Irreverentad's Relationship Advice Thread

[A'Villan]

6 minutes ago, lapal_fan said:

@A'Villan ; "I'm really busy at the moment"

Also @A'Villan ; writes 7, 43,000 word posts about rescheduling a date.

 

Me ; 

Well, this one is hard to deny. You have got me good here pal. Those eyes of yours staring me down have got me figured.

In fairness to me, I am full time at uni, playing basketball professionally and also working as well as volunteering.

I think I'm entitled to allow myself some down time, even if it's posting thesis length posts on a football forum.

And not to mention that I have never pretended to be too busy to meet her, unless it directly conflicted with other arrangements.

I know @lapal_fan your humour game is strong, so forgive me for the defensive reply. But that's what you get for picking on me. Ha!

[lapal_fan]

1 minute ago, A'Villan said:

Well, this one is hard to deny. You have got me good here pal. Those eyes of yours staring me down have got me figured.

In fairness to me, I am full time at uni, playing basketball professionally and also working as well as volunteering.

I think I'm entitled to allow myself some down time, even if it's posting thesis length posts on a football forum.

And not to mention that I have never pretended to be too busy to meet her, unless it directly conflicted with other arrangements.

I know @lapal_fan your humour game is strong, so forgive me for the defensive reply. But that's what you get for picking on me. Ha!

If I was cool, I'd have put a simple emoji.

[A'Villan]

7 hours ago, Rugeley Villa said:

It all seems complicated to me. Me and my missus met in the pub on a Thursday night. It was a £1 a pint hence why I was in there. She comes up to my table and asks for my number. I then get a text off her Sunday morning. By the afternoon I’ve already arranged to go down and give her one. Nice and easy. Didn’t expect to be married and have three kids with her mind. Although it just started out as fun, I quickly got rid of the other three I was messing about with and fell in love with her pretty quick . The End .

Keep

It

Simple

Stupid

It's pretty straightforward. We're talking about two nutters (myself and anyone willing to date me) trying to organise a date with each other. What could go wrong?

I always enjoy the company of good women when I go out to a pub or bar (or back when it was a club) as things move along pretty naturally as you're sharing the moment together.

This might be an unwelcome comment, but I feel like you have shared the part of your relationship which was smooth sailing and didn't require much mental energy.

However you have mentioned earlier in another discussion the difficulties that have also had to be endured in your relationship.

Dad says I demand a lot of people and have always taken my relationships with women seriously. I'm quite conscious of that. That doesn't mean I can't embrace light-hearted fun.

Castles made of sand, fall in the sea, eventually.

[Rugeley Villa]

5 hours ago, A'Villan said:

Keep

It

Simple

Stupid

It's pretty straightforward. We're talking about two nutters (myself and anyone willing to date me) trying to organise a date with each other. What could go wrong?

I always enjoy the company of good women when I go out to a pub or bar (or back when it was a club) as things move along pretty naturally as you're sharing the moment together.

This might be an unwelcome comment, but I feel like you have shared the part of your relationship which was smooth sailing and didn't require much mental energy.

However you have mentioned earlier in another discussion the difficulties that have also had to be endured in your relationship.

Dad says I demand a lot of people and have always taken my relationships with women seriously. I'm quite conscious of that. That doesn't mean I can't embrace light-hearted fun.

Castles made of sand, fall in the sea, eventually.

Oh yeah, it’s far from easy now. I’d describe our relationship like the Rocky Mountains in Colorado. Hard going, lots of ups and downs, tiring, but beautiful. Sometimes it’s hot, and other times it’s freezing.

Edited July 18, 2019 by Rugeley Villa

[A'Villan]

6 minutes ago, Rugeley Villa said:

Oh yeah, it’s far from easy now. I’d describe our relationship like the Rocky Mountains in Colorado. Hard, lots of ups and downs, tiring, but beautiful. Sometimes it’s hot, and other times it’s freezing.

That's quite a beautiful analogy. I'm glad when the going got tough, the tough got going and you are still a couple.

It could be the cynic in me but I'm pretty confident some of if not most of the feedback you received on here was to move on?

I'm not saying there doesn't come a time when that decision is for the best. I just feel like it's so easy an option to choose, to give up if it's not working.

