What is your experience of mental health?

[Chindie]

Descending again.

I dunno.

I'm not happy with my work and have been looking to move on. I've had a bunch of interviews which I felt went well 99% of the time, one opportunity I was 3 interviews in and had an office tour, and they knocked me back. And then another today, guy was practically saying 'we'll have in by Christmas' and then today it's sorry went with someone else. There's evidently something wrong with me.

And then I think about everything else. I'm alone, everyone else has left me in my life, I'm down to occasional visits and texts from family, and my girlfriend, who thanks to Covid I barely see. Friends, social life - gone. Nothing.

Every day I get up, and I trudge through a job I feel uncomfortable in, for a number of reasons - I'm naturally a cautious person and like to be entirely sure of my footing, which in my job is hard, made harder by various initiatives and caveats and specific deals; I don't feel like anyone in the team particularly likes me or rates me, and I don't trust many of them due to another matter, which in turn all combines to me not wanting to particularly engage with them either; and so on - and then the day ends and I sit down and watch TV or maybe (if I can get the motivation) do one of the many projects I have on the go. I'll do that all night. And maybe I'll think about the other things I want to do but can't grasp or get to - the house is still needing work or various levels; I've got a bunch of models I want to work on; I want to get better at 3d modeeling and have big passion projects I want to do as I get better; but then I never do, or get frustrated and demotivated.

I made an error at work today. Easy mistake, confusion over a deal, made worse by confusing guidance, easily rectified. I didn't actually realise the mistake until I got an email from colleague that I couldn't help but read in condescending manner, with a barb at the end. And it made me angry. I discussed it with a senior colleague who insisted I was reading something that wasn't there, and I just backed down on it. I apologised, and got the email sender's response that included reference to me being difficult to speak with. Which I don't understand at all. But it all made me, I have to say, cry, and my head wasn't in the game any longer. Partly I'm thinking I'm clearly an idiot, especially when I'm rejected in job application after job application, and clearly I'm the team dunce. And partly it was knowing someone apparently found me difficult. I can't say that I like this person - they have a tone problem, early on they basically belittled me in my opinion, and they've openly criticised me in ways I feel were deeply inappropriate. But whenever we speak I'm polite and courteous and crack on with whatever needs to be done. I like the think that thats the way I approach everyone - I go out of my way to be helpful, polite. I don't much like it when that isn't reciprocated, but I'm professional. But now I wonder who else thinks that of me. I rarely get asked to do additional work/tasks - even the newer people on the team do that. But not me. And it's not a coincidence.

And after all, I'm alone. No friends. No life. Jobs turned down repeatedly. Career stalling.

I thought I was a nice guy,  who treated people fairly and politely, who was fairly switched on and smart, who was professional and ambitious. Morally, ethically just. Amiable, darkly funny. But nobody can stand me it seems.

[chrisp65]

Well you’re **** wanted and valued on here, so keep on keepin’ on.

I am desperately out of my league on this stuff and reticent to offer much in case I come out with something crass.

But people do like you. Certainly like you a lot more than some of the arseholes over in on topic.

[Mandy Lifeboats]

@Chindie

Its amazing to read that you are feeling like "an idiot" or "a dunce".  I only know you through your posts on this forum but its obvious to me that you are neither.  Your posts are always eloquent and interesting. I love your dark humour.  I simply do not recognise the person you describe in your post.  

We are in the middle of a pandemic.  The world is far from normal.  Winter is coming.  The news is full of doom and gloom.  You will be amazed how many of us are struggling.  

Don't be so hard on yourself.  Don't judge yourself when you are clearly suffering a "down". There are a lot of people on here who enjoy your virtual friendship.  

Post again if it help.  

[El Zen]

@Chindie, mate, I don’t know if it helps at all, but I think you’re both smart, funny, and thoroughly good. In all honesty, without exaggeration, one of my absolute favourite VT contributers, and you have been for what must be over a decade now. If such a thing exists in the forumsphere, I consider you my friend. 

I hope that counts for something. It should, I think. 

Edited November 3, 2021 by El Zen

[Designer1]

1 hour ago, El Zen said:

@Chindie, mate, I don’t know if it helps at all, but I think you’re both smart, funny, and thoroughly good. In all honesty, without exaggeration, one of my absolute favourite VT contributers, and you have been for what must be over a decade now. If such a thing exists in the forumsphere, I consider you my friend. 

I hope that counts for something. It should, I think. 

[HanoiVillan]

2 hours ago, Mandy Lifeboats said:

@Chindie

Its amazing to read that you are feeling like "an idiot" or "a dunce".  I only know you through your posts on this forum but its obvious to me that you are neither.  Your posts are always eloquent and interesting. I love your dark humour.  I simply do not recognise the person you describe in your post. 

