What is your experience of mental health?

[A'Villan]

Had some suicidal ideation come up this week just been. Interminable goings on of what on earth, other than hell, I've experienced and not so much what to make of it, but how to go about dealing with it. Reconciliation isn't enough for me, I think in a just world, it gets amended and I see some form of redemption. 

Ironically the date going so well with Ellie was a catalyst for this. We spoke over the phone the other night and that alleviated some of my fears, as I realised the issues are so far from how she perceives me, and all to do with my own understanding of my life's experiences and what I may or may not bring to the table, where I'm lacking, what I'm about, if I'm true to that.

It's a strange old world as I really do like this blessing bestowed upon us we call life. And I like to see the best in us. Even the worst of us. I think there's an abundance of quality in each and every one of us. How able people are to conjure the awareness of that and act upon it is not up to me, however I still like to think the recognition of it is.

Even the worst of us can offer the best lessons, even if that's to offer us some insight and direction to steer clear of their mistakes and the pitfalls that come with.

At the risk of rambling. Thanks VT. I consider this a place I can come to and share, vent even. And despite any misunderstandings we continue to have some very important discussions about what goes on. Off topic is a great source of perspective and my friends here in Australia have commented that this forum seems to have some interesting topics to discuss it all.

To finish, I just want to be clear, I am not a suicide risk. What goes on there is the aftermath of some extremely severe trauma, torture even, from gaslighting to in your face brutality that shattered my understanding for what can happen here on earth, even to people who are for the most part, doing their best to make the most of it all. Ripped the rug out from underneath me.

To this day I've met no one, not even those who know me best, anybody with an appetite to fathom how atrociously void of concern certain people and entities are for the well-being and quality of life of those around them.

Forgive me for the expressing the following through a Gandalf quote, but here goes:

So thank you again, VT. I'm feeling this quote is apt to describe the forum.

[lapal_fan]

14 hours ago, A'Villan said:

Had some suicidal ideation come up this week just been...

I'm glad I'm not as complex as you!  Thinking that much would be exhausting. 

I'm a simple guy, I see someone get a football to the groin and I'm happy for about 6 months. 

Different strokes, ay? 

[El Zen]

For reasons explained in detail elsewhere, I’m in a place mentally I have never been before. Everything is completely dark. I haven’t slept a wink since monday morning and haven’t had a bite to eat since last night. My pain won’t let me sleep and I’m starving myself to numb the pain. I cant’t smile, I can’t laugh, I haven’t been able to listen to a podcast or watch TV to distract myself, and have had to call in sick from work. I’m going to my GP on Thursday and will ask him for extended sick leave. Probably weeks. I feel completely and totally depressed. 

[Chindie]

4 hours ago, El Zen said:

For reasons explained in detail elsewhere, I’m in a place mentally I have never been before. Everything is completely dark. I haven’t slept a wink since monday morning and haven’t had a bite to eat since last night. My pain won’t let me sleep and I’m starving myself to numb the pain. I cant’t smile, I can’t laugh, I haven’t been able to listen to a podcast or watch TV to distract myself, and have had to call in sick from work. I’m going to my GP on Thursday and will ask him for extended sick leave. Probably weeks. I feel completely and totally depressed. 

Separate out the issue. Something shit has happened and while it is a big deal, you still need to live and operate. Right now you'll almost be going through grief, and it will be difficult to allow yourself to overcome it mentally for a bit, it's still raw, but you will. In the meantime, try to keep your focus, take the time required, and keep yourself operational.

[Chindie]

I've had a load of thoughts recently.

I'm struggling with my usual issues and thinking about where I'm headed. I don't think I can live a normal life and do the things I want to because of this, it's incompatible with life. And therefore I'm just existing, with a meaningless and empty life. Which leads to pretty obvious ends, eventually.

[Mandy Lifeboats]

5 hours ago, El Zen said:

For reasons explained in detail elsewhere, I’m in a place mentally I have never been before. Everything is completely dark. I haven’t slept a wink since monday morning and haven’t had a bite to eat since last night. My pain won’t let me sleep and I’m starving myself to numb the pain. I cant’t smile, I can’t laugh, I haven’t been able to listen to a podcast or watch TV to distract myself, and have had to call in sick from work. I’m going to my GP on Thursday and will ask him for extended sick leave. Probably weeks. I feel completely and totally depressed. 

I have suffered from depression for many years.  If you have any questions or would just like to talk - post on here or send a private message if it's easier.  

[Talldarkandransome]

Jesus what a read, I've never noticed this thread before until its just appeared on my front page. Villatalk wouldn't normally be my first choice for this kind of thing for sure.

It's comforting knowing we are not alone though, gives a greater understanding of what people are going through. Empathy is a gift we should all give and receive

[El Zen]

2 hours ago, Chindie said:

I've had a load of thoughts recently.

I'm struggling with my usual issues and thinking about where I'm headed. I don't think I can live a normal life and do the things I want to because of this, it's incompatible with life. And therefore I'm just existing, with a meaningless and empty life. Which leads to pretty obvious ends, eventually.

We’re always here, mate. You’re a VT all star. 

[El Zen]

2 hours ago, Chindie said:

Separate out the issue. Something shit has happened and while it is a big deal, you still need to live and operate. Right now you'll almost be going through grief, and it will be difficult to allow yourself to overcome it mentally for a bit, it's still raw, but you will. In the meantime, try to keep your focus, take the time required, and keep yourself operational.

I’ve managed one meal, played with my son for a bit and read to him from Oliver Twist. Still worried about sleep. Not sure I’ll be getting much.

