Popular Post Xela Posted February 13, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted February 13, 2019 On 12/02/2019 at 13:36, mjmooney said: Staying friends is all well and good. But it's going to be a severe test when one of you finds somebody else. Especially if it's her. Awful feeling! Ive been there... stayed friends in the hope we'd get back together but when i found out she was seeing someone else I was crushed. Clean break is needed. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvfcRigo82 Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 38 minutes ago, Xela said: Awful feeling! Ive been there... stayed friends in the hope we'd get back together but when i found out she was seeing someone else I was crushed. Clean break is needed. Yeah, the feeling of being on the shelf as a safe bet so 'a said' person can come back if nothing better comes along is very poor form imo. This is not aimed at @kurtsimonw situation but just in general how shallow some women - and men, can be in how they treat other people in these situations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kurtsimonw Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 11 hours ago, lapal_fan said: I think there is a lot said about believing in yourself, but it sounds to me (which is fair at the moment), that you need to go for a good walk, put some music on which makes you think you're the **** bees knees and just clear your head for a few hours. Get a bit of renewed vigor, believe in yourself and go and do something you enjoy. Life is **** fun and beautiful, sometimes you just have to work a bit harder to find it. You're in that zone of grieving almost, the sooner you have a bit of self believe, self value and become a bit more assertive, you'll be on a good road. You got to make it happen! The relationship in itself made me a better person. It gives you things you can never take away. A gorgeous woman loved me, thought I was hot, etc. It gave me more self confidence, I feel more value in myself than every before. Everyone noticed the change in me from work to family. I'm struggling now. But I went for a walk earlier to see my nan. I then reached out to someone in the running group and went for a 7k run. I ended up doing 20k in walking/running today. Between that and talking, it helped. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A'Villan Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 1 hour ago, kurtsimonw said: The relationship in itself made me a better person. It gives you things you can never take away. A gorgeous woman loved me, thought I was hot, etc. It gave me more self confidence, I feel more value in myself than every before. Everyone noticed the change in me from work to family. I'm struggling now. But I went for a walk earlier to see my nan. I then reached out to someone in the running group and went for a 7k run. I ended up doing 20k in walking/running today. Between that and talking, it helped. If she has shown you things that you couldn't see in yourself that changed you for the better, then pay your dues and pay it forward. Be true to the hot motherlover in you and remember that you know love and what it can offer, as you say, 'things you can never take away'. Share that in life. Use that self esteem to grow and build from here, fight the good fight (the battle within). You are free to define your own value. "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." "Even though we survive through the struggle that made us, we still look at ourselves through the eyes of people that hate us" Chin up. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demitri_C Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 My current fiance at the start of the relationship got really freaked out at the start and tried the let's be friends and I said thanks but no thanks have enough of them. Then we bumped into each other at the gym a week laterand she aiad she couldn't stop thinking about me because of that. She said she liked how I took charge. My advice screw being friends it either all in or nothing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 36 minutes ago, Demitri_C said: My current fiance at the start of the relationship got really freaked out at the start and tried the let's be friends and I said thanks but no thanks have enough of them. Then we bumped into each other at the gym a week laterand she aiad she couldn't stop thinking about me because of that. She said she liked how I took charge. My advice screw being friends it either all in or nothing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demitri_C Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 16 minutes ago, lapal_fan said: Why? He clearly for me still has feelings for her and I worry that he will fall in a depressing hole of she met someone else. I don't see the benefit of him remaining friends with her while he has strong feelings for her. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RimmyJimmer Posted February 21, 2019 Share Posted February 21, 2019 On 13/02/2019 at 11:33, AvfcRigo82 said: But you don't. You also have a life and should not be treated like a toy that she is ready to pick up and play with again when "she is ready". Show her you also have a life and start doing things for you (even if you do feel all those things for her still) or who is to say that if she possibly did/does come back to you in a few weeks/months and then further down the line decides she needs another "break" - knowing you will be sitting there waiting like a little puppy waiting on her every command. By doing this you equally show her what she's missing. I second this. Ive just read back through your posts kurt, and it does seem to me that she has you at her beck and call. You need to do things for you, make yourself feel good, build your confidence and self esteem, learn to live for yourself, and by yourself so you don't feel as reliant on others. You are a young, fit, good looking bloke who deserves love and respect. If it's not there then don't accept anything less. Don't put up with someone who doesn't know what they want. You know what you want, the issues lie with her and what she wants. You can seriously tie yourself in knots trying to understand what someone else may want. Keep it simple, you are who you are, you want her...if she doesn't want the same then you have to move on, as hard as that may be. Only then will you get what you want. There are millions of lovely women out there mate 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StefanAVFC Posted February 21, 2019 Share Posted February 21, 2019 Been quietly meeting up with this girl from the other city and things are going well. We booked a short trip to Ukraine next month which is obviously a first milestone together. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan_of_oz Posted February 21, 2019 VT Supporter Share Posted February 21, 2019 (edited) Changed my mind Edited February 21, 2019 by Villan_of_oz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted February 21, 2019 Share Posted February 21, 2019 A clean break is the best way to do it. Ok, it will hurt more short term, but you will benefit from it long term. Watching your loved one move on with other people, and get on with her life without you is just torturing yourself. Best of luck anyway kurt , and remember there are roughly 4 billion females in this world. You will meet someone else, and that’s a fact. You may not want anyone else right now, but you will fall in love again. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Villan_of_oz Posted February 25, 2019 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted February 25, 2019 (edited) I think my wife and I are done..... She hit me in the face during an argument, all in front of her kids. She doesn't believe she has anything to apologise for and I should grow up and get over it (her words). We were meant to go away camping this weekend with other families, I didn't go and she went with her kids. A day of drunkenness and pizza, followed by a day of feeling sorry for myself. Today I have gone for a walk, tidied up and soon off to run some errands. I don't miss her and I'm happy, happiest I've been in a long time. Loving the silence and loving not walking around on eggshells. She is stubborn and will expect me to apologise upon her return, she is getting a rude shock. I've found somewhere to stay, I've priced our assets and formulated a plan ahead.... Edited February 25, 2019 by Villan_of_oz 4 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brommy Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 42 minutes ago, Villan_of_oz said: I think my wife and I are done..... She hit me in the face during an argument, all in front of her kids. She doesn't believe she has anything to apologise for and I should grow up and get over it (her words). We were meant to go away camping this weekend with other families, I didn't go and she went with her kids. A day of drunkenness and pizza, followed by a day of feeling sorry for myself. Today I have gone for a walk, tidied up and soon off to run some errands. I don't miss her and I'm happy, happiest I've been in a long time. Loving the silence and loving not walking around on eggshells. She is stubborn and will expect me to apologise upon her return, she is getting a rude shock. I've found somewhere to stay, I've priced our assets and formulated a plan ahead.... Hitting her in the face isn’t something she ‘should grow up about and get over it’ so the same applies to you being hit in the face by her! It sounds like your relationship is past the point of it being worth seeing if her violence towards you was a one-off, and to be honest, even by her lack of remorse, you’ve made the correct decision. All the best, fellow Villa fan. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
il_serpente Posted February 25, 2019 VT Supporter Share Posted February 25, 2019 Sorry to hear that, VofOz. From the eggshells bit it sounds like this isn't a one-off in terms of behavior towards you and you've been putting up with some stuff for a while. The idea that she thinks hitting someone you supposedly love is an acceptable lesson for her kids to take from observing her behavior is troubling, to say the least. If she really does love you, your demonstration that you're not going to put up with it will hopefully serve as a wake up call for her, even if there's chance of patching things up with you. Good luck with everything. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan_of_oz Posted February 25, 2019 VT Supporter Share Posted February 25, 2019 (edited) Thanks friends, it is the first time she has hit me but she is a fiesty person in general. I don't believe in violence of any kind. She has shown no remorse, I got a msg since she has been away saying, 'it didn't even leave a bruise, so why are you so upset. You clearly don't care about me to carry on like this' If I'd hit her, my whole world would've been destroyed and rightly so yet because a woman has hit a man it doesn't mean the same. To the few I have confided in I have mainly received support but I have also been told to toughen and make a happy wife cos that makes a happy life. F#$k that, I don't need her to be happy. I can be happy on my own. I should also add they my 17 y.o daughter doesn't visit me anymore because she is sick of the arguments and my wife picks on her when she is annoyed with me. All things point to we're done. She is due back tomorrow Edited February 25, 2019 by Villan_of_oz 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brommy Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 5 minutes ago, Villan_of_oz said: Thanks friends, it is the first time she has hit me but she is a fiesty person in general. I don't believe in violence of any kind. She has shown no remorse, I got a msg since she has been away saying, 'it didn't even leave a bruise, so why are you so upset. You clearly don't care about me to carry on like this' If I'd hit her, my whole world would've been destroyed and rightly so yet because a woman has hit a man it doesn't mean the same. To the few I have confided in I have mainly received support but I have also been told to toughen and make a happy wife cos that makes a happy life. F#$k that, I don't need her to be happy. I can be happy on my own. I should also add they my 17 y.o daughter doesn't visit me anymore because she is sick of the arguments and my wife picks on her when she is annoyed with me. All things point to we're done. She is due back tomorrow I believe the words in bold are from the 1950’s book of marriage guidance; right after the chapter entitled ‘Women - a BJ a day keeps the black-eyes away’. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genie Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 54 minutes ago, Villan_of_oz said: Thanks friends, it is the first time she has hit me but she is a fiesty person in general. I don't believe in violence of any kind. She has shown no remorse, I got a msg since she has been away saying, 'it didn't even leave a bruise, so why are you so upset. You clearly don't care about me to carry on like this' If I'd hit her, my whole world would've been destroyed and rightly so yet because a woman has hit a man it doesn't mean the same. To the few I have confided in I have mainly received support but I have also been told to toughen and make a happy wife cos that makes a happy life. F#$k that, I don't need her to be happy. I can be happy on my own. I should also add they my 17 y.o daughter doesn't visit me anymore because she is sick of the arguments and my wife picks on her when she is annoyed with me. All things point to we're done. She is due back tomorrow I think we’re all aligned reading this bud and you’re taking the necessary next steps. I’d also tell people the truth when they ask why, no way I’d protect that kind of behaviour. How old are the little ones? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Villan_of_oz Posted February 25, 2019 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted February 25, 2019 (edited) 1 hour ago, Genie said: I think we’re all aligned reading this bud and you’re taking the necessary next steps. I’d also tell people the truth when they ask why, no way I’d protect that kind of behaviour. How old are the little ones? Her kids are 8 and 6. When people I ask I am just going to say we don't get along. People can think what they like about me, my life hasn't been easy and so I am comfortable with those who don't know anything judging me. Those close to me will know the truth but I don't want the drama to carry on for one second longer than it needs to. I am being made to feel like an asshole for wanting an apology, I'd even take a sign of remorse. I appreciate everyone's support, I'm not the type to reach out but having this forum has helped me. Edited February 25, 2019 by Villan_of_oz 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
il_serpente Posted February 25, 2019 VT Supporter Share Posted February 25, 2019 Sounds like you're keeping a level head, which is tough to do in an emotional time like this. Good on ya! It's going to be a rough time for a while, but keep focused on the long game: your future happiness and well-being. We're all wishing you the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan_of_oz Posted February 25, 2019 VT Supporter Share Posted February 25, 2019 1 hour ago, il_serpente said: Sounds like you're keeping a level head, which is tough to do in an emotional time like this. Good on ya! It's going to be a rough time for a while, but keep focused on the long game: your future happiness and well-being. We're all wishing you the best. Thanks, I should be able to keep it together. Without playing my violin... This isn't the worst thing I've dealt with in my life, it's just different. I will post again in a few days, as respect for the thoughts and care I have got here. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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