AvfcRigo82 Posted December 24, 2018 Share Posted December 24, 2018 And if all else fails. DHUTWU Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demitri_C Posted December 24, 2018 Share Posted December 24, 2018 The only distance that matters is how far the kitchen is from your sofa so when you want food you don't have to wait too long for her to bring it to you while your on the sofa. #piglife 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
il_serpente Posted December 24, 2018 VT Supporter Share Posted December 24, 2018 Personally, I would be reluctant to enter a long-distance relationship, the basis of which was that we got along really well when we were drunk at a party. Not worth the hassle of trying to explain the traveling to my wife... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted December 25, 2018 Share Posted December 25, 2018 @StefanAVFC, 2.5 hours away is nothing with that nose of yours mate. She could tickle it to let you know she's there. Merry Xmas xxx 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted December 25, 2018 Share Posted December 25, 2018 Distance was never an issue for John Holmes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted December 25, 2018 Share Posted December 25, 2018 2 hours ago, Rugeley Villa said: Distance was never an issue for John Holmes. Showing yer age there kidda 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisvilla4 Posted December 25, 2018 Share Posted December 25, 2018 5 hour round trip for a coffee and a cuddle? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post kurtsimonw Posted December 28, 2018 Popular Post Share Posted December 28, 2018 So I ended up getting back with her. We had a good long talk. She just felt a bit smothered and we'd moved so fast, but having a bit of space made her realise that she needed that space, but she also missed me a lot. She does love in a very small place, am old converted barn, so space really is at a minimum and maybe tough for two people. It's been good since we started again. I hope it's a lasting thing. We'll see. Thank you to everyone who gave me kind words and advice, we've got a good bunch on here. 14 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post VILLAMARV Posted December 28, 2018 Popular Post Share Posted December 28, 2018 11 minutes ago, kurtsimonw said: She does love in a very small place TWU? 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VILLAMARV Posted December 28, 2018 Share Posted December 28, 2018 All joking aside. Great to hear 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xela Posted December 28, 2018 Share Posted December 28, 2018 13 minutes ago, kurtsimonw said: So I ended up getting back with her. We had a good long talk. She just felt a bit smothered and we'd moved so fast, but having a bit of space made her realise that she needed that space, but she also missed me a lot. She does love in a very small place, am old converted barn, so space really is at a minimum and maybe tough for two people. It's been good since we started again. I hope it's a lasting thing. We'll see. Thank you to everyone who gave me kind words and advice, we've got a good bunch on here. Still should have got that week in Bangkok in before getting back together 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post jackbauer24 Posted December 28, 2018 Popular Post Share Posted December 28, 2018 1 hour ago, kurtsimonw said: So I ended up getting back with her. We had a good long talk. She just felt a bit smothered and we'd moved so fast, but having a bit of space made her realise that she needed that space, but she also missed me a lot. She does love in a very small place, am old converted barn, so space really is at a minimum and maybe tough for two people. It's been good since we started again. I hope it's a lasting thing. We'll see. Thank you to everyone who gave me kind words and advice, we've got a good bunch on here. People get back together a lot. In fact, I'd say a majority of people at least blur the lines at the end of a relationship. And most people who break up once, break up again. Why? Because they don't actually deal with the reason they broke up. They may talk about it, more often they just ignore it but they never actually change anything. If you've broken up because she's feeling smothered then it's good she's communicated that with you but how are you going to change to make her not feel like that any more? And if you do change that are you still going to get what you need from the relationship? Sorry to be the 'downer' on here but I read/hear about so many people getting back together and most never actually fix the reason it happened and so just delay the inevitable whilst ignoring the issue. Oh, and if that's too serious for this boards; DHUTW 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post kurtsimonw Posted December 28, 2018 Popular Post Share Posted December 28, 2018 8 minutes ago, jackbauer24 said: People get back together a lot. In fact, I'd say a majority of people at least blur the lines at the end of a relationship. And most people who break up once, break up again. Why? Because they don't actually deal with the reason they broke up. They may talk about it, more often they just ignore it but they never actually change anything. If you've broken up because she's feeling smothered then it's good she's communicated that with you but how are you going to change to make her not feel like that any more? And if you do change that are you still going to get what you need from the relationship? Sorry to be the 'downer' on here but I read/hear about so many people getting back together and most never actually fix the reason it happened and so just delay the inevitable whilst ignoring the issue. Oh, and if that's too serious for this boards; DHUTW I completely get what you are saying. It was more of an issue with both of us. I moved in to hers quite quickly and we never really planned around it very well. Given that we worked in the same office, we were just on top of each other all the time. We both also started to rely on each other, whereas now we're doing more things with our friends. Work has helped as her department has recently moved to another building. Now at the end of the day we're missing each other and wanting to be together, whereas before it was more we were just always together. She said her biggest problem was she didn't communicate what she wanted enough, as she was scared of pushing me away. But now we're talking more and it's been a good few weeks. Like I said, we'll see how it goes. If it's not meant to be, so be it. But I'm glad we're giving it another go. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Xela Posted December 28, 2018 Popular Post Share Posted December 28, 2018 2 hours ago, kurtsimonw said: we were just on top of each other all the time. 3 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demitri_C Posted December 28, 2018 Share Posted December 28, 2018 Really happy for you kurt! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A'Villan Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 On 29/12/2018 at 03:37, kurtsimonw said: I completely get what you are saying. It was more of an issue with both of us. I moved in to hers quite quickly and we never really planned around it very well. Given that we worked in the same office, we were just on top of each other all the time. We both also started to rely on each other, whereas now we're doing more things with our friends. Work has helped as her department has recently moved to another building. Now at the end of the day we're missing each other and wanting to be together, whereas before it was more we were just always together. She said her biggest problem was she didn't communicate what she wanted enough, as she was scared of pushing me away. But now we're talking more and it's been a good few weeks. Like I said, we'll see how it goes. If it's not meant to be, so be it. But I'm glad we're giving it another go. To express oneself honestly, not lying to oneself, is very difficult to do. So the issue was not with you at all, rather her relationship to herself. See the idea is running water never grows stale, so you have got to just keep on flowing. Never stop learning or dreaming and you will grow up rather than old. How can we ever have time, if we don't ever take time? Invest in you. A good place to start is with one of our more precious resources. Time. Invest time in yourself. That will make you acquainted with self-love and put you en route to sharing that love with others. You want inner peace and acceptance because you won't find either externally until it comes from within. Obviously we're not talking about a committed romantic relationship that is purely physical here when using the word self-love or love, I'm not talking about masturbation or sex.. I'm talking about your energy and your relationship to it. Once that is of good health it will make a committed relationship of romantic nature all the more worthwhile. I wish that your next 30 years are not spent with feelings that leave you wanting but are filled with best of company (especially when alone) and health. Last corny thing I have to say is this. Thankfully love is more about chemistry than it is biology. What I mean in saying that is the complex emotional and psychological interactions between one another make for the spice of life, because it would be ever so mundane if it were purely physiological. As Demitri said, happy for you! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A'Villan Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 On 22/12/2018 at 19:38, mottaloo said: Mate, no offence intended but you could be out of your depth here with this lad. There are professionals who are trained in this sort of thing. Get him to make an appointment. None taken. If it were about solving all his issues for him and carrying the weight of his world on my shoulders then yes I would be out of my depth, but also robbing him of his own experience and journey. So that is not my purpose in his life. My involvement is purely to be someone who's in his corner, the fight is his, as are the blows he will be dealt and the glory. Clinicians don't have all the answers and it would be a sad life if the only people who he can look to for a source of positivity and guidance are professionals who are paid for their time with him. It takes a village to raise a child and I have no issues with being someone who has his back and supports him in turning this corner. My powers of observation are in tact. I think I'm capable of discerning if my actions and influence are of a positive nature or not. I will not act in any way that would lead him astray, and that includes befriending him in any way that would become detrimental to either of us. On 22/12/2018 at 20:00, chrisvilla4 said: Self harm tends to be a release there are alternatives such as grabbing/ trying to crush ice or hitting a pillow etc. Obviously he would need to be ready to accept/ change that pattern. The good thing is that he has told you about it so clearly feels he can confide in someone- may mean he is willing to speak to professionals about it too (counselling would be a good option if he is willing) He clearly has something going on could it have been triggered by the miscarriage? Is he still with this girl? She likely needs support too (if not already getting it) Seems like something has triggered his behaviour and my guess would be behaviour around the girl/ loss of the child which is devastating for anyone. As pointed out he needs support from family and friends and as you say he also needs to know this behaviour or his feelings don't mean he is a bad kid , just that he is in a bad place. Every action has a reaction and it sound like this is what it is. Life certainly has no hesitation about throwing us in the deep end and I think the reality of becoming a father at his age was a scary prospect. I'm guessing he felt alone in his fear and anxiety surrounding everything transpiring for him and also alone in that he didn't want the burden and responsibility to be passed on to others. Because let's be honest, some people would rather point the finger and tell you to be a responsible adult or make wiser choices than to care to think of the circumstances with understanding, compassion and empathy. What good is condescending advice in supporting someone through their trials and helping