What is your experience of mental health?

[Mandy Lifeboats]

3 hours ago, dubbs said:

I'm posting this on here because nobody here knows me personally.  I feel like I need to talk to someone about depression and work have access to third party help but I'm almost too worried/ scared to talk. Anyone else ever felt like that?

Been there.  Done that.   Here's a couple of things that I have posted on this thread many times.   I hope they help.  

Depression is an illness/injury to your mind.  Don't be ashamed of it. 

If your leg hurt for a few weeks you would talk to someone about it.  You would get someone who is qualified to check you out.   You wouldn't deny you leg hurt or try to disguise it.  You'd seek help.  You might go to the GP and be referred to X-ray.  X-ray might send you to the fracture clinic.   You would not expect the GP to cure you straight away.  

If you discovered it was a serious leg injury you would get help, get treatment and rest.  You would not expect a broken leg to heal in a week.   You wouldn't try to walk on it when it was really painful.  But when you felt better you would gradually start walking again.   You wouldn't run a marathon.    

Address depression in exactly the same way.    Its an injury.   Deal with it as you would deal with any injury.   

[Mandy Lifeboats]

4 hours ago, dubbs said:

I'm posting this on here because nobody here knows me personally.  I feel like I need to talk to someone about depression and work have access to third party help but I'm almost too worried/ scared to talk. Anyone else ever felt like that?

I forgot to say in my previous reply. Post again if it helps. Send a Private message if it helps.  

[Jonesy7211]

4 hours ago, dubbs said:

I'm posting this on here because nobody here knows me personally.  I feel like I need to talk to someone about depression and work have access to third party help but I'm almost too worried/ scared to talk. Anyone else ever felt like that?

I understand where you're coming from. Getting help was the best thing I ever did for myself. The feelings I get when I'm depressed don't go away, but I'm much more able to deal with them now. I now have coping mechanisms in place to help such as mindfulness and self kindness. The second one is really hard to do for a lot of people. We treat ourselves so much worse than we would treat others.

But in terms of feeling scared about opening up, you're definitely not on your own. I think a lot of men go through this. I've been to support groups in a room full of men who are being treated for depression and they still didn't want to open up, even though that's what we were all there for. In my opinion, there's still a social stigma in how we may be perceived for needing mental and emotional support when there absolutely shouldn't be. There's also a work issue, in that for so long mental health at work was never a concern for employers. Finally, the people you'll speak to you for support won't judge you regarding why you need the support or for how you feel, the majority of people I spoke to were nothing but compassionate.

Edited August 1, 2022 by Jonesy7211
Typo

[Vive_La_Villa]

4 hours ago, dubbs said:

I'm posting this on here because nobody here knows me personally.  I feel like I need to talk to someone about depression and work have access to third party help but I'm almost too worried/ scared to talk. Anyone else ever felt like that?

Yes. It’s normal to feel this way but as many of said on here it’s the best thing you can do. The services provided by workplaces are a good start.  Also you can talk to many people on here. Anybody that has suffered depression knows how horrible it is and will always be willing to help anybody they can. So reach out my friend.

[dubbs]

After reading your comments I say down and had a chat with someone last night.  It wasn't a professional but it actually felt good to start talking about how I'm feeling, especially knowing it's not unusual to feel that way.  I'm still going to make an appointment with the people through work, but it definitely feels like a start.

[El Zen]

1 hour ago, dubbs said:

After reading your comments I say down and had a chat with someone last night.  It wasn't a professional but it actually felt good to start talking about how I'm feeling, especially knowing it's not unusual to feel that way.  I'm still going to make an appointment with the people through work, but it definitely feels like a start.

Good! 

I’ve never suffered from depression, but when my marriage fell apart I found being as open about my emotional state as possible, and a few sessions with a professional, very very helpful. 

[calcifer]

Been on Anti depressants for a while now. Had them doubled earlier this year. Lost my dad in Jan to Cancer, then me and the wife split up in June. Head was battered. I start seeing a therapist in a couple of weeks. Tried to carry on, keep busy etc. It just makes it worse. 

