Irreverentad's Relationship Advice Thread

[kurtsimonw]

Had to pick up my stuff from my girlfriends place this morning. Toughest thing I've ever had to do. 

I turned 31 I'm September, and this was my first and only relationship. We met at work and started seeing each other in January and got together at the end of the month. At first I was skeptical because she's 16 years older than me and we work together. But I thought I'd give it a go. As someone who's suffered a much with depression over the years, it amazed me how caring and supportive she was right off the bat. She was always very complimentary and I've always had self esteem and anxiety issues, so that was huge too. She was gorgeous, a runner, so cute and sweet. I was very much in love, very quickly. 

As I'm sure ever relationship does, you have your off days. But they were still very rare. I had no idea last night when she told me that she doesn't feel she can be herself and that she's been unhappy for a while. 

I left and had to pick up my stuff this morning. 

I probably sound pathetic, but how am I supposed to get over someone I still love so much? She broke up with me and it's hard, really hard. Struggling to sleep, then waking up after a nightmare to see she's not there was so awful this morning. 

More of a vent I suppose, but I've never felt so crushed. And I'm a Villa fan. 

[Rugeley Villa]

That’s awful. There is not much worse than being love sick. It’s called love sick for a reason. You can’t eat, you can’t sleep properly, you can’t function, and you hate being around people. Wake up and they are on your mind instantly, and all day. You dream about them, and as you say you wake up, and for a moment forget that they ain’t there. I’m sure most of us have been there, and I’m sure most people will say it gets easier, but man it’s hard. 

[VILLAMARV]

30 minutes ago, kurtsimonw said:

Had to pick up my stuff from my girlfriends place this morning. Toughest thing I've ever had to do. 

I turned 31 I'm September, and this was my first and only relationship. We met at work and started seeing each other in January and got together at the end of the month. At first I was skeptical because she's 16 years older than me and we work together. But I thought I'd give it a go. As someone who's suffered a much with depression over the years, it amazed me how caring and supportive she was right off the bat. She was always very complimentary and I've always had self esteem and anxiety issues, so that was huge too. She was gorgeous, a runner, so cute and sweet. I was very much in love, very quickly. 

As I'm sure ever relationship does, you have your off days. But they were still very rare. I had no idea last night when she told me that she doesn't feel she can be herself and that she's been unhappy for a while. 

I left and had to pick up my stuff this morning. 

I probably sound pathetic, but how am I supposed to get over someone I still love so much? She broke up with me and it's hard, really hard. Struggling to sleep, then waking up after a nightmare to see she's not there was so awful this morning. 

More of a vent I suppose, but I've never felt so crushed. And I'm a Villa fan. 

Hang in there mate. It's a harsh place to be. Good times will roll again.

[Demitri_C]

30 minutes ago, kurtsimonw said:

Had to pick up my stuff from my girlfriends place this morning. Toughest thing I've ever had to do. 

I turned 31 I'm September, and this was my first and only relationship. We met at work and started seeing each other in January and got together at the end of the month. At first I was skeptical because she's 16 years older than me and we work together. But I thought I'd give it a go. As someone who's suffered a much with depression over the years, it amazed me how caring and supportive she was right off the bat. She was always very complimentary and I've always had self esteem and anxiety issues, so that was huge too. She was gorgeous, a runner, so cute and sweet. I was very much in love, very quickly. 

As I'm sure ever relationship does, you have your off days. But they were still very rare. I had no idea last night when she told me that she doesn't feel she can be herself and that she's been unhappy for a while. 

I left and had to pick up my stuff this morning. 

I probably sound pathetic, but how am I supposed to get over someone I still love so much? She broke up with me and it's hard, really hard. Struggling to sleep, then waking up after a nightmare to see she's not there was so awful this morning. 

More of a vent I suppose, but I've never felt so crushed. And I'm a Villa fan. 

Sorry to hear this mate. It sucks when you love someone and she don’t love you back. My advice is you say this is your first real relationship that’s probably why your feelings are strong. If this one doesn’t work out, then you will meet someone again. 

