mikeyp102 Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 18 hours ago, Rugeley Villa said: Well it's 8 years tomorrow me and my wife have been together. A few ups and downs, but we've made another year. Going out for an Indian over the weekend to celebrate as we don't celebrate our wedding anniversary for one or two reasons. Still the same old moaning at me that I don't make enough effort and don't appreciate her. Same last night in bed going on at me about it, but I just ignore her now she's great though and I'd be lost without her. Congrats mate. Are you still staying clean? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 5 minutes ago, mikeyp102 said: Congrats mate. Are you still staying clean? Thanks at the minute I'm clean of drugs and I'm hardly drinking at the moment, although I went to brum last Saturday and had a few, but I was ok with that. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PieFacE Posted October 6, 2017 VT Supporter Share Posted October 6, 2017 10 hours ago, Davkaus said: Well, 7 months in, the topic of kids seems to have become a dealbreaker. It was a fun run while it lasted... Bugger, sorry to hear that dude. From your end or hers? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davkaus Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 She wants kids, I can't imagine anything worse. I've commented before that being a particularly introverted recluse makes relationships quite hard. She understands that and is fine with me having a couple of nights to just do my own thing and recharge my social interaction batteries, but that's not something I could see really working when there's a screaming baby in the house. I can't imagine having kids and not resenting them for taking over my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 17 minutes ago, Davkaus said: She wants kids, I can't imagine anything worse. I've commented before that being a particularly introverted recluse makes relationships quite hard. She understands that and is fine with me having a couple of nights to just do my own thing and recharge my social interaction batteries, but that's not something I could see really working when there's a screaming baby in the house. I can't imagine having kids and not resenting them for taking over my life. That's pretty sad to be fair (and not in a condescending way, I just find that genuinely sad). I totally understand why people choose not to have kids (selfish rocket polishers, obviously ), but I think your perception of "having kids" is genuinely quite damaged. Is there an underlying reason for that? Were you kicked in the balls by a baby? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davkaus Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 Would you like to talk about my childhood? Someone needs to set up some sort of short term 'rent a baby' service so you can trial it and return them if you decide it's a bit shit. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 8 minutes ago, Davkaus said: Would you like to talk about my childhood? Someone needs to set up some sort of short term 'rent a baby' service so you can trial it and return them if you decide it's a bit shit. I've got 3 kids, so take your pick which one you want for a few days. Seriously though, it's your choice whether you want kids or not, but I echo what lapal said about it being a bit sad that you think that way. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post mjmooney Posted October 6, 2017 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted October 6, 2017 1 hour ago, Davkaus said: I can't imagine having kids and not resenting them for taking over my life. That's the point. You can't imagine it. All I can say is that your own children are completely different from other people's, i.e. 'theoretical' children. When we had our first baby, yes, all the predicted things happened - lost sleep, dirty nappies, crying, tiredness, fewer nights out, even my band broke up. Sounds awful, right? It wasn't. I can't really explain the compensations, because, again, they just sound theoretical and clichéd. But I certainly don't regret it. And now I'm doing (much of) it all over again as a grandad. Same experience - a knackering job that screws up my free time and interferes with my hobbies. I know it's corny, but a big smile and a hug and an "I love you Grandpa" smashes everything else out of the park. 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted October 6, 2017 VT Supporter Share Posted October 6, 2017 1 hour ago, lapal_fan said: That's pretty sad to be fair (and not in a condescending way, I just find that genuinely sad). I totally understand why people choose not to have kids (selfish rocket polishers, obviously ), but I think your perception of "having kids" is genuinely quite damaged. Is there an underlying reason for that? Were you kicked in the balls by a baby? It's because kids are really **** annoying. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 10 minutes ago, Stevo985 said: It's because kids are really **** annoying. Your own kids aren't. I fail to see how people can't relate to being and annoying kid - it wasn't long ago when were them! Also, what specifically annoys you? The crying (which only happens when they want something), the running around restaurants? It can't be everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post lapal_fan Posted October 6, 2017 Popular Post Share Posted October 6, 2017 17 minutes ago, mjmooney said: That's the point. You can't imagine it. All I can say is that your own children are completely different from other people's, i.e. 