Was going to say the same thing. We've not met @Chindie but you ain't no dunce that's for sure.

[bobzy]

I’ve had some similar thoughts pretty recently@Chindie and they stemmed from an initial setback which I then extrapolated into everything else.

For some brief background, I moved to Nottingham about 10 years ago but have never had close friends up here. My friends are still the old school friends who live back home or have moved elsewhere too. Have got some work friends up here and we used to go for drinks etc pretty regularly. Anyway, about 10 months into covid fun times I found myself completely and utterly unmotivated at work. If I’m honest, I didn’t care about outcomes and I started to make silly mistakes. I felt I was simultaneously too good for my role and also wasn’t valued in my role - and let myself play up to that, essentially. Then I thought about people at work who I hadn’t seen or spoken to for ages. They hadn’t got in touch. Maybe there’s something wrong with me? It all started to escalate in my mind. I’m bored in my job, but I’m not good enough for another one and no-one would really give a shit whether I’m there or not. I had a very similar summation as to the end of your post - I thought I was a good person to be around, relatively intelligent, fairly funny, certainly sympathetic… but maybe this is how I’m finding out that I’m none of those things?

A change in circumstance and some more “normal” time actually being in the office has massively helped me out. And I think I’m more aware that everyone has suffered from almost… being “locked in” over the last 18 months or so. People have gotten so bogged down in their own small lives that the normal discourse of interaction and friendship and work relationships have all been worn down dramatically.

I don’t know you well at all, but I think you should consider when you started to feel like this and know that it will change for the better. It just needs that initial shift.  Also know that you’re dwelling on all the negatives and linking things that aren’t actually linked - I was certainly doing that and certainly felt the strain. 

Edited November 3, 2021 by bobzy

[sharkyvilla]

@Chindie Have you asked what other people think about this guy you had the email exchange with?  I'd bet they all think he's a clearing in the woods and much prefer you.  

[Stevo985]

Honestly if I made a list of poster on VT who are the OPPOSITE of an "idiot" or a "dunce", and ARE smart and likeable, @Chindie would be one of the first names on it

[Genie]

57 minutes ago, Stevo985 said:

Honestly if I made a list of poster on VT who are the OPPOSITE of an "idiot" or a "dunce", and ARE smart and likeable, @Chindie would be one of the first names on it

I’d echo this. One of the posters who will draw me into a topic if I see they’ve posted a reply.

Looking for a new job is bloody gruelling, it always appears like other people woke up one morning, decided they wanted a new job and then got one. It’s almost never like that. Everyone has to go through the experience of being rejected multiple times before they find a good fit. It’s absolutely normal.

 

[lapal_fan]

Yea @Chindie, everyone is right.. You're annoyingly intelligent. It winds me up you seem to understand so much, because I don't consider myself a dumbass and yet you're there, with all your smart-assness and I'm like.. "hey.. Stop that, right now, you're making me feel bad about myself, because I dunno who that politician is, so why do you!?"

Why don't you see your girlfriend much?  Is there something still COVID related that's stopping you getting together?  From past posts it seems like a fairly distant relationship?  Yet you seem to have been with this lass for a long time?  Is she waiting for you to propose a "next step", such as moving in together? I dunno.

You've got a lot of interesting interests.  I know you post pics of your robot models and they look pretty cool, is it a difficulty hurdle that's frustrating you?  Practice makes you better.  Don't be afraid of mucking up, from the outside looking in, they're perfect replicas of whatever the source material is, to a layman like me. 

I know you've mentioned weight gain previously, like me, COVID hasn't been kind to my waistline, maybe we should create a mini-competition on who can lose a couple of lbs per week and choose a target - if you say no it's because you'll know I'll win because I'm the best. 

Work is work, friction happens all over the shop.  Half way through the pandemic I had 3 interviews with one company and a "We're gonna make you an offer", then they plumped for someone internal and didn't let me know, until I called them a month later asking for an update - that felt pretty shit.  "Hi, I'm just calling for feedback about the 3 interviews and a handshake I had with your senior bods?" "Ahh yes, apologies for not getting back you!... No.  We went for an internal candidate, cheers." *phone down* - what a waste of hours of my time - I know how that feels, particularly because it would have been "the next step".  I'll keep my head down and carry on with the normal grind - the opportunities will come again (I keep telling myself), I'm sure  

