AvfcRigo82 Posted August 15, 2020 Share Posted August 15, 2020 (edited) 23 minutes ago, theboyangel said: 3,2,1... DHUTWU I must admit I was going to. Edit: type what you typed. (Just for clarification) Edited August 15, 2020 by AvfcRigo82 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy Lifeboats Posted August 15, 2020 Share Posted August 15, 2020 22 minutes ago, AvfcRigo82 said: I would suggest you tell her how you feel about the situation and her too, but to sort herself out and their relationship first. You are not prepared to let anything develop between you both until their circus has left town in effect. I couldn’t put it any better. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post StefanAVFC Posted August 15, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted August 15, 2020 Tell her how you feel and if she doesnt want to reciprocate then volley her in the jaw 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Follyfoot Posted August 15, 2020 VT Supporter Share Posted August 15, 2020 2 minutes ago, StefanAVFC said: Tell her how you feel and if she doesnt want to reciprocate then volley her in the jaw Harsh but fair Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leemond2008 Posted August 15, 2020 Share Posted August 15, 2020 Cheers everyone, I do feel like I need to find a way to let her know how I'm feeling without just laying my cards out on the table and declaring my undying love for her if that makes sense. I don't think I can just sit there and do nothing because that could see her sticking with him even though she'll be unhappy purely because she may not be aware of the alternatives. It's proper **** up, he's at work today and she has invited me round again today, I told her the other night that I'm not gunna go for that because it would look a bit off. My main problem is that I don't have any self confidence with this kind of shit and kind of feel that if I feel she is to good for my mate then why would she look twice at me, kind of like I'm downplaying all of the signals I'm getting because it is easier to just take the easy way out and do nothing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Follyfoot Posted August 15, 2020 VT Supporter Share Posted August 15, 2020 11 minutes ago, leemond2008 said: Cheers everyone, I do feel like I need to find a way to let her know how I'm feeling without just laying my cards out on the table and declaring my undying love for her if that makes sense. I don't think I can just sit there and do nothing because that could see her sticking with him even though she'll be unhappy purely because she may not be aware of the alternatives. It's proper **** up, he's at work today and she has invited me round again today, I told her the other night that I'm not gunna go for that because it would look a bit off. My main problem is that I don't have any self confidence with this kind of shit and kind of feel that if I feel she is to good for my mate then why would she look twice at me, kind of like I'm downplaying all of the signals I'm getting because it is easier to just take the easy way out and do nothing. Easy option now = a lifetime of thinking what if, you owe it to yourself to know sorry to be brutal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Follyfoot Posted August 15, 2020 VT Supporter Share Posted August 15, 2020 1 hour ago, StefanAVFC said: Tell her how you feel and if she doesnt want to reciprocate then volley her in the jaw Is this how the Polish dating scene works? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvfcRigo82 Posted August 15, 2020 Share Posted August 15, 2020 1 hour ago, leemond2008 said: I don't think I can just My main problem is that I don't have any self confidence with this kind of shit and kind of feel that if I feel she is to good for my mate then why would she look twice at me, You need to lose that mentality pal or you may aswell walk away now and tell them all to get on with it. She obviously wants it/you but again... it could start getting messy if caught. Until you grasp more confidence on the women side of things over someone so hot, is it wise to be crossing into these unknown territories if you're not ready to tackle any aftermath? Spoiler If that doesn't work then next time you're both alone with a day free go and give it to her Leemond style, DHUTWU and give her no reason to look twice at that piece of shit she's with and help make her mind up for her. .... if you don't, someone else will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mjvilla Posted August 15, 2020 Share Posted August 15, 2020 10 hours ago, leemond2008 said: Cheers everyone, I do feel like I need to find a way to let her know how I'm feeling without just laying my cards out on the table and declaring my undying love for her if that makes sense. I don't think I can just sit there and do nothing because that could see her sticking with him even though she'll be unhappy purely because she may not be aware of the alternatives. It's proper **** up, he's at work today and she has invited me round again today, I told her the other night that I'm not gunna go for that because it would look a bit off. My main problem is that I don't have any self confidence with this kind of shit and kind of feel that if I feel she is to good for my mate then why would she look twice at me, kind of like I'm downplaying all of the signals I'm getting because it is easier to just take the easy way out