Irreverentad's Relationship Advice Thread

[theboyangel]

I’ve been to lavish/expensive weddings as well as budget ones and enjoyed them all but do side on the thought of the most expensive never live up to their expectstions.

ours wasn’t massively expensive, as my wife’s parents didn’t contribute at all (not even a congratulations - a story for another time!) but we did it our way and had  an awesome day with our friends. 

we had a DJ but ensured he played only good stuff by requesting tracks to be played (no M People or Robbie Williams) within our invites. I then burnt discs with the requested tracks for the DJ to use.

Therefore the dance floor was heaving all night to the White Stripes, Happy Mondays etc and topped off with Zorba the Greek!

that was 16 years ago..... still going strong 

Edited August 20, 2019 by theboyangel

[jackbauer24]

I'm currently on my honeymoon...

We flipped the budget, by effectively eloping and then going on a very long honeymoon. We were just discussing it this morning - we're away for 34 days or something and we've 9 left, but the worst day was the wedding day! Not bad, just not great!

However, very early on we decided that it wasn't going to be flash and it was unrealistic to expect it was going to be perfect! We eloped to NYC but with an open invite to anyone who wanted to come (largely for holiday) but with no expectations. We thought maybe 2 or 3 might join us, in the end there were 20 but 75% were linked to the bride. Unfortunately it was the only day the weather was crap (outdoor wedding and photos!) but the meal at a fancy private room hotel overlooking the skyline was epic... Until brides mum said she didn't really like me in front of a few people!

Everyone else really enjoyed it. There was no airs and graces, it was all low key, no speeches and the best man was my brother in-law. I simply could not have got married in the UK due to all the pressure and politics etc. If I was to change one thing it would have been to have eloped properly!

Unfortunately, we have agreed to have a UK reception in October so that's when some politics might be coming in to it! For a start, my wife now wants to uninvite her parents! Interesting; if they didn't warm to me already, they'll bloody hate me after that conversation!

Ultimately I wouldn't give too much weighting to one day. It really isn't that important and this comes from a newlywed. Guests, best men, maids of honor are all a distraction really. I have little time for people who have a view on how others should do there wedding, it's the couple's day not theirs and if that's what makes life easier for them, right or wrong, let them go for it with a smile.

When I look back I'll be focusing on our honeymoon in NYC, Hawaii, San Fran, LA and now Cancun rather than thinking about how one day right at the start could have been slightly better.

I've been a best man once. It was incredibly stressful but because I didn't want to let anyone down rather than any particular pressure or politics. I did feel perhaps that some of his older friends (pre Uni) might have been disappointed but they quickly forgot that when it just turns in to a good weekend on the stag do and best man has the responsibility and they have the fun and actually see the best man more! I also, sadly, haven't spoken to that groom in over 8 years due to my own mental health issues (for another thread) so one day doesn't give you any more guarantees or superiority in a friendship.

It's such a silly day, especially in this day and age when most have been living together for years, that it's not worth getting in to financial or emotional debt over. If it's yiurs, enjoy it for you as a couple, if it's someone elses just do what they want or don't go! *This applies to every non-religious ceremony, can't imagine pressures from those or, even more complicated, cross-denomination ones!

[TheAuthority]

1 hour ago, jackbauer24 said:

We eloped to NYC but with an open invite to anyone who wanted to come 

Where was mine?  

[jackbauer24]

1 hour ago, TheAuthority said:

Where was mine?  

Err, well, mmm... Lost in the post?! Least I might have had one person on 'my side' that way too!!

[Seat68]

All this talk of weddings, a mate recently got married to someone who I don't really like to be fair, she has shit like, laugh live love, painted on a wall, but last time he was married about 6 years ago he asked me to be best man. I didn't want to because we weren't that close, Close enough but I had only known him about 3 years and I didn't fancy it but close enough to be invited to the wedding.

He did invite me to the wedding, but because I have a dislike of leaving the house on a Saturday night, I stayed in instead.

