What is your experience of mental health?

[Rds1983]

13 hours ago, sharkyvilla said:

I've struggled more and more as the weeks have gone by, largely due to nightshift work and getting more and more lonely.  If I'm lucky I socialise once a fortnight at the moment.  I've got a job interview at Gatwick Airport on Monday so hopefully that will sort me out a bit.  I also started going to the gym in September and any day I don’t go I just feel like utter shit mentally.  I'm not sure if that's normal with the endorphins and whatnot.

Following on from what I said yesterday (I was thinking about it whilst out for a run). The gym is great for your mental health, but remember that you're only competing against yourself (true to all of life) . It doesn't matter what other people are lifting or how they look. There will always be someone who looks better than you or lifts heavier, that doesn't matter. All that matters is if you're making progress and that you're enjoying/benefiting from it.

It can also be a bit of a trap if you let it. No matter what progress you make you can always end up wanting more. You hit a personal best that you've been working towards for ages and the next day all you can think about is what the next milestone is. This is great at driving you forwards but don't let it define you. Enjoy your successes along the way. 

The realisation that you will also have bad days there, days where the weight feels so much heavier then before and you feel drained. This is normal and happens to everyone. It's a marathon and not a sprint. It's countered by days where you feel really strong and great.

Understanding that failure is also fine, in fact it's often good. It means that you are pushing yourself and it's through failure that we grow. 

[A'Villan]

 

Great post @Rds1983

"It's through failure that we grow"

Firstly can I just say thank you. It's great to see this being recognised.

If I can follow on to say that failure is, and always has been, a potential catalyst for growth. When we set a goal for ourselves, in any walk of life, do we just simply arrive at achievement instantly upon defining what it is we are aiming for? 

No, we don't. We are at the beginning, then we go about doing what we need to do in order to reach success, which is learn how to get there, which requires growth, and trial and error. Even if you have the blueprint to mastery on hand, that blueprint was developed through trial and error that led to someone's growth. As Yoda says, failure is the greatest teacher. 

And I also want to reiterate, that comparison with others for the sake of passing judgement is only exercising ones ego, in so many ways. I'm not saying don't do it, that's ultimately for you to decide, I'm just saying what it is. You are no lesser than anybody in this world, and equally,  no better. The sooner you learn that about yourself, the sooner you learn that it applies to others, and you see for yourself as opposed to being influenced by the suggestions of others. 

Getting to know oneelf is probably the best pastime I can think of. Alone I'm always in good company. 

Lastly, the word competition derives from the Latin 'con petire' which means, 'to search together for self fulfilment'. There's nothing inherently unkind about it. Rather, it implies there are only winners when we compete, as we bounce off of each other and work together to strive for the betterment of self, and everyone consequently develops their abilities and skill in the undertaking, regardless of who comes first or last.

When you learn to compete against yourself first and foremost, and that is all that really matters if we are going to be making comparisons. Am I better than I was before? And when the answer is yes, you have conquered lesser men.

The above is something which has given me great hope and optimism, as well as a calm peace of mind, when I remember to practice it anyway, which isn't always. I make mistakes.

Edited May 14, 2022 by A'Villan

[Zhan_Zhuang]

Here's my perspective, I've been teaching Chinese forms of exercise, Meditation, Qigong, energy-work, movement, Gong Fu and Tai Chi for eight years now.

I began learning Karate when I was about eight years old and practised since, I'm 44 years old now.

During Lockdown it was established that there was a direct link between going out to parks, countryside locations and one's general wellbeing. Walking is one of the best exercises to do and if you can balance this with fresh air, a connection with he outdoors then even more powerful. In respect to Tai Chi this practise is Taoist, accordance with nature.

A gym environment is both competitive and (often) a stale soulless place, it can be quite a material experience. People often spend time trying to conform and be something they aren't. 

If we think of Meditative exercises such as Tai Chi it is a holistic exercise for mind, body and spirit. It will help with one's mental focus, breathing, postural alignment, balance, strength and numerous other benefits. Harvard Medical School recommends Ta Chi as THE exercise you should practise for the rest of your life.

If we think of the principles of learning meditation and Tai Chi specifically we talk of calmness of the mind, this will in turn relax the body, after sometime we understand more about the internal mechanism of the body.

Perseverance is the main purpose in learning this type of training and I would indeed recommend it for the rest of your life.

[MakemineVanilla]

This won't be for everyone but I think it offers an interesting perspective from someone who has suffered anxiety and depression over many years:

 

[Xela]

I'm certain On-Topic here is bad for my mental wellbeing! 

I may have to retire from that section of the forum. 

[MakemineVanilla]

5 minutes ago, Xela said:

I'm certain On-Topic here is bad for my mental wellbeing! 

I may have to retire from that section of the forum. 

It is probably not the best place to be, as the better sort of therapeutic environment is where transference can take place.

