Genie Posted May 2, 2020 Share Posted May 2, 2020 15 minutes ago, Davkaus said: She moved out tonight. Everything I touch turns to shit. Really sorry to hear that mate. Try and keep busy and don’t do anything silly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rodders Posted May 2, 2020 Share Posted May 2, 2020 That's shit news. Sorry Davkaus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisp65 Posted May 2, 2020 Share Posted May 2, 2020 24 minutes ago, Davkaus said: She moved out tonight. Everything I touch turns to shit. Bad news man. Chin up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VILLAMARV Posted May 2, 2020 Share Posted May 2, 2020 Well that's horrible news. Big hugs. Look after yourself mate. I'm sure we're all here if you need a proverbial shoulder or people to vent at. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VILLAMARV Posted May 2, 2020 Share Posted May 2, 2020 Pm anytime if for any reason you feel the need. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeyp102 Posted May 2, 2020 Share Posted May 2, 2020 Sorry to hear dude. What happened if you don’t mind me asking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeyp102 Posted May 3, 2020 Share Posted May 3, 2020 Just before lockdown started I started talking to this woman off a dating app. Didn’t get the chance to meet up beforehand, but we chat and video call each other a lot. At the moment not showing any signs of being batshit crazy. Just a shame we can’t meet up yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YLN Posted May 3, 2020 Share Posted May 3, 2020 My girlfriend posted me a letter which arrived today. When I opened it, I found that she hadn't actually written anything. I sent her a picture of her blank letter. And she replied to say it was an origami fox. Which I had destroyed 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
il_serpente Posted May 3, 2020 VT Supporter Share Posted May 3, 2020 You didn't destroy it. You turned it into an origami boulder https://origamiboulder.com/ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Davkaus Posted May 3, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted May 3, 2020 Thanks guys. I had nobody to talk to last night and I just needed to tell someone. It's pretty tragic that some anonymous strangers on the internet are the only people I can turn to, but I really appreciate it. 14 hours ago, mikeyp102 said: Sorry to hear dude. What happened if you don’t mind me asking. There was no big turning point, no big argument. We just slowly grew more and more apart, mainly because I'm a miserable son of a bitch, and I respond to every problem with silence, to the point she didn't even feel able to talk to me anymore. We'd basically just been cohabiting for months, not in a relationship. The wedding turned in to a big millstone neither of us was looking forward to. I filled in a form to get some therapy last night. I wish I'd done it months ago before I pushed away the one person that actually cares about me. We had a long chat this morning. I stopped just short of literally begging her to come back. It's done, my revelations came much too late. I think we'll genuinely stay friends. In between sobbing like a little girl, I'm happy about that. She's put me on the path to being a better person, I think. 14 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VILLAMARV Posted May 3, 2020 Share Posted May 3, 2020 Glad to hear you're ok Dav. Randoms on the internet we may be but weirdly, this place at it's best is quite a force to be reckoned with. I hope things start picking up for you soon. Whatever that looks like in your world. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leemond2008 Posted August 14, 2020 Share Posted August 14, 2020 I'm just bumping this thread to make it easier to find tomorrow cuz my head has been wrecked for the last few weeks, regardless if faceless people on the internet tell me I'm a word removed or whatever, I reckon it will do me some good to have a chat about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xela Posted August 14, 2020 Share Posted August 14, 2020 15 minutes ago, leemond2008 said: I'm just bumping this thread to make it easier to find tomorrow cuz my head has been wrecked for the last few weeks, regardless if faceless people on the internet tell me I'm a word removed or whatever, I reckon it will do me some good to have a chat about it. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leemond2008 Posted August 14, 2020 Share Posted August 14, 2020 1 minute ago, Xela said: Sorry man, I'm on my phone at the minute, it's probably not as exciting as I painted that to sound. It'll be quite the essay though if I go into full detail so I'll do it when I'm on my laptop rather than my phone. **** all has happened and it's most likely just me dramatizing shit but there is quite a bit to unpack, like I say I had to scroll through pages just to find this thread I got to thinking it had been scrapped. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvfcRigo82 Posted August 15, 2020 Share Posted August 15, 2020 2 hours ago, leemond2008 said: I'm just bumping this thread to make it easier to find tomorrow cuz my head has been wrecked for the last few weeks, regardless if faceless people on the internet tell me I'm a word removed or whatever, I reckon it will do me some good to have a chat about it. You're not wrong. It's surprising how much better you often feel once you've got it out of your system and off your chest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demitri_C Posted August 15, 2020 Share Posted August 15, 2020 On 03/05/2020 at 15:43, Davkaus said: Thanks guys. I had nobody to talk to last night and I just needed to tell someone. It's pretty tragic that some anonymous strangers on the internet are the only people I can turn to, but I really appreciate it. There was no big turning point, no big argument. We just slowly grew more and more apart, mainly because I'm a miserable son of a bitch, and I respond to every problem with silence, to the point she didn't even feel able to talk to me anymore. We'd basically just been cohabiting for months, not in a relationship. The wedding turned in to a big millstone neither of us was looking forward to. I filled in a form to get some therapy last night. I