rjw63 Posted August 6, 2020 Share Posted August 6, 2020 Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the forest when she sees the wolf crouched behind a tree. "I can see you, Big Bad Wolf" she shouts, and the wolf runs away. Five minutes later and there's the wolf couched behind the tree again. "I can see you, Big Bad Wolf" she shouts and the wolf again runs off. Shortly after and there he is again. "I can see you, Big Bad Wolf!!" And the wolf shouts "I wish you'd **** off! I'm trying to have a shit!" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
choffer Posted August 6, 2020 VT Supporter Share Posted August 6, 2020 On 04/08/2020 at 09:55, StefanAVFC said: I went to a funeral the other day of my old mate. His Mrs was clearly distressed, so I leaned over and asked 'Could I say a word?' She agreed, so I stood up, cleared my throat and said 'Plethora'. As I sat back down, she turned to me and said 'Thanks, that means a lot'. Reminds me of a similar joke. To the man who translated "beaucoup" for me. Thanks, it means a lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robtaylor200 Posted August 7, 2020 Share Posted August 7, 2020 On 05/08/2020 at 23:06, Stevo985 said: Boy: Dad, how come my sister's name is Teresa? Dad: Because Teresa is an anagram of Easter, and your mother absolutely loves Easter Boy: Thanks, Dad. Dad: No problem, Alan. took me 2 days of looking for anagram of Alan derrrrr 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post blandy Posted August 7, 2020 Moderator Popular Post Share Posted August 7, 2020 On 05/08/2020 at 22:55, Stevo985 said: That was the peak of this thread. Not your post, that run of plethora jokes. I thought it might have been dead and buried. talking of which, I was at a funeral recently for a Covid pandemic victim I asked the widow if I might say something "of course", she said I stood up and said "Your appointment was at 3:15 this afternoon" "thank you - it was a testing time for me" she said. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Follyfoot Posted August 7, 2020 VT Supporter Share Posted August 7, 2020 5 hours ago, Robtaylor200 said: took me 2 days of looking for anagram of Alan derrrrr I just had to ask the Mrs as did not get it , she did straight away 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted August 7, 2020 Share Posted August 7, 2020 59 minutes ago, Follyfoot said: I just had to ask the Mrs as did not get it , she did straight away 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genie Posted August 7, 2020 Share Posted August 7, 2020 I like the “bargain” / it means a great deal version too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Troglodyte Posted August 10, 2020 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted August 10, 2020 Which Spice Girl can hold the most petrol? Geri can. 3 1 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AJ Posted August 11, 2020 Share Posted August 11, 2020 A truckie is driving down the highway, when a blonde girl in a convertible speeds up beside him in the other lane. Suddenly, she changes lane so finely in front of the truck, the truckie is forced to brake quickly. The truckie changes lanes and catches up to the girl. He leans out and yells " Oi, you! Pull over!". The girl then yells back " No, silly. It's a hoodie. Look." The blonde girl then takes her hands off the steering wheel while adjusting the hood on her jacket on her head, causing her convertible to drift towards the side of the truck. The truckie brakes again, and now, he is really miffed. It was bad enough telling a bad joke as old as time, but this chick was also dangerous. "OI!!" he yells, this time firmly pointing at her, and then to the side of the road. The blonde gets the message, and pulls over to the side of the road. The truckie pulls up behind her, and steps out of his truck, removing from behind the seat a tyre iron and a piece of chalk. He draws a small circle on the edge of the road, goes over to the blonde, picks her up by the shoulders, and puts her in the circle. " You are not to get out of that circle until I say so" he tells the girl. He walks over to the blonde's convertible, and bashes the bonnet with his tyre iron. He looks over at the blonde, and she is smiling at him. This time, he smashes off her side rear view mirror. He looks back, and she is giggling. He turns back to her car and smashes in her windscreen. He looks back, and there she is laughing her ass off. He walks over to the girl. " I just trashed your car. What's so funny, you idiot?". " You're the idiot." she replied. " Every time your back was turned, I was stepping out of the circle." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robtaylor200 Posted August 14, 2020 Share Posted August 14, 2020 Wife told me to got the doctors and get some pills to give me an erection so I did I brought her some diet pills 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robtaylor200 Posted August 14, 2020 Share Posted August 14, 2020 On 10/09/2019 at 14:57, imavillan said: My mate who has a stutter was telling us about his nana. By the time he was finished we were all singing hey Jude. That was worth going back and reading again 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvfcRigo82 Posted August 15, 2020 Share Posted August 15, 2020 A pal told me the best thing about Switzerland was the Chocolate... I'm not so sure myself, but their flag is a huge plus. 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colhint Posted August 15, 2020 Share Posted August 15, 2020 I'm thinking of changing my energy supplier from Red Bull to Lucozade. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
useless Posted August 15, 2020 Share Posted August 15, 2020 (edited) Why are grizzly bears scared of polar bears, because they think they're ghosts. Edited August 15, 2020 by useless 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidcow Posted August 15, 2020 VT Supporter Share Posted August 15, 2020 7 hours ago, useless said: Why are grizzly bears scared of polar bears, because they think they're ghosts. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robtaylor200 Posted August 17, 2020 Share Posted August 17, 2020 A bloke took a couple of stuffed Jack Russel terriers to an antique dealer for appraisal. What do you reckon they will fetch he asked 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amsterdam_Neil_D Posted August 17, 2020 Share Posted August 17, 2020 On 07/08/2020 at 09:35, Robtaylor200 said: took me 2 days of looking for anagram of Alan derrrrr I was trying to think of something like Easter but only using those letters. It was a Good Friday but only for Alan's dad it seems Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amsterdam_Neil_D Posted August 17, 2020 Share Posted August 17, 2020 On 15/08/2020 at 17:42, colhint said: I'm thinking of changing my energy supplier from Red Bull to Lucozade. Going in to hospital ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy Lifeboats Posted August 17, 2020 Share Posted August 17, 2020 I was cooking tea tonight. The recipe said to ensure the oven was set at 180 degrees. I did that. But now its facing the wall I can't open the door. 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robtaylor200 Posted August 19, 2020 Share Posted August 19, 2020 On 17/08/2020 at 19:17, Mandy Lifeboats said: I was cooking tea tonight. The recipe said to ensure the oven was set at 180 degrees. I did that. But now its facing the wall I can't open the door. nearly as funny as @imavillan Nana joke Brilliant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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