[Mandy Lifeboats]

2 hours ago, Xela said:

I'm certain On-Topic here is bad for my mental wellbeing! 

I may have to retire from that section of the forum. 

I read On-Topic but I do not post.  Football can bring out the worst in people.  On the pitch, in the stands and on the Internet. 

[A'Villan]

Quote

My response:

[Mark Albrighton]

Seen this advert run a few times today. 

Desperately sad, but I think (hope) it’s effective.

 

[Ingram85]

Finding the state of the World and the UK massively overwhelming at the moment. I genuinely fear for my step lads future. 

War, Religion, Rise of Far Right politics and in general society. America just terrifies me. Homophobia, Racism, Transphobia, ever widening gap between rich & poor, treatment of citizens by authorities, erosion of working/living conditions, financial security being a pipe dream, shit life syndrome returning, emergency service staff resorting to using food banks, Tory politicians celebrating opening a food bank, corruption etc… 

I have no hope for the future in the UK and the rest of the world looks increasingly more unstable (not that I could afford to leave anyway). Just absolutely fed up of everything. 

 

[Rugeley Villa]

On 27/06/2022 at 21:37, Ingram85 said:

Finding the state of the World and the UK massively overwhelming at the moment. I genuinely fear for my step lads future. 

War, Religion, Rise of Far Right politics and in general society. America just terrifies me. Homophobia, Racism, Transphobia, ever widening gap between rich & poor, treatment of citizens by authorities, erosion of working/living conditions, financial security being a pipe dream, shit life syndrome returning, emergency service staff resorting to using food banks, Tory politicians celebrating opening a food bank, corruption etc… 

I have no hope for the future in the UK and the rest of the world looks increasingly more unstable (not that I could afford to leave anyway). Just absolutely fed up of everything. 

 

I often wonder what the world will be like for my kids but also their kids . Maybe every generation says this, I don’t know. I suppose what’s not normal for us is normal for future generations. For anyone who doesn’t want to bring kids into this world , I dunno blame them .

[rjw63]

Anyone heard from @kurtsimonwlately?

He hasn't been on here for well over a year. 

[icouldtelltheworld]

Really struggling at the moment. I was meant to be getting married next month, but my fiance told me in June that she wanted to cancel/postpone and we've subsequently broken up. She moved out about a month ago, I'm moving back in with my parents tomorrow and she's going to move in here until the house has sold.

Tbh I've been smashing the drink and drugs since she moved out which has numbed my feelings, but of course inevitably led to me hitting rock bottom eventually. I've had a few days clean of everything and it's all hit me at once, having vivid dreams of us being back together and then waking up in a complete state.

There's no real point to this post, but I've been struggling to open up about this to people and just needed to put my thoughts out there somewhere. I've never posted in these threads before, but have always found it so heartening the way people rally round and support one another on here - it's probably one of the main reasons I stuck around to discuss the Villa tbh, that sense of community on VT.

Going to be a long, hard road ahead but I do feel that I've hit the lowest point and can slowly start to build myself back up now. Ultimately there's a chance here to work on myself and become more comfortable in my own skin. I have to own the fact that there are aspects of my own character and behaviour which have contributed to this situation, and I feel more ready to confront those aspects of myself than I ever have before.

My thoughts are with anyone else who is currently suffering - you are not alone and better days will come. Writing this post is a big step for me, so I just wanted to say thank you to all of you lovely VT people for being part of a community in which I can feel comfortable sharing this.

Take care all and have a lovely day.

[Anthony]

7 minutes ago, icouldtelltheworld said:

Really struggling at the moment. I was meant to be getting married next month, but my fiance told me in June that she wanted to cancel/postpone and we've subsequently broken up. She moved out about a month ago, I'm moving back in with my parents tomorrow and she's going to move in here until the house has sold.

Tbh I've been smashing the drink and drugs since she moved out which has numbed my feelings, but of course inevitably led to me hitting rock bottom eventually. I've had a few days clean of everything and it's all hit me at once, having vivid dreams of us being back together and then waking up in a complete state.

There's no real point to this post, but I've been struggling to open up about this to people and just needed to put my thoughts out there somewhere. I've never posted in these threads before, but have always found it so heartening the way people rally round and support one another on here - it's probably one of the main reasons I stuck around to discuss the Villa tbh, that sense of community on VT.

Going to be a long, hard road ahead but I do feel that I've hit the lowest point and can slowly start to build myself back up now. Ultimately there's a chance here to work on myself and become more comfortable in my own skin. I have to own the fact that there are aspects of my own character and behaviour which have contributed to this situation, and I feel more ready to confront those aspects of myself than I ever have before.

My thoughts are with anyone else who is currently suffering - you are not alone and better days will come. Writing this post is a big step for me, so I just wanted to say thank you to all of you lovely VT people for being part of a community in which I can feel comfortable sharing this.