Depression is hard, sometime you think there is only one way out, it's like been in quicksand, you think sometimes it is for the best and just sink!

So yeah, Depression is something to take seriously. There is a way out with help

[rjw63]

1 hour ago, calcifer said:

Been on Anti depressants for a while now. Had them doubled earlier this year. Lost my dad in Jan to Cancer, then me and the wife split up in June. Head was battered. I start seeing a therapist in a couple of weeks. Tried to carry on, keep busy etc. It just makes it worse. 

Depression is hard, sometime you think there is only one way out, it's like been in quicksand, you think sometimes it is for the best and just sink!

So yeah, Depression is something to take seriously. There is a way out with help

I will try and keep you amused by trolling the Gresford thread

 

[Xela]

5 hours ago, rjw63 said:

I will try and keep you amused by trolling the Gresford thread

 

Don't, you'll make him feel worse  

[rjw63]

2 hours ago, Xela said:

Don't, you'll make him feel worse  

It's ok he's not a fanboi

 

[Tayls]

Love this thread and how I can read through a few posts and see men sticking together and helping each other through tough times with meaningful words. It’s really important that you talk, even if it’s just to vent, don’t hold it in.

I wrote a post on page 30 back in 2018 as I was struggling with the birth of my first born. Anyway, earlier this week we welcomed our second child and the birth was completely different. From my side of things, my mindset was more focussed, I knew what I needed to do and that I needed to have faith in the professionals. It was still an emotional experience, but we actually got to hold our baby immediately after he was born.

Anyway, I’m probably one of the most annoying posters in on topic with my negativity towards the side, and I’m sorry for that, but I’m not always a complete prick. Happy to listen to any of y’all if you want to share how you are feeling.  

Edited August 29, 2022 by Tayls

[chrisp65]

11 hours ago, Tayls said:

men sticking together

[Mandy Lifeboats]

3 hours ago, chrisp65 said:

Sid, Tony, Bill and Kenneth.   

Comedy legends.  

 

[leighavfc]

Sat here wide awake crying my eyes out despite being up since 4 o clock yesterday morning and driving back from Cornwall this evening. Some of you may have read my posts in the addiction thread recently and some of the destruction it has caused me over the last month or so. 

In a few hours time our dog is being rehomed due to me and my partner splitting due to me and my problems. She is going back to her dad's and I'm having to move out of the place we rent due to not being able to afford it on my own. I have had no involvement with the rehoming situation over past few weeks as I love my dog so much that apart from my kids is the only thing I have left. 

I have argued so much with the ex about stopping her from doing this but it's just carried on and on. I got a message the first night I was away from her saying the charity who was helping her re-home the dog had found a home for her. Again I tried and tried to stop her from doing it, but just ended up in row after row to the point I was arguing and in tears on the phone whilst having dinner in a restaurant the other night.. embarrassing isn't even the word...It has truly wrecked my only time off from work this year, the only time I've had to get away and try and get my head together after the destruction I have caused (I'm under no illusion ultimately this is all down to me and my addiction btw). The dog has really helped me get through this at times when craving or down, I've been able to play with her or take her for a walk etc, which has really helped me out. Even before the problems came to a head I loved every minute of being with her, I'm a massive dog lover.

I have tried to avoid thinking about it by reading and posting on the Villa side of the board but I have literally just crumbled over the last hour..I am truly heartbroken, I'm sat here balling my eyes out at what's going to happen in the next few hours. The dog is nestled next to me wondering what's going on... Honestly I have hit rock bottom... I can't do this.. I can't see her go it will literally kill a big part of me and I'm worried what it might do to me in terms of my recovery from drugs and alcohol. I'm trying to stay strong, I'm trying to be positive, im trying not too to be "so pathetic" over a dog as she keeps telling me... 

My life is wrecked as far as I'm concerned and just don't know how much more fight I have in me anymore to deal with any of this. I again contemplated what things would be like for those around me if I just ended it all... I just don't enjoy life anymore, even before this the drugs were just propping me up and making me feel like things weren't as bad as they are.

