tonyh29 Posted April 7, 2018 Share Posted April 7, 2018 11 hours ago, Xann said: How do you titillate an ocelot? Oscillate its tits a lot. Bloke I work with used to tell this joke , in fact I think it’s the only joke he knew .... you’ve just reminded me I haven’t spoken to him in a couple of years and should give him a call 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post imavillan Posted April 8, 2018 Popular Post Share Posted April 8, 2018 A man gets stopped by a game warden with his basket full of fish.... Warden: do you have a permit for all these fish? Man: no sir. These are all my pet fish. Warden: your pet fish? How's that? Man: well, every night I take all my pet fish for a walk to the lake, I let them swim for about half hour and then I whistle and they all come back and jump in my basket and we go home. We do this every night. Warden: Well that's just a crock of lies!! Man: here I'll show you... and Releases the fish in the lake Warden: well this I got to see!! 5 minutes later... Warden: well?? Man: what? Warden: the fish!! Where's your pet fish?? Man: what fish?? 3 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8pints Posted April 12, 2018 Share Posted April 12, 2018 @imavillan The fish would most likely suffocate after being out of the water for such an amount of time thus would float to the top of the water once thrown back in, therefore being clearly identifiable to the warden. This guy would eat the fish so it wouldn't be a waste of life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ml1dch Posted April 12, 2018 Share Posted April 12, 2018 c/o Popbitch "I'm afraid to tell you that you are suffering from auto correct syndrome" "Really? I didn't even know I was I'll" 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post blandy Posted April 13, 2018 Moderator Popular Post Share Posted April 13, 2018 A woman is sitting at her deceased husband’s funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, “Do you mind if I say a word?”. “No, go right ahead”, the woman replies. The man stands, clears his throat, says “Plethora”, and sits back down. "Thanks”, the woman says, “that means a lot” 9 12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a m ole Posted April 13, 2018 Share Posted April 13, 2018 3 minutes ago, blandy said: A woman is sitting at her deceased husband’s funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, “Do you mind if I say a word?”. “No, go right ahead”, the woman replies. The man stands, clears his throat, says “Plethora”, and sits back down. "Thanks”, the woman says, “that means a lot” THIS is a good joke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted April 13, 2018 Moderator Share Posted April 13, 2018 I went to the doctor complaining about feeling like a shite Welsh town. The doctor said "there are no obvious symptoms, but I can see you're Rhyl". 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Designer1 Posted April 13, 2018 VT Supporter Share Posted April 13, 2018 I'm nicking that! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted April 13, 2018 Moderator Share Posted April 13, 2018 3 minutes ago, Designer1 said: I'm nicking that! I can see that EDIT : C&P typo fixed! (you're) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFC_Hitz Posted April 13, 2018 Share Posted April 13, 2018 9 hours ago, blandy said: A woman is sitting at her deceased husband’s funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, “Do you mind if I say a word?”. “No, go right ahead”, the woman replies. The man stands, clears his throat, says “Plethora”, and sits back down. "Thanks”, the woman says, “that means a lot” Reminds me of a similar joke. To the man who translated "beaucoup" for me. Thanks, it means a lot. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robtaylor200 Posted April 14, 2018 Share Posted April 14, 2018 On 13/04/2018 at 14:04, BOF said: I went to the doctor complaining about feeling like a shite Welsh town. The doctor said "there are no obvious symptoms, but I can see you're Rhyl". Now that's funny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robtaylor200 Posted April 14, 2018 Share Posted April 14, 2018 Who you having in the Grand National I fancy a fiver on Dirty Carpet well its never been beaten Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blandy Posted April 14, 2018 Moderator Share Posted April 14, 2018 1 hour ago, Robtaylor200 said: Who you having in the Grand National I had a bet on a horse yesterday, it came in at 20 to 1. trouble is it set off at eleven thirty. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted April 14, 2018 VT Supporter Share Posted April 14, 2018 PussEKat, that you? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Paddywhack Posted April 15, 2018 Popular Post Share Posted April 15, 2018 What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Aye matey. 7 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dubbs Posted April 16, 2018 Share Posted April 16, 2018 22 hours ago, Paddywhack said: What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Aye matey. Oh FFS pass me a gun! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paddywhack Posted April 16, 2018 Share Posted April 16, 2018 30 minutes ago, dubbs said: Oh FFS pass me a gun! No, it was “Aye matey” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted April 16, 2018 VT Supporter Share Posted April 16, 2018 If I make it eighty I'm going to use that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ikantcpell Posted April 17, 2018 Share Posted April 17, 2018 I've been reading 'Lord Of The Rings'. Apparently Gollum was once a normal man. But wearing the ring drained him of his youth, energy and any joy in life. Must be the same ring I put on when I got married 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted April 19, 2018 Share Posted April 19, 2018 I rang my new girlfriend's door bell, with a big bunch of flowers. She opens the door, sees the flowers, gives me a big hug and kiss and drags me in. Once inside, she lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips off her panties and says "This is for the flowers!" I said "Haven't you got a **** vase?" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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