Things that piss you off that shouldn't

[Xela]

7 hours ago, Xann said:

 

Metro

I staggered four miles alone across busy and quiet London in the early hours of Saturday morning last week, because I was pissed and wanted to.

We take this sort of stuff for granted, don't we?

It is sad to read but It is a bit of a sweeping generalisation though isn't it? What if men had a curfew. Actually what if the shitty men had a curfew and all the decent people, both male and female could feel safe at night should be what it says. Vast majority of men are law abiding citizens and respect women, but some poisonous apples are giving us all a bad reputation (in this debate)

I get what you say in your later post, women are victims to some terrible behaviour by men at night, but so are other men.

[Xela]

3 hours ago, StefanAVFC said:

I got jumped in Beacon Park in Lichfield when I was about 16 and for over a year I was worried walking around by myself. 

I know that feels so I’m not going to belittle people feeling threatened even if there’s no actual danger. 

I try and avoid walking anywhere by myself at night. I just don't want to take the risk. There are some nasty people out there and anything I can do to lessen my chances of putting myself in a potentially dangerous situation, I am going to take. 

[lapal_fan]

6 hours ago, HanoiVillan said:

When my wife moved to the Midlands a couple of years ago, she used to walk around the town every day. She stopped after about three weeks, after about half a dozen incidents of men shouting at her from van windows, wolf-whistling from a particular recycling facility, etc. I was genuinely surprised by how often this happened to her, and how bad it made her feel. I had never really considered it before.

This forum basically only consists of men. It seems unlikely to me that we can accurately deduce how often women feel uncomfortable when walking around towns without asking a decent number of them. 

That's Blackheath for you.

Do the same around an affluent area, and she'd feel different. 

[Pelle]

I'd say most are or have been a part of the problem in one way or another. Very few men rape women, but that's just a bad symptom of the problem. One of the worst. If you see a girl being just mildly harrassed by a guy, do you step up and tell him to quit? If he's trying to get her when she clearly wants him to go? If a friend calls a girl a whore or something like that, do you tell him to stop? It's not just about raping or beating women up, it's also all those "minor" things that they have had to accept before that they won't anymore. Like being pinched in the ass 2373 times on a night out. It's a behaviour we men have had for a long time. ChrisP's post was rather excellent, I have to say.

Does it make me a bad man if I answer "No" to my questions? Not necessarily. But it does make me a part of the problem. Every time we talk condescending about girls and women in the dressing room, at work, etc, we contribute to a mentality that's quite negative. Doesn't women talk about men? Of course, but I doubt they speak about us like we can do about them in a group of just guys. It's those small things that is very much the foundation for the bigger part. What I can't understand is why so many men always sees the need to say "Not all men!" when talking about those things. Instead of getting defensive, most often noone is accused anyway, try to listen to understand. In the end it's all quite simple. Treat every person (except for the knuckledraggers from small heath) with respect and as equals and we're at least halfway there. What's the problem?

[Morley_crosses_to_Withe]

I never see women on their own in London late at night doing things like shopping, taking public transport or walking home. It’s men only after dark. 

I don’t even know how it’s a gender privilege thing. There are young men in London who’d dare not cross over into certain postcodes at any point during the day, let alone at night. 

There are areas of London most people certainly wouldn’t feel safe walking through late at night. 

Maybe it’s much more complex than just gender privilege. Maybe there are other factors and this affects different people for different reasons. 

Maybe one of those is wealth? How many female residents of Kensington and Chelsea feel unsafe walking through the Kings Road after dark or the women in the leafy streets of places like Hampstead or Barnes? But women in a place like Camberwell might feel very different.

Or maybe it’s also down to the individual: some people feel unsafe in certain environments due to their own attitudes, past experiences, beliefs and mindsets.

[turvontour]

1 hour ago, Pelle said:

I'd say most are or have been a part of the problem in one way or another. Very few men rape women, but that's just a bad symptom of the problem. One of the worst. If you see a girl being just mildly harrassed by a guy, do you step up and tell him to quit? If he's trying to get her when she clearly wants him to go? If a friend calls a girl a whore or something like that, do you tell him to stop? It's not just about raping or beating women up, it's also all those "minor" things that they have had to accept before that they won't anymore. Like being pinched in the ass 2373 times on a night out. It's a behaviour we men have had for a long time. ChrisP's post was rather excellent, I have to say.

Does it make me a bad man if I answer "No" to my questions? Not necessarily. But it does make me a part of the problem. Every time we talk condescending about girls and women in the dressing room, at work, etc, we contribute to a mentality that's quite negative. Doesn't women talk about men? Of course, but I doubt they speak about us like we can do about them in a group of just guys. It's those small things that is very much the foundation for the bigger part. What I can't understand is why so many men always sees the need to say "Not all men!" when talking about those things. Instead of getting defensive, most often noone is accused anyway, try to listen to understand. In the end it's all quite simple. Treat every person (except for the knuckledraggers from small heath) with respect and as equals and we're at least halfway there. What's the problem?