wish I'd done it months ago before I pushed away the one person that actually cares about me. We had a long chat this morning. I stopped just short of literally begging her to come back. It's done, my revelations came much too late. I think we'll genuinely stay friends. In between sobbing like a little girl, I'm happy about that. She's put me on the path to being a better person, I think. Sorry to hear this. Its shit but your recognise where you went wrong. Thats a massive step and well done on you for accepting that as alot of people dont recognise that and thats where they go wrong. Its ok to talk and show emotion mate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leemond2008 Posted August 15, 2020 Share Posted August 15, 2020 OK then, put the kettle on and make yourselves a drink because this could take a while. I honestly don't know where to start here... long story short, I'm **** in love with my best mates wife, I always have been since I first met her, I know its wrong and that's why I never acted on it in any way, the fact that she was happy with him was enough for me. One thing I could never understand was how my mate managed to bag someone like her because she is **** leagues above him in every way, to put it bluntly my mate has always been a bastard, I always had a feeling it would end in tears but never to this extent. Ends up that he has been going to hookers and using apps to meet birds for the entirety of their relationship (10 years), he actually paid for it when we all went out for his stag do. When it all came out he said that he couldn't tell me because he knew that I would have told his wife, he is 100% correct in this, he has gone down the mental health route and has got himself a quick diagnosis of depression, bipolar and borderline psychosis, now while this might put a different spin on it, I'm dubious about the speed of the diagnosis, I have another friend who has been suicidal for years and it took him years to get a diagnosis, my mate managed to get one almost overnight. Now as I said, me and his wife have always been close, I never go and see my mate, I go and see all of them, (mate, missus, kid dog), whenever we are together we don't seem to do anything other than laugh like a pair of **** idiots, we just just get each other completely. Since all of this came out, she has been leaning on me pretty heavily, she wants to try and make things work between them for the sake of their kid which is 100% understandable but at the same time it kills me to think that she is going to make herself unhappy and stay in a trustless relationship which will ultimately end up hurting their kid. I have tried to stay completely neutral in the whole thing but as time is going on I am finding myself growing closer and closer to her and I think the feeling is mutual on her part, we are constantly messaging each other and just shooting the shit but now she is constantly inviting me round, 3 times now she has offered to make a 30 mile round trip to pick me up while my mate is at work so that we can have a drink together, I've had to tell her that I'm not comfortable doing this because I don't know how my mate would take it (quite rightly so as well) Me and another friend went round to see them the other week and he was asking serious questions afterwards wanting to know if something was going on between us because of how close me and her were getting throughout the night, I couldn't do anything but reassure him that we are just close pals but that kind of cemented it in my head that it isn't just all in my mind. I feel like I'm in an impossible situation, I **** love the girl with all my heart but even in an ideal scenario it would mean losing friends and then there would be trying to explain shit to their kid who thinks I'm his best friend (he's 5 years old) I honestly feel like the whole thing is unworkable and like I should just keep my distance but it is getting more and more difficult, I have got a strong moral code but at the end of the day I feel like even if she can forgive my mate I don't know if I can, it breaks my **** heart what he has done to her. I really don't know if I should just take a step back and carry on and leave them to sort their shit out and leave her with the prospect of being in a trustless relationship or do I throw my bollocks against the clock and let her know exactly how I feel and run the risk of ruining a hell of a lot of friendships in the process? Even if her feelings are reciprocated the whole situation would be difficult but I would be willing to work on that with her, if not then I stand to lose pretty much everything and everyone who is close to me if I do say something. From a purely selfish point of view, I have always been the good guy (apart from when I am contemplating volleying people in the jaw) I've missed opportunities in the past purely because I have put other people first, I kind of feel like it is time that I put myself first for a change but at the same time it could have serious knock on effects for everyone involved. I don't even have any mates who I can talk to about this, in an ideal world she would leave him today and then I could work on things slowly but she seems terrified of taking that step despite what he has done to her and I get the feeling that she is frightened of being on her own, to be fair she probably feels **** worthless after what he has done to her. anyway, as I said, it isn't quite as interesting as you were probably helping but it has bent my head and I feel like a bit of a word removed for catching feelings for someone and I feel like I'm going on like a lovesick 15 year old kid, I'm 35 years old, I shouldn't be dealing with this type of shit lol 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Follyfoot Posted August 15, 2020 VT Supporter Share Posted August 15, 2020 (edited) 39 minutes ago, leemond2008 said: OK then, put the kettle on and make yourselves a drink because this could take a while. I honestly don't know where to start here... long story short, I'm **** in love with my best mates wife, I always have been since I first met her, I know its wrong and that's why I never acted on it in any way, the fact that she was happy with him was enough for me. One thing I could never understand was how my mate managed to