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Irreverentad's Relationship Advice Thread


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6 hours ago, StefanAVFC said:

I find it hard to step back and watch one of my best mates make mistake after mistake though. 

Sometimes its all you can do though. Some people don't like to hear other views. 

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7 hours ago, StefanAVFC said:

Cross-posting from TTPYOBS as band t-shirt discussion took over :D

I moved to Poland 4/5 years ago, mostly because I came to visit a friend here, who had met a girl and was staying. I liked the lifestyle, hated my job in the UK and thought '**** it, why not?' Years later I'm still here. Me and this guy were mates before, but not super close. Now, after these years, I'd say the guy is comfortably my best mate.

Fast forward to now, and he's engaged and he's getting married next June. 

We spend a lot of time hanging out, and he alluded to (neither of us can 100% say whether he said definitively) me being his Best Man. My feeling was strong enough that I was planning the Stag, speech whatever. We've talked about it 5/6 times easily.

Last week, he pings me on Messenger and tells me his best man will be some guy from the UK that I've never heard him mention nor talk about, basically because 'it would be weird and would upset people if I didn't go with someone from this group'. Context, he has a group of mates from his High School days that he sees once a year when they all come to Poland together and this one guy organises the trip. That's all of the reasoning he gave me.

I'm hurt more than anything, but also pissed off at his logic. For me, a Best Man should be there to help and organise things to take stress away from the couple. How can this guy do that when he's in another country? He's also talking about removing the speech due to logistics (Polish/English) where when we talked about me being Best Man, I said I'd do it in both languages. In the same conversation he broke this news to me, he was asking for my help with the Stag. I was, perhaps unfairly, blunt and told him to discuss it with his Best Man. 

In addition, I've always tried to support him with his relationship. Him and his fiancee have been together for 5 years and still don't live together because both sets of parents don't approve of living together before marriage. I've both him how batshit crazy this is (they're 27 and 24 ffs) and he always palms me off. I don't think he's making a mistake getting married to her, but he's taking a huge risk with this living together thing. Being a best friend isn't just pandering and saying he's right.

Also, he's been telling me things about the wedding. His fiancee wants a fully Polish wedding, rather than bits from both cultures. That would be fine, but he's upsetting his parents by doing this as they won't sit on the top table with the couple. Apparently her parents would find it 'weird', so that's that, both sets of parents will sit at random tables. One example, but stupid and he's rolling over. I've, again, told him to stand up to her as this could be his only wedding day and he's letting her 100% have her way, to the detriment of his, and his parents' happiness.

Not really looking for advice, just wanted to vent. I'm hurt by the whole situation and I think he's making some big mistakes.

He sounds like an absolute melt tbf.

Get pissed and shag his sister, or his brother. Whatever floats your boat.

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29 minutes ago, KentVillan said:

I think your hurt is understandable, but you're showing a little bit of inexperience about weddings. They are intensely political, complicated events that unearth all kinds of histories, insecurities, lies, fantasies, etc. You definitely aren't the first person to have raised an eyebrow at the choice of best man / groomsman / bridesmaids / etc. but it's really not worth the pain.

Ultimately, it sounds like you have a decent friendship with this bloke, and reading between the lines, you're not 100% sure about his relationship, and you think he lets her wear the trousers too often. We've all been there. Remember the best thing you can do is support him with whatever decisions he makes, as he goes through one of the most stressful moments in his life. He obviously values you as a friend or he wouldn't have asked you to help organise the stag do, so try not to let bitterness affect the way you speak with him.

As for the wedding itself. 100% Polish, no parents on the top table, etc. - not your problem. Write them a nice card, lie about how happy you are for them if you have to, get them a nice present. Don't be snide, don't give any hint that you feel aggrieved. Get smashed, shag one of the bride's sisters. Have a good time. He'll still be your mate afterwards, and once they've got bored of spamming social media with their shit photos, you'll forget it ever happened.

 

Sound advice, right there.

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I quite enjoy them, there’s seemingly always some major talking point that occurs. 

My mates and I still refer to one wedding from 3 and 1/2 years ago which ultimately led to one friend removing himself from our group (I still haven’t seen him since the day in question) and another friendship permanently fractured within the group because of his wife’s behaviour (no, not that.......just general unpleasantness/obnoxious attitude).

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I don't mind weddings.  They're usually a good place to see old faces and have a chat and a few beers with music and there's enough people to use as a shield from the people you're not bothered about.  Plus my social circle is pretty small so I tend to really know and like the people who are getting married.  

I've been best man twice and usher twice.  I've enjoyed it.  I loved planning the stag do's (Berlin and Warsaw, although I'd say I did a better job at Berlin because I'd already been there) and I was "joint-best man", meaning the speeches were fun to write.  I don't mind public speaking, but I think my speeches were pretty shit tbh, looking back.  I'd have done them much different if I were to do them again I think. 