My second bit of advice would be keep active it helps in time. Take new hobbies that involve socliasing that will help meet new people. Also try reflect where you think it may have gone wrong perhaps on your side so the same don’t happen. I once spoke to a girl who was dating someone who had depression and aniexty. She ended up breaking up with him because she felt she became his carer and not her partner anyone. I’m not suggesting that your like that just explaining her story.

but the thing about this story is the guy ended up doing something about it, he went and got help like Tyson fury did and he felt great about himself and married someone. Life just went great for him while he felt great about himself.

And please , I beg you don’t do anything stupid. Last thing we want is hearing you have done something. Things will get better in time although they may not seem it now. 

[brommy]

@kurtsimonw, really sorry about the end of your first relationship. As you hadn’t noticed that your ex was unhappy, your second relationship, with someone who is genuinely happy, will be better. All the best.

[Mark Albrighton]

Sorry to hear that @kurtsimonw

You’re going to feel bad for a while yet. The pain will go away. It may not feel like it, but it will. Keep your head up, but don’t beat yourself up if you find that you’re feeling sorry for yourself. Try and keep busy. Give both you and her space and time.

Just remember you can always have a vent on here 

Edited December 8, 2018 by Shropshire Lad

[lapal_fan]

@kurtsimonw buy a PS4 and come and join the lonely hearts club band on battlefield. You don't need pussy when you're smashing Nazis!

Not me through, I'm married with a kid and another in the way. My life amazing and the fun is just 100%, every second.

 

I lie. My life is hell. Save me from this hell.

 

Hang on.. your partner was 47?! Mate, the next woman is gonna be like tender lamb after eating mutton for ages LOL. UR GONNA LUV IT LMAOOOOOOOO LOLK.

[Rugeley Villa]

The thing is, you never think you’ll meet anyone again, or anyone as good or someone you love like you loved your ex. You will meet someone else, that’s a fact. 

[rjw63]

17 minutes ago, Rugeley Villa said:

The thing is, you never think you’ll meet anyone again, or anyone as good or someone you love like you loved your ex. You will meet someone else, that’s a fact. 

This. And if you're lucky they#ll be loads better.

[kurtsimonw]

Thanks for the kind words everyone.

@Demitri_C She said she's "lost herself" in trying to please me all the time. That she needs time to think and see if we are at all compatible, which is fine. I just wished she'd said earlier, before she became so unhappy. When I asked her that, her response was "I didn't want to keep annoying you, nor did I want to upset you, I was scared you would leave me". Which doesn't make sense if it's ended in us apart anyway.

I certainly won't be doing anything stupid. I used to be so beyond depressed last year that I wanted to end it on a daily basis. She saved me from that, so there's no way I would do anything to make her feel guilty.

I just hope it's not another 30 year wait until my next relationship!

[mikeyp102]

4 hours ago, kurtsimonw said:

Had to pick up my stuff from my girlfriends place this morning. Toughest thing I've ever had to do. 

I turned 31 I'm September, and this was my first and only relationship. We met at work and started seeing each other in January and got together at the end of the month. At first I was skeptical because she's 16 years older than me and we work together. But I thought I'd give it a go. As someone who's suffered a much with depression over the years, it amazed me how caring and supportive she was right off the bat. She was always very complimentary and I've always had self esteem and anxiety issues, so that was huge too. She was gorgeous, a runner, so cute and sweet. I was very much in love, very quickly. 

As I'm sure ever relationship does, you have your off days. But they were still very rare. I had no idea last night when she told me that she doesn't feel she can be herself and that she's been unhappy for a while. 

I left and had to pick up my stuff this morning. 

I probably sound pathetic, but how am I supposed to get over someone I still love so much? She broke up with me and it's hard, really hard. Struggling to sleep, then waking up after a nightmare to see she's not there was so awful this morning. 

More of a vent I suppose, but I've never felt so crushed. And I'm a Villa fan. 

I know it sounds silly, but time is a healer. This has happened so quickly and so recently of course it’s going to hurt and for a long time.

Dont do or say anything stupid as you never know you could get back together. 

[Stevo985]

Kurt, it’s a cliche, but this is the low point. It sucks right now but it’s only get better. You’re still young (no seriously, you are although it probably doesn’t feel like it). 

There are so many other people out there and although it feels like she’s the only one for you, she honestly isn’t. 

Dont see her, don’t speak to her. See your friends see your family and keep yourself occupied. 

Christmas will suck. But you’ll come out the other side. 

