mjmooney Posted February 1, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted February 1, 2013 Obviously it's hard to advise when you don't know how the 2 people usually socialise within work but certainly on the face of it I'd say learning any Hungarian will definitely be a fairly transparent move. That's not a bad thing though. Now it'd be different if it was a language you'd come across normally, like a French, Spanish or German. At least then you could be seen to reasonably know a basic vocabulary without suspicion. But Hungarian? Robot? Kiosk? No, hang on, that's Czech. It's no good, you'll just have to find a Czech woman. Who's interested in robots. And kiosks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villaajax Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 Obviously it's hard to advise when you don't know how the 2 people usually socialise within work but certainly on the face of it I'd say learning any Hungarian will definitely be a fairly transparent move. That's not a bad thing though. Now it'd be different if it was a language you'd come across normally, like a French, Spanish or German. At least then you could be seen to reasonably know a basic vocabulary without suspicion. But Hungarian? Any words you're likely to know in that language, IMO (and assuming she's not totally oblivious - they rarely are), give a fairly blatant hint that you only know them to use on her. But don't get me wrong. That could be a very good thing! If she likes you then you're quids in (read - sorted). If not, then at least you know where you stand. Don't die wondering. Well she did actually tell me a few words in Hungarian herself a while ago, back when my nan had a Hungarian carer I asked her if she could tell me a few basic things in Hungarian so she told me how to say 'Hello' 'Good day' 'How are you?', I only really asked as a way to get into a conversation with her but I have used the basics 'Hello', 'How are you' and 'Goodbye' when we've spoken over the instant messenger at work, actually I even went as far as to tell her 'Happy Birthday'. One thing I forgot to mention (my memory seems to be coming back with having no caffeine) is that I do actually have some Hungarian in me from a great great grandfather and we spoke about that so I guess learning a bit more Hungarian isn't that suspicious, she told me she'd be happy to answer any questions I had about Hungary. I'm still trying to get the courage to ask her out, she might not even be single and to be honest I can't think of a single thing to offer her, shes a lot more successful than I am Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PompeyVillan Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Pah, you need Gok Wan to strip you naked, tell you to be confident and then put some ridiculous clothes on you. You can offer her, you. Which is enough, if she turns you down, move onto the next one. Or tell her you have a penis like a can of coke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Djemba_Villan Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 (edited) Thought it would be worth getting people's opinions on my own saga. I'm more than prepared to be told i'm an idiot btw. So...I moved away for a grad job, start a new life etc. Working at a place with few women. A few months in a new admin girl appears who was stunning. Unfortunately she had a boyfriend, but I became good mates with her. I should point out this BF of hers is the definition of a dick. I have no idea why she stays with him at all as he sounds like the biggest arse Ive ever heard of in my entire life..I wont bore you with why but trust me. Anyway, things between her and her BF were VERY rocky and we became close, she eventually split up from him and we moved things up a notch. We got on stupidly well, arranging holidays, loads of flirting - It came to a point where she came over to my place, she slept in my bed but we didn't do anything. I didn't make a 'move' because it seemed to me that she wasn't over her BF at all, she was a bit confused, and I didn't want to be the rebound so thought i'd play the long game. She respected this and we continued to see each other.She slowly got back with her ex, which I expected and although gutted, took on the chin but we carried on being mates. I have a lad-mate at work, who has a long distance girlfriend whom I know this girl was also fairly keen on besides me. Anyway, just before Christmas, out of the blue, this girl totally stopped talking to me, tried avoiding me and it was a very strange time. She was going through a rough time, so I put it down to that, but oddly she still maintained lots of contact with this other guy, whilst ignoring me. I was pretty cut up over Xmas with the feeling that i'd lost out and that she was probably going to go off with him when we all returned after xmas. Over Xmas she seemed to get over whatever it was and became friendly again (she was now happily back with her BF again)...everything was good, until they hit another rocky patch. Now, things have evolved such that I feel a bit of a strange third wheel. Her and my mate at work often arrange get-togethers, and always invite me along (bar once). She even sleeps over at his occasionally, but sleeps in the living room..so I don't think they've 'don't anything' but I fear its only a matter of time. This lad does happen to have a conveniently placed flat and we often stay round his, I usually sleep with her on the floor of the living room. They may be waiting until my mate breaks up with his GF in person. Either way..it sucks. It used to me me and the girl arranging things and inviting others. I'd started to accept the fact and try to move on, but I get mixed signals, even though things between me and this girl aren't the same as before, I got a text the other night when she was round his (after we'd all been out for a meal) saying "Wish you were staying over" ... my head wants to explode. We also arranged a day trip to London which