Ahh well! :) 

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12 hours ago, HanoiVillan said:

Weddings always seem like the most important thing in the world . . . until about two minutes after you've pulled out of the uglier of the three bridesmaids, and then you never think about them ever again until about a week later and the itching starts. 

Or is that just me?

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we're planning our wedding and definitely seeking a band we can rely on for the day. It makes such a positive difference. I've been to one of my friends wedding who I think had asked their mate to bring his own DJ set along, and maybe she liked that but for everyone else, it was WTF is this shit? No-one danced to anything until he played the odd track we actually recognised, the rest of it was some weird trance-type rubbish. Play some cheese at least, that's essential. 

 

Edited by Rodders
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Ours was very low key . Family and close friends only. Lichfield registry office then we all went for a sit down meal. The ones that wanted to carry on drinking joined us down town in our local pubs. One landlord gave  us bottles of champagne on the house. The cost weren’t much at all. People think I’m joking when I say the Cocaine bill was as much as the wedding. That’s how it was a few years ago though. As it turned out I made a massive dick of myself and she wants to renew our vows which we are doing next year. 

Edited by Rugeley Villa
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I’ve been to lavish/expensive weddings as well as budget ones and enjoyed them all but do side on the thought of the most expensive never live up to their expectstions.

ours wasn’t massively expensive, as my wife’s parents didn’t contribute at all (not even a congratulations - a story for another time!) but we did it our way and had  an awesome day with our friends. 

we had a DJ but ensured he played only good stuff by requesting tracks to be played (no M People or Robbie Williams) within our invites. I then burnt discs with the requested tracks for the DJ to use.

Therefore the dance floor was heaving all night to the White Stripes, Happy Mondays etc and topped off with Zorba the Greek!

that was 16 years ago..... still going strong 

Edited by theboyangel
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All this talk of weddings, a mate recently got married to someone who I don't really like to be fair, she has shit like, laugh live love, painted on a wall, but last time he was married about 6 years ago he asked me to be best man. I didn't want to because we weren't that close, Close enough but I had only known him about 3 years and I didn't fancy it but close enough to be invited to the wedding.

He did invite me to the wedding, but because I have a dislike of leaving the house on a Saturday night, I stayed in instead.

Fast forward to his second marriage I ain't even got a **** invitation. Its irritated me in all honesty. I wouldn't have gone as I was on holiday, he didn't know that though. 

I understand the many reasons for not inviting me but don't harsh my irritation by pointing out the many obvious elements. 

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1 hour ago, Seat68 said:

All this talk of weddings, a mate recently got married to someone who I don't really like to be fair, she has shit like, laugh live love, painted on a wall, but last time he was married about 6 years ago he asked me to be best man. I didn't want to because we weren't that close, Close enough but I had only known him about 3 years and I didn't fancy it but close enough to be invited to the wedding.

He did invite me to the wedding, but because I have a dislike of leaving the house on a Saturday night, I stayed in instead.

Fast forward to his second marriage I ain't even got a **** invitation. Its irritated me in all honesty. I wouldn't have gone as I was on holiday, he didn't know that though. 

I understand the many reasons for not inviting me but don't harsh my irritation by pointing out the many obvious elements. 

Is there anyone you do like? 

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2 hours ago, Seat68 said:

All this talk of weddings, a mate recently got married to someone who I don't really like to be fair, she has shit like, laugh live love, painted on a wall, but last time he was married about 6 years ago he asked me to be best man. I didn't want to because we weren't that close, Close enough but I had only known him about 3 years and I didn't fancy it but close enough to be invited to the wedding.

He did invite me to the wedding, but because I have a dislike of leaving the house on a Saturday night, I stayed in instead.

Fast forward to his second marriage I ain't even got a **** invitation. Its irritated me in all honesty. I wouldn't have gone as I was on holiday, he didn't know that though. 

I understand the many reasons for not inviting me but don't harsh my irritation by pointing out the many obvious elements. 

I cant tell if this is you being serious or joking? 😁 

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15 hours ago, theboyangel said:

I’ve been to lavish/expensive weddings as well as budget ones and enjoyed them all but do side on the thought of the most expensive never live up to their expectstions.

ours wasn’t massively expensive, as my wife’s parents didn’t contribute at all (not even a congratulations - a story for another time!) but we did it our way and had  an awesome day with our friends. 

we had a DJ but ensured he played only good stuff by requesting tracks to be played (no M People or Robbie Williams) within our invites. I then burnt discs with the requested tracks for the DJ to use.

Therefore the dance floor was heaving all night to the White Stripes, Happy Mondays etc and topped off with Zorba the Greek!

that was 16 years ago..... still going strong 

Same as me,  mine cost 5K for everything,  no church, town hall in the village where you come out in the middle of the village once you are married above a fountain,  reception on the beech and stuff.

It was brilliant.  It's not the place or the flowers,  it's the people.  Both families were so happy it could have been in a caravan and they would not have cared at all.

13 years so far.  

Edited by Amsterdam_Neil_D
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