[Xela]

Yup, as others have said @kurtsimonw time is a healer. You will feel shit today. The same tomorrow. The same next week, but then one day you'll make up and feel a little less shit. You'll get there!

Try and limit contact with her but I know that can be difficult when you work with someone, but try your best. 

Have you got any holiday to take? Get yourself away with your mates. Socialise. Enjoy Christmas the best you can. You will get through this.

[NurembergVillan]

4 hours ago, kurtsimonw said:

She saved me from that, so there's no way I would do anything to make her feel guilty.

 

Nah, she didn't.  You did that.

She may have played a role.  She may have opened your eyes to a different side of life, or a different side of you, but nobody can ever break that wall down except you.  Perhaps her purpose in your life was to help you break that wall so you can go on to find true happiness?

As the other guys have said, you WILL get over this break-up.

There's a new you that knows how to feel a new kind of happiness.  The next few weeks will be hard, but the future will be amazing.

[Rugeley Villa]

I know a bloke who had been with his missus for years and years. He was a bit of a misery and he was overweight and just hardly did anything. His missus  was having an affair for years and ended up making the affair permanent and left this bloke i know. They had two kids together and it totally broke him. He stopped eating, was constantly crying, and was just in a bad way. I tell you what, and he will tell you the same, it was the best thing that ever happened to him. He’s a completely different bloke now. Lost weight, much happier to be around, constantly out doing things whether it be going the pub, holidays, dating and just having fun. He’s about 50, but lives like a bloke in his 20s. Always smiling now. His kids and friends helped him through it, but he got through it by himself mainliy by turning his life around and discovering himself and life again. The change is unreal. Life goes on, and you move on. 

[Rugeley Villa]

1 hour ago, Xela said:

Yup, as others have said @kurtsimonw time is a healer. You will feel shit today. The same tomorrow. The same next week, but then one day you'll make up and feel a little less shit. You'll get there!

Try and limit contact with her but I know that can be difficult when you work with someone, but try your best. 

Have you got any holiday to take? Get yourself away with your mates. Socialise. Enjoy Christmas the best you can. You will get through this.

If this happens to me can you alter the cloud thing. I want it the other way round. No matter how bad it gets, the rain will come down. Can’t beat the rain. 

[Xela]

Alternatively, just book a few weeks in Bangkok. You'll soon forget about her!

[Rugeley Villa]

1 hour ago, Xela said:

Alternatively, just book a few weeks in Bangkok. You'll soon forget about her!

Are you basically saying DHUTWU? I have heard that’s the preferred method out there. Saying that, it’s probably the only way to do it 

[Xela]

9 hours ago, Rugeley Villa said:

Are you basically saying DHUTWU? I have heard that’s the preferred method out there. Saying that, it’s probably the only way to do it 

The only limit is your imagination. 

[AvfcRigo82]

On 08/12/2018 at 15:34, kurtsimonw said:

Thanks for the kind words everyone.

@Demitri_C She said she's "lost herself" in trying to please me all the time. That she needs time to think and see if we are at all compatible, which is fine. I just wished she'd said earlier, before she became so unhappy. When I asked her that, her response was "I didn't want to keep annoying you, nor did I want to upset you, I was scared you would leave me". Which doesn't make sense if it's ended in us apart anyway.

I certainly won't be doing anything stupid. I used to be so beyond depressed last year that I wanted to end it on a daily basis. She saved me from that, so there's no way I would do anything to make her feel guilty.

I just hope it's not another 30 year wait until my next relationship!

Dude, many of us have suffered your pain and it's a kick in the stones for sure.

I remember back to when I was 21 and I was seeing someone who was 31 - everything was great. Sadly though, all good things come to an end and we broke up..

My advice to you is that she has made her bed and so let her lay in it. You are unique and I know it might have been special but you need to stay head strong and not let her try any head games etc.

LIke most of the guys have advised already is to take up hobbies and activities, see friends or family, study or do courses online, go out and socialise, just occupy you're mind and keep busy.

I.e, install Football Manager or something. That's been a great healer of many a relationship collapse!

 

...Probably the cause of many of a relationship collapse too.

 

Seriously though, you will heal in time buddy. If you ever feel depressed or low mate, feel free to PM me.