I have never pinched a woman on the bum on a night out. But i have probably had my bum pinched or crotch grabbed by women about 50 times.

Its not just a man/woman thing is it. Everyone knows that those actions are wrong.

[Pelle]

26 minutes ago, turvontour said:

I have never pinched a woman on the bum on a night out. But i have probably had my bum pinched or crotch grabbed by women about 50 times.

Its not just a man/woman thing is it. Everyone knows that those actions are wrong.

They are, but then we have another aspect. How would you feel if a 250lb biker did that to you?

[Xann]

59 minutes ago, Xela said:

... Vast majority of men are law abiding citizens...

Of course, but how many people will you walk past on a night out?

Girls get weird shit going on we don't experience.

How many blokes do you know that have been spiked by strangers in the UK? 

They don't often like talking about it with us. 

Being small and attractive is hazardous.

[lapal_fan]

8 hours ago, Pelle said:

They are, but then we have another aspect. How would you feel if a 250lb biker did that to you?

But that's shifting the goalposts.

I get the argument, but as long as an average man is stronger and taller than an average woman, there will be a certain amount of intimidation.

I'd feel intimidated surrounded by people who are taller and stronger than me, because if things, for whatever reason, DID get physical, I know id be in trouble.

I understand why women (or at least a number of women) would feel intimidated walking around certain areas, because I would too.

What seems to be suggested in a number of posts on here is that no one should ever feel intimidated by anything.  We're animals whose aim is to survive - it's in our nature and chemical make up to be weary of certain situations.  A 3 year old wouldn't bat an eye lid walking around most places, but you develope that skill when you grow up.  It's a survival mechanism.

I'm quite conscious about appearing intimidating in certain scenarios, like if walking behind a woman on the street, I'll give her space or speed walk past, just so she knows there isn't something to worry about behind her.  Even just smiling at someone, you can see the tension go from someone body language. 

Equality is what everyone (or at least most people want) and there is still stuff to be done, but I've had more female bosses than male ones now.

In my new job, I'm the only man in our office and the women have talked about lots of topics which I wouldn't have thought appropriate in a work place.  I guess it's good that I've integrated myself into the team enough for them to feel comfortable enough to talk about those topics.

[mjmooney]

33 minutes ago, lapal_fan said:

But that's shifting the goalposts.

I get the argument, but as long as an average man is stronger and taller than an average woman, there will be a certain amount of intimidation.

I'd feel intimidated surrounded by people who are taller and stronger than me, because if things, for whatever reason, DID get physical, I know id be in trouble.

I understand why women (or at least a number of women) would feel intimidated walking around certain areas, because I would too.

What seems to be suggested in a number of posts on here is that no one should ever feel intimidated by anything.  We're animals whose aim is to survive - it's in our nature and chemical make up to be weary of certain situations.  A 3 year old wouldn't bat an eye lid walking around most places, but you develope that skill when you grow up.  It's a survival mechanism.

I'm quite conscious about appearing intimidating in certain scenarios, like if walking behind a woman on the street, I'll give her space or speed walk past, just so she knows there isn't something to worry about behind her.  Even just smiling at someone, you can see the tension go from someone body language. 

Equality is what everyone (or at least most people want) and there is still stuff to be done, but I've had more female bosses than male ones now.

In my new job, I'm the only man in our office and the women have talked about lots of topics which I wouldn't have thought appropriate in a work place.  I guess it's good that I've integrated myself into the team enough for them to feel comfortable enough to talk about those topics.

I once had a job where I was the only bloke in an office with eleven women (several of whom were lesbians). It was great. 

[KHV]

15 minutes ago, mjmooney said:

I once had a job where I was the only bloke in an office with eleven women (several of whom were lesbians). It was great. 

I had no idea you were a porn star!

[Pelle]

1 hour ago, lapal_fan said:

But that's shifting the goalposts.

I get the argument, but as long as an average man is stronger and taller than an average woman, there will be a certain amount of intimidation.

I'd feel intimidated surrounded by people who are taller and stronger than me, because if things, for whatever reason, DID get physical, I know id be in trouble.

I understand why women (or at least a number of women) would feel intimidated walking around certain areas, because I would too.

What seems to be suggested in a number of posts on here is that no one should ever feel intimidated by anything.  We're animals whose aim is to survive - it's in our nature and chemical make up to be weary of certain situations.  A 3 year old wouldn't bat an eye lid walking around most places, but you develope that skill when you grow up.  It's a survival mechanism.

