Irreverentad's Relationship Advice Thread

[mjmooney]

If it's five in one day it would probably give you a crick in your neck. 

[Villan_of_oz]

Im calling total Bollocks. 

[Ingram85]

Yeah that sounds terrible, why 5? Why not 4? Or 6? Very specific and I agree, sounds like total tosh.

Either that or the girl I'm seeing now is the last lucky girl I can slop the ol' tonsil tickler up.

Edited October 20, 2017 by Ingram85

[Davkaus]

You'd think that people submitting a paper to an oncology journal would have an appreciation that correlation doesn't equal causation, but from that article it's not apparent.

I imagine the lifestyle choices of the kind of boring **** who've never had oral sex play more of  apart than the oral sex itself!

 

To be fair, there's a good chance it's that shitrag the Independent misunderstanding the journal to produce another piece of clickbait nonsense. Nothing that those clowns publish is a credible source of news, these days.

Edited October 20, 2017 by Davkaus

[Demitri_C]

@Xela don't worry pal you have still have five opportunities until your at risk  

[villakram]

 

2 hours ago, Davkaus said:

You'd think that people submitting a paper to an oncology journal would have an appreciation that correlation doesn't equal causation, but from that article it's not apparent.

I imagine the lifestyle choices of the kind of boring **** who've never had oral sex play more of  apart than the oral sex itself!

 

To be fair, there's a good chance it's that shitrag the Independent misunderstanding the journal to produce another piece of clickbait nonsense. Nothing that those clowns publish is a credible source of news, these days.

This was handed to a PR monkey who translated it to oral causes cancer, even though a specific part of the study was showing that this is pretty much not the case... bloody PR types. OT: But, we have exactly the same problem and the PR types keep attacking our ability to communicate with the public... idiots!

This study genius. The result is that oral & smoking causes cancer. Design a study on the impact of smoking on the potential to cause head/neck cancer. "Oh, this is all a bit obvious... what about a little oral in there too, you know, it could be causing cancer too  We just don't know, think of the children!".

Result: Most enjoyable research program ever.

Collateral damage: Some sad and frustrated folks this weekend!

 

Edited October 20, 2017 by villakram

[BOF]

Or were they submitted to an omnomcology journal.

Spoiler

 

[Stevo985]

Big talk has been had. We're staying together for now but have acknowledged there's issues we need to fix.

We still might spend some time apart next week if we can figure it out logistically.

[Xela]

8 hours ago, Stevo985 said:

Had the discussion last night.

She was devastated. 

I truly don't know what I want, but she said that's enough to show that we shouldn't be together.

I stayed at my mom's. Going back after work today to have another talk. I think I'm going to suggest some time apart.

Sorry to hear that man, but you've done the right thing in telling her. 

Hope it all works out for the best in the end 

Edited October 20, 2017 by Xela

[bobzy]

8 hours ago, Stevo985 said:

Had the discussion last night.

She was devastated. 

I truly don't know what I want, but she said that's enough to show that we shouldn't be together.

I stayed at my mom's. Going back after work today to have another talk. I think I'm going to suggest some time apart.

Good luck with it all buddy.

FWIW, I ended (to be fair, we ended) my last relationship after being with my girlfriend for over 8 years.  Met at uni, almost best mates, got together eventually.  Everything was sweet for ages but, towards the end (obvs), everything just became... I guess as you said earlier, something wasn't right.  Still got on well, although we did argue a fair bit over small things (nothing major), but the "spark" or something had gone.  I still loved her, but I don't think I was in love with her.  We talked, we decided on a "break" and the reality was that the break was permanent.  Still spoke on the phone every now and again but, yeah, just went back to being friends.

I had the same worries/fears as you - "is this just grass is always greener?" "am I just hurting someone I love for selfish reasons?" etc.  The separation will tell you whether it's the right move or not.  I kept doing everything pretty much as usual whilst "on break" and was absolutely fine overall.  It was upsetting at first, but I think really this was because it was change and new and I didn't want her to be hurt.

4 years on, I've been in my current - and hopefully last! - relationship for 3 years and couldn't be happier.  Relationship is different, more relaxed, overall more happy etc. and I'm due to become a Dad in approx. 2 weeks.

It's a brave move to acknowledge things aren't right.  A break/time apart will let you know.  Just accept that it will be shitty for a little while.  You'll know though, you'll know.  Again, good luck man 

[Xela]

3 hours ago, Demitri_C said:

@Xela don't worry pal you have still have five opportunities until your at risk  

You might as well write my obituary now! 

