bickster Posted October 15, 2022 Moderator Share Posted October 15, 2022 10 minutes ago, Xela said: Never heard of that Beatles song. Was it a b-side? Chuck Berry duet with Elvis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KentVillan Posted October 16, 2022 Share Posted October 16, 2022 Didn’t watch Villa today 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy Lifeboats Posted October 18, 2022 Share Posted October 18, 2022 My elderly neighbour was at the supermarket and noticed the tubs of Celebration Chocolates were on special. She bought 2 ready for Christmas. Being bulky things she decided to store them in her suitcase. But when she opened the suitcase there was already 2 tubs of Celebration Chocolates which she had forgotten about. So she gave me the spare 2 tubs. Why is this funny? She did exactly the same thing last AND also gives me 2 tubs for Christmas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFCDAN Posted October 18, 2022 Share Posted October 18, 2022 3 minutes ago, Mandy Lifeboats said: My elderly neighbour was at the supermarket and noticed the tubs of Celebration Chocolates were on special. She bought 2 ready for Christmas. Being bulky things she decided to store them in her suitcase. But when she opened the suitcase there was already 2 tubs of Celebration Chocolates which she had forgotten about. So she gave me the spare 2 tubs. Why is this funny? She did exactly the same thing last AND also gives me 2 tubs for Christmas. Thats exactly the reason Supermarkets start selling Christmas items 3 months before. People buy and forget or use and then re-buy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Stevo985 Posted October 18, 2022 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted October 18, 2022 I just went to the toilet at work, intending to drop the kids off at the pool. Luckily I noticed before I began that there was no toilet roll in there at all. So I obviously decided not to go and went to the urinal for a piss instead. While I was pissing I heard somebody come in and go straight into the cubicle, lock the door and start immediately dropping deuces. I didn't see who it was, but I've been smiling ever since. I know for a fact there wasn't a scrap of toilet paper in there. 2 6 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted October 18, 2022 Moderator Share Posted October 18, 2022 13 minutes ago, Stevo985 said: I just went to the toilet at work, intending to drop the kids off at the pool. Luckily I noticed before I began that there was no toilet roll in there at all. So I obviously decided not to go and went to the urinal for a piss instead. While I was pissing I heard somebody come in and go straight into the cubicle, lock the door and start immediately dropping deuces. I didn't see who it was, but I've been smiling ever since. I know for a fact there wasn't a scrap of toilet paper in there. Lessons were learned. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post bielesibub Posted October 18, 2022 Popular Post Share Posted October 18, 2022 27 minutes ago, Stevo985 said: I just went to the toilet at work, intending to drop the kids off at the pool. Luckily I noticed before I began that there was no toilet roll in there at all. So I obviously decided not to go and went to the urinal for a piss instead. While I was pissing I heard somebody come in and go straight into the cubicle, lock the door and start immediately dropping deuces. I didn't see who it was, but I've been smiling ever since. I know for a fact there wasn't a scrap of toilet paper in there. ha ha, reminds me of an incident a few years back. I had just finished on the loo and discovered there was no loo roll, "bugger it!", I shouted, two seconds later a loo roll rolled its way under the partitions from a colleague a couple of stalls away, "you're welcome", he said. 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bickster Posted October 18, 2022 Moderator Share Posted October 18, 2022 31 minutes ago, Stevo985 said: I just went to the toilet at work, intending to drop the kids off at the pool. Luckily I noticed before I began that there was no toilet roll in there at all. So I obviously decided not to go and went to the urinal for a piss instead. While I was pissing I heard somebody come in and go straight into the cubicle, lock the door and start immediately dropping deuces. I didn't see who it was, but I've been smiling ever since. I know for a fact there wasn't a scrap of toilet paper in there. Rule Number 1 for Number 2's at work Unless actually turtling always check the supplies situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted October 18, 2022 VT Supporter Share Posted October 18, 2022 2 minutes ago, bickster said: Rule Number 1 for Number 2's at work Unless actually turtling always check the supplies situation. Yep. I always wipe the seat with toilet roll before I sit down. Two birds with one stone, it ensures there's no stray piss or pubes on the seat and it forces me to check if there's toilet paper. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chindie Posted October 18, 2022 VT Supporter Share Posted October 18, 2022 This discussion reminds me... *insert horror stories of various workplace toilets Chindie has recounted previously* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davkaus Posted October 18, 2022 Share Posted October 18, 2022 Wiping the seat to check for toilet roll is a good step, actually, I've just been licking the seat clean, imagine my predicament if there's no paper. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted October 18, 2022 Share Posted October 18, 2022 23 minutes ago, Davkaus said: Wiping the seat to check for toilet roll is a good step, actually, I've just been licking the seat clean, imagine my predicament if there's no paper. You DO know that's not very hygienic? I did my basic hygiene course last year and the lecturer specifically told us not to keep doing that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted October 18, 2022 Moderator Share Posted October 18, 2022 8 minutes ago, lapal_fan said: You DO know that's not very hygienic? I did my basic hygiene course last year and the lecturer specifically told us not to keep doing that. Not every day but I think it's OK as part of a balanced diet. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paddywhack Posted October 18, 2022 Share Posted October 18, 2022 11 minutes ago, lapal_fan said: You DO know that's not very hygienic? I did my basic hygiene course last year and the lecturer specifically told us not to keep doing that. Pfft, I stopped listening to “experts”. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidcow Posted October 18, 2022 VT Supporter Share Posted October 18, 2022 12 minutes ago, Paddywhack said: Pfft, I stopped listening to “experts”. We've been hearing too much from them lately. I've been doing my own research* and licking toilet seats seems to be perfectly safe, exciting even. * my advice is not to do this research on a works computer at lunchtime. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted October 19, 2022 VT Supporter Share Posted October 19, 2022 19 hours ago, Davkaus said: Wiping the seat to check for toilet roll is a good step, actually, I've just been licking the seat clean, imagine my predicament if there's no paper. This reminds me of a story that was on The Luke and Pete Show (podcast) (it might be bullshit but I'm telling it anyway) They had a policeman write in who said he was working on anti terrorism and they were monitoring a street or a bridge or something where there were some public toilets. They spotted a man going in holding a plastic bag with something in it. He was in there for ages and when he eventually came out he had the plastic bag but it appeared to be empty. Suspicious, so the police picked him up to find out what he was doing. After denying he'd done anything for ages, the guy eventually realised he has to explain himself and so he confessed. His fetish was to take a loaf of bread into public toilets, then one by one take out a slice, wipe it around a toilet seat, and then eat it. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyh29 Posted October 19, 2022 Share Posted October 19, 2022 21 hours ago, Mandy Lifeboats said: My elderly neighbour was at the supermarket and noticed the tubs of Celebration Chocolates were on special. She bought 2 ready for Christmas. Being bulky things she decided to store them in her suitcase. But when she opened the suitcase there was already 2 tubs of Celebration Chocolates which she had forgotten about. So she gave me the spare 2 tubs. Why is this funny? She did exactly the same thing last AND also gives me 2 tubs for Christmas. I did that the other year .. went into the loft and found a 3 month old dead puppy stuffed in a suitcase 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidcow Posted October 19, 2022 VT Supporter Share Posted October 19, 2022 5 minutes ago, tonyh29 said: I did that the other year .. went into the loft and found a 3 month old dead puppy stuffed in a suitcase What's the problem? Should have given it to them to play with anyway. Dead puppies are for life, not just for Christmas you know Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted October 19, 2022 VT Supporter Share Posted October 19, 2022 38 minutes ago, Stevo985 said: This reminds me of a story that was on The Luke and Pete Show (podcast) (it might be bullshit but I'm telling it anyway) They had a policeman write in who said he was working on anti terrorism and they were monitoring a street or a bridge or something where there were some public toilets. They spotted a man going in holding a plastic bag with something in it. He was in there for ages and when he eventually came out he had the plastic bag but it appeared to be empty. Suspicious, so the police picked him up to find out what he was doing. After denying he'd done anything for ages, the guy eventually realised he has to explain himself and so he confessed. His fetish was to take a loaf of bread into public toilets, then one by one take out a slice, wipe it around a toilet seat, and then eat it. 24 minutes ago, tonyh29 said: I did that the other year .. You dirty bastard 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted October 19, 2022 Moderator Share Posted October 19, 2022 1 hour ago, Stevo985 said: This reminds me of a story that was on The Luke and Pete Show (podcast) (it might be bullshit but I'm telling it anyway) They had a policeman write in who said he was working on anti terrorism and they were monitoring a street or a bridge or something where there were some public toilets. They spotted a man going in holding a plastic bag with something in it. He was in there for ages and when he eventually came out he had the plastic bag but it appeared to be empty. Suspicious, so the police picked him up to find out what he was doing. After denying he'd done anything for ages, the guy eventually realised he has to explain himself and so he confessed. His fetish was to take a loaf of bread into public toilets, then one by one take out a slice, wipe it around a toilet seat, and then eat it. Aww, this ... this was worse than I thought it was going to be. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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