There's always the option to keep the dialogue open and try something different, as opposed to being headstrong and stubborn about how we think and feel.

I think it's admirable when partners can push through and work through the difficult times and remain amicable and good-willed, despite the issues and obstacles they face.

 

 

[Rugeley Villa]

25 minutes ago, A'Villan said:

That's quite a beautiful analogy. I'm glad when the going got tough, the tough got going and you are still a couple.

It could be the cynic in me but I'm pretty confident some of if not most of the feedback you received on here was to move on?

I'm not saying there doesn't come a time when that decision is for the best. I just feel like it's so easy an option to choose, to give up if it's not working.

There's always the option to keep the dialogue open and try something different, as opposed to being headstrong and stubborn about how we think and feel.

I think it's admirable when partners can push through and work through the difficult times and remain amicable and good-willed, despite the issues and obstacles they face.

 

 

Yes, many said we should move on, but I don’t blame them . We both have moments where we still think we should part and move on. I am a difficult person to live with, and she is a difficult person to live with . It was never smooth going at the start and it’s not smooth going now. That’s just how we work. The great thing is, since I’ve been medicated the bad arguments that were a constant are now just a now and again thing. The whole house is happier now. 

[A'Villan]

11 hours ago, Rugeley Villa said:

Yes, many said we should move on, but I don’t blame them . We both have moments where we still think we should part and move on. I am a difficult person to live with, and she is a difficult person to live with . It was never smooth going at the start and it’s not smooth going now. That’s just how we work. The great thing is, since I’ve been medicated the bad arguments that were a constant are now just a now and again thing. The whole house is happier now. 

I've never really known the ocean of motion that is life to be smooth going..

I've not met a leader or captain who's never been conflicted in the decision making process.

I've certainly never met someone who is exempt from being involved in conflict at some level.

Friendship is the most valuable experience a person can have, it might be the only thing you'll never forget.

My Grandma has dementia and is in a ward. She doesn't remember that she owns a house. She has no belongings she remembers as her own.

But every time I walk in to greet her, she starts reciting a poem in Greek about my beard. I speak a few words of Greek, she knows little English.

But our bond endures despite her having dementia and forgetting that I can't speak Greek literally every minute or so.

I have to try and come up with a response that won't offend her or confuse her or make her try harder to convey her message, every minute..

It's not like it used to be when she would call me Levendi, and knew enough English to tell me that's what I was and it meant strong, honest boy.

It was either that, or, "you hungry?" and she would serve up some of the tastiest Greek cuisine.

She took care of the family, and now it's our turn to take care of her at times, that's what friends are for.

It's challenging at times, and I don't even have to help her with the toilet or change her nappy.

Sorry massive digression and on a tangent about my own stuff, but I want to reiterate don't listen to the naysayers. Trust yourself.

If there's only one thing and one thing only that every successful person has in common, it's that they trust in their ability.

They aren't afraid to trust their intuition and they aren't afraid to fail and make mistakes, not because they don't experience fear or discomfort, because they don't live in it.

Same goes for relationships. If you can't swim and learn to navigate around pitfalls then you're only going to tread water so long before you drown in your relationship problems.

Don't really know where I'm going with this anymore, but it's good to hear that some of the aggression has gone from the dynamic.

Might be a golden opportunity to work through some stuff.

I nearly lost the use of my good hand because I punched through a window out of frustration during a heated argument. They're not the most productive exchanges.

 

[Stevo985]

To be fair I think choosing the moment she has a death in the family to tell her you’re not interested anymore probably wasn’t the best decision you’ve ever made  

[A'Villan]

1 hour ago, Stevo985 said:

To be fair I think choosing the moment she has a death in the family to tell her you’re not interested anymore probably wasn’t the best decision you’ve ever made  

Yeah, I've got to put my hand up and own that one. Thanks for pulling me up on it too.

She's told me not to stress and asked if she can contact me over the weekend, as the funeral is on Monday and her family is priority currently.

Understandable to say the least. Full credit to her for being forgiving and willing to put it to the side to see if something worthwhile comes.

 

[rjw63]

6 minutes ago, A'Villan said:

Yeah, I've got to put my hand up and own that one. Thanks for pulling me up on it too.

She's told me not to stress and asked if she can contact me over the weekend, as the funeral is on Monday and her family is priority currently.

