Popular Post chrisp65 Posted April 11, 2018 Popular Post Share Posted April 11, 2018 Holiday snorkelling true story alert… I went on a bit of a once in a lifetime Kenyan beach and safari holiday. Couldn’t afford it, absolutely fluked it with a last minute bargain and already having the correct jabs and tablets. Anyhoo, during the beach bit, we went off on a glass bottomed boat to see a reef. All lovely, spectacular. After a couple of hours the boat stopped and local tour guide guy jumped out and went under the boat with food to attract loads of fish to the area. Again, absolutely stunning show. Then they opened a big box of kit and cracked out the scuba gear. Dutch guy puts some on, dives in and swims off. French guy puts some on, dives in and swims off. German guy puts some on, dives in and swims off. So that’s just me on the boat, with everyone else’s wives and girlfriends staring at me wondering why I’m not a real man. So, reluctantly, I put on the gear and jump in. The temperature was much colder than expected and there was a strong current. So I instantly got dragged under the glass bottomed boat. The fish know the drill, bloke under boat means food. So I got mobbed by the cast of Finding Nemo. With a bunch of women sat in the boat watching. Had to be rescued by the boat guy who didn’t have any scuba kit. Not my finest hour. 4 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amsterdam_Neil_D Posted April 11, 2018 Share Posted April 11, 2018 13 minutes ago, chrisp65 said: So I instantly got dragged under the glass bottomed boat. "A Scuba diving slightly blue Englishman was rescued by a 7 year old boy off the coast today after a seemingly well planned scuba up-skirt operation on a glass bottomed boat went badly wrong for holiday maker in question" 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted April 11, 2018 Moderator Share Posted April 11, 2018 Smug bastards who get the wrong answer in the comments section of those facebook 'maths trick' questions. Love it. LERN TO REED, U MORAN! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Risso Posted April 11, 2018 Popular Post Share Posted April 11, 2018 We got a new pony for our two youngest daughters the other day. It's old, cantankerous, doesn't get on with the other horses and pretends not to hear anything that's said to it. It's name is Mooney. 3 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyh29 Posted April 11, 2018 Share Posted April 11, 2018 10 hours ago, il_serpente said: Vacation. Or as most of you would say, holiday. Just went scuba diving for the first time in my life. A sea turtle swam up right next to me, seeming like he was begging for me to reach out and touch him. Turned his head to look at me as he swam by and I could swear he smiled at me. My wife saw an octopus. Awesome! it's great when marine life plays ball I still chuckle every time anyone mentions the word sea turtle as we went snorkelling on holiday once as part of a boat trip my 4 year old daughter was in the sea with me and a sea turtle sorta popped up and bumped into her ... When we got back to the boat she said to the crewman in this cute 4 year old voice " A tortoise bit my butt" guess you had to be there , but it's a kinda family catchphrase now whenever we see a turtle 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyh29 Posted April 11, 2018 Share Posted April 11, 2018 (edited) 4 hours ago, chrisp65 said: Holiday snorkelling true story alert… I went on a bit of a once in a lifetime Kenyan beach and safari holiday. Couldn’t afford it, absolutely fluked it with a last minute bargain and already having the correct jabs and tablets. Anyhoo, during the beach bit, we went off on a glass bottomed boat to see a reef. All lovely, spectacular. After a couple of hours the boat stopped and local tour guide guy jumped out and went under the boat with food to attract loads of fish to the area. Again, absolutely stunning show. Then they opened a big box of kit and cracked out the scuba gear. Dutch guy puts some on, dives in and swims off. French guy puts some on, dives in and swims off. German guy puts some on, dives in and swims off. So that’s just me on the boat, with everyone else’s wives and girlfriends staring at me wondering why I’m not a real man. So, reluctantly, I put on the gear and jump in. The temperature was much colder than expected and there was a strong current. So I instantly got dragged under the glass bottomed boat. The fish know the drill, bloke under boat means food. So I got mobbed by the cast of Finding Nemo. With a bunch of women sat in the boat watching. Had to be rescued by the boat guy who didn’t have any scuba kit. Not my finest hour. Mrs h was on one of those once and I felt it was my duty to swim under the boat and moon .... needless to say my flipper like abilities aren't what they were and I nearly ended up drowning ..saving grace was I didn't need to be rescued just coughed and spluttered up lots of water ... got back on board to a telling off from my parents who I'd kinda forgotten were on the excursion with us , who'd have thought they were so prudish about mooning Edited April 11, 2018 by tonyh29 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mottaloo Posted April 11, 2018 Share Posted April 11, 2018 12 hours ago, il_serpente said: Vacation. Or as most of you would say, holiday. Just went scuba diving for the first time in my life. A sea turtle swam up right next to me, seeming like he was begging for me to reach out and touch him. Turned his head to look at me as he swam by and I could swear he smiled at me. My wife saw an octopus. Awesome! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharkyvilla Posted April 11, 2018 Share Posted April 11, 2018 Someone nearly drowned the only time I've been snorkelling too. I thought it was just a one off thing but clearly there's always one. Some old fellar had drunk too many rum punches and luckily there was a St Lucian lad trying to sell us conches from a canoe who jumped in and saved him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xela Posted April 11, 2018 Share Posted April 11, 2018 6 hours ago, chrisp65 said: Holiday snorkelling true story alert… I went on a bit of a once in a lifetime Kenyan beach and safari holiday. Couldn’t afford it, absolutely fluked it with a last minute bargain and already having the correct jabs and tablets. Anyhoo, during the beach bit, we went off on a glass bottomed boat to see a reef. All lovely, spectacular. After a couple of hours the boat stopped and local tour guide guy jumped out and went under the boat with food to attract loads of fish to the area. Again, absolutely stunning show. Then they opened a big box of kit and cracked out the scuba gear. Dutch guy puts some on, dives in and swims off. French guy puts some on, dives in and swims off. German guy puts some on, dives in and swims off. So that’s just me on the boat, with everyone else’s wives and girlfriends staring at me wondering why I’m not a real man. So, reluctantly, I put on the gear and jump in. The temperature was much colder than expected and there was a strong current. So I instantly got dragged under the glass bottomed boat. The fish know the drill, bloke under boat means food. So I got mobbed by the cast of Finding Nemo. With a bunch of women sat in the boat watching. Had to be rescued by the boat guy who didn’t have any scuba kit. Not my finest hour. Sounds a bit fishy to me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
il_serpente Posted April 11, 2018 VT Supporter Share Posted April 11, 2018 56 minutes ago, mottaloo said: That's him!! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tegis Posted April 11, 2018 VT Supporter Share Posted April 11, 2018 (edited) There is a mahosive blue penis painted on Stockholm apartment building, just so happens that I use to live in that apartment-block many moons ago. I'd post a picture but I have a feeling it would be insta-nuked by our mods, art or not Underneath there is also a sign for a local shop with a very adapt name. Here it is from another artwork on the same wall. Edited April 11, 2018 by Tegis 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisp65 Posted April 11, 2018 Share Posted April 11, 2018 one man's work locker this morning, in deepest Cardiff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ikantcpell Posted April 11, 2018 Share Posted April 11, 2018 It feels alittle empty that Stephen Hawking is not with us anymore Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seat68 Posted April 12, 2018 Share Posted April 12, 2018 I know someone that is part of keith and Paddys picture show. Its been weird but hilarious seeing him on the one show footage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted April 12, 2018 VT Supporter Share Posted April 12, 2018 1 hour ago, Seat68 said: I know someone that is part of keith and Paddys picture show. Its been weird but hilarious seeing him on the one show footage. God, how **** ing annoying are those two? Made me want to brick the television. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8pints Posted April 12, 2018 Share Posted April 12, 2018 8 minutes ago, mjmooney said: God, how **** ing annoying are those two? Made me want to brick the television. You could just...change the channel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted April 12, 2018 VT Supporter Share Posted April 12, 2018 Just now, 8pints said: You could just...change the channel. I left the room. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seat68 Posted April 12, 2018 Share Posted April 12, 2018 44 minutes ago, mjmooney said: God, how **** ing annoying are those two? Made me want to brick the television. Agreed. My friend fits right into that world. This is his other work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheAuthority Posted April 13, 2018 VT Supporter Share Posted April 13, 2018 On 4/11/2018 at 06:53, chrisp65 said: Holiday snorkelling true story alert… I went on a bit of a once in a lifetime Kenyan beach and safari holiday. Couldn’t afford it, absolutely fluked it with a last minute bargain and already having the correct jabs and tablets. Anyhoo, during the beach bit, we went off on a glass bottomed boat to see a reef. All lovely, spectacular. After a couple of hours the boat stopped and local tour guide guy jumped out and went under the boat with food to attract loads of fish to the area. Again, absolutely stunning show. Then they opened a big box of kit and cracked out the scuba gear. Dutch guy puts some on, dives in and swims off. French guy puts some on, dives in and swims off. German guy puts some on, dives in and swims off. So that’s just me on the boat, with everyone else’s wives and girlfriends staring at me wondering why I’m not a real man. So, reluctantly, I put on the gear and jump in. The temperature was much colder than expected and there was a strong current. So I instantly got dragged under the glass bottomed boat. The fish know the drill, bloke under boat means food. So I got mobbed by the cast of Finding Nemo. With a bunch of women sat in the boat watching. Had to be rescued by the boat guy who didn’t have any scuba kit. Not my finest hour. Chris just before 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ikantcpell Posted April 13, 2018 Share Posted April 13, 2018 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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