didn't happen in the end because she didn't want to lie to her BF (even though I thought they had broken up). I haven't bought all this up in conversation yet for fear of coming across as paranoid/jealous..which I am but I don't want her to know that Ever increasingly recently it seems that whenever she has free time and wants to do something, she doesn't let me know, but I always get invited. I just wish if her and this lad were going to get together it'd happen and I didn't have to wonder. Conveniently, my mate has mentioned that he is struggling more and more with his long term relationship which will no doubt end when he meets her soon.I also found out on Friday that this girl and my mate have discussed trip plans too. I have noticed she flirts with him infront of me a lot, making excuses to touch him, joking etc.. but she is a fairy flirty person in general. I wish I could just forget about her, but I cant emphasise enough that she is by far the soundest girl i've ever known, we can talk forever and have a scary amount in common and i'm constantly being told how much of a good couple we'd make.The thing which kills me is that her and this mate of mine are the only 2 people at work I genuinely really get on with and talk about things o/s work. If they get together I don't know how I'll be able to watch them together, knowing It could have easily been me....I want to break contact but that leaves me with a small social circle for now...but I do realise I probably just need to grow a pair I know it sounds spiteful...but I can cope with losing out to her ex, even losing out to another guy...but to lose out to this mate, who I now realise has played quite a sneaky game - I'd be destroyed. I'm struggling to see a way back in for me, I want to blurt everything out but fear that it'd mean we could never even be mates..and dont know if that would ruin my chances in the long run. Anyway, this was a good exercise to get stuff off my chest...I probably need people to tell me i'm a dick as I can only over-analyse it in my mind for so long. Edited February 3, 2013 by Djemba_Villan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram85 Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Tell her to stop being an attention seeking needy little bitch when she's around you and tell your 'mate' to **** off. Both sound like too much hard work and your better off away from the both of them otherwise you'll end up losing the plot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xela Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 She's a cock tease mate. Loves the attention. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Tell her how you feel. If you get knocked back at least you'll know and be able to get on with things Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimzk5 Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Your mistake was not slipping one up her when she stopped over Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Milfner Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Tell her how you feel. If you get knocked back at least you'll know and be able to get on with things I am astounded that your reply wasn't simply "DHUTWU". Sensible advice?! You've gone soft. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonno_2004 Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Your mistake was not slipping one up her when she stopped over Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NurembergVillan Posted February 3, 2013 Moderator Share Posted February 3, 2013 You're in the Friend Zone right now matey. You may as well drop it on her toes. You clearly can't just be friends with her so it's shit or bust really. That "mate" of yours needs to stop mugging off both his Mrs and you. Sounds like a pecker. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr_Pangloss Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 You should have just got your cock out for her, then you'd know either way based on her reaction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demitri_C Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 thats where you are and my experience once your if your in this zone with a chick thats it, it wont change. just move on and she does seem like a attention seeker 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chindie Posted February 3, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted February 3, 2013 ...Or tell her you have a penis like a can of coke. ...how do you say that in Hungarian? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PompeyVillan Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 ...how do you say that in Hungarian? Van egy pénisz, mint egy doboz kóla. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Tell her how you feel. If you get knocked back at least you'll know and be able to get on with things I am astounded that your reply wasn't simply "DHUTWU". Sensible advice?! You've gone soft. In my defence I had just had the ride, otherwise it would have been my usual reply Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarethRDR Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Thought it would be worth getting people's opinions on my own saga. I'm more than prepared to be told i'm an idiot btw. So...I moved away for a grad job, start a new life etc. Working at a place with few women. A few months in a new admin girl appears who was stunning. Unfortunately she had a boyfriend, but I became good mates with her. I should point out this BF of hers is the definition of a dick. I have no idea why she stays with him at all as he sounds like the biggest arse Ive ever heard of in my entire life..I wont bore you with why but trust me. Anyway, things between her and her BF were VERY rocky and we became close, she eventually split up from him and we moved things up a notch. We got on stupidly well, arranging holidays, loads of flirting - It came to a point where she came over to my place, she slept in my bed but we