Fast forward to his second marriage I ain't even got a **** invitation. Its irritated me in all honesty. I wouldn't have gone as I was on holiday, he didn't know that though. 

I understand the many reasons for not inviting me but don't harsh my irritation by pointing out the many obvious elements. 

[Rugeley Villa]

1 hour ago, Seat68 said:

All this talk of weddings, a mate recently got married to someone who I don't really like to be fair, she has shit like, laugh live love, painted on a wall, but last time he was married about 6 years ago he asked me to be best man. I didn't want to because we weren't that close, Close enough but I had only known him about 3 years and I didn't fancy it but close enough to be invited to the wedding.

He did invite me to the wedding, but because I have a dislike of leaving the house on a Saturday night, I stayed in instead.

Fast forward to his second marriage I ain't even got a **** invitation. Its irritated me in all honesty. I wouldn't have gone as I was on holiday, he didn't know that though. 

I understand the many reasons for not inviting me but don't harsh my irritation by pointing out the many obvious elements. 

Is there anyone you do like? 

[Ingram85]

2 hours ago, Seat68 said:

All this talk of weddings, a mate recently got married to someone who I don't really like to be fair, she has shit like, laugh live love, painted on a wall, but last time he was married about 6 years ago he asked me to be best man. I didn't want to because we weren't that close, Close enough but I had only known him about 3 years and I didn't fancy it but close enough to be invited to the wedding.

He did invite me to the wedding, but because I have a dislike of leaving the house on a Saturday night, I stayed in instead.

Fast forward to his second marriage I ain't even got a **** invitation. Its irritated me in all honesty. I wouldn't have gone as I was on holiday, he didn't know that though. 

I understand the many reasons for not inviting me but don't harsh my irritation by pointing out the many obvious elements. 

I cant tell if this is you being serious or joking?  

[Amsterdam_Neil_D]

15 hours ago, theboyangel said:

I’ve been to lavish/expensive weddings as well as budget ones and enjoyed them all but do side on the thought of the most expensive never live up to their expectstions.

ours wasn’t massively expensive, as my wife’s parents didn’t contribute at all (not even a congratulations - a story for another time!) but we did it our way and had  an awesome day with our friends. 

we had a DJ but ensured he played only good stuff by requesting tracks to be played (no M People or Robbie Williams) within our invites. I then burnt discs with the requested tracks for the DJ to use.

Therefore the dance floor was heaving all night to the White Stripes, Happy Mondays etc and topped off with Zorba the Greek!

that was 16 years ago..... still going strong 

Same as me,  mine cost 5K for everything,  no church, town hall in the village where you come out in the middle of the village once you are married above a fountain,  reception on the beech and stuff.

It was brilliant.  It's not the place or the flowers,  it's the people.  Both families were so happy it could have been in a caravan and they would not have cared at all.

13 years so far.  

Edited August 21, 2019 by Amsterdam_Neil_D

[Seat68]

1 hour ago, Rugeley Villa said:

Is there anyone you do like? 

My grandson on a good day. 

[Seat68]

My wedding was as cheap as they come. Registry office, followed by sandwiches in a Telford pub, then minibus to blast off in Wolves where me, my wife and our friends danced the night away. My parents and others stayed on at the pub and enjoyed themselves without us. Cost £200 in 1999

[Ginko]

I can genuinely only think of one person who I could ask to be best man, and even him I'm not sure of. I barely see my uni mates any more and I never really had any close friends growing up (well, one, but in sixth form my girlfriend at the time cheated on me with him so that put an end to that friendship).

So yeah, @Stevo985 and @StefanAVFC, I may have a job for you in a few year's time.

I can see the speeches now... 'I remember that one time on Rocket League...',  and 'So we were playing GTA Online, right. @lapal_fan had just finished running Rich over for the fiftieth time that night...'

[lapal_fan]

Just now, Ginko said:

I can genuinely only think of one person who I could ask to be best man, and even him I'm not sure of. I barely see my uni mates any more and I never really had any close friends growing up (well, one, but in sixth form my girlfriend at the time cheated on me with him so that put an end to that friendship).

