Ginko Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 (edited) I've been in a similar situatio when I was 17 Djemba. It didn't end very well for me, though obviously I'm not saying that it will end that way for you. The girl just didn't know what she wanted and she was emotionally immature, which was a crying shame because, like you and this girl, we got on amazingly, had loads in common, always laughing and flirting. Then we started dating and two days later she dumped me out of the blue telling me that one of her other guy friends was in love with her and she couldn't be with me because it hurt him too much. This wasn't completely untrue, her best friend did have a thing for her, but she didn't give a ****. Two weeks later, I'm at a friend's 18th birthday party, the healing process had just begun and I was having fun. In she walks, arm in arm with my best friend. Turns out he had told her how he felt about her as soon as me and her made it official and she had chosen him over me. It hurt a lot, being betrayed by a friend and a girl I thought I was in love with. We stayed friends, but I still had feelings for her. I guess my plan was to just be there for her, because eventually my friend would **** up. He had a poor track history with women, and sure enough he cheated on her, multiple times. I didn't ever tell her, I was in a hard place because obviously I wanted to, but bros before hoes and all that, what can I say, I was 17 and had more loyalty than he ever did clearly. Things between them were always full of drama, they'd fight constantly and a lot of the time over me. She would play me against him and tell him that she fancied me and thought I was better looking and she'd be better off with me than him, just to make him jealous. She'd also flirt with me and give me little hints that she still had a thing for me. She strung me along basically, but it was all because she loved the attention. Anyway, cutting a long story short, they were on and off again for a year and then I went off to uni. Within a few weeks of me being away, she calls me up to tell me how much she misses me, more than she thought and that she'd broken up with my friend. She asked if she could come to visit and I said sure, but I'd been enjoying my first year of uni a lot and frankly I was pretty much over her. We had fun when she stayed over, we didn't do anything. She went home and texted me that night that after being with me again, she didn't feel THAT way about me. Either way, she didn't know what she wanted and she loved the attention. Obviously I don't know this girl you're on about, but she sounds very similar to the girl I knew. I'd tell her how you feel, but honestly, she sounds like too much hard work and I think you're viewing her through rose-tinted specs. She sounds emotionally immature and, no offence, but it doesn't sound like she's sure she really wants you, but she wants you there to pine for her, someone that makes her feel good about herself. She doesn't sound like girlfriend material to me I'm afraid. Successful relationships don't start off by being hard work. They flow naturally, that's how you know you've met someone special. At least, that's what I think. Obviously all relationships have trying times, but not before they've even started. They're just not worth it if that's the case. Edited February 3, 2013 by Ginko Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Djemba_Villan Posted February 5, 2013 Share Posted February 5, 2013 (edited) Can I just say guys, you've been a great help. I think I just needed a few people to point out that she may not be the "be all and end all" that I sadly have probably painted her as over the last couple of months. To be honest, whether he's an arse or not...the way she talks to other - obviously interested - guys about her BF issues probabluy should have been a bit of a signal; and just isn't how things should be done in my book. Especially when the cycle repeats and she still goes back to him perfectly innocently. Lets be honest...you dont make future plans with other men while you're in a relationship with someone, even if things aren't going that well. If things were to work out, it would probably be me in her BF's shoes being paranoid about her talking about our issues to other interested guys anyway. She is a bit younger, she's only 19, mature in most ways but this might be a sign of immaturity. I think I'll hold off saying anything just yet, if I feel differently ill wait until a good time...though I dont think i've had the opportunity to speak to her 1 on 1 for a while now. I think your comments have helped put things into context and I'm no longer feeling shit about it all, infact, she was in a strop yesterday with both me and my mate and I very happily just left her to it all day. I probably did miss out on my opportunity, and got placed in the friend-zone as some have said. I was teteting on the edge for a while after the event i'd say...but tbh..I really dont care that much any more, I'm making bigger efforts to meet more people now so hopefully i'll be able to just leave them to it if the inevitable happens.it's a lesson learned and lets face it..if it was going to happen the way I really really want(ed) it to...then it would have happend by now. Edited February 5, 2013 by Djemba_Villan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brommy Posted February 5, 2013 Share Posted February 5, 2013 D_V, you know you have come to the correct conclusion, especially her not being the "be all and end all". Just ensure you stick to it! Even your posts have shown more maturity than she sounds capable of and she definitely does not sound the right kind of partner for you. Make a permanent emotional break and enjoy yourself looking elsewhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
islingtonclaret Posted February 6, 2013 Share Posted February 6, 2013 (edited) Wow Ginko, when you left for Uni - should have changed phones. That's not supposed to be clever or sarcastic....honestly! Edited February 6, 2013 by islingtonclaret Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginko Posted February 6, 2013 Share Posted February 6, 2013 (edited) Wow Ginko, when you left for Uni - should have changed phones. That's not supposed to be clever or sarcastic....honestly! Ha, to break off all contact you mean? Probably, but after she came to visit, things died down between us. I've seen her here and there in the years since. I'm fine with hanging out with her, I have no feelings for her either way. I think she's a bit more mature nowadays anyway. I think being in my first year of Uni definitely helped. You can't help but be busy and meet lots of new and interesting people and it put things in perspective for me. Djemba, I think you're doing the right thing. Of course, knowing how difficult wome can be, as soon as you stop giving her attention and start acting like you don't care, she'll probably tell you that she fancies you. Sod's Law. Edited February 6, 2013 by Ginko Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chindie Posted February 7, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted February 7, 2013 I spoke to the girl from admin today, we had a quick chat