[Mandy Lifeboats]

2 minutes ago, El Zen said:

I’ve managed one meal, played with my son for a bit and read to him from Oliver Twist. Still worried about sleep. Not sure I’ll be getting much.

As long as you are not driving or using machinery don’t worry about a lack of sleep.  Go to bed at the same time. Get up at the same time even if you are absolutely knackered. Try not to nap during the day. Don't lie awake thinking. If you can't sleep get up and do something quiet but boring for 30 minutes and then try again.  

If you do this every day (and I mean every day) your sleep pattern should normalise.  

I have a great boring task that helps me. Lie in bed with no expectation of sleeping.  Turn on a podcast or audiobook.   Listen for someone saying a word beginning with A.  Then a word beginning with B.  Then C etc. If you drop off, even for 1 minute you must go back to A. 

It gives your brain an activity to prevent it mulling over unwelcome thoughts.  

[mrchnry]

Just posting on here is an incredibly brave thing to do and shows there is hope inside you looking for some relief. It's important to remember how you feel or the place you're at right now is just where you're at NOW. It's not permanent and things can change all the time. 

[El Zen]

Had a decent night’s sleep, but woke up to an overwhelming feeling of hopelessnes and dread. 

[Mandy Lifeboats]

1 hour ago, El Zen said:

Had a decent night’s sleep, but woke up to an overwhelming feeling of hopelessnes and dread. 

That's depression.  Seek medical help.  

Depression is a medical condition.  It's no different to breaking a leg or catching flu.  The solution is the same.  Rest the injured part.  Seek medical help.  Wait for the treatment to take effect.  

Wishing you all the best.  

[El Zen]

1 minute ago, Mandy Lifeboats said:

That's depression.  Seek medical help.  

Depression is a medical condition.  It's no different to breaking a leg or catching flu.  The solution is the same.  Rest the injured part.  Seek medical help.  Wait for the treatment to take effect.  

Wishing you all the best.  

I’m seeing my GP tomorrow. I know I’m depressed. I also know why. I hope someone can help me out of it eventually. I’ll be sick for a long time. 

[Mandy Lifeboats]

I know how difficult it is @El Zenbut try to stop thinking about you situation. Stop mulling it over.  

If you had a broken leg you wouldn't try to run a marathon.  The same applies with a broken mind.  Don't try to sort out your future when your mind isn't well enough.  

[El Zen]

I’m coming to terms with my situation, and have stopped the self torture. I’m eating, trying to do normal stuff, played a couple of games on FIFA, listened to a (comedy) podcast in the car, going to the gym later. 

I’m still in a world of pain and total limbo, bu talking about it with my mom has helped me see that my life will be okay. No matter what. 

Edited March 9, 2022 by El Zen

[El Zen]

Luckily for me, I have the most amazing family you could possibly imagine.  Parents, step parents, my brother. They’re all really good people. I have the world’s best safety net. 

Edited March 9, 2022 by El Zen

[NoelVilla]

1 hour ago, El Zen said:

I’m sure others have experienced crisis before. As you know, I’m in a bit of crisis right now. This isn’t really to talk about that, but to ask if anyone has any experience with this:

I’m finding it inexplicably therapeutic to reach out to old friends I lost touch with long ago, trying to right old wrongs and mending friendships and relationships that for different reasons fell apart. 

Am I trying to recreate an existance that predates the current pain? Am I using past relationships as a proxy for a current situation I can’t handle? 

Anyone done similar in a crisis? 

Not a crisis as such but I got stabbed in the back by an old workmate and that evening and the following day I actually reached out to and talked to old friends. So there is something in doing that when feeling down. 

[leemond2008]

I'm after a bit of advice in how to deal with a pal of mine.

He's got loads of mental health issues to the point that he's barely worked in the past 2 years, he suffers from fibro he's bipolar...well, they thought he was bipolar but now he's being tested for autism, he's on a bucketfull of meds, he suffers from insomnia, has suicidal thoughts, the whole shebang basically.

I've always provided him with an ear when he's feeling shitty and it doesn't bother me at all, to be honest, I like the fact that he trusts me enough to tell me exactly how he's feeling and I'm pretty good at talking him down when he is in a particularly rough spot.

I'm struggling at the moment though, first off for months now its been constant, whenever I ask him how he's doing even if its just a "alright mate, haven't heard off you for a few days, you been up to much" type of message I get a whole ream of things that is bothering him, its like I can't talk to him without him unloading on me.

Then the other thing that is bothering me is that he is constantly catastrophising everything that I say to him, I've recently started a new job and if I say anything so much as slightly negative about it then its "oh man, do you think you made a mistake" or "do you worry that you made the wrong decision" if I tell him that I'm bored or fed up then he starts asking questions about whether I feel depressed and shit like that, without wanting to sound like a bastard its almost as if he wants to drag me down to his level or like he is so hooked on his own therapy that he can't help but think that everyone else needs it, like he's addicted to it or something like that.

Sorry if this is a proper essay but I kind of just felt like I needed to vent a little, anyone got any idea how to deal with this? I don't want to just sack him off but its getting more and more difficult to deal with him lately.

[mottaloo]

@leemond2008 - if I was you, I'd not sack him off but just step back a little, or tone down your concerns for him; otherwise you could indeed be dragged in a bit, starting to doubt yourself about stuff you had previously not really considered. 

No disrespect to your mate but sometimes people can be unintentionally selfish. When you ask them how they are,  off they go for a good old rant but they never ask you how you are despite them knowing you may have your own issues.

Be there for him, just be a little hands off for your own sake and state of mind. You owe it to yourself.