bag someone like her because she is **** leagues above him in every way, to put it bluntly my mate has always been a bastard, I always had a feeling it would end in tears but never to this extent. Ends up that he has been going to hookers and using apps to meet birds for the entirety of their relationship (10 years), he actually paid for it when we all went out for his stag do. When it all came out he said that he couldn't tell me because he knew that I would have told his wife, he is 100% correct in this, he has gone down the mental health route and has got himself a quick diagnosis of depression, bipolar and borderline psychosis, now while this might put a different spin on it, I'm dubious about the speed of the diagnosis, I have another friend who has been suicidal for years and it took him years to get a diagnosis, my mate managed to get one almost overnight. Now as I said, me and his wife have always been close, I never go and see my mate, I go and see all of them, (mate, missus, kid dog), whenever we are together we don't seem to do anything other than laugh like a pair of **** idiots, we just just get each other completely. Since all of this came out, she has been leaning on me pretty heavily, she wants to try and make things work between them for the sake of their kid which is 100% understandable but at the same time it kills me to think that she is going to make herself unhappy and stay in a trustless relationship which will ultimately end up hurting their kid. I have tried to stay completely neutral in the whole thing but as time is going on I am finding myself growing closer and closer to her and I think the feeling is mutual on her part, we are constantly messaging each other and just shooting the shit but now she is constantly inviting me round, 3 times now she has offered to make a 30 mile round trip to pick me up while my mate is at work so that we can have a drink together, I've had to tell her that I'm not comfortable doing this because I don't know how my mate would take it (quite rightly so as well) Me and another friend went round to see them the other week and he was asking serious questions afterwards wanting to know if something was going on between us because of how close me and her were getting throughout the night, I couldn't do anything but reassure him that we are just close pals but that kind of cemented it in my head that it isn't just all in my mind. I feel like I'm in an impossible situation, I **** love the girl with all my heart but even in an ideal scenario it would mean losing friends and then there would be trying to explain shit to their kid who thinks I'm his best friend (he's 5 years old) I honestly feel like the whole thing is unworkable and like I should just keep my distance but it is getting more and more difficult, I have got a strong moral code but at the end of the day I feel like even if she can forgive my mate I don't know if I can, it breaks my **** heart what he has done to her. I really don't know if I should just take a step back and carry on and leave them to sort their shit out and leave her with the prospect of being in a trustless relationship or do I throw my bollocks against the clock and let her know exactly how I feel and run the risk of ruining a hell of a lot of friendships in the process? Even if her feelings are reciprocated the whole situation would be difficult but I would be willing to work on that with her, if not then I stand to lose pretty much everything and everyone who is close to me if I do say something. From a purely selfish point of view, I have always been the good guy (apart from when I am contemplating volleying people in the jaw) I've missed opportunities in the past purely because I have put other people first, I kind of feel like it is time that I put myself first for a change but at the same time it could have serious knock on effects for everyone involved. I don't even have any mates who I can talk to about this, in an ideal world she would leave him today and then I could work on things slowly but she seems terrified of taking that step despite what he has done to her and I get the feeling that she is frightened of being on her own, to be fair she probably feels **** worthless after what he has done to her. anyway, as I said, it isn't quite as interesting as you were probably helping but it has bent my head and I feel like a bit of a word removed for catching feelings for someone and I feel like I'm going on like a lovesick 15 year old kid, I'm 35 years old, I shouldn't be dealing with this type of shit lol Is there any indication that she feels the same as you or does she look at you as just someone who is a friend that she can confide in. Personally if she feels the same as you and wants to be with you go for it. Life is very short and I suspect that this will still be troubling you in 30/40 years time if you don’t at least find out how the land lies.If in her mind your relationship is purely plutonic you also have your answer. The reasons you think she stays with him maybe way off the mark, she may be still madly in love with him. I think you need to know her true feelings and take it from there. Everything else then can be worked around regardless of how unpleasant some of it may have to be. Just to add my brother-in-law did exactly the same thing and they ended up together and Helen God bless her past away from cancer three years ago. Apart from losing his best friend he maintains to this day he did the right thing Edited August 15, 2020 by Follyfoot 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvfcRigo82 Posted August 15, 2020 Share Posted August 15, 2020 1 hour ago, leemond2008 said: OK then, put the kettle on and make yourselves a drink because this could take a while. I honestly don't know where to start here... long story short, I'm **** in love with my best mates wife, I always have been since I first met her, I know its wrong and that's why I never acted on it in any way, the fact that she was happy with him was enough for me. One thing I could never understand was how my mate managed to bag someone like her because she is **** leagues above him in every way, to put it bluntly my mate has always been a bastard, I always had a feeling it would end in tears but never to this extent. Ends up that he has been going