BOF Posted March 30, 2017 Moderator Share Posted March 30, 2017 5 minutes ago, dAVe80 said: May have told this story before, but here goes... Flying back on an overnight flight, back into Gatwick, I spent the flight drinking red wine. Get to Gatwick, and get a taxi into Kings Cross, and had a few hours to kill before my train back north. Got a bit of breakfast, then sat in Burger King, nursing a cup of tea, trying not to cry or die. Then out of nowhere, the urge to poop came up on me, like I've got to go right now! Went down the stairs, to the gents to find the only stall occupied. I politely knock on the door, because it's got to happen soon, and ask if the person is nearly done. It turns out to be a young boy, who starts screaming! I get out there ASAP, and decide to make a dash to the McDonalds, just down the road. Get in there, and am now sprinting to get to where I need to be. I find a McDonalds employee in the stall, pissing all over the seat. I'm about to cry if I don't shit soon, so I ask him angrily wtf he's doing?! He grunts at me, and shuffles past me. I get in the stall, pull the toilet roll holder off the wall, and cover the toilet seat in paper. I drop trou, and produce the worst, most vile smelling, red wine poop of my life, and it won't stop coming! After it's stopped, and I've calmed down a bit, I clean myself up and go to flush. I then remember the employee pissing all ovet the seat, so decide not to flush and instead walk out I found the first member of staff I can find, point at the guy who was pissing on the seat, and tell them I'd get him to clean the toilet if I were them. Evil genius. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted March 30, 2017 VT Supporter Share Posted March 30, 2017 The last time I needed bogroll and there wasn't any was in a Wetherspoons (Perth, Scotland). And both the food and the beer were utter shite. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 (edited) Worse tod I ever done was in McDonalds in Dudley after I ate 2 entire baguette garlic breads at home because I was a student and cooking something required effort.. The loo was broken, like in Dumb and Dumber and the poo (it was very poorly formed to be honest) was heaving out of the water. I walked out and I'm pretty sure when I came back that way, bomb squad were deploying into the store. Absolutely horrific and I don't think the town of Dudley has ever quite recovered from that unfortunate event. Edited March 30, 2017 by lapal_fan 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amsterdam_Neil_D Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 2 minutes ago, mjmooney said: The last time I needed bogroll and there wasn't any was in a Wetherspoons (Perth, Scotland). And both the food and the beer were utter shite. It's like it's all connected somehow. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharkyvilla Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 The port in Calais was my worst. They still had holes in the ground over there rather than proper bogs and what was left of the bog roll was soaking wet in a corner. As I was a kid I just pulled up my trousers and went the rest of the coach trip back to Sussex with a shitty arse. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 (edited) 3 hours ago, dAVe80 said: May have told this story before, but here goes... Flying back on an overnight flight, back into Gatwick, I spent the flight drinking red wine. Get to Gatwick, and get a taxi into Kings Cross, and had a few hours to kill before my train back north. Got a bit of breakfast, then sat in Burger King, nursing a cup of tea, trying not to cry or die. Then out of nowhere, the urge to poop came up on me, like I've got to go right now! Went down the stairs, to the gents to find the only stall occupied. I politely knock on the door, because it's got to happen soon, and ask if the person is nearly done. It turns out to be a young boy, who starts screaming! I get out there ASAP, and decide to make a dash to the McDonalds, just down the road. Get in there, and am now sprinting to get to where I need to be. I find a McDonalds employee in the stall, pissing all over the seat. I'm about to cry if I don't shit soon, so I ask him angrily wtf he's doing?! He grunts at me, and shuffles past me. I get in the stall, pull the toilet roll holder off the wall, and cover the toilet seat in paper. I drop trou, and produce the worst, most vile smelling, red wine poop of my life, and it won't stop coming! After it's stopped, and I've calmed down a bit, I clean myself up and go to flush. I then remember the employee pissing all ovet the seat, so decide not to flush and instead walk out I found the first member of staff I can find, point at the guy who was pissing on the seat, and tell them I'd get him to clean the toilet if I were them. Dirty clearing in the woods. Edited March 30, 2017 by Rugeley Villa 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blandy Posted March 30, 2017 Moderator Share Posted March 30, 2017 3 hours ago, dAVe80 said: May have told this story before, but here goes... Flying back on an overnight flight, back into Gatwick, I spent the flight drinking red wine. ..... out of nowhere, the urge to poop came up on me, like I've got to go right now! Rioja does that to me - I must be allergic or something. I've had it twice in my life and both times haven't ended well. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 I never crash out on the sofa but last Friday after 3 bottles of wine I did. The missus came down at 3 to wake me and I was stark bollock naked with babestation on the tv. Luckily the kids were at their nans for the night but if we had the kids I wouldn't of got as bad anyway. Wine does funny things to me and I'm hooked on it, especially with meals. It's a pleasant drink for me though. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villa4europe Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 2 hours ago, lapal_fan said: Worse tod I ever done was in McDonalds in Dudley after I ate 2 entire baguette garlic breads at home because I was a student and cooking something required effort.. The loo was broken, like in Dumb and Dumber and the poo (it was very poorly formed to be honest) was heaving out of the water. I walked out and I'm pretty sure when I came back that way, bomb squad were deploying into the store. Absolutely horrific and I don't think the town of Dudley has ever quite recovered from that unfortunate event. I doubt Dudley noticed mate... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post chrisp65 Posted March 30, 2017 Popular Post Share Posted March 30, 2017 my bog story: When I was a lowly college student and still living at home with the folks, I went out on a student night I'd organised. I got a bit ahead of myself, nervous it would be a success and not lose money. So I set off drinking at a bit of a pace. I didn't stop. Absolutely express drinking to the point where you have a drink in both hands and you know you are smashed and there are drinks in your system that are yet to kick in. Suddenly I knew I really really needed to be sick in a big way. Not a lean on the wall splash your shoes way. If I was sick, the pressure was going to knock me backwards. Being drunk, I decided I'd go home and die in comfort and not embarrass myself in front of the cool kids. By the time I got home I am literally holding my mouth clamped shut. I chuck who knows how much money at the taxi driver, burst through the front door, leap up the stairs and I'm kicking open the toilet door at the same time as I'm beginning my projectile vomit. Art, maths, slo mo magic. Anyway, turns out my mum was sat on the loo. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
il_serpente Posted March 31, 2017 VT Supporter Share Posted March 31, 2017 On 3/28/2017 at 13:20, chrisp65 said: A few years ago the FA tried to give the league a slightly more high brow feel. So they awarded every club a philosopher, graded on the number of trophies won. Turns out Man Utd had won Plato. Arsenal had won Freud. Villa won Socrates. Turned out Birmingham City had won Focault. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darrenm Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 Why do stupid people keep voting for stupid things? Sorry, I've answered my own question. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amsterdam_Neil_D Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 1 hour ago, darrenm said: Why do stupid people keep voting for stupid things? Sorry, I've answered my own question. Do a poll. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharkyvilla Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 2 hours ago, darrenm said: Why do stupid people keep voting for stupid things? Sorry, I've answered my own question. I think they call it 'Momentum' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted March 31, 2017 Moderator Share Posted March 31, 2017 15 hours ago, Rugeley Villa said: The missus came down at 3 to wake me and I was stark bollock naked with babestation on the tv. We've all been there (haven't we? Guys? Guys?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davkaus Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 Nope, Babestation and similar channels are definitely one of the "things you don't get", for me. Even as a very...lonely teenager, I never saw the appeal. There's a million better sources of inspiration on the internet. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted March 31, 2017 VT Supporter Share Posted March 31, 2017 Why would you watch babestation when the internet exists? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyh29 Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 3 hours ago, darrenm said: Why do stupid people keep voting for stupid things? Sorry, I've answered my own question. luckily in some cases it's only 48% and the 52% can carry them Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nigel Posted March 31, 2017 VT Supporter Share Posted March 31, 2017 35 minutes ago, Stevo985 said: Why would you watch babestation when the internet exists? Who actually calls them? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wainy316 Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 Ground Rent. What am I paying for exactly? I own my property but not the floor it's built on? Ludicrous. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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