over a broken printer. She's actually really nice. I totally forgot to tell her who the **** I am. Still, I guess thats the ice kinda broken - for once the printer being bust was useful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeyp102 Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 (edited) Ok not really relationship advice needed, just a general query. Girlfriend and I been together just over two yrs.. Thing is we are getting bored of doing the same things when we go out...our usual stuff are: pub, go out to eat, cinema, bingo (I know old before my time), or she comes round mine... Any ideas on anything different we could do? Would mainly be after work on an evening. Missis isn't into bowling or sport in general. Edited February 9, 2013 by mikeyp102 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimzk5 Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 Ok not really relationship advice needed, just a general query. Girlfriend and I been together just over two yrs.. Thing is we are getting bored of doing the same things when we go out...our usual stuff are: pub, go out to eat, cinema, bingo (I know old before my time), or she comes round mine... Any ideas on anything different we could do? Would mainly be after work on an evening. Missis isn't into bowling or sport in general. Dogging. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xela Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 Ok not really relationship advice needed, just a general query. Girlfriend and I been together just over two yrs.. Thing is we are getting bored of doing the same things when we go out...our usual stuff are: pub, go out to eat, cinema, bingo (I know old before my time), or she comes round mine... Any ideas on anything different we could do? Would mainly be after work on an evening. Missis isn't into bowling or sport in general. Weekends away? It doesn't need to be expensive. Or you could just go out on day trips at the weekend? Are you bored of doing the same thing? Or bored of each other? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeyp102 Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 (edited) Ok not really relationship advice needed, just a general query. Girlfriend and I been together just over two yrs.. Thing is we are getting bored of doing the same things when we go out...our usual stuff are: pub, go out to eat, cinema, bingo (I know old before my time), or she comes round mine... Any ideas on anything different we Icould do? Would mainly be after work on an evening. Missis isn't into bowling or sport in general.[/ Ok not really relationship advice needed, just a general query. Girlfriend and I been together just over two yrs.. Thing is we are getting bored of doing the same things when we go out...our usual stuff are: pub, go out to eat, cinema, bingo (I know old before my time), or she comes round mine... Any ideas on anything different we could do? Would mainly be after work on an evening. Missis isn't into bowling or sport in general. Weekends away? It doesn't need to be expensive. Or you could just go out on day trips at the weekend? Are you bored of doing the same thing? Or bored of each other? We do weekends away when she is off work. It's more stuff to do in the evening when we see each other (as neither of us ha our own place). Just bored of doing the same stuff week in week out. Edited February 10, 2013 by mikeyp102 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob182 Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 mikeyp102, Staying in and watching TV/Dvds? Going to a mates house or inviting your mates/mates gfs to your house for some drinks. If you're always going out and doing things, I imagine you have to keep the conversation going constantly (unless you're in the cinema) which I could imagine would be a little bit tiring, and even forced. Any couple, no matter how perfect for each other, aren't going to be able to keep a conversation going constantly, and I could imagine that might put a bit of a strain on things if you feel you're running out of interesting things to talk about. (I might be wrong, that's just my take on it!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shillzz Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 Get a dog and take it for walks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob182 Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 I think this is the first time in, probably close to 9 years, that I will be single for Valentine's Day and my birthday (early March). I don't like this. I may have to pounce on a female in Birmingham tonight, just to have someone to hold.... down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarewsEyebrowDesigner Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 Valentine's Day is a load of old shite. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted February 12, 2013 Moderator Share Posted February 12, 2013 Why the hell would you try and emergency-snag a girl 2 days before one of the most expensive days of the year? Madness. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFCforever1991 Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 Great logic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyM3000 Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 Ok not really relationship advice needed, just a general query. Girlfriend and I been together just over two yrs.. Thing is we are getting bored of doing the same things when we go out...our usual stuff are: pub, go out to eat, cinema, bingo (I know old before my time), or she comes round mine... Any ideas on anything different we could do? Would mainly be after work on an evening. Missis isn't into bowling or sport in general. You are probably just more bored with life than with her or each other. I used to do all them things you listed and now if I ever get offered to go out to do them its kind of just boring same old stuff. Probably doesn't help that its winter either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnsonp Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 Ok not really relationship advice needed, just a general query. Girlfriend and I been together just over two yrs.. Thing is we are getting bored of doing the same things when we go out...our usual stuff are: pub, go out to eat, cinema, bingo (I know old before my time), or she comes round mine... Any ideas on anything different we could do? Would mainly be after work on an evening. Missis isn't into bowling or sport in general. Laser quest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 What's wrong with staying in and **** the living shit outta each other? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brommy Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 What's wrong with staying in and **** the living shit outta each other? I wasn't going to put it quite like Rob, but my opinion is the same. If you can't enjoy each other now, when can you? Plus it's cheap. The money we saved by following Rob's advice in the early years has enabled the wife and me to continue the theme in more luxurious style 20 years on. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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