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I have a mixed up saying that is strangely accurate -  

Don’t cross the burning bridge until you get to it.  
 

In this circumstance it is pointless worrying how she took your news unless she wants to see you again.  
 

Your next goal should be to have a really good date and not mention “the thing”.  Show her it’s not something you will be talking about all the time.  Only talk about it if she asks. 

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On 27/11/2020 at 18:00, Genie said:

She probably has some skeletons in her closet to come out at some point. I’d let things run a bit further before dragging heavy stuff out.

Oh, some of that came out in the four hours we spent talking together on the first date. And I agree. I've told her I want to focus on now and what's ahead than what we've left behind.

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On 27/11/2020 at 17:47, Mandy Lifeboats said:

I have a mixed up saying that is strangely accurate -  

Don’t cross the burning bridge until you get to it.  
 

In this circumstance it is pointless worrying how she took your news unless she wants to see you again.  
 

Your next goal should be to have a really good date and not mention “the thing”.  Show her it’s not something you will be talking about all the time.  Only talk about it if she asks. 

Again, may seem simple to you, for me this is sage wisdom.

One thing that's different this time around, is I understand that you can't deny a change of heart. Which once made me emotional, now makes me determined to be at my best.

No hard feelings.

Thanks again VT.

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  • 1 month later...

Not to get too deep on you all (insert Kenneth.jpg here) on this Monday morning but how the hell do I end a 6 year relationship? Put simply, I'm no longer in love with this girl and the longer I drag it out the more unfair it is to both of us. On the flip side, she's like my best friend and has helped me through some real dark times during my life. Can't physically bring myself to do it. The messiness of it all, moving out etc. Absolutely shitting myself. 

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5 hours ago, MCU said:

Not to get too deep on you all (insert Kenneth.jpg here) on this Monday morning but how the hell do I end a 6 year relationship? Put simply, I'm no longer in love with this girl and the longer I drag it out the more unfair it is to both of us. On the flip side, she's like my best friend and has helped me through some real dark times during my life. Can't physically bring myself to do it. The messiness of it all, moving out etc. Absolutely shitting myself. 

Could it be that you no longer 'lust' her, but still 'love' her.  

After 6 years, its not going to be a burning desire, but a more deeper understanding type of love. 

Sounds like you are both really close, calling her your best friend. Isn't that a type of love in itself? 

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42 minutes ago, ender4 said:

Could it be that you no longer 'lust' her, but still 'love' her.  

After 6 years, its not going to be a burning desire, but a more deeper understanding type of love. 

Sounds like you are both really close, calling her your best friend. Isn't that a type of love in itself? 

I’ve questioned this over and over in my head. Truth is, I’ve been feeling like this for a while now but haven’t had the backbone to pull the trigger. I just can’t see myself marrying/having kids with her and to me that should be enough to end it - for both our sakes.

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5 minutes ago, MCU said:

I’ve questioned this over and over in my head. Truth is, I’ve been feeling like this for a while now but haven’t had the backbone to pull the trigger. I just can’t see myself marrying/having kids with her and to me that should be enough to end it - for both our sakes.

Just to address the practicalities, does she have somewhere else to live? Or do you? Would either or both of you need to leave the area, get removals men, or anything like that?

I think you're right that you should end this relationship for both your sakes if you aren't in love with her any more, but if you've kept going for this long, a few weeks to get through the next lockdown might be more practical.

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17 minutes ago, MCU said:

I’ve questioned this over and over in my head. Truth is, I’ve been feeling like this for a while now but haven’t had the backbone to pull the trigger. I just can’t see myself marrying/having kids with her and to me that should be enough to end it - for both our sakes.

Get it done before Lockdown 3, else you’ll be living with her for another 6 months!

joking aside, honesty is the best policy so talk it through with her. 

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16 minutes ago, HanoiVillan said:

Just to address the practicalities, does she have somewhere else to live? Or do you? Would either or both of you need to leave the area, get removals men, or anything like that?

I think you're right that you should end this relationship for both your sakes if you aren't in love with her any more, but if you've kept going for this long, a few weeks to get through the next lockdown might be more practical.

I would have agreed about waiting but then I’d be lying to myself. Felt like utter shit today waiting for her to get home. 
In regards to someone moving out, there’s 2 options really... she can move back with her parents (small room, not sure how she’s gonna move all her stuff back) or me move back into my parents empty house until I find other arrangements. The lease is up on our rented flat next month anyway. We were going to continue it. 

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8 hours ago, MCU said:

Not to get too deep on you all (insert Kenneth.jpg here) on this Monday morning but how the hell do I end a 6 year relationship? Put simply, I'm no longer in love with this girl and the longer I drag it out the more unfair it is to both of us. On the flip side, she's like my best friend and has helped me through some real dark times during my life. Can't physically bring myself to do it. The messiness of it all, moving out etc. Absolutely shitting myself. 

Does she feel it too? I suppose... have you both been more snappy over little things, not making time for each other etc or is this very much a “you” thing?

I had a similar feeling with my last relationship (only other serious one, 8 years, first love, best friend etc) - things were just not the same around the flat. Got into a bit of rut routine-wise, but it was like the flame had gone and we were just living together as friends who argued more than they previously did.  It came up during conversations about her career as she was offered a job down south. We were both in the same boat, decided to end it and just stay good friends. It was pretty horrible but completely the right call. I remember sleeping in the spare bed and she came through that night in tears just wanting a hug.

8 years or so on and I’ve never been happier, completely in love and with 2 lovely daughters as well.  Only downside was that my ex and I were only really in touch for a year or so; very occasionally otherwise.  She’s gotten married and I’m really pleased that she’s found her happiness too. 

tl;dr - prob best to talk to her honestly about your feelings, as tough as it may be. Don’t go full barrel “I’m leaving”, just talk about it all first. 

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On 27/11/2020 at 17:47, Mandy Lifeboats said:

I have a mixed up saying that is strangely accurate -  

Don’t cross the burning bridge until you get to it.  
 

In this circumstance it is pointless worrying how she took your news unless she wants to see you again.  
 

Your next goal should be to have a really good date and not mention “the thing”.  Show her it’s not something you will be talking about all the time.  Only talk about it if she asks. 

He who suffers before it is necessary, is he who suffers when it is not necessary.

Got three dates coming up in the next few weeks. Where focus goes, energy flows. My insecurities don't need to be offered a seat out our table.

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2 hours ago, A'Villan said:

 

Got three dates coming up in the next few weeks. Where focus goes, energy flows. My insecurities don't need to be offered a seat out our table.

Go on the dates and have a good time.  

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