and do nothing. Hi leemond, My 2 pennies worth, just wanted to ask if she had shown any kind of inclination toward you before it came out about what her bloke had been doing? Or is it only recently she's become more involved i.e giving you lifts and inviting you round all the time? You said you were close but not this close? I'd just worry that she is reaching out to you as her shoulder, her ears whilst times are hard. She obviously trusts you, obviously thinks highly of you as a person to even want to be around you at this time for her. I am, however, of the thought that you must follow your heart. Sounds like youre pretty strung up on this girl. It really is a tough situation, and only one you can ultimately decide. The best bit of advice for you ive read is what avfcrigo said about letting her know how you feel but not wanting it to get in the way of friendships and to sort herself and her kid out first. But I'd also add that you offer to be there for her, because ultimately, she needs a friend right now and that could and should be you. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leemond2008 Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 48 minutes ago, Mjvilla said: Hi leemond, My 2 pennies worth, just wanted to ask if she had shown any kind of inclination toward you before it came out about what her bloke had been doing? Or is it only recently she's become more involved i.e giving you lifts and inviting you round all the time? You said you were close but not this close? I'd just worry that she is reaching out to you as her shoulder, her ears whilst times are hard. She obviously trusts you, obviously thinks highly of you as a person to even want to be around you at this time for her. I am, however, of the thought that you must follow your heart. Sounds like youre pretty strung up on this girl. It really is a tough situation, and only one you can ultimately decide. The best bit of advice for you ive read is what avfcrigo said about letting her know how you feel but not wanting it to get in the way of friendships and to sort herself and her kid out first. But I'd also add that you offer to be there for her, because ultimately, she needs a friend right now and that could and should be you. See this is exactly my problem, we have always been close, always been closer than we probably should have, it has often felt like when we are together and my mate comes into the room that he is almost interrupting and it shouldn't feel like that, even before all this shit happened, in the middle of lock down she told me to literally move in with them, it just feels like everything has been ramped up x10. As you say my concern is that I am the shoulder, I'm the person she knows she can come to, she knows I'll always be there for her, that's kind of why I want her to make the decision to **** my best mate off before I do or say anything, is hate for her to be unknowingly use me as a crutch to get her through, if anything was to happen it would have to be pretty slow because she needs to know it is what she wants and I need to know I'm not just the easy option while she's vulnerable, dunno if that makes sense, I've had a hell of a lot to drink tonight Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demitri_C Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 (edited) *many edits How cloSe are you to your friend? Need to ask yourself if he is a close friend how he would react to this? I would imagine he would probably blame you for ruining the marriage (despite from your version of all the things he has done which if true he has no one but himself to blame) Personally i would never go for a ex of a mate or relative just gets too messy for me. And lets say for example she only sees you as a friend then its going to be very awkward and could ruin your friendship. Only you know the answer in regards to how good or bad your relationships are with both of these individuals. Edited August 16, 2020 by Demitri_C Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theboyangel Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 1 hour ago, Demitri_C said: How clowe are you to your friend? Nedd tk qsk yourself if he is a clpse friend how he would react to this? I woukd imagine he woukd probably blame you for ruining the marriage (despite frkm your version of all the things he has done which if true he has no one but himself to blame) Personally i would never go for a ex of a mate or relative just gets too messy for me. And lets say for example she only sees you as a friend then its going to be very awkward and could ruin your friendship. Only you know the answer in regards to how good or bad your relationships are with both of these individuals. Pure and unadulterated Demglish, right there! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demitri_C Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 2 minutes ago, theboyangel said: Pure and unadulterated Demglish, right there! Man thats so bad i need to makethe amendments so he can get some form of advice from me 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted August 16, 2020 VT Supporter Share Posted August 16, 2020 @leemond2008 i think you need to find out how she actually feels. Is she leaning on you because she’s secretly in love with you too? Or is she just appreciating the attention from someone else and using it as a bit of flirtatious relief from her shit relationship? If she has real genuine feelings for you then it might be worth pursuing. **** knows how you do that. But if you love her and she loves you and she’s unhappy in her relationship then to me that means something. Maybe you have to just be honest with her. You love her and IF she wasn’t with your mate you’d want to pursue something. However you’re not comfortable breaking them up nor getting in the way. Maybe you need to tell her that she needs to decide what’s happening in her relationship. If she’s staying with her fella then forget the whole thing. Suck it up and go back to being mates. If she’s leaving him then stay out the way, let it run it’s course and then pursue things later. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharkyvilla Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 2 hours ago, Demitri_C said: Man thats so bad i need to makethe amendments so he can get some form of advice from me I think your advice is spot on, but genuine question, why do you never proof read what you're posting? It doesn't take long. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demitri_C Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 1 hour ago, sharkyvilla said: I think your advice is spot on, but genuine question, why do you never proof read what you're posting? It doesn't take long. I wish i knew. Its such a bad habit i cant tell you sharky. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xela Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 I think @Stevo985 is bang on here You need to know her true feelings towards you. Like he said, is she just using you as relief from a shitty relationship or does she truly want to be with you?. You said she wants it to make it work with her husband, despite everything? Has she said this to gauge your reaction to that and perhaps force you into saying something? Its a difficult scenario mate, I don't envy you at all. I think you need to tell her you like her but she needs to make a decision on what she wants out of life. If she wants to make her marriage work then you may have to look at cooling the friendship for your own mental well being. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kidlewis Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 (edited) I will try and offer actionable insight as best as I can (sorry a bit marketing crap buzz words there) It sounds to me like you want to know her thoughts and the hard advice is how you ask it. Which is really tricky. I personally would phrase it so you’re non committed from your side but your intentions are clear. something along the lines of; “hey, I know we’ve been seeing a lot of each other and supporting you through a really shitty time, You know I’ve always done that and enjoyed every minute of it. ive notice that you’ve wanted to see a lot more of me, is it that you just need support from me or do you deep down want to be with someone else (other than her husband)” then just sip the cuppa and look right at her. you’re trying to ask her, if she has feelings for YOU first. if she comes back with a “do you have feelings for me” be firm and but just smile and say “that’s not the question I asked”. I’ve had two situations myself when I was about 23/24 and; 1) never said it the way I should have which was above 2) never even went through to asking it as she was a best friend and a an 11/10. And for context I know someone whose fiancé ran off with his uncle whilst she was pregnant with his cousin so you’re way under the radar for relationship carnage. And if you don’t want the advice above can just do the Andrew Lincoln approach in Love Actually, as that’s also fairly similar Edited August 16, 2020 by kidlewis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mottaloo Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 13 minutes ago, kidlewis said: you’re trying to ask her, if she has feelings for YOU first. Right...here we go..........this is what i was thinking.........and this is how i would test her to find that out : Tell her you "think you've met someone" and you think you're quite keen. See how she reacts. If she's obviously delighted for you, wants to know more etc., then it looks like you're in her friendzone, well and truly. If she goes a bit quiet/moody/sulky then the green-eyed monster has entered the room & you could be on to a winner..........and then you say "actually........ACTUALLY......this girl is YOU" It's a bit around the houses but at least you're not putting her on the spot; not to begin with anyway. Just depends on the reaction you get. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theboyangel Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 20 minutes ago, mottaloo said: Right...here we go..........this is what i was thinking.........and this is how i would test her to find that out : Tell her you "think you've met someone" and you think you're quite keen. See how she reacts. If she's obviously delighted for you, wants to know more etc., then it looks like you're in her friendzone, well and truly. If she goes a bit quiet/moody/sulky then the green-eyed monster has entered the room & you could be on to a winner..........and then you say "actually........ACTUALLY......this girl is YOU" It's a bit around the houses but at least you're not putting her on the spot; not to begin with anyway. Just depends on the reaction you get. I wouldn’t do that at all 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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