them to avoid other pitfalls? It's just an ego trip for the person who is pointing the finger and turning their nose up. Some people don't want to know about it. How can we pass judgement without being willing to walk a few steps in that persons shoes? Yet people often indulge the former and overlook the latter. Thankfully he is making some excellent decisions and following through on the things he has expressed as that which he wants to do. I am pretty confident that he and the girl share a bit of time together, he was referring to her as his ex but I think that's also a sensitive point for him, as I'm not sure there was much support for the relationship from outside parties, and now he calls her his girlfriend. But I don't know all that much, I like things to be upbeat and lighthearted where they can be, so I don't pry for information or try and delve too deeply in to his personal life. On 22/12/2018 at 22:19, Rugeley Villa said: He’ll either find his feet eventually taking a few knocks on the way, or he’ll ruin his life by taking the wrong path. No quick fix by the sound of it though, but with help and the right people around him, he could turn his life around. I was up in court at 17 for taking a pool cue to a bouncer. Then locked up by 18 for another violence offence committed. Had a few more to add to that as well, but I was very angry in my teens, and everytime I went out if I hadn’t had a fight and got laid it was a bad night. Just wanted to fight everyone, and alcohol fuelled the anger X10,although alcohol also gave me the confidence I lacked. Ended up self harming once. Not to take my own life, not for attention, but just in pure rage and not being able to handle certain situations that were going on in my life at the time. I’m still a bad drunk, but nothing like I was. Then came the drugs and all the shit that comes with that. Professional help is great if he’ll accept it, as he could be anti authority. Having someone wise, and someone on the street if I can use that slang without coming across all gangster could help him a lot, so him knowing you are there for him could be very beneficial, especially if he looks up to you and respects you. The only problem is that it’s so easy to be influenced by other people who are perceived as cool bad boys, and if this lad has a chip on his shoulder which he probably does at times, then it could go either way. Spot on, I know what you mean. And unfortunately it's the case with many youth and even adults. It's 'cool' to be cold and corrupted because that way you are not concerned with the difficulties and disappointments that life will inevitably throw your way at some point, in one way, shape of form. Choosing to adopt an 'I don't care' attitude like it's any different from sticking your head in the sand. Unfortunately that only leads to neglect and tragedy. People act like they got it good as long as someone else is doing worse than them. How's that for an identity crisis? When I heard that he'd been locked up and was being violent I had some concerns. I didn't want to make it my business but I really hoped this kid would not end up ruining his life and potentially others with his behaviour. No one deserves that life but this kid is very kind at heart and you could see he wanted to act on it. Sometimes it's the little things and so I've just made a note of reminding him of the positives and that he has people looking out for him without directly coming out and saying as much. But he knows there will always be an upbeat and lighthearted conversation and a good basketball game there if he's up for it, and if it's needed we can talk about life and whatever is on his mind. I think the whole pregnancy would have been a big shock for him, I can only imagine, aside from that I think he just wants to be liked and respected and as you say being 'in' with the bad boys can certainly make you popular and give you pull. Let's be real here if society had the backs of these people we wouldn't even be discussing the issue so there's is more than just the allure of being cool when it comes to why people get in to toxic ways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legov Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 VTers who have a SO who does not speak English as a first language, what are your experiences regarding maintaining a relationship where both people don't share a first language in common? How does humour etc get across? My experiences growing up with two parents who didn't share a first (or even second) language were not great, but I'm trying to be open-minded. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demitri_C Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 54 minutes ago, legov said: VTers who have a SO who does not speak English as a first language, what are your experiences regarding maintaining a relationship where both people don't share a first language in common? How does humour etc get across? My experiences growing up with two parents who didn't share a first (or even second) language were not great, but I'm trying to be open-minded. I did it once. It depends on your charchter and your group that you are with. If your bantering and warm people than it will cause problems later. If your a bit more reserved and calm it would work. Didn't work for me as im more into women i can have a laugh with but eveyone is different Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StefanAVFC Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 2 hours ago, legov said: VTers who have a SO who does not speak English as a first language, what are your experiences regarding maintaining a relationship where both people don't share a first language in common? How does humour etc get across? My experiences growing up with two parents who didn't share a first (or even second) language were not great, but I'm trying to be open-minded. I live abroad so I haven't dated anyone with English as a first language in about 5 years. It's fine. I mean, it depends on the person. Girl I'm seeing at the moment has lived abroad a lot too, including the UK so no issues whatsoever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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