Enda Posted October 28, 2020 Share Posted October 28, 2020 21 hours ago, mjmooney said: Somebody post the correct version, FFS. Which one? There's a plethora of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theboyangel Posted October 28, 2020 Share Posted October 28, 2020 31 minutes ago, Enda said: Which one? There's a plethora of them. That means a lot, thanks 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leemond2008 Posted October 28, 2020 Share Posted October 28, 2020 1 hour ago, theboyangel said: That means a lot, thanks that reminds me of a joke about a funeral... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted November 3, 2020 Share Posted November 3, 2020 Sadly, Sean Connery passed away last week. Apparently he got crushed by a pile of books. Oh well, only his shelf to blame really. 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StefanAVFC Posted November 3, 2020 Share Posted November 3, 2020 If Donald Trump wins the election, I'm leaving the USA. If Joe Biden wins the election, I'm leaving the USA. I start a new job in Germany on 16th November. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted November 3, 2020 VT Supporter Share Posted November 3, 2020 18 minutes ago, rjw63 said: Sadly, Sean Connery passed away last week. Apparently he got crushed by a pile of books. Oh well, only his shelf to blame really. I met Sean Connery once and asked if he liked herbs. He said yes, but only partially. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
choffer Posted November 3, 2020 VT Supporter Share Posted November 3, 2020 If we're still doing Connery jokes..... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted November 3, 2020 Moderator Share Posted November 3, 2020 On 27/10/2020 at 13:54, Robtaylor200 said: and here's another My mate asked me this morning, what's the difference between the people from Dabi and the people from Abadabi . It seems that the people from Dabi do not like the Flintstones. But the people from Abadabi do That joke gave the baby Jesus covid and AIDS. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted November 3, 2020 Moderator Share Posted November 3, 2020 On 28/10/2020 at 17:52, leemond2008 said: that reminds me of a joke about a funeral... What's 12 inches long and makes women scream all night long? Cot death. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted November 3, 2020 Share Posted November 3, 2020 34 minutes ago, BOF said: What's 12 inches long and makes women scream all night long? Cot death. What's 12 inches long? The cot? Seems a bit small. Or the corpse? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PussEKatt Posted November 3, 2020 Share Posted November 3, 2020 Dont know if I posted this one before or not. A miner that has been prospecting for 30 years finally strikes it rich.He rushes into town and goes up to the first prostitute he sees and says "Ive struck it rich after 30 years,come on lets screw all night" Prostitute:Wait a minute,If its been that long why not have a really good time.We can have a meal,go to a club then shag all night. Miner:I dont know,I have been away so long I dont know what to do. Prostitute: Thats ok,just follow my lead and you will be allright. Miner:OK,Ill give it a go. SO,they go to a flash restaurant. Waiter:What would you like,steak and chips. Prostitute:No,not for me thanks. Miner:No,not for me thanks. Waiter:How about a fish basket. Prostitute:No,not for me thanks. miner:No,not for me thanks. Waiter:How about sheeps tongues. Prostitute:Yes,give me two. Miner:Yes,give me two. When the bill comes its for $400 Miner:How come it cost $400 for 4 sheeps tongues. Waiter:To get 4 sheeps tongues we have to kill 4 sheep,you have to pay for the waste. Miner grumbles but pays the $400 Next they go to the bar. Bartender:What would you like to drink. Prostitute:give me a horses neck. Miner:Give me a horses arse,Im not paying for 2 horses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post StefanAVFC Posted November 3, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted November 3, 2020 10 minutes ago, PussEKatt said: Dont know if I posted this one before or not. A miner that has been prospecting for 30 years finally strikes it rich.He rushes into town and goes up to the first prostitute he sees and says "Ive struck it rich after 30 years,come on lets screw all night" Prostitute:Wait a minute,If its been that long why not have a really good time.We can have a meal,go to a club then shag all night. Miner:I dont know,I have been away so long I dont know what to do. Prostitute: Thats ok,just follow my lead and you will be allright. Miner:OK,Ill give it a go. SO,they go to a flash restaurant. Waiter:What would you like,steak and chips. Prostitute:No,not for me thanks. Miner:No,not for me thanks. Waiter:How about a fish basket. Prostitute:No,not for me thanks. miner:No,not for me thanks. Waiter:How about sheeps tongues. Prostitute:Yes,give me two. Miner:Yes,give me two. When the bill comes its for $400 Miner:How come it cost $400 for 4 sheeps tongues. Waiter:To get 4 sheeps tongues we have to kill 4 sheep,you have to pay for the waste. Miner grumbles but pays the $400 Next they go to the bar. Bartender:What would you like to drink. Prostitute:give me a horses neck. Miner:Give me a horses arse,Im not paying for 2 horses. 4 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post AVFC_Hitz Posted November 3, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted November 3, 2020 Just finished reading an excellent book called “Fights on a Narrowboat" by R.G. Bargee. 1 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ml1dch Posted November 3, 2020 Share Posted November 3, 2020 Naamah: "Noah, we're sinking, the ark has a hole in it!" Noah: "Don't worry, I've got an idea, I'll glue it back together" Horse: "Why do you think he brought three of us?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy Lifeboats Posted November 3, 2020 Share Posted November 3, 2020 51 minutes ago, AVFC_Hitz said: Just finished reading an excellent book called “Fights on a Narrowboat" by R.G. Bargee. I hate this sort of joke. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFC_Hitz Posted November 3, 2020 Share Posted November 3, 2020 3 minutes ago, Mandy Lifeboats said: I hate this sort of joke. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy Lifeboats Posted November 3, 2020 Share Posted November 3, 2020 @AVFC_Hitz There was a dose of sarcasm because of my user name. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFC_Hitz Posted November 3, 2020 Share Posted November 3, 2020 12 minutes ago, Mandy Lifeboats said: @AVFC_Hitz There was a dose of sarcasm because of my user name. Now I just feel silly. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StanBalaban Posted November 3, 2020 Share Posted November 3, 2020 9 hours ago, PussEKatt said: Dont know if I posted this one before or not. A miner that has been prospecting for 30 years finally strikes it rich.He rushes into town and goes up to the first prostitute he sees and says "Ive struck it rich after 30 years,come on lets screw all night" Prostitute:Wait a minute,If its been that long why not have a really good time.We can have a meal,go to a club then shag all night. Miner:I dont know,I have been away so long I dont know what to do. Prostitute: Thats ok,just follow my lead and you will be allright. Miner:OK,Ill give it a go. SO,they go to a flash restaurant. Waiter:What would you like,steak and chips. Prostitute:No,not for me thanks. Miner:No,not for me thanks. Waiter:How about a fish basket. Prostitute:No,not for me thanks. miner:No,not for me thanks. Waiter:How about sheeps tongues. Prostitute:Yes,give me two. Miner:Yes,give me two. When the bill comes its for $400 Miner:How come it cost $400 for 4 sheeps tongues. Waiter:To get 4 sheeps tongues we have to kill 4 sheep,you have to pay for the waste. Miner grumbles but pays the $400 Next they go to the bar. Bartender:What would you like to drink. Prostitute:give me a horses neck. Miner:Give me a horses arse,Im not paying for 2 horses. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post theboyangel Posted November 4, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted November 4, 2020 James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, and then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No," he replies, "Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it." The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?" Bond explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically." The lady says, "What's it telling you now?" "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I'm wearing panties!" Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, "Bloody thing's an hour fast." 5 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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