didn't do anything. I didn't make a 'move' because it seemed to me that she wasn't over her BF at all, she was a bit confused, and I didn't want to be the rebound so thought i'd play the long game. She respected this and we continued to see each other.She slowly got back with her ex, which I expected and although gutted, took on the chin but we carried on being mates. I have a lad-mate at work, who has a long distance girlfriend whom I know this girl was also fairly keen on besides me. Anyway, just before Christmas, out of the blue, this girl totally stopped talking to me, tried avoiding me and it was a very strange time. She was going through a rough time, so I put it down to that, but oddly she still maintained lots of contact with this other guy, whilst ignoring me. I was pretty cut up over Xmas with the feeling that i'd lost out and that she was probably going to go off with him when we all returned after xmas. Over Xmas she seemed to get over whatever it was and became friendly again (she was now happily back with her BF again)...everything was good, until they hit another rocky patch. Now, things have evolved such that I feel a bit of a strange third wheel. Her and my mate at work often arrange get-togethers, and always invite me along (bar once). She even sleeps over at his occasionally, but sleeps in the living room..so I don't think they've 'don't anything' but I fear its only a matter of time. This lad does happen to have a conveniently placed flat and we often stay round his, I usually sleep with her on the floor of the living room. They may be waiting until my mate breaks up with his GF in person. Either way..it sucks. It used to me me and the girl arranging things and inviting others. I'd started to accept the fact and try to move on, but I get mixed signals, even though things between me and this girl aren't the same as before, I got a text the other night when she was round his (after we'd all been out for a meal) saying "Wish you were staying over" ... my head wants to explode. We also arranged a day trip to London which didn't happen in the end because she didn't want to lie to her BF (even though I thought they had broken up). I haven't bought all this up in conversation yet for fear of coming across as paranoid/jealous..which I am but I don't want her to know that Ever increasingly recently it seems that whenever she has free time and wants to do something, she doesn't let me know, but I always get invited. I just wish if her and this lad were going to get together it'd happen and I didn't have to wonder. Conveniently, my mate has mentioned that he is struggling more and more with his long term relationship which will no doubt end when he meets her soon.I also found out on Friday that this girl and my mate have discussed trip plans too. I have noticed she flirts with him infront of me a lot, making excuses to touch him, joking etc.. but she is a fairy flirty person in general. I wish I could just forget about her, but I cant emphasise enough that she is by far the soundest girl i've ever known, we can talk forever and have a scary amount in common and i'm constantly being told how much of a good couple we'd make.The thing which kills me is that her and this mate of mine are the only 2 people at work I genuinely really get on with and talk about things o/s work. If they get together I don't know how I'll be able to watch them together, knowing It could have easily been me....I want to break contact but that leaves me with a small social circle for now...but I do realise I probably just need to grow a pair I know it sounds spiteful...but I can cope with losing out to her ex, even losing out to another guy...but to lose out to this mate, who I now realise has played quite a sneaky game - I'd be destroyed. I'm struggling to see a way back in for me, I want to blurt everything out but fear that it'd mean we could never even be mates..and dont know if that would ruin my chances in the long run. Anyway, this was a good exercise to get stuff off my chest...I probably need people to tell me i'm a dick as I can only over-analyse it in my mind for so long. Punch her in the tits. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted February 3, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted February 3, 2013 (edited) Djemba, serious answer, brutally honest, you're the backup. Not totally friendzone, she's clearly attracted to you, but not enough to make anything of it. The reason she sends you signals and acts that way is so that you'll always be there. You're only way out is to tell her how you feel, and that if you can't make anything of it, you don't want to be just friends. Either she'll realise she wants you when the risk of losing you is put in front of her. Or you'll make a clean break and it'll be easier to get over it. If she doesn't fancy you now, it's NOT going to suddenly change one day. It doesn't happen. Telling her is your only hope. If you don't and stay in the friendzone, she'll never change her mind. And one day she'll find someone else (if she hasn't already) and you'll be the one hurt. Pull off the plaster, get it over with. Edited February 3, 2013 by Stevo985 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voinjama Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Djemba, never play second fiddle. Have more pride then that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hogso Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 You should have just got your cock out for her, then you'd know either way based on her reaction. Yeah. Although I was going to say next time you 'sleep next to her on the floor of yer mates' or whatever, have a noisy wank. Make sure she is still awake ofc. Say her name. If you're close enough, stroke her hair too. I am reminded of that scene in romeo brass "there it is then. Have a go on that. That's what you wanted ain't it?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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