Friends & loneliness - my best advice is to get in touch with someone you consider a friend and organise something.  Even if that something is something you won't particularly enjoy, but know they will.  Effort is the only way to keep friends, especially in our 30s when wives/girlfriends/children/careers/family "get in the way".  I make sure I've always got something in the diary.  It's hard work, but be it a pub crawl (2 weeks ago), a Halloween party for my kid and his mate (last weekend), a 2 year old party with old friends we've only seen once in 2.5 years this Saturday over in Peterborough, meeting up with Rob182 and Paddywhack in December for a Xmas get together etc, it takes a lot of effort, but it's worth it.  It also works because if your friends see you making an effort, it's often reciprocated, I've had more invites to do things (a lot of which I have to say no to) since I made it part of my life to be more social.  Making memories is kind of my mantra, you can keep them forever. 

And if you're feeling down in the dumps - I always say just get outside and hit your nearest woodland - I don't know about others, but just being around nature gives me a feeling of calm, peace and serenity in a pretty mad world! 

Apologies for the long post, but even if you read this and think "wow, what a bellend haha" then at least I've made you laugh at something  

[StefanAVFC]

1 hour ago, Stevo985 said:

Honestly if I made a list of poster on VT who are the OPPOSITE of an "idiot" or a "dunce", and ARE smart and likeable, @Chindie would be one of the first names on it

Not on this list

@villarule123

@lapal_fan

[lapal_fan]

1 minute ago, StefanAVFC said:

Not on this list

@villarule123

@lapal_fan

[villarule123]

19 minutes ago, StefanAVFC said:

Not on this list

@villarule123

@lapal_fan

[Chindie]

Thank you for the kind words.

I'm not in a good place currently, but I appreciate the comments.

[choffer]

Thought better of it.

Edited December 16, 2021 by choffer
Too much honesty

[Mandy Lifeboats]

@choffer

I have some standard advice that I have given several times on this thread.  An injured mind is no different to an injured leg.  If you break your leg - what do you do?  You rest, you try not to walk far and you seek medical help.  You mind is injured and using it to constantly think about some very heavy topics isn't giving you the time you need to heal.  

You also tell people you have a broken leg, you ask for help.  You don't agree to walk other people's dogs.  You will be amazed how helpful the majority of people are if they know you need help.  

You have posted on here.  You have clearly said its thoughts.  You know there's a problem.  Those are all good signs.  

Take time for you.  Look after yourself and don't be ashamed. 

 

PS I am not the "girl of comfort" you seek.  

 

[jimmygreaves]

Has anyone experienced micro dosing hallucinogens to address mental health issues like depression?

There's growing evidence that it might become an accepted therapy.

https://www.independent.co.uk/independentpremium/long-reads/psychedelics-sixties-psilocybin-depression-mental-health-b1831260.html

[TheAuthority]

2 hours ago, jimmygreaves said:

Has anyone experienced micro dosing hallucinogens to address mental health issues like depression?

There's growing evidence that it might become an accepted therapy.

https://www.independent.co.uk/independentpremium/long-reads/psychedelics-sixties-psilocybin-depression-mental-health-b1831260.html

I would only suggest it under the right medical supervision.

Don't go cutting up acid tabs on the chopping board in your kitchen!

[KentVillan]

3 hours ago, jimmygreaves said:

Has anyone experienced micro dosing hallucinogens to address mental health issues like depression?

There's growing evidence that it might become an accepted therapy.

https://www.independent.co.uk/independentpremium/long-reads/psychedelics-sixties-psilocybin-depression-mental-health-b1831260.html

Yes, I haven't tried microdosing - which afaik is bollocks, since you quickly build up tolerance, and the doses do nothing after a while - but certainly I have self-medicated by taking smallish doses of shrooms / LSD and discussing issues with empathetic people... and felt noticeably better and more clearheaded for it.

But while I think it probably works to some extent, I wouldn't see it as a magic [no pun intended] bullet.

And you need to be careful about what exactly you're trying to treat. If you have mild depression / ennui / low self-esteem caused by artificial walls you have built around your personal life, that are trapping you in an unhappy existence, then shrooms can be brilliant. If you are suffering from acute grief, PTSD, or dissociative episodes, schizophrenia, etc. then I imagine shrooms and other psychedelics could put you in a bad place.

By far the most successful way I've found of getting mental health under control is quitting all alcohol + drugs (setting myself a manageable target of a week or a month or whatever) and going for a long walk or run every day. It's amazing how quickly that starts to turn into a virtuous circle of eating better, sleeping better, treating myself and other people better -> feeling better. Obviously at some point the pious virtuous life starts to bore me and my impulses scratch away at my inner demon, but at least I know I can do it for a while and get into a better place.