 

 

Edited October 20, 2017 by Xela

[8pints]

9 hours ago, Demitri_C said:

So I just read that if you have performed oral sex on more than 5 women you are likely to develop head/neck cancer. Whose screwed on here then??!

Being a porn star must suck

[NurembergVillan]

20 minutes ago, 8pints said:

Being a porn star, must suck

Fixed the punctuation on that one for you  

[Midfielder]

Been offline now for the best part of a month. I said months ago, when I fully move into new place new county will join online dating. Did so. Also well good chats some decent women too, genuinely looking for a relationship I'm not just looking to a bunk up. 

Rifht forget that. Here's the deal. Am totally smitten with a quite senior staff member who is entirely unrelated to our dept. She smitten too. We have been absolutely inseparable for a month. Is messed up. Me I'm single no kids. She's married, two kids, husband retired in his thirties the c--- so is basically a house husband. 

Min the space of that month forget the boning, which has been incredible, but are actual soul mates. Not saying that cluelessly. Genuinely are. Same everything. Is crazy. Right so you're thinking she will cheat on you that's how the relationship started. I did perform some top notch "game" originally despite the most ridiculous opener but things are at a serious level now. 

Sorry for long post. My mates reckon she's using me which I deny. Literally inseparable. What's app chats literally all night for days. Finding ways to book fake meetings. Hotels at lunch and going there after work. You name it. Is red hot. I've been in casual things before never like this. 

So irs on the verge of becoming something else. Dunno what to think. Everyone in the dating site just doesn't add up anywhere near her sum. Actually get annoyed by the messages. So yeah what's messed up is they're about to move in two weeks to some badass house. She wants to leave him, they haven't slept in the same bed for months and intimately for longer. She 40 he slightly older. 

Shes concerned that if she waits , she will lose her two kids as he is the primary carer or something she called it plus he's well off and all this n that. Don't get me wrong her wage is double mine easily. But yeah not sure if I'm gonna get f'd over or not. Doesn't feel it. Feels so real. So yeah just throwing that one out there. 

Anyone ever been in something like this and it's actually turned out well? Or always a going back to the husband thing? Her marriage is dead except he's a great dad that's it. Hey have no connection, no intimacy and she makes all the effort. Mates say stop any emotional investment further I say bring it on. Anyway yeah sorry for long post

[lapal_fan]

Knowingly sleeping with a married woman who has two children?

Classy. 

I don't care if he's the biggest asshole on the planet, he'll have his side of the story and have reasons why they're not doing great. 

I think you should be ashamed to be honest. You obviously don't know the potential damage you'll be doing to those kids, especially if they find out (when dad finds out, he'll use your relationship with his wife to turn his kids against her).

I don't care if you're smitten with one another.  I don't care if it's good sex ("finding ways to book fake meetings" - was a particularly distasteful line).  Surely somewhere along the line you have asked yourself if it's ok to stick your turnip in a married womans garden and thought "it's fair game".

Sorry mate, but that's just not ok with me.

Horrible.  I only hope the kids don't find out. 

[HanoiVillan]

1 hour ago, lapal_fan said:

Knowingly sleeping with a married woman who has two children?

Classy. 

I don't care if he's the biggest asshole on the planet, he'll have his side of the story and have reasons why they're not doing great. 

I think you should be ashamed to be honest. You obviously don't know the potential damage you'll be doing to those kids, especially if they find out (when dad finds out, he'll use your relationship with his wife to turn his kids against her).

I don't care if you're smitten with one another.  I don't care if it's good sex ("finding ways to book fake meetings" - was a particularly distasteful line).  Surely somewhere along the line you have asked yourself if it's ok to stick your turnip in a married womans garden and thought "it's fair game".

Sorry mate, but that's just not ok with me.

Horrible.  I only hope the kids don't find out. 

Obviously I have some sympathy, but this does come across a bit Old Testament. 

[Ingram85]

I can't judge as my situation is a little similar in the fact she is married with a kid but I at least waited to start seeing her properly until she had told him that it was over and that she wanted a divorce and it also helped that he is a horrible partner and an even worse father, he is psychotic, disrespectful and an abusive word removed to her and his kid. He doesn't do anything for his son, she does everything, even takes him to football practice and the matches while he sits at home. He treats her as a sub human. Not a nice person and very manipulative. 

I don't think I would have been able to be intimate with her though unless they had at least started to separate with the divorce. We went for walks and dinner a few times but that's all I kept it too, no physical contact at first, then some hand holding but that's as far as it went, as soon as she went down the divorce route though I couldn't hold back any longer, to me that was the green light.