Understandable to say the least. Full credit to her for being forgiving and willing to put it to the side to see if something worthwhile comes.

 

[AvfcRigo82]

On 18/07/2019 at 00:34, A'Villan said:

Castles made of sand, fall in the sea, eventually.

'Liked' for this cracking quote.  

[A'Villan]

Went on a dinner date tonight. Was an enjoyable evening. Played a few rounds of pool after. Good conversation throughout.

I thought this girl was attractive from her pictures but when we met in person, I was taken aback, she is stunning.

I had already established she was intelligent and an achiever from the discussion we'd had prior to meeting. A classy person.

So safe to say this was an evening I wanted to make a good first impression and have some fun at the same time. However, don't know that I did..

I had also had a quite confronting experience two days prior, some heavy stuff went down, and my energy and mood wasn't at it's finest.

So to wrap it up, I don't really know how it went, I left the date with thoughts and feelings that I wasn't quite what this girl was looking for..

But I don't really know what I'm basing that on.. I'm hoping it was just a poor mood and low energy levels playing tricksies on me.

She did a sneaky and paid for our dinner, conversation flowed throughout and we both threw some character compliments the others way.

All good signs I guess.. But I don't know to what extent she was just being polite and pleasant etc.

Anyway, advice on how I could possibly follow up would be appreciated. This is definitely a girl I would like to explore seeing further.

But I also want to respect if the interest isn't there on her side.

 

[Xela]

1 minute ago, A'Villan said:

Went on a dinner date tonight. Was an enjoyable evening. Played a few rounds of pool after. Good conversation throughout.

I thought this girl was attractive from her pictures but when we met in person, I was taken aback, she is stunning.

I had already established she was intelligent and an achiever from the discussion we'd had prior to meeting. A classy person.

So safe to say this was an evening I wanted to make a good first impression and have some fun at the same time. However, don't know that I did..

I had also had a quite confronting experience two days prior, some heavy stuff went down, and my energy and mood wasn't at it's finest.

So to wrap it up, I don't really know how it went, I left the date with thoughts and feelings that I wasn't quite what this girl was looking for..

But I don't really know what I'm basing that on.. I'm hoping it was just a poor mood and low energy levels playing tricksies on me.

She did a sneaky and paid for our dinner, conversation flowed throughout and we both threw some character compliments the others way.

All good signs I guess.. But I don't know to what extent she was just being polite and pleasant etc.

Anyway, advice on how I could possibly follow up would be appreciated. This is definitely a girl I would like to explore seeing further.

But I also want to respect if the interest isn't there on her side.

 

Sounds promising mate. At least you won't message this one telling her you aren't suited after the death of a member of her family 

How was it left? 

Message her saying you had a great evening and ask when is she free so you can return the favour and buy her dinner. No point fannying around - her response will tell you everything you need to know*

 

*I have less luck with the ladies than the Elephant Man, so any advice taken is at your own risk!

 

[chrisp65]

I believe that these days it's good etiquette to follow up from a pleasant first date by sending a picture of your genitalia.

[Mandy Lifeboats]

It's hard to give advice because what one person likes another might not. 

Text - I really enjoyed the date and it would be great to meet up again. When are you free?

Its polite, light and necessitates a reply. 

If she's interested she'll reply. 

If she does, ask her to suggest a place for your second date. If she is unsure then familiar surroundings will help her relax. 

Enjoy. 

 

[A'Villan]

@Xela @Mandy Lifeboats Thanks guys.

Got a return message that was pleasant but ultimately she felt that the chemistry wasn't there for romance.

Would've been punching above my weight anyway, had a good night and it's given me some perspective on what I want for myself.

[A'Villan]

"REEEEEJECTEDDDD!!"

[il_serpente]

If you'd just jumped on @chrisp65's excellent advice a little faster you might have had a chance.  That's the takeaway for next time, I think.

[Rugeley Villa]

You should have just got her hammered. Anything can happen then.

[PompeyVillan]

1 hour ago, il_serpente said:

If you'd just jumped on @chrisp65's excellent advice a little faster you might have had a chance.  That's the takeaway for next time, I think.

There's never a bad time to send a private portrait. In fact, these days it's an expected part of the courting process, perhaps this is why the second date wasn't forthcoming?

Is this the new DHUTWU?