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Irreverentad's Relationship Advice Thread


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6 minutes ago, A'Villan said:

After about 5 years of no contact I'm going to have a meal and a beer with a former best friend.

The police got involved on three occasions in the lead up to us going separate ways.

This former friend openly bragged about and tried his best to humiliate me after he f*cked my girlfriend of just about a decade.

So needless to say things got a little uncomfortable between us.

So not sure it's the kind of awkward date you were looking for but it's what you've got to work with until someone else pipes up.

Calling @rjw63 to the relationship thread, that’s @rjw63 to the relationship thread. 

We have an urgent requirement for a DHUTWU 

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15 minutes ago, jackbauer24 said:

What?! Why the hell would you meet up for a drink with this guy?!

Jeez, I've stopped talking to people if they've beaten me at snooker before, never mind all that above :D

I reached out to him a few weeks back and apologised for my part in things getting ugly. I told him we had a lot of good memories and that I wished him well I left it there.

His response was that the apology was accepted and that he too was sorry for the way he behaved and dealt with things, that it was his own issues that caused such behavior.

He went on to congratulate me on my basketball efforts, highlighted that it's great we both are figuring things out and that he'd love to catch up.

I didn't respond initially, and in my mind I thought let's just walk away amicably. I then thanked him for his message but made no effort to accept his wish to meet in person.

I really don't hold a grudge, I don't see who or what it serves, but this guy went so far out of his way to 'cause me emotional unrest, you actually wouldn't believe me. So I'm wary..

I'm a good friend, if I can say that about myself, I don't lead people astray deliberately and in this case all I wanted was the truth so I could move on.

What I got was lies and games and if I'm honest cold hearted and callous attempts to belittle me, at a time when I had placed trust and faith in others integrity.

Whatever.. long, long story short I know this guy has been into a psych ward since we fell out and I get the vibe he could use a friend.

Now that's not going to be me this time around, there will be no reuniting of old friendships here. But I want him to see that I wish him well, despite his abusive mistakes.

And if I can elicit the understanding that the way he went about himself was totally unacceptable, but that I wish him something better than that toxic bullshit.

Well, hopefully he see the light and no one else has to endure what I did as a consequence of his behaviour, maybe even some healthy relationships are down the road for him.

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@A'Villan......reading your posts over the last few months, you strike me as a decent bloke who admits he has/had his demons but is earnest in his efforts to better himself and support those around him.

However, i agree with @jackbauer24....why would you want to even associate with this bloke ?! Sleeping with your girlfriend is bad enough but to humiliate you about it is appalling. 

Yeah, it sounds like he has his issues but as I've got older perhaps I've got more selfish but I've learnt that it's not down to me to fix everyone's problems and I'm no longer going to apologise for everything being my fault.

I'm not having a dig at you. In a way, i guess i admire you. Good luck anyway. 

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2 hours ago, A'Villan said:

After about 5 years of no contact I'm going to have a meal and a beer with a former best friend.

The police got involved on three occasions in the lead up to us going separate ways.

This former friend openly bragged about and tried his best to humiliate me after he f*cked my girlfriend of just about a decade.

So needless to say things got a little uncomfortable between us.

So not sure it's the kind of awkward date you were looking for but it's what you've got to work with until someone else pipes up.

Smash him in the gob with a crowbar, then DHUTWU with Rugeley's cucumber

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3 hours ago, A'Villan said:

After about 5 years of no contact I'm going to have a meal and a beer with a former best friend.

The police got involved on three occasions in the lead up to us going separate ways.

This former friend openly bragged about and tried his best to humiliate me after he f*cked my girlfriend of just about a decade.

So needless to say things got a little uncomfortable between us.

So not sure it's the kind of awkward date you were looking for but it's what you've got to work with until someone else pipes up.

to be honest, any "friend" who sleeps with your long term partner behind your back is someone who had/has literally zero respect for you, i wouldnt call that a friend, no true friend would do that to you.

Add to that trying to humiliate you for it?, guy sounds like a pr**k tbh, steer well clear.

 

 

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1 hour ago, A'Villan said:

I reached out to him a few weeks back and apologised for my part in things getting ugly. I told him we had a lot of good memories and that I wished him well I left it there.

His response was that the apology was accepted and that he too was sorry for the way he behaved and dealt with things, that it was his own issues that caused such behavior.

He went on to congratulate me on my basketball efforts, highlighted that it's great we both are figuring things out and that he'd love to catch up.

I didn't respond initially, and in my mind I thought let's just walk away amicably. I then thanked him for his message but made no effort to accept his wish to meet in person.

I really don't hold a grudge, I don't see who or what it serves, but this guy went so far out of his way to 'cause me emotional unrest, you actually wouldn't believe me. So I'm wary..

I'm a good friend, if I can say that about myself, I don't lead people astray deliberately and in this case all I wanted was the truth so I could move on.

What I got was lies and games and if I'm honest cold hearted and callous attempts to belittle me, at a time when I had placed trust and faith in others integrity.

Whatever.. long, long story short I know this guy has been into a psych ward since we fell out and I get the vibe he could use a friend.

Now that's not going to be me this time around, there will be no reuniting of old friendships here. But I want him to see that I wish him well, despite his abusive mistakes.

And if I can elicit the understanding that the way he went about himself was totally unacceptable, but that I wish him something better than that toxic bullshit.

Well, hopefully he see the light and no one else has to endure what I did as a consequence of his behaviour, maybe even some healthy relationships are down the road for him.