So yeah, @Stevo985 and @StefanAVFC, I may have a job for you in a few year's time.

I can see the speeches now... 'I remember that one time on Rocket League...',  and 'So we were playing GTA Online, right. @lapal_fan had just finished running Rich over for the fiftieth time that night...'

I must have been going lightly on yo' ass that night. It was usually in the 100s   

[Stevo985]

3 minutes ago, Ginko said:

I can genuinely only think of one person who I could ask to be best man, and even him I'm not sure of. I barely see my uni mates any more and I never really had any close friends growing up (well, one, but in sixth form my girlfriend at the time cheated on me with him so that put an end to that friendship).

So yeah, @Stevo985 and @StefanAVFC, I may have a job for you in a few year's time.

I can see the speeches now... 'I remember that one time on Rocket League...',  and 'So we were playing GTA Online, right. @lapal_fan had just finished running Rich over for the fiftieth time that night...'

"Commiserations to the woman who has to spend her life with this laggy son of a bitch"

[Ginko]

2 minutes ago, Stevo985 said:

"Commiserations to the woman who has to spend her life with this laggy son of a bitch"

Her name is Holly (two years last month) and our internet is decent nowadays, thank you very much.

Edited August 21, 2019 by Ginko

[villarule123]

Treehouse 

[Xela]

On 20/08/2019 at 17:21, Rugeley Villa said:

Ours was very low key . Family and close friends only. Lichfield registry office then we all went for a sit down meal. The ones that wanted to carry on drinking joined us down town in our local pubs. One landlord gave  us bottles of champagne on the house. The cost weren’t much at all. People think I’m joking when I say the Cocaine bill was as much as the wedding. That’s how it was a few years ago though. As it turned out I made a massive dick of myself and she wants to renew our vows which we are doing next year. 

Did the bridesmaid who you tried to nail think it was low key as well?! 

[chrisp65]

9 hours ago, Seat68 said:

My wedding was as cheap as they come. Registry office, followed by sandwiches in a Telford pub, then minibus to blast off in Wolves where me, my wife and our friends danced the night away. My parents and others stayed on at the pub and enjoyed themselves without us. Cost £200 in 1999

 

Ours wasn’t that cheap, but it certainly wasn’t as stupidly expensive as the current fashion for ‘event’ weddings.

Stag and hen do’s were basically local pub crawls. Wedding ceremony and church were free if we agreed to it being a little earlier (the vicar was also a local league ref and it meant he didn’t miss a game if we got married at 11:00am).

A mate worked as a coach driver so his pressie was buses to get everyone from the church to the works social club I was a member of and got members’ rates for the food and the evening do. The cake was by a friend trying to set up a cake business. Even the wedding rings were presents. And on it went in that discounts and favours way.

We spent what money we had on a roof and a week in Paris.

 

[Xela]

A lad I know had the full works for his wedding... at a castle with a moat, loads of people attending, a 'famous' DJ for the evening. Mainly driven by his missus I would imagine. The stress of organising it all nearly finished him off. Not to mention the price.

 

[il_serpente]

1 hour ago, Xela said:

A lad I know had the full works for his wedding... at a castle with a moat, loads of people attending, a 'famous' DJ for the evening. Mainly driven by his missus I would imagine. The stress of organising it all nearly finished him off. Not to mention the price.

 

You know David Beckham?

[kurtsimonw]

On the subject of being best man... is a speech absolutely necessary? I'm meant to be best man for someone I work with. I found it a bit odd he asked me, we'd only known each other a year at that point. We've barely done anything outside of work. I've got absolutely no funny stories, and know none of his family or friends that I don't work with. I'm also terrified of public speaking. With he, his partner and some friends being actors, it makes it worse as I'm sure they'd be expecting someone super confident to be doing a speech. If I was asked to fill 1 minutes worth of talking, I'd really struggle.