Im sorry it's me again posting another long post on VillaTalk pouring out my pathetic life to you good people, I really am..

[El Zen]

I’m very sorry to hear that @leighavfc. I’m not sure I can offer much in terms of advice, but a few months ago, I was also in a place where it felt like my entire life was in ruins. It will get better. Hang in there. 

[Mandy Lifeboats]

@leighavfc

I get it.  i understand.  Sorry I can't offer a solution. 

But what help are you getting?  Are you trying to sort this out alone?  

[leighavfc]

1 hour ago, El Zen said:

I’m very sorry to hear that @leighavfc. I’m not sure I can offer much in terms of advice, but a few months ago, I was also in a place where it felt like my entire life was in ruins. It will get better. Hang in there. 

Thanks, I'm trying too as best I can. I had started to settle a little before the past week, but all this is just the last kick in the b******s and has brought all the anger, tears and helplessness back. I Can't see the light at the end currently.

Haven't slept a wink and got to go through quite possibly one of the worst things I have ever done in the next few hours.. I'm going to be a mess I know it.. I am now...

[leighavfc]

49 minutes ago, Mandy Lifeboats said:

@leighavfc

I get it.  i understand.  Sorry I can't offer a solution. 

But what help are you getting?  Are you trying to sort this out alone?  

I'm not getting no hope really tbh, been trying to get through it on my own.. the only place I speak out is on here. I really struggle to speak to people I know, I do tell my best mate bits but not the full story. I've just never been one of them to share personal stuff regardless of what it is really.. I know I should buy I just don't have it in me to do so, the thought alone makes me shudder. Even so he ain't around that often either due to work etc and living 20 mile away. I know it's not right of course bottling it up 

[Genie]

1 hour ago, leighavfc said:

I'm not getting no hope really tbh, been trying to get through it on my own.. the only place I speak out is on here. I really struggle to speak to people I know, I do tell my best mate bits but not the full story. I've just never been one of them to share personal stuff regardless of what it is really.. I know I should buy I just don't have it in me to do so, the thought alone makes me shudder. Even so he ain't around that often either due to work etc and living 20 mile away. I know it's not right of course bottling it up 

The GP’s are an absolute shit show at the moment but I really think you should hassle them and make them give you some help. 

Asking for help is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about and it would be the start of your journey to a healthier state of mind. 

Alternatively give MIND a contact. 

Edited September 2, 2022 by Genie
link added

[Mandy Lifeboats]

2 hours ago, leighavfc said:

I'm not getting no hope really tbh, been trying to get through it on my own.. the only place I speak out is on here. I really struggle to speak to people I know, I do tell my best mate bits but not the full story. I've just never been one of them to share personal stuff regardless of what it is really.. I know I should buy I just don't have it in me to do so, the thought alone makes me shudder. Even so he ain't around that often either due to work etc and living 20 mile away. I know it's not right of course bottling it up 

I am going to repeat some advice that I have put on here more times than I care to count. 
 

You have an broken mind.  Treat it like you would a broken leg. 
 

If you thought you had broken your leg you would not try to hide it.  You wouldn’t ignore it. You wouldn’t hope it would go away on its own. You wouldn’t be ashamed. You wouldn’t expect the led to be healed after 4 days of painkillers.
 

You would seek medical help.  You would accept that your GP wasn’t the solution but he would refer you to people like X-ray who could diagnose the problem.  Once you got treatment you would rest.  You wouldn’t walk for a few weeks.  You would accept that you needed to rest. When you started feeling slightly better you wouldn’t rip the cast off and run a marathon.  You would be happy with a short walk down the garden followed by more rest. 
 

Stop treating your problems as something to be ashamed off!  
 

It took me 30 years to admit I had a mental health problem and do something about it.  Don’t be like me. 

Start the ball rolling now.  Phone your GP or NHS 111. 
 

Post again if it helps or send a private message.  You aren’t alone.