Take care all and have a lovely day.

Sounds like you're having a very much Not Fun Time at the moment. Been there. It's shit. You have my sympathies. I do find myself extremely encouraged though; it seems like you're doing well, in that you've stopped your avoidance strategies and are moving into acceptance. You're also self aware enough to understand that you're not perfect, and that you're at least contemplating the possibility of changing yourself for the better. You'll have ups and downs, but, like I said, I'm encouraged. 

[icouldtelltheworld]

14 minutes ago, Anthony said:

Sounds like you're having a very much Not Fun Time at the moment. Been there. It's shit. You have my sympathies. I do find myself extremely encouraged though; it seems like you're doing well, in that you've stopped your avoidance strategies and are moving into acceptance. You're also self aware enough to understand that you're not perfect, and that you're at least contemplating the possibility of changing yourself for the better. You'll have ups and downs, but, like I said, I'm encouraged. 

Thank you mate - that means a lot. I also think its important to remember that others have experienced similar and moved on with their lives, can be difficult to keep sight of that when you're at your worst

[rjw63]

20 minutes ago, icouldtelltheworld said:

Thank you mate - that means a lot. I also think its important to remember that others have experienced similar and moved on with their lives, can be difficult to keep sight of that when you're at your worst

Will probably take a length of time to get "right", took me nearly four years. First two of those where a blank of alcohol.

But my dear departed old dad used to tell me it would all work out OK in the end, and he was right.

You just need a bit of patience.

[icouldtelltheworld]

1 hour ago, rjw63 said:

Will probably take a length of time to get "right", took me nearly four years. First two of those where a blank of alcohol.

But my dear departed old dad used to tell me it would all work out OK in the end, and he was right.

You just need a bit of patience.

Thanks mate - wise words there from your old man which I will try to keep in mind. Under no illusions, its going to be a marathon and not a sprint 

[Mandy Lifeboats]

3 hours ago, icouldtelltheworld said:

Really struggling at the moment. I was meant to be getting married next month, but my fiance told me in June that she wanted to cancel/postpone and we've subsequently broken up. She moved out about a month ago, I'm moving back in with my parents tomorrow and she's going to move in here until the house has sold.

Tbh I've been smashing the drink and drugs since she moved out which has numbed my feelings, but of course inevitably led to me hitting rock bottom eventually. I've had a few days clean of everything and it's all hit me at once, having vivid dreams of us being back together and then waking up in a complete state.

There's no real point to this post, but I've been struggling to open up about this to people and just needed to put my thoughts out there somewhere. I've never posted in these threads before, but have always found it so heartening the way people rally round and support one another on here - it's probably one of the main reasons I stuck around to discuss the Villa tbh, that sense of community on VT.

Going to be a long, hard road ahead but I do feel that I've hit the lowest point and can slowly start to build myself back up now. Ultimately there's a chance here to work on myself and become more comfortable in my own skin. I have to own the fact that there are aspects of my own character and behaviour which have contributed to this situation, and I feel more ready to confront those aspects of myself than I ever have before.

My thoughts are with anyone else who is currently suffering - you are not alone and better days will come. Writing this post is a big step for me, so I just wanted to say thank you to all of you lovely VT people for being part of a community in which I can feel comfortable sharing this.

Take care all and have a lovely day.

The only things that will help are distance and time. But try not to make that recovery slower by abusing the drink and drugs.  I can't imagine how I would feel in the same situation. But you seem to be moving forward.  Post more if it helps.  

[dubbs]

I'm posting this on here because nobody here knows me personally.  I feel like I need to talk to someone about depression and work have access to third party help but I'm almost too worried/ scared to talk. Anyone else ever felt like that?

[choffer]

2 hours ago, dubbs said:

I'm posting this on here because nobody here knows me personally.  I feel like I need to talk to someone about depression and work have access to third party help but I'm almost too worried/ scared to talk. Anyone else ever felt like that?

Yes. I felt like this for a long time. I tried to control it all myself, keep a lid on it all and pretend I could con everyone around me that all was ok. I actually did a pretty good job of keeping it secret but then life took a bit of a turn for the worse and I was lucky to have a cousin who I opened up to a bit. 
Long story short, I ended up going to see my GP over something fairly innocuous and blurted out how I was feeling. We talked, he suggested a number of options (all of which I ignored) but the one thing that stuck with me was that it didn’t have to be a permanent state for me and that I could do something about it. I got a therapist and it really helped. I could probably have done a whole heap of other things that would have been even more beneficial but for the last wee while I’ve been in a good place. 
Everyone is different and there is no one-size solution but I know that acknowledging the problem to someone else immediately made it easier to take steps to finding help. 
The biggest thing for me was acknowledging that keeping things bottled up was a coping mechanism that wasn’t serving me well. Asking for help made it more real but also opened the door to me not having to deal with it all on my own.