I get not holding a grudge, I get letting things go and I get trying to get closure. But you've done all this in a message - you're obviously a more adjusted person than I am as I couldn't do it - but there is still zero reason to see him in person.

He might be a changed man, have recovered from all his demons etc etc but he's not family and he's not a past lover (?!) so he's burnt that bridge completely with you. No, even in your replies I can see you're still raw from it, do not open that can of worms an inch more. Let someone else be this guys friend!

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1 hour ago, mottaloo said:

@A'Villan......reading your posts over the last few months, you strike me as a decent bloke who admits he has/had his demons but is earnest in his efforts to better himself and support those around him.

However, i agree with @jackbauer24....why would you want to even associate with this bloke ?! Sleeping with your girlfriend is bad enough but to humiliate you about it is appalling. 

Yeah, it sounds like he has his issues but as I've got older perhaps I've got more selfish but I've learnt that it's not down to me to fix everyone's problems and I'm no longer going to apologise for everything being my fault.

I'm not having a dig at you. In a way, i guess i admire you. Good luck anyway. 

Thanks @mottaloo that's both kind and sensible of you to say. I don't really want to associate with him. His actions were appalling.

Believe me, I don't think myself responsible for fixing his problems, that is well beyond my skill or interest.

Just like I hold no grudge, I certainly do not lament our friendship ending either. It's not selfish to protect yourself from toxic behavior that will bring you down.

I will go into any meeting with strict boundaries. Being that if it's not positive, or pleasant, or productive, I'm out and on my way and our paths will not cross again.

I guess it's a complicated and long story but I will afford him one last meeting in person, in the hope that he sees he is forgiven but that it's important he learns better.

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@A'Villan...i mean those words and I do admire your strengths in not only meeting up but the calm determination to pre set boundaries with the self respect to walk away if it doesn't go the way you want it to.

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14 hours ago, A'Villan said:

Thanks @mottaloo that's both kind and sensible of you to say. I don't really want to associate with him. His actions were appalling.

Believe me, I don't think myself responsible for fixing his problems, that is well beyond my skill or interest.

Just like I hold no grudge, I certainly do not lament our friendship ending either. It's not selfish to protect yourself from toxic behavior that will bring you down.

I will go into any meeting with strict boundaries. Being that if it's not positive, or pleasant, or productive, I'm out and on my way and our paths will not cross again.

I guess it's a complicated and long story but I will afford him one last meeting in person, in the hope that he sees he is forgiven but that it's important he learns better.

I'm one of the most grudge-less, understanding and diplomatic people you could meet.  Sometimes to my own detriment.

I think you've done enough in laying the past to rest so you can walk forward with your head held high.

Anything else, including meeting him, is only leaving you vulnerable to further hurt - either through new actions and behaviours or through stark reminders of his initial mistreatment of you.

Walk forward.  Walk away.

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I forgave my mate who did a similar thing without having sex with my missus. He basically kept face timing her off his head on coke and was masturbating to her. He was a very close friend and a fellow Villa fan. We didn’t talk for two years. Then whilst I was kind of sorting some personal shit out and trying to get my head together , I tried to sort a couple of things out in my life. One was my dad  and one was the friend in question . I offered him my hand one day and said look let’s move on from it but things won’t be the same. In time things have gone back to how we used to be before the incident. We go the villa together too whenever I can get him a ticket. Why did I do this? Well he was going through some troubles at the time, and he was using drink and drugs to cope. I’m quite a forgiving person and can be understanding, so I tried to make a bridge between us. 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Sorry lads I put the word "WEDDING" in search tool and it brought me to this thread so I am bringing it back off-topic 😅

Hoping you guys can give me some suggestions (re-route me to another thread if need be) -

I am getting married next year and my fiancee was discussing the seating arrangements (amongst everything else 🙄) and apparently some people have table names addressed for each table (usually things like the couples fave holiday destinations, or fave bands, films ETC) - 

It was new to me TBH, but anyway she has suggested to name the tables with villa themed names - Which I was A ) very shocked she would consider that on her big day and B )  delighted about, because I have been Villa fan for 30+ years, her family know that, my mates all know that etc - But now I am wondering if any of you guys can help with any names ? And if anyone has come across anything like this before? 

My immediate thought were things such as "The Holte End" or "1982" - But then I was struggling ha - Basically I want references to our great club, whether it be trophies won, major players, ETC

Any help would be much appreciated, need about 8 - 10.

cheers

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1 hour ago, WakefieldVillan said:

Sorry lads I put the word "WEDDING" in search tool and it brought me to this thread so I am bringing it back off-topic 😅

Hoping you guys can give me some suggestions (re-route me to another thread if need be) -

I am getting married next year and my fiancee was discussing the seating arrangements (amongst everything else 🙄) and apparently some people have table names addressed for each table (usually things like the couples fave holiday destinations, or fave bands, films ETC) - 

It was new to me TBH, but anyway she has suggested to name the tables with villa themed names - Which I was A ) very shocked she would consider that on her big day and B )  delighted about, because I have been Villa fan for 30+ years, her family know that, my mates all know that etc - But now I am wondering if any of you guys can help with any names ? And if anyone has come across anything like this before? 

My immediate thought were things such as "The Holte End" or "1982" - But then I was struggling ha - Basically I want references to our great club, whether it be trophies won, major players, ETC

Any help would be much appreciated, need about 8 - 10.

cheers

Squeeze it out to 11 and do a Best XI, with the floor plan at the entrance, the formation.

Top table the God table, obv x

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