'theoretical' children. When we had our first baby, yes, all the predicted things happened - lost sleep, dirty nappies, crying, tiredness, fewer nights out, even my band broke up. Sounds awful, right? It wasn't. I can't really explain the compensations, because, again, they just sound theoretical and clichéd. But I certainly don't regret it. And now I'm doing (much of) it all over again as a grandad. Same experience - a knackering job that screws up my free time and interferes with my hobbies. I know it's corny, but a big smile and a hug and an "I love you Grandpa" smashes everything else out of the park. Nail, meet head Mines 3 in January - he can be ruddy testing, particularly when you want to go to work and he doesn't want to do something like putting his clothes on! And sometimes, you do get angry (although you never show that anger, you just become more authoritative, or try to!), you get annoyed at things like the constant tidying up, the amount of washing is incredible, we've been really lucky with bedtime and sleeping (down at 7/7.30, up at 6.30 and not much in between!), there are stresses and strains with your wife etc etc. But the absolute magic of showing him something for the first time, him working out the world around him, him becoming a little citizen and turning out nice for a day out, the questions he asks, his turns of phrase as he learns to talk - but not quite right, his first steps, the first time he uses a spoon, the first time he took a stand up piss, the bath time fun we have, the first time we kicked a ball down the park, his reactions to animals, trees and nature, the way you think he's becoming independent but then he rests his head on your arm for comfort when he's tired, his little pyjamas and dressing gown, using the potty, singing in the car, being silly with him, how different he is with the special people in his life, counting numbers, ABC'ing, some of the random shit he picks up from his mates at nursery and when he comes up to you after a crap days work and says "daddy, will you be my best friend?" and any of other mundane things you think of - they're THE BEST things again. And he's still only 2! I've still got going running with him, taking him to the football, school, camping, holidays, going on a plane, going abroad and showing him all the stuff he doesn't even know about yet!! - IT'S AWESOME But I still understand why people choose not to have them, because they do take up your time/resources - It's a bit like me with other peoples pets, they annoy me and I don't see the point. Difference makes the world go round I guess - but I'll teach him that down the line 12 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackbauer24 Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 Ah the kids argument... I understand both sides of the debate but don't understand why some people simply can't get their head around the idea of someone not wanting kids. It doesn't make them broken or weird or anything, just means it's not for them. I love kids, I have endless patience with them and they don't annoy me. I can teach 30 screaming 5 year olds a day or 30 grumpy 11 year olds a day and enjoy spending time with both. But I never want kids. Some people say it's selfish and there is an element of that; I need my own space (like the poster before, social interaction can be physically tiring) and I don't want to spend all my money and time on compromises. I like dropping things and going travelling, I like staying in bed til noon if me and the gf want to and I like the freedom of having no dependants affords. But I also don't think I'd want to bring a child in to this world. I often here 'we', 'us' or 'I' but never about their hopes for the child. What can I offer a child - a broken world, a ever shortening innocent childhood, heavy debts from education, poor work opportunities, work til you die... yeah ok, bit depressing but you get my point. I don't want to be selfish and inflict 'life' on yet another human being just so I can 'complete' my family or find them cute in a Villa top. The amount of crap I see my nieces and nephews having to go through in this day and age is terrifying. Their parents love them and support them but the world is making it harder and harder for people to succeed and be happy. They say all parents worry, I just can't imagine what level that must be in this age. To me it's like buying a cat whilst you live in a tiny apartment on the top floor of a block of flats; it's cute, it makes you feel good but it has a shitty limited life. I may be veering dangerously towards giving away my view of life....! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted October 6, 2017 VT Supporter Share Posted October 6, 2017 No, that's a valid argument, and I'm not saying there's anything wrong with choosing to be childless. I was just trying to address the "I can't imagine it" issue. Nobody can, so it's a bit of a leap of faith. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 I bet every generation worried what the world was going to be like for their kids when they were older. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted October 6, 2017 VT Supporter Share Posted October 6, 2017 (edited) 27 minutes ago, lapal_fan said: Your own kids aren't. I fail to see how people can't relate to being and annoying kid - it wasn't long ago when were them! Also, what specifically annoys you? The crying (which only happens when they want something), the running around restaurants? It can't be everything. Basically everything. There's nothing worse than going to a nice restaurant, or getting to a nice hotel, or getting on a flight, or getting to the cinema etc and there's kids there. Guaranteed to ruin it. Edited October 6, 2017 by Stevo985 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 (edited) 3 minutes ago, Stevo985 said: Basically everything. There's nothing worse than going to a nice restaurant, or getting to a nice hotel, or getting on a flight, or getting to the cinema etc and there's kids there. Guaranteed to ruin it. Fair enough. I wouldn't take my kid to a nice restaurant though - not yet - not fair on other people. Nice hotel? There are plenty of adults only nice hotels, so maybe you're just choosing the wrong ones Cinema - I wouldn't take my kid to a screening that isn't for children (like a Saturday matinee). A flight? You just gotta suck that one up I'm afraid, you big pussy - Or go first class, you poor or summat? EDIT - I understand that I'm not a perfect parent, but the people that do take their kids to 12a on a friday night need shooting Or the Ritz for dinner. Edited October 6, 2017 by lapal_fan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 3 minutes ago, Stevo985 said: Basically everything. There's nothing worse than going to a nice restaurant, or getting to a nice hotel, or getting on a flight, or getting to the cinema etc and there's kids there. Guaranteed to ruin it. Don't get this as we were all kids at one point. There is a woman who lives a few doors down and she hates kids and don't mind admitting it. She moans when they are playing in the street, I mean really? She was never a kid herself then. Must admit there are certain restaurants I won't take my kids too, as I think some places are not suitable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 3 minutes ago, lapal_fan said: Fair enough. I wouldn't take my kid to a nice restaurant though - not yet - not fair on other people. Nice hotel? There are plenty of adults only nice hotels, so maybe you're just choosing the wrong ones Cinema - I wouldn't take my kid to a screening that isn't for children (like a Saturday matinee). A flight? You just gotta suck that one up I'm afraid, you big pussy - Or go first class, you poor or summat? There are plenty of adults that can ruin all that too. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted October 6, 2017 Moderator Share Posted October 6, 2017 18 minutes ago, lapal_fan said: Nail, meet head Mines 3 in January - he can be ruddy testing, particularly when you want to go to work and he doesn't want to do something like putting his clothes on! And sometimes, you do get angry (although you never show that anger, you just become more authoritative, or try to!), you get annoyed at things like the constant tidying up, the amount of washing is incredible, we've been really lucky with bedtime and sleeping (down at 7/7.30, up at 6.30 and not much in between!), there are stresses and strains with your wife etc etc. But the absolute magic of showing him something for the first time, him working out the world around him, him becoming a little citizen and turning out nice for a day out, the questions he asks, his turns of phrase as he learns to talk - but not quite right, his first steps, the first time he uses a spoon, the first time he took a stand up piss, the bath time fun we have, the first time we kicked a ball down the park, his reactions to animals, trees and nature, the way you think he's becoming independent but then he rests his head on your arm for comfort when he's tired, his little pyjamas and dressing gown, using the potty, singing in the car, being silly with him, how different he is with the special people in his life, counting numbers, ABC'ing, some of the random shit he picks up from his mates at nursery and when he comes up to you after a crap days work and says "daddy, will you be my best friend?" and any of other mundane things you think of - they're THE BEST things again. And he's still only 2! I've still got going running with him, taking him to the football, school, camping, holidays, going on a plane, going abroad and showing him all the stuff he doesn't even know about yet!! - IT'S AWESOME But I still understand why people choose not to have them, because they do take up your time/resources - It's a bit like me with other peoples pets, they annoy me and I don't see the point. Difference makes the world go round I guess - but I'll teach him that down the line What a lovely post you old softy 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 (edited) 2 minutes ago, BOF said: What a lovely post you old softy I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT HIS REACTION TO STEAM TRAINS!!! Santa Express for the 3rd time this xmas! Edited October 6, 2017 by lapal_fan 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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