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Irreverentad's Relationship Advice Thread


irreverentad

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2 hours ago, A'Villan said:

So thanks, NV. Telling her I'm in awe of her efforts is probably more meaningful than anything else I have to offer.

No worries man.  There's a lot to be said for the simple gesture of just telling people how amazing they are.

You mentioned that she'll lose both her parents fairly soon.  She's also been having a tough time with her own siblings in relation to caring for her parents.  Without knowing the personalities, there's maybe something in her parents legacy living on through her and her actions, and in turn you and yours.  We are shaped by our parents, after all.

I think the idea of a letter is really nice, too.  She can take in the information at her own pace, and can return to it whenever she needs to.

I'm sure you'll make her feel very loved, and in doing so make her feel very proud too.

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1 hour ago, PompeyVillan said:

I'm guessing DHUTWU would be inappropriate advice? 

It took me longer than I expected to find what that stands for, although I had a feeling I might encounter this sort of response. It is the internet after all.

It's an inside joke on VT from what I read? Definitely not the kind of response I was looking for but now you've posted it I wish you all the props and giggles you intended on.

I'll tell you something for nothing, even though you're joking, that's your fantasy not mine, and I'm going to leave you to it.

 

 

 

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6 hours ago, A'Villan said:

It took me longer than I expected to find what that stands for, although I had a feeling I might encounter this sort of response. It is the internet after all.

It's an inside joke on VT from what I read? Definitely not the kind of response I was looking for but now you've posted it I wish you all the props and giggles you intended on.

I'll tell you something for nothing, even though you're joking, that's your fantasy not mine, and I'm going to leave you to it.

 

 

 

I'm sorry, I didn't mean offence. It is indeed an 'in joke', something that is posted regularly when folk ask for advice. I've concluded that perhaps DHUTWU isn't an appropriate catch all response when it comes to advice. 

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2 hours ago, PompeyVillan said:

I'm sorry, I didn't mean offence. It is indeed an 'in joke', something that is posted regularly when folk ask for advice. I've concluded that perhaps DHUTWU isn't an appropriate catch all response when it comes to advice. 

It would have been better without the last line. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 04/08/2018 at 02:17, PompeyVillan said:

I'm sorry, I didn't mean offence. It is indeed an 'in joke', something that is posted regularly when folk ask for advice. I've concluded that perhaps DHUTWU isn't an appropriate catch all response when it comes to advice. 

No need to apologise. It would be foolish of me to be posting sensitive aspects of my life without being able to handle a light hearted post like the one you made. So my bad for taking it personally. I wasn't aware of the acronyms meaning or the humour attached to it until your post, so it presented as a bit crude to me as I read it rather than something said in jest.

I love a bit of cheek, I just missed the intent and humour of your post and it wasn't really in line with my mood given the circumstances. No offense taken though, just read a bit too seriously initially.

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On a serious note, I'm frustrating myself.

I'm in a vicious cycle.

Meet someone, unsure if I like them, go on 2/3 dates then fizzle out.

Then on the rare occasion it does seem to be going well, I get scared about it getting serious and end up sabotaging it in my head, looking for every reason for myself not to like it.

Not sure how to break out of it.

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21 minutes ago, StefanAVFC said:

On a serious note, I'm frustrating myself.

I'm in a vicious cycle.

Meet someone, unsure if I like them, go on 2/3 dates then fizzle out.

Then on the rare occasion it does seem to be going well, I get scared about it getting serious and end up sabotaging it in my head, looking for every reason for myself not to like it.

Not sure how to break out of it.

Are you actually ready for a relationship? Theres a difference between wanting/ needing to be in a relationship but not being mentally/ emotionally ready. I dont know you or your past so am only going on what you've typed. Maybe you need to process  previous relationships a little more? And work out where you are at? 

I guess because it's a lot easier to date these days we do it because we can without being ready.  Or it could be that you haven't actually met "the one" yet. 

 

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Maybe also just try and focus on one date as it comes and don't look forward too much. I started dating a girl in April and it was too close to when I had ended a long term relationship ( only 6-8 weeks afterwards ) but with no rush, no pressure and enjoying a social evening I focused on removing any sense of "after X dates, I should make a decision etc" and luckily after a couple of months things progressed naturally. I don't know how how long you are into the dating process before you get nervous / scared etc,  but is it feasible for you to make a strong conscious effort to focus your mind on the present moment of each meet up?

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6 hours ago, StefanAVFC said:

On a serious note, I'm frustrating myself.

I'm in a vicious cycle.

Meet someone, unsure if I like them, go on 2/3 dates then fizzle out.

Then on the rare occasion it does seem to be going well, I get scared about it getting serious and end up sabotaging it in my head, looking for every reason for myself not to like it.

Not sure how to break out of it.

I think relationships with real chemistry are probably one of the most frightening experiences I've ever had.

Dates and relationships which remain casual and shallow are easy in comparison to getting to know someone and building a lasting bond.

You develop emotions for someone and it's a complete game changer, your experience becomes shared, mutual trust and commitment are fundamental to the health of the relationship, which means being accountable, and not exclusively when it suits you.

Do you want to break out of the cycle you're in? Is it possible that you're putting unnecessary pressure on yourself to find a relationship? Maybe you have your own reasons for not pursuing these relationships beyond the points you're getting to? Whatever the reason, don't let fear dictate your thinking and actions. Emotions are habitual, and will heavily influence your attitude, actions and therefore outcomes.

Focus on what you really want out of a situation and work toward that outcome. Being scared and self sabotaging is bad for your health, it actually deteriorates your well-being and body, so try to replace that with some constructive thinking and soul searching, as I said earlier, emotions are habitual. 

Be honest with yourself and you will break the cycle. Having your inner world in tact will make it much easier to navigate relationships, the good times and the disappointments.

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9 hours ago, StefanAVFC said:

On a serious note, I'm frustrating myself.

I'm in a vicious cycle.

Meet someone, unsure if I like them, go on 2/3 dates then fizzle out.

Then on the rare occasion it does seem to be going well, I get scared about it getting serious and end up sabotaging it in my head, looking for every reason for myself not to like it.

Not sure how to break out of it.

I know its easy to say but give people a chance!

I spent years dating really nice women but they all fizzled out mainly due to me thinking it wasn't quite right, or being scared to commit or rather shamefully thinking I could do better. 

I look back now and think I let some really lovely ladies slip through my fingers. 

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How long have you been single now @StefanAVFC?

To me it sounds like you need a break from dating. Just for a while, a few months or so. 

If someone comes along in the midst of your break, then by all means see where it goes. But the way it comes across, it kinda sounds like you’re going out on dates mainly because you feel you need to go out on dates and you’re not actually enjoying it.

Give yourself a break, do other things, enjoy being single and try not to worry about it.

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12 hours ago, StefanAVFC said:

On a serious note, I'm frustrating myself.

I'm in a vicious cycle.

Meet someone, unsure if I like them, go on 2/3 dates then fizzle out.

Then on the rare occasion it does seem to be going well, I get scared about it getting serious and end up sabotaging it in my head, looking for every reason for myself not to like it.

Not sure how to break out of it.

DHUTWU?

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