rjw63 Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 2 hours ago, TrentVilla said: You got any hair straighteners? No but I can improvise Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 8 hours ago, rjw63 said: DHUTWU, or I can do it for ya Not sure you would be up to the job now at your age 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 15 hours ago, Rugeley Villa said: Not sure you would be up to the job now at your age Why you cheeky snot-nosed kid, I could teach you a thing or two. Probably get arrested but hey... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colhint Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 I have a problem with the ex. The relationship after the divorce was amicable. However the new bloke on the scene doesn't seem to know how to handle my 14 year old lad. It got to the point where he moved back in with me. Now a lot of the things they go on to him for are quite reasonable, but it's every little misdemeanor pointed out to him. And I don't mean to his face , this goes out on facebook. Nothing he has done has been as bad as my daughter and his own 2 lads. Some of those things were quite bad. His it's more like why didn't you load the dishwasher when you were walking past, or why didn't you put all your clothes in the laundry basket. All reasonable requests. But on facebook. Now I know it only goes to a group, but everything he does wrong is highlighted. When he goes back he says to me what will I be in trouble for this time. It feels like if they were to write a 100 page book about him, paragraph one and two would be his good points and then 99 pages of what he does wrong. A recent example being a holiday they are arranging for next year, 2 families plus a boyfriend and a girlfriend. So once again a new facebook group arranging dates with 4 families. It seemed to take ages to organise. Once it was, he got the You didn't take part in the discussions etc, you need to be proactive etc, lessons in life and all that Jazz. His defense was I'll go when you say, wherever you want, not a problem. The problem was, one wanted a place with a pool, one couldn't travel until a certain date, another want's to know if they could get gluten free. So in all of it he was the least obstructive. But he still gets told off because he wasn't proactive. Thing is he's a good lad, does great at school, has outside interests, even has a job and popular. I'm wondering about my next move. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genie Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 40 minutes ago, colhint said: I'm wondering about my next move. Move him in with you and protect him from this chap as much as you can by keeping him well away. Politely tell him to lay off your lad and if he wants to raise any issues to contact you about them. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RimmyJimmer Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 This is totally unreasonable behaviour. Even if your lad is being a little so and so, you still don't stick it on the bloody internet!!! He's your son, get involved and sort it out. This guy sounds incredibly over powering.....life lessons??? pro active about a holiday???....he's 14 for gods sake! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisp65 Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 try to explain to the prick, possibly via social media, that being a prick on social media just makes you look like a prick 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colhint Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 I need to protect him, but he feels bad for his mom and doesn't want to make life tough for her. A quiet word I think Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted November 2, 2017 Share Posted November 2, 2017 22 hours ago, colhint said: I need to protect him, but he feels bad for his mom and doesn't want to make life tough for her. A quiet word I think It sort of (from my angle) sounds like he's suggesting the right sort of things (I.e. become responsible etc, not a bad thing obviously), BUTTTTTT.. Don't air that on social media - that's awful parenting (bar some circumstances). But also, your kid is 14, I don't know the details, but let him be 14 and try and teach him about responsibility in other ways, not pining down dates for a holiday lol. I think you're suggestion of "a quiet word" is probably right. But at the very least I'd be quite forceful (vocally) about not putting any problems he has on social media, that's really quite pathetic. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginko Posted November 2, 2017 Share Posted November 2, 2017 Sounds like a control freak to me, plus he's not even his father. I'd have a word with you ex first, see what she says then take it up with him. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demitri_C Posted November 2, 2017 Share Posted November 2, 2017 He sounds like a right nob mate 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PompeyVillan Posted November 2, 2017 Share Posted November 2, 2017 First course of action is always best to raise the issue respectfully with the idea that it'll be a two way conversation. Not a 'word' as such. Diplomatically suggest that you'll agree a joint strategy of some kind (even though it's perhaps not a problem to you etc). Having come from a family in similar circumstances as your own it always helps to avoid any 'atmosphere' if possible and you're right to be cautious about giving mum a hard time. Good on ya, that suggests you'll deal with this properly. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted November 3, 2017 Share Posted November 3, 2017 Smash the word removed. 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seat68 Posted November 3, 2017 Share Posted November 3, 2017 We arent a split up family and my daughter is an adult, I made jokey digs at her and things like bin fairies, inability to wash up etc on social media, but as I said we aren't estranged and I am not the boyfriend of her mother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted November 3, 2017 VT Supporter Share Posted November 3, 2017 1 hour ago, Seat68 said: We arent a split up family and my daughter is an adult, I made jokey digs at her and things like bin fairies, inability to wash up etc on social media, but as I said we aren't estranged and I am not the boyfriend of her mother. One of my daughters is not on Facebook. The other one is, and our main interaction on there is recommending bluegrass recordings to each other. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xela Posted November 3, 2017 Share Posted November 3, 2017 "Talk about my son again on social media and i'll break yer legs" That'll do I hate how everything has to be broadcast on social media now. **** off! If you need to set up a group chat then do it via whatsapp so its private and not visible for everyone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted November 8, 2017 Share Posted November 8, 2017 (edited) Not sure I could hold myself back if some clearing in the woods was picking on my kids. If it's warranted fair enough, but even then leave it off social media. Edited November 8, 2017 by Rugeley Villa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted November 8, 2017 Share Posted November 8, 2017 (edited) Well this is where we are at the moment. I'm a month clean of everything this weekend and not only that massive improvements have been made. I'd go as far to say it's the best I've been in 17 years which is when my journey of drink and drugs started. What I have found is that my desire to push sexual boundaries with other people has increased massively. I spoke to my wife this morning and she gets it. When I take coke, it's all about sex with me and I mean dirty sex. We would do things whilst I was high that we would never do sober. Anyway with my complete abstinence of drink and drugs my desire for other people to be involved in our sex life has increased a lot. I know it's just a delusional thought process of withdrawal, and I'm not going to cheat on my wife, it's just a compulsive urge for us both to be a bit more care free. I suppose it's me struggling with everything being "normal". Don't get me wrong I feel great and I'm loving life at the moment, we both are. The kids are much settled too, as they were definitely picking up on things. We are both trying to be more open about things, so I spoke to my wife this morning about my urges. Typical of my wife it turned her on . as I said she totally gets it and understands, but said it's an exciting thought, but that's all it is a thought. I suppose I'm just trying to replace the sex life I had whilst on coke with something extreme like having an open relationship with can be just as destructive as cocaine. I even said the way I am at the moment I could quite happily watch you with another man . It's not just sex, it's gambling too. I'm not spending anymore than I normally do, but I'm getting more of an adrenaline rush from it now I've stopped using. I feel more confident within myself at the moment and so does my wife who has done great in stopping drinking. We are helping each other so much. I'm just yearning for some fresh cream , but I think we both are, or are we? Edited November 8, 2017 by Rugeley Villa 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted November 8, 2017 Share Posted November 8, 2017 22 minutes ago, Rugeley Villa said: Well this is where we are at the moment. I'm a month clean of everything this weekend and not only that massive improvements have been made. I'd go as far to say it's the best I've been in 17 years which is when my journey of drink and drugs started. What I have found is that my desire to push sexual boundaries with other people has increased massively. I spoke to my wife this morning and she gets it. When I take coke, it's all about sex with me and I mean dirty sex. We would do things whilst I was high that we would never do sober. Anyway with my complete abstinence of drink and drugs my desire for other people to be involved in our sex life has increased a lot. I know it's just a delusional thought process of withdrawal, and I'm not going to cheat on my wife, it's just a compulsive urge for us both to be a bit more care free. I suppose it's me struggling with everything being "normal". Don't get me wrong I feel great and I'm loving life at the moment, we both are. The kids are much settled too, as they were definitely picking up on things. We are both trying to be more open about things, so I spoke to my wife this morning about my urges. Typical of my wife it turned her on . as I said she totally gets it and understands, but said it's an exciting thought, but that's all it is a thought. I suppose I'm just trying to replace the sex life I had whilst on coke with something extreme like having an open relationship with can be just as destructive as cocaine. I even said the way I am at the moment I could quite happily watch you with another man . It's not just sex, it's gambling too. I'm not spending anymore than I normally do, but I'm getting more of an adrenaline rush from it now I've stopped using. I feel more confident within myself at the moment and so does my wife who has done great in stopping drinking. We are helping each other so much. I'm just yearning for some fresh cream , but I think we both are, or are we? That's quite interesting. I suppose you must have an addictive personality. I know a guy who (not very well), but he was an alcoholic, went to rehab in South Africa, came back clean, never drank again, but gambled every penny he was given. Then he went back to rehab, came out clean, didn't bet anymore but started robbing. So he got done for robbing and selling his moms car, went to the big house, came out rehabilitated and now he's a full on crack/heroine addict and lives in a hovel with his other crack mates. He'll probably end up dead in the next 10 years unfortunately. His dad died of alcohol related diseases about 4 years ago too. So I guess essentially you're trying to replace the "rush" that you get from Coke. Which is completely understandable when your body is probably craving the same sort of rush. I'd be really careful about the open relationship thing. I've never been interested in it, but I imagine you'd have to both be in completely the same mind set, and absolutely rock solid for it to work. Some people do make it work though. Do you play any sports? I love my Tuesday night football, it's my therapy and release from the normality of life. It's a rush for me and I get a bit down when I don't play. But absolutely huge well done on the 1 month clean mate - keep it up! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted November 8, 2017 Share Posted November 8, 2017 32 minutes ago, lapal_fan said: That's quite interesting. I suppose you must have an addictive personality. I know a guy who (not very well), but he was an alcoholic, went to rehab in South Africa, came back clean, never drank again, but gambled every penny he was given. Then he went back to rehab, came out clean, didn't bet anymore but started robbing. So he got done for robbing and selling his moms car, went to the big house, came out rehabilitated and now he's a full on crack/heroine addict and lives in a hovel with his other crack mates. He'll probably end up dead in the next 10 years unfortunately. His dad died of alcohol related diseases about 4 years ago too. So I guess essentially you're trying to replace the "rush" that you get from Coke. Which is completely understandable when your body is probably craving the same sort of rush. I'd be really careful about the open relationship thing. I've never been interested in it, but I imagine you'd have to both be in completely the same mind set, and absolutely rock solid for it to work. Some people do make it work though. Do you play any sports? I love my Tuesday night football, it's my therapy and release from the normality of life. It's a rush for me and I get a bit down when I don't play. But absolutely huge well done on the 1 month clean mate - keep it up! An open relationship is not really an option tbf. I'm still waiting on a rehab placement. I went there the other week for a look around and a chat. The longer I stay clean the harder it will be to go in. I'm on the verge of starting running. I can't just throw myself into something, I have to build myself up to it. As a whole our relationship is better and everyone is just so much happier. I reached as low as I could risk going the other week and it scared the shit out of us both. Just having these warped sexual fantasies at the moment, all legal of course 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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