WAHEY! It's a JOKE thread : Enter at your own risk.

[Enda]

A man at a funeral goes up to the widow and whispers "....plethora".

Crying, she grabs his arm in thanks, "It means a lot."

[StefanAVFC]

1 minute ago, Enda said:

A man at a funeral goes up to the widow and whispers "....plethora".

Crying, she grabs his arm in thanks, "It means a lot."

[BOF]

[Enda]

Traveling salesman knocks on a door. Five year-old boy answers drinking a scotch and smoking a cigar. Traveling salesman asks him, "Excuse me, little boy, are your parents home?" Kids sips his scotch and says, "What the f*ck do you think?"

[Stevo985]

There's this funeral, right, and the widow is crying.

Un hombre pregunta "¿puedo decir algo?"

And the widow says "yes, of course"

El hombre le sevanta y dice "muy poco"

The widow turns to him and says "thank you for trying, but that means very little"

[lapal_fan]

Funeral, people, widow, man, speak, "ahh shit man"

"Thanks, that's what he said when the man died"

Widow cry

 

[Stevo985]

A Haiku:

 

funeral takes place
a widow and man converse
wordplay then occurs

[Stevo985]

24 minutes ago, Enda said:

A man at a funeral goes up to the widow and whispers "....plethora".

Crying, she grabs his arm in thanks, "It means a lot."

Please tell me you saw the recent posts in here and thought "Oh I've got a great one!"  

[blandy]

34 minutes ago, Stevo985 said:

A Haiku:

 

funeral takes place
a widow and man converse
wordplay then occurs

A limerick:

There was a widow on VT,

who went to bury the deceased

But it was a joke

In which a man spoke

Plethora

[a m ole]

5 hours ago, Paddywhack said:

Sadly, there was another funeral.

A man asked the widow if he could say a word, she said he could,

He said "Earth".

She said "Thanks, that means the world to me."

this bit made me laugh more than the rest of the entire thread.

[a m ole]

trigger warning

Spoiler

 

OK, so this family walks into a talent agency, it’s a mother, father, their son and daughter, and a little baby. The father says to the talent agent, “Sir, our family has an amazing act, we know if you would let us perform it for you, you would want to sign us.” And the talent agent says, “Sorry, we don’t sign family acts, they’re too cutesy.” But then the mother goes, “Please sir, if you just give us two minutes I know you’ll like our act.” So the talent agent says “Alright, ya got two minutes.” 

So the family jumps right into it. The mother smiles and points at the son who hits “play” on a boombox. Thrilling circus music starts to play as the father spins his daughter around, bends her over, lifts up her skirt, and starts licking her ****. Then the son lays down on the floor and opens his mouth and the mother tears off tear-away pants, squats down over his face and starts **** all over him. The father grabs the baby, takes off his diaper and starts sucking his ****. While the son, still with his mother’s **** in his mouth, goes over and **** the baby’s ****. 

Now the mother lays down on the floor while the daughter gets up high on a chair and starts **** all over her. Then the father and son take the baby and start stuffing it head-first back into the mother’s ****, while the daughter’s **** rains down on all of them. 

They get the baby halfway in, so that just its legs are sticking out all flailing around. The son takes the mother’s **** out of his mouth and starts rubbing it all over everyone, while the father sticks his **** in the baby’s **** and **** it while it’s still inside the mother, until he **** all over the baby, the wife, the son and the daughter. 

Then the father gets up and says “And now for our impersonation of the victims of 9/11.” The whole family starts running around the room screaming and laughing with their **** and **** all flapping around covered with **** and **** and **** going “Aaaaugh! Aaaugh! The building’s coming down! Help!” 

And finally the family runs back to the center of the room and goes “TA-DAAAA!!” 

And the talent agent he just sits there for the longest time, and finally he says, “Jesus, that’s a hell of an act. What do you call it?” 

And the father says,

“Plethora!”

 

 

Edited April 24, 2018 by a m ole

[turnbull]

Eeeeeerrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmm, anyway..............