It's a difficult one, life isn't as black and white as 'married' or 'single' so I'm not going to chastise, some people lose out on being with someone infinitely better and more suited because they stay in dead loveless marriages 'for the kids'. The kids will be better off long term seeing their parents happy instead of depressed and fighting. I guess the way midfielder worded all that makes it sound seedy and horrible but I'm sure it's not like that.

I don't know, maybe I'm looking for justification of a bad situation but it doesn't feel like I've done wrong, part of me wishes I'd have waited until they were actually divorced but life isn't that perfect I suppose and I think meeting me was the push she needed, she says I've given her the strength to stand up against him and that even if we didn't work out that she has to separate from him for herself and her son.

Does this make sense? Am I a word removed? 

Edited October 21, 2017 by Ingram85

[brommy]

1 hour ago, Midfielder said:

She's married, two kids, husband retired in his thirties the c--- so is basically a house husband. 

I assume you wouldn't have posted if you didn't want opinions in return, so here goes.

Do you have anything more than her word that she isn't currently intimate with her husband?

Other than what she's told you, how do you know that the truth isn't closer to this:

wife earns more than husband and they make a joint decision that the husband will give up work to bring up the children;

jump a few years and the husband is a great father to the children but has lost some drive in the marriage department;

wife forgets the sacrifices the husband has made and looks for attention elsewhere;

wife finds attention from another man but knows it's not clever to admit to the new man, that whilst she's not totally happy at home, she is still getting some action from her husband.

It's more typical the other way around, i.e. the wife sacrifices her career to bring up the kids, marriage goes a bit stale, husband shags around. I imagine most men having an affair tell their mistress that they are no longer intimate with their wife and it's slightly easier on the mistress' conscience if she believes the marriage is effectively over.

Regarding custody of the children, the courts favour the mother but that's because they are traditionally the primary carer. I don't see why a judge should rule against the primary carer (her husband) in this case, so it's possible she will 'lose' her kids (although it's not as certain as giving custody if the mother was the primary carer).

I wouldn't want to be in your situation and wouldn't have allowed it to develop, so tread carefully.

 

[chrisp65]

3 hours ago, Midfielder said:

Been offline now for the best part of a month. I said months ago, when I fully move into new place new county will join online dating. Did so. Also well good chats some decent women too, genuinely looking for a relationship I'm not just looking to a bunk up. 

Rifht forget that. Here's the deal. Am totally smitten with a quite senior staff member who is entirely unrelated to our dept. She smitten too. We have been absolutely inseparable for a month. Is messed up. Me I'm single no kids. She's married, two kids, husband retired in his thirties the c--- so is basically a house husband. 

Min the space of that month forget the boning, which has been incredible, but are actual soul mates. Not saying that cluelessly. Genuinely are. Same everything. Is crazy. Right so you're thinking she will cheat on you that's how the relationship started. I did perform some top notch "game" originally despite the most ridiculous opener but things are at a serious level now. 

Sorry for long post. My mates reckon she's using me which I deny. Literally inseparable. What's app chats literally all night for days. Finding ways to book fake meetings. Hotels at lunch and going there after work. You name it. Is red hot. I've been in casual things before never like this. 

So irs on the verge of becoming something else. Dunno what to think. Everyone in the dating site just doesn't add up anywhere near her sum. Actually get annoyed by the messages. So yeah what's messed up is they're about to move in two weeks to some badass house. She wants to leave him, they haven't slept in the same bed for months and intimately for longer. She 40 he slightly older. 

Shes concerned that if she waits , she will lose her two kids as he is the primary carer or something she called it plus he's well off and all this n that. Don't get me wrong her wage is double mine easily. But yeah not sure if I'm gonna get f'd over or not. Doesn't feel it. Feels so real. So yeah just throwing that one out there. 

Anyone ever been in something like this and it's actually turned out well? Or always a going back to the husband thing? Her marriage is dead except he's a great dad that's it. Hey have no connection, no intimacy and she makes all the effort. Mates say stop any emotional investment further I say bring it on. Anyway yeah sorry for long post

You don't constantly remind her that the school meeting is on Thursday and little Isabella is still shitting weird after that tummy upset.

You don't chastise her for leaving a soup bowl in a kitchen you've spent all day cleaning up.

You understand her work and what it's like to work there.

You are a novelty, you haven't slipped in to shagging pretty much the same way for 20 years.

A tale as old as time, slight twist with it being a house husband and you not being a secretary.

Life is messy. Only you can decide. Could be real, could be the classic midlife crisis.

[brommy]

3 hours ago, Midfielder said:

Literally inseparable.

Also, you are not literally inseparable. She lives with her husband!