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I went to a wedding just before last Christmas, speeches were an absolute car crash. Father of the bride says a few words, he has some pieces of paper but just rambles shit. It goes on and on and on, eventually his wife gets him to sit down. Everyone has well and truly lost the will. Best man  speech next, he has a few gags in there but everyone was so deflated from the FOTB it was just flat as a pancake. I felt really sorry for him.

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16 minutes ago, Genie said:

I went to a wedding just before last Christmas, speeches were an absolute car crash. Father of the bride says a few words, he has some pieces of paper but just rambles shit. It goes on and on and on, eventually his wife gets him to sit down. Everyone has well and truly lost the will. Best man  speech next, he has a few gags in there but everyone was so deflated from the FOTB it was just flat as a pancake. I felt really sorry for him.

I kept my  FOTB speech short, for that very reason. 

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my memories of my mate's dad's father of the groom speech mean I will be ensuring all speeches at mine will be brief. Was the most uncomfortably 25 minute ramble with awkward humour. I will be brief. 

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2 hours ago, villarule123 said:

Just make up stories about all the things you two have got up to all over the 'years' 

He'll be too hammered to say otherwise anyway. 

That's what I did.

I said the first time I met him, he was in a library, looking at naked African women in a national geographic magazine.  I said I was the leader of a gang, and that to join it, he had to eat a packet of dairy lea dunkers and I also said when he watched Jackie Chan movies, he sellotaped his eyes to look Chinese.

None of it was true, but I said it. 

grin smile GIF

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On 21/08/2019 at 12:44, Ginko said:

I can genuinely only think of one person who I could ask to be best man, and even him I'm not sure of. I barely see my uni mates any more and I never really had any close friends growing up (well, one, but in sixth form my girlfriend at the time cheated on me with him so that put an end to that friendship).

So yeah, @Stevo985 and @StefanAVFC, I may have a job for you in a few year's time.

I can see the speeches now... 'I remember that one time on Rocket League...',  and 'So we were playing GTA Online, right. @lapal_fan had just finished running Rich over for the fiftieth time that night...'

Traitor. 

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I'm thinking just not even doing a speech. At all. I'll mention it to them both. I'll at least say I've attempted it, which I have. 

I think even if I did have something written, I'd probably not physically be able to do it. I have absolutely no idea how people do any king of public speaking. 

Edited by kurtsimonw
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@StefanAVFC

I was recently overlooked as best man by a friend who I am longest serving friend to from the time of his arrival in Australia from England.

We've always been tight and when he told me he was getting married I thought I'd be best man, but he opted for another friend of his.

Sometimes you have to understand that your feelings are about what you want, even if you feel like your way serves others best interests.

Ultimately you should respect your friends freedom to make decisions for himself, regardless of whether or not you want that for them too.

Allow him dignity of risk to make those mistakes that you're seeing him make, you can and should offer your counsel but do so tactfully as a friend.

Then as other have mentioned previously, just do your best to make the most of the experience and be there for your friend if he needs you, in whatever way you can.

I actually ended up missing the stags snowboarding trip that was organised for him because I am not in close contact with his other friend. That was disappointing to miss.

I possibly won't be at the wedding either as flying to England for a few days and back again isn't something I'm committed to just yet. He was disappointed with that.

We've discussed and agreed that our friendship can endure and prosper beyond the marriage, as it has for over a decade and some significant change for us both.

Disappointment is part of negotiating life and as long as you don't live in that disappointment and let it define the experience, it will pass and you can find better ways to live.

Same goes for your bond with this friend of yours who's getting married.

On 24/08/2019 at 04:00, kurtsimonw said:

I'm thinking just not even doing a speech. At all. I'll mention it to them both. I'll at least say I've attempted it, which I have. 

I think even if I did have something written, I'd probably not physically be able to do it. I have absolutely no idea how people do any king of public speaking. 

It helps to be well prepared and familiar with your speech and its purpose when nerves are an issue, so you can focus on that and not any overwhelming anxieties.

My sisters 21st everyone winged their speech except for me, I was so nervous, she's quite the socialite and I didn't want to disappoint, I'm her eldest brother.

I was battling mental health and my own demons at the time of my and my peers 21st birthdays, I'm not sure if I ever attended one if I'm honest.

I didn't know what was expected of me, all I knew was everyone made a big deal of the occasion and this was my only sisters big day. So I spent some hours putting pen to paper.

If you can muster 750 words or 2-3 pages of content on this fella that is genuine and endearing, you've got yourself a 5 minute speech, and I back you to be a success.

As I said, everyone (her boyfriend, our little brother and my mother) didn't prepare anything and winged it, which made for an awkward interval in the festivities.