 

I got caught shoplifting a leg of lamb from our local supermarket.

"What are you doing with that?" asked the security guy

I replied "new potatoes, peas, mint sauce and gravy would be nice"

[Mark Albrighton]

3 hours ago, a m ole said:

trigger warning

  Reveal hidden contents

 

OK, so this family walks into a talent agency, it’s a mother, father, their son and daughter, and a little baby. The father says to the talent agent, “Sir, our family has an amazing act, we know if you would let us perform it for you, you would want to sign us.” And the talent agent says, “Sorry, we don’t sign family acts, they’re too cutesy.” But then the mother goes, “Please sir, if you just give us two minutes I know you’ll like our act.” So the talent agent says “Alright, ya got two minutes.” 

So the family jumps right into it. The mother smiles and points at the son who hits “play” on a boombox. Thrilling circus music starts to play as the father spins his daughter around, bends her over, lifts up her skirt, and starts licking her ****. Then the son lays down on the floor and opens his mouth and the mother tears off tear-away pants, squats down over his face and starts **** all over him. The father grabs the baby, takes off his diaper and starts sucking his ****. While the son, still with his mother’s **** in his mouth, goes over and **** the baby’s ****. 

Now the mother lays down on the floor while the daughter gets up high on a chair and starts **** all over her. Then the father and son take the baby and start stuffing it head-first back into the mother’s ****, while the daughter’s **** rains down on all of them. 

They get the baby halfway in, so that just its legs are sticking out all flailing around. The son takes the mother’s **** out of his mouth and starts rubbing it all over everyone, while the father sticks his **** in the baby’s **** and **** it while it’s still inside the mother, until he **** all over the baby, the wife, the son and the daughter. 

Then the father gets up and says “And now for our impersonation of the victims of 9/11.” The whole family starts running around the room screaming and laughing with their **** and **** all flapping around covered with **** and **** and **** going “Aaaaugh! Aaaugh! The building’s coming down! Help!” 

And finally the family runs back to the center of the room and goes “TA-DAAAA!!” 

And the talent agent he just sits there for the longest time, and finally he says, “Jesus, that’s a hell of an act. What do you call it?” 

And the father says,

“Plethora!”

 

 

Realised what this joke is a reference to about a third of the way in, scrolled down to read the inevitable punchline to confirm and what I read produced a wry smile.

Well played.

[Robtaylor200]

When my dad reverses the car

He always says "Ah this takes me back"

[Robtaylor200]

Playing golf with my mate, he produced from his bag an amazing golf ball

I asked what it was , He said "Its incredible, it has an inside light so that you can see it in the dark, it emits a high pitched sound so that you can hear it where ever you are, it even has a built in tracker"

I said that's amazing where can I get one. He said "I don't know, I found it last week"

 

[lapal_fan]

49 minutes ago, Robtaylor200 said:

When my dad reverses the car

He always says "Ah this takes me back"

Thanks, that means a lot. 

[leemond2008]

21 hours ago, turnbull said:

Eeeeeerrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmm, anyway..............

 

I got caught shoplifting a leg of lamb from our local supermarket.

"What are you doing with that?" asked the security guy

I replied "new potatoes, peas, mint sauce and gravy would be nice"

That reminds me of another joke

I got caught shoplifting a leg of lamb from our local supermarket.

"What are you doing with that?" asked the security guy

I replied "Plethora"

Thanks, said the security guy. That means a lot

Edited April 25, 2018 by leemond2008

[AVFC_Hitz]

7 minutes ago, leemond2008 said:

That reminds me of another joke

I got caught shoplifting a leg of lamb from our local supermarket.

"What are you doing with that?" asked the security guy

I replied "Plethora"

Thanks, said the security guy. That means a lot

Bum me.

[lapal_fan]

20 hours ago, AVFC_Hitz said:

Bum me.

That means a lot, thanks. 

[mjmooney]

This woman was at her husband's funeral, and her dog said "Can I say a few words?" And she said "No, you're a dog, dogs can't talk". And the dog said "Oh, yeah, sorry", and sat down again.