Popular Post turnbull Posted February 14, 2018 Popular Post Share Posted February 14, 2018 What's the difference between a kangaroo and a kangaroot? One is an Australian animal, the other is a Geordie stuck in a lift. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvfcRigo82 Posted February 14, 2018 Share Posted February 14, 2018 6 hours ago, mjmooney said: I've never seen anybody in Arabic dress in Bradford. I didn't realise a language could get dressed MJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted February 14, 2018 VT Supporter Share Posted February 14, 2018 7 minutes ago, AvfcRigo82 said: I didn't realise a language could get dressed MJ Arab. Arabian. Whatever. You know what I mean. Racist joke is racist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvfcRigo82 Posted February 14, 2018 Share Posted February 14, 2018 (edited) 6 minutes ago, mjmooney said: Arab. Arabian. Whatever. You know what I mean. Racist joke is racist. It was tongue in cheek mate, didn't realise it offended you. Not racially intended anyway. Besides, there are no deserts in Bradford. Edited February 14, 2018 by AvfcRigo82 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turnbull Posted February 14, 2018 Share Posted February 14, 2018 49 minutes ago, AvfcRigo82 said: there are no deserts in Bradford. How about Yorkshire Pudding? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robtaylor200 Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 IF you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.) If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it !) The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!) A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.) A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.) (I'm still not over the pig.) Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour (Don't try this at home, maybe at work) The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. (Honey, I'm home. What the...?!) The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes.. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?) The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?) Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity) Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.) The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm......) Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?) Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (Okay, so that would be a good thing) A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?) An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. ( I know some people like that.) Starfish have no brains (I know some people like that too.) Polar bears are left-handed.(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer) Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig??) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvfcRigo82 Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 (edited) In the pub last night, my wife ended up dancing on the tables! I turned to the landlord and said, "Great legs." He said, "Do you think so?" "Yeah" I said, "Most tables would have collapsed under that much f**king weight." Edited February 15, 2018 by AvfcRigo82 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvfcRigo82 Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 So, I had my first cage fight last night! - The budgie didn't know what hit it. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post choffer Posted February 16, 2018 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted February 16, 2018 A wealthy Arab Sheikh was admitted to hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his type of blood in case the need arose. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so, the call went out. Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman in appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, 5 carats of diamonds, and £50,000 . A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. The hospital telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate more of his blood again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of chocolates. The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had before. He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another BMW, diamonds and money ... but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box of chocolates." To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I have Scottish blood in ma veins now". 3 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turnbull Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 I'm getting sick & tired of hearing these Winter Olympic athletes say how much work they've put in & the sacrifices they've made... What do they want, a freakin' medal? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvfcRigo82 Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 ¡uᴉɐƃɐ ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ƃuᴉʎnq ɹǝʌǝu ɯ’I 'ǝʞɐs ʞɔnℲ 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvfcRigo82 Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 Congratulations to the guy who invented the knock knock jokes. He's just won the 'No-Bell' prize. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 2 minutes ago, AvfcRigo82 said: Congratulations to the guy who invented the knock knock jokes. He's just won the 'No-Bell' prize. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magnkarl Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 What do you call a Roman with pieces of skin and hair between his teeth? A glad-he-ate-her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvfcRigo82 Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 17 minutes ago, magnkarl said: What do you call a Roman with pieces of skin and hair between his teeth? A glad-he-ate-her. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LondonLax Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 (edited) On 2/17/2018 at 10:05, AvfcRigo82 said: ¡uᴉɐƃɐ ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ƃuᴉʎnq ɹǝʌǝu ɯ’I 'ǝʞɐs ʞɔnℲ Looks like you got an Australian import model. Edited February 18, 2018 by LondonLax Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post AvfcRigo82 Posted February 18, 2018 Popular Post Share Posted February 18, 2018 (edited) Sat here watching the winter Olympics... So far I've learnt, David Beckham isn't the only person who has gone down on a skeleton. Edited February 18, 2018 by AvfcRigo82 4 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mottaloo Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 1 hour ago, AvfcRigo82 said: Sat here watching the winter Olympics... So far I've learnt, David Beckham is not only person who has gone down on a skeleton. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turnbull Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Women eh? Got the missus 250 flowers for Valentine's Day and she still moaned at me. So what if they spelled GRANDAD 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post AvfcRigo82 Posted February 19, 2018 Popular Post Share Posted February 19, 2018 38 minutes ago, turnbull said: Women eh? Got the missus 250 flowers for Valentine's Day and she still moaned at me. So what if they spelled GRANDAD Ungreatful **** ain't they! - My missus was the same. On the day she came home moaing saying "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day, they are absolutely gorgeous." I said, "That's probably why they've received flowers then." 1 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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