We had an entire pub booked out for us and the place was packed with all her friends and acquaintances, when speeches were announced I shat bricks.

Thankfully my speech was really well received, people cheered and applauded and a few of her friends approached me afterward congratulating me on my effort.

It was so basic. I simply discussed her qualities and development as a person, and what that's meant for me as a friend and sibling. I didn't go into specific scenarios.

Most of, if not all of, those in attendance burst into laughter when I transitioned from heartfelt compliments about her to making a fart joke.. Just a reminder that she's human.

It wasn't anything special but people appreciated that we were all there to celebrate my sister and that I had actually tried in regards to making speeches an enjoyable part of that.

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I think some people aren't cut out for certain things. My last few jobs have involved speaking in front of people, so it's something I've been doing close to a decade. But it isn't any easier, it's just not part of my makeup. That was just for work too, which to me doesn't matter, whereas this matters. Fortunately both my friend and his wife-to-be have said a speech isn't necessary if I don't feel comfortable. 

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1 hour ago, kurtsimonw said:

I think some people aren't cut out for certain things. My last few jobs have involved speaking in front of people, so it's something I've been doing close to a decade. But it isn't any easier, it's just not part of my makeup.

That's an interesting comment. I've always told people that once you've done it a few times the nerves disappear. Maybe I'm wrong. Personally, I quite enjoy it, even if I'm having to wing it.

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3 hours ago, kurtsimonw said:

I think some people aren't cut out for certain things. My last few jobs have involved speaking in front of people, so it's something I've been doing close to a decade. But it isn't any easier, it's just not part of my makeup. That was just for work too, which to me doesn't matter, whereas this matters. Fortunately both my friend and his wife-to-be have said a speech isn't necessary if I don't feel comfortable. 

I used to be terified talking in senior meetings at work, now it doesn't bother me in the slightest.

On the "speech" thing I'd suggest going for a toast instead. It could in effect be a super short speech, 3 or 4 lines, nobody expecting gags. Just say what a fantastic couple they are and then a toast. Box ticked.

Edited by Genie
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1 hour ago, mjmooney said:

That's an interesting comment. I've always told people that once you've done it a few times the nerves disappear. Maybe I'm wrong. Personally, I quite enjoy it, even if I'm having to wing it.

When you say wing it..?

Are you talking about a scenario where you are confident and competent enough on the subject matter to improvise in the moment and for your delivery to flow freely?

That I can understand, and I'm of the thought, that most people can develop the confidence to at least convey their message and capture interest just with relevant knowledge.

It's when there's little concept for what should be said to the audience or even just poor concentration due to a distraction of some sorts that things can get uncomfortable.

 

 

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2 hours ago, A'Villan said:

When you say wing it..?

Are you talking about a scenario where you are confident and competent enough on the subject matter to improvise in the moment and for your delivery to flow freely?

Oh, sure. You have to have  SOME idea about what you're going to say. But some people really seem to need every word, either written to be read out, or memorised in full. I'm a 'bullet points' guy (and they may be in my head, rather than on paper). If you have to interact with your audience (sensible questions or hecklers), that's another skill entirely. Incidentally, I'm not claiming to be especially good at all this, just that I'm not fazed by having to do it.

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Come on lads, quit with the wedding stuff.

hasn't there been any real relationship shit going on?

Really awkward dates? Reconnecting with schooldays crush? Or even a bit of first date DHUTWU??

Edited by rjw63
shpeelyng
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I always enjoy the sense of anticipation I get when looking at this thread and seeing that  @rjw63 has the last post. 

I agree with him, it’s becoming like the boring thread in here, haven’t you undateable’s got some awful dating stories we can laugh a...I mean help with? 

 

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21 minutes ago, rjw63 said:

Come on lads, quit with the wedding stuff.

hasn't there been any real relationship shit going on?

Really awkward dates? Reconnecting with schooldays crush? Or even a bit of first date DHUTWU??

I've never so felt so connected with my wife, do you know what I mean? 

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33 minutes ago, rjw63 said:

Come on lads, quit with the wedding stuff.

hasn't there been any real relationship shit going on?

Really awkward dates? Reconnecting with schooldays crush? Or even a bit of first date DHUTWU??

After about 5 years of no contact I'm going to have a meal and a beer with a former best friend.

The police got involved on three occasions in the lead up to us going separate ways.

This former friend openly bragged about and tried his best to humiliate me after he f*cked my girlfriend of just about a decade.

So needless to say things got a little uncomfortable between us.

So not sure it's the kind of awkward date you were looking for but it's what you've got to work with until someone else pipes up.

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