I'm quite conscious about appearing intimidating in certain scenarios, like if walking behind a woman on the street, I'll give her space or speed walk past, just so she knows there isn't something to worry about behind her.  Even just smiling at someone, you can see the tension go from someone body language. 

Equality is what everyone (or at least most people want) and there is still stuff to be done, but I've had more female bosses than male ones now.

In my new job, I'm the only man in our office and the women have talked about lots of topics which I wouldn't have thought appropriate in a work place.  I guess it's good that I've integrated myself into the team enough for them to feel comfortable enough to talk about those topics.

Yes, I did shift the goal posts just to show an example. But then again, considering the post I answered, was to show why yjay kind of behaviour is mostly worse to women. But having said that, it's not ok for women to do that to men either. It's never ok. But I'm 100% sure that those things I talked about happens more often to women than to men, and they more often also feel intimidated. Which doesn't excuse at all when women do it either.

I agree with most of your post, but I'm not talking about just feeling intimidated but the overall mentality in the society that men are superior and can do what they want with women. Which is beginning to change, luckily. And again, what I don't get is why so many men get defensive when this is brought up. Why do they feel accused? I don't and I've not been an angel. I've done things I regret.

[chrisp65]

Never realised it was a point of debate that women can find it more intimidating to walk down a street late at night. Genuinely opened my eyes there on how situations are viewed.

Certainly never seen it suggested before that women don't walk alone at night because they just don't want to or that they have some sort of wrong attitude.

Consider me more informed now than 48 hours ago.

[Dr_Pangloss]

The 100s if not 1000s of Villa fans who can't sit through a half of football, sitting in the Holte today I got vexed at the amount of time I was having to stand up to let people walk past, people starting from 20 mins in. Then the sheer amount of people who leave before full time, never used to be like this 10 years ago, people are just words removed these days.

Edited October 20, 2018 by Dr_Pangloss

[villa4europe]

23 minutes ago, Dr_Pangloss said:

The 100s if not 1000s of Villa fans who can't sit through a half of football, sitting in the Holte today I got vexed at the amount of time I was having to stand up to let people walk past, people starting from 20 mins in. Then the sheer amount of people who leave before full time, never used to be like this 10 years ago, people are just words removed these days.

although i'll tell everyone it was because of Bruce, and to be fair to me the 2 did go hand in hand, that's why i gave my ST away and stopped going, the home games had become the same all day drinking sessions with a football match getting in the way that the away games had become

it was always a drink thing so i stayed until the final whistle but i was the first 5-10 minutes because of drinking, missed the last 10 minutes of the first half because of drinking, cant remember which one it was but i remember at an away game spending the entire 1st half on the concourse drinking because it was freezing cold and we were shit, and there was hundreds of people doing the same, my final game under bruce was brentford away by the time i got in to the standing area with everyone i knew we were 3-0 down

Edited October 20, 2018 by villa4europe

[theboyangel]

People who yap during a gig..... Dance along, sing, cheer etc but don't stand there talking about Dr Who during a really good gig. Cretins

[GarethRDR]

58 minutes ago, theboyangel said:

People who yap during a gig..... Dance along, sing, cheer etc but don't stand there talking about Dr Who during a really good gig. Cretins

The Luminaire in London (lovely venue, sadly long-gone) was so hot on this stuff, it was great.  Come the reckoning, gig-yapperers will be amongst the first into the great furnace.

[chrisp65]

8 hours ago, GarethRDR said:

The Luminaire in London (lovely venue, sadly long-gone) was so hot on this stuff, it was great.  Come the reckoning, gig-yapperers will be amongst the first into the great furnace.

Will they be allowed to hold their smart phones aloft, so they can film themselves entering the fiery hole, so they can put it on youtube later?

[bickster]

4 minutes ago, chrisp65 said:

Will they be allowed to hold their smart phones aloft, so they can film themselves entering the fiery hole, so they can put it on youtube later?

See I don’t mind someone taking the odd photo but they are the rarity. Most gig phone twunts hold their bastard phone up videoing each and every song. And whilst I’m on this rant, even more odd is the absolute Representatives for Wellingborough who get in my car after a night clubbing and they've f***ing taken videos of the night and then proceed to play them back at full volume on their shitty phones, they are almost always the mumble of people talking and shouting over the music with some faint beat in the background. Not once have I ever heard these muppets say, that video came out shit, they just gurn and giggle and say “remember that bit”.

[StefanAVFC]

11 hours ago, theboyangel said:

People who yap during a gig..... Dance along, sing, cheer etc but don't stand there talking about Dr Who during a really good gig. Cretins

I went to a gig this year, my favourite band so I knew all of the words to every song.

I could feel someone in front of me being angry I was singing along. **** off.