust your instincts and go for it. The chances of happiness are very rare in this life, and you may regret it for the rest of your life if you don't give it a go. It has the potential to be the best move you every make, or it could come to nothing. I left my whole family 30 years ago for my partner, and do not regret it for one second.

[chrisp65]

Must be a hell of a lady to contemplate leaving Bridgend.

Just say it out loud to her and see if the reaction is love, or stalker danger. Do it now, don’t waste a year being cautious and she starts seeing some other bloke in 6 months time because you were playing it cool.

 

[robby b]

41 minutes ago, chrisp65 said:

Must be a hell of a lady to contemplate leaving Bridgend.

Just say it out loud to her and see if the reaction is love, or stalker danger. Do it now, don’t waste a year being cautious and she starts seeing some other bloke in 6 months time because you were playing it cool.

 

"Must be a hell of a lady to contemplate leaving Bridgend"  Classic. Well let's put it this way, "if she was a president she'd be Baberaham Lincoln".   (Wayne's World)

Thank you for your advice. I think the earliest I can visit her (in France), due to my new job, is the first half of January. I think I'll spend a week with her.

[AvfcRigo82]

12 hours ago, robby b said:

No, because she's just about to buy a little house in Jura and make it a gîtes and that will be her income, from her guests. And she has an 18 year old son and a 20 year old daughter, she gets on well with them both and I think she probably wants to continue living in the same country as them.

And no, my French is better than her English, I lived in France for four years and used to be fluent. I left in 2012 so now I'm quite rusty, now I'm nearly fluent rather than actually fluent. Her English is quite good, it's intermediate so it's not far off my level in French.

Is there absolutely nothing over there work wise that you could do or even start as a means to making an income? if you did decide to upsticks and move there.

[robby b]

9 minutes ago, AvfcRigo82 said:

Is there absolutely nothing over there work wise that you could do or even start as a means to making an income? if you did decide to upsticks and move there.

I hope to spend a week with her in France in January. If we became more than friends then I think I know a way I could get a work visa: going back to TEFL in a language school. I taught English as a foreign language for language schools for six years including three in Paris. I swore I wouldn't teach groups for a language school again but I guess some things are worth making a sacrifice for !

[AVFC_Hitz]

26 minutes ago, robby b said:

I hope to spend a week with her in France in January. If we became more than friends then I think I know a way I could get a work visa: going back to TEFL in a language school. I taught English as a foreign language for language schools for six years including three in Paris. I swore I wouldn't teach groups for a language school again but I guess some things are worth making a sacrifice for !

Private lessons face to face and over zoom are the way to go. Im charging €45 an hour with a minimum ten lesson commitment. If you could get 5/6 people like that you'd laughing. Then, hold English language exchanges in a local bar where you make a deal on the drinks with the owner. You'll be laughing.