to hookers and using apps to meet birds for the entirety of their relationship (10 years), he actually paid for it when we all went out for his stag do. When it all came out he said that he couldn't tell me because he knew that I would have told his wife, he is 100% correct in this, he has gone down the mental health route and has got himself a quick diagnosis of depression, bipolar and borderline psychosis, now while this might put a different spin on it, I'm dubious about the speed of the diagnosis, I have another friend who has been suicidal for years and it took him years to get a diagnosis, my mate managed to get one almost overnight. Now as I said, me and his wife have always been close, I never go and see my mate, I go and see all of them, (mate, missus, kid dog), whenever we are together we don't seem to do anything other than laugh like a pair of **** idiots, we just just get each other completely. Since all of this came out, she has been leaning on me pretty heavily, she wants to try and make things work between them for the sake of their kid which is 100% understandable but at the same time it kills me to think that she is going to make herself unhappy and stay in a trustless relationship which will ultimately end up hurting their kid. I have tried to stay completely neutral in the whole thing but as time is going on I am finding myself growing closer and closer to her and I think the feeling is mutual on her part, we are constantly messaging each other and just shooting the shit but now she is constantly inviting me round, 3 times now she has offered to make a 30 mile round trip to pick me up while my mate is at work so that we can have a drink together, I've had to tell her that I'm not comfortable doing this because I don't know how my mate would take it (quite rightly so as well) Me and another friend went round to see them the other week and he was asking serious questions afterwards wanting to know if something was going on between us because of how close me and her were getting throughout the night, I couldn't do anything but reassure him that we are just close pals but that kind of cemented it in my head that it isn't just all in my mind. I feel like I'm in an impossible situation, I **** love the girl with all my heart but even in an ideal scenario it would mean losing friends and then there would be trying to explain shit to their kid who thinks I'm his best friend (he's 5 years old) I honestly feel like the whole thing is unworkable and like I should just keep my distance but it is getting more and more difficult, I have got a strong moral code but at the end of the day I feel like even if she can forgive my mate I don't know if I can, it breaks my **** heart what he has done to her. I really don't know if I should just take a step back and carry on and leave them to sort their shit out and leave her with the prospect of being in a trustless relationship or do I throw my bollocks against the clock and let her know exactly how I feel and run the risk of ruining a hell of a lot of friendships in the process? Even if her feelings are reciprocated the whole situation would be difficult but I would be willing to work on that with her, if not then I stand to lose pretty much everything and everyone who is close to me if I do say something. From a purely selfish point of view, I have always been the good guy (apart from when I am contemplating volleying people in the jaw) I've missed opportunities in the past purely because I have put other people first, I kind of feel like it is time that I put myself first for a change but at the same time it could have serious knock on effects for everyone involved. I don't even have any mates who I can talk to about this, in an ideal world she would leave him today and then I could work on things slowly but she seems terrified of taking that step despite what he has done to her and I get the feeling that she is frightened of being on her own, to be fair she probably feels **** worthless after what he has done to her. anyway, as I said, it isn't quite as interesting as you were probably helping but it has bent my head and I feel like a bit of a word removed for catching feelings for someone and I feel like I'm going on like a lovesick 15 year old kid, I'm 35 years old, I shouldn't be dealing with this type of shit lol I understand this completely. Bloody mine field and a half if you're all not careful mate. So many wrongs on the guys part who has this stunner on his arm but he sounds a bit of a narcissist to me and to have done what he's done and yet you hold all the keys to the doors of escapism they are obviously seeking. Just be careful to not land in the middle and become enemy No.1 to everyone. I'm sorry, but she is feeling more than platonic for you mate. She wouldn't be making the effort she has to pick you up etc. If it just was a friend. She thinks very highly of you and there definately sounds a connection between you both too. At the same time there are other friends involved you say?, how many and how is it divied? You do not want to start something with her just yet (as much as you want to) or you risk the tsunami of blame heading right for you on all fronts. I also have a feeling the minute you both ever did "start" anything and she left him, you then have to deal with your mates aftermath of wanting her back.. so many vicious circles in whatever scenario were to materialise.. The most important thing in all of this is the child and the three of you need to realise that first and foremost. I would suggest you tell her how you feel about the situation and her too, but to sort herself out and their relationship first. You are not prepared to let anything develop between you both until their circus has left town in effect. If she is unhappy with him then wait until she has left him and then be there for her and go from there is what I would do. Just don't forget the wee fella. Sorry if I may have missed some parts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theboyangel Posted August 15, 2020 Share Posted August 15, 2020 3,2,1... DHUTWU (apologies I do appreciate the pickle you’re in - personally I think you have to tell her how you feel) 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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