Dr_Pangloss Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 I get the threadstarters mother to do it, barehanded. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spoony Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 I'm stunned there is only one vote in it. We're gonna end up with some sort of hung ass-wiping VT Parliament. In all seriousness though (as this is a serious discussion) I sit down. I don't know why you would stand up unless it is to first inspect the contents of your yield and congratulate yourself on a job well done. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villarule123 Posted September 7, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted September 7, 2013 How do you sit down and wipe anyway? I couldn't do it even if I tried Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brumerican Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 Put your hand through your legs and wipe the poo away . Lately I have experimented with doing a gambol onto my back and holding my ankles by my head . Then I just give the dog a shout . 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ponky Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 You just have to lean forward a little on the seat, creating a gap for your hand to fit through. It's perfectly manageable. Mind you I couldn't go through the front way. Be too scared of crushing the family jewels. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFC_Hitz Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 Put your hand through your legs and wipe the poo away . That's just wrong as is a dead cert for smelly balls. Round the back using the index finger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darrenm Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 Slightly related. Anyone else find they have to rest the lad on the front of the seat sometimes? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharkyvilla Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 I'm a stander. I went for a dump at a station in Australia once and the doors were only high enough to cover up to chest high, it was one of the most awkward things ever wiping my arse whilst being able to see other people. I think they were designed by a sitter and it never even occurred to me at the time that such people existed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 I'm sure the lines have become blurred here. I would think that the majority actually do a bit of both, in a kind of squatting position? It's nigh on impossible to remain totally seated and wipe your arse. There's no proper access - you'd have to lift a cheek off the seat at least to get half decent access and purchase. Likewise standers, I would doubt, would stand fully vertical as they wipe, as the buttocks would clench, thus also not allowing proper access, and could also lead to smearing. I would have thought that the 'best' position would be a squat, giving full access, away from the seat? So, half and half? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StanBalaban Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 I'm shocked that standing is even a considered option, let alone such a popular option. Surely it's like making one of those butterfly painting you used to do as a kid, when you put the paint on one side of the paper and fold it to make a smeary mirror image? How does bringing the cheeks closer together help you clean? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8pints Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 My infirm neighbour once told me before he died that due to his restricted mobility he'd get his dog to lick it off. When I say "before he died" I mean the dog. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
troon_villan Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 What Jon said! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morley_crosses_to_Withe Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 What Jon said! x2. The sitters have got the standers all wrong! We don't stand fully straight (at least I don't), I stand in a partial squat, partial standing position. This gives better access than sitting whilst not allowing my cheeks to clench up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFCforever1991 Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 (edited) Jon has nailed it in the arse Edited September 9, 2013 by AVFCforever1991 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jacketspuds Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 The wife thinks i'm mental for wiping standing up. Such a relief to find out i'm not alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voinjama Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 The wife thinks i'm mental for wiping standing up. Such a relief to find out i'm not alone. You discuss this with your wife? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFC_Hitz Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 Rather it's the bedtime scramble in the bathroom. She's brushing her teeth, whilst you're laying last minute cable. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StanBalaban Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 The wife thinks i'm mental for wiping standing up. Such a relief to find out i'm not alone. I don't get it. I really don't. Standing forces the cheeks together surely? That's like laying a cable in the palm of your hand, then clenching your hand into a fist before cleaning it. Odd. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tomaszk Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 Put your hand through your legs and wipe the poo away . That's just wrong as is a dead cert for smelly balls. Round the back using the index finger. That's disgusting. At least use some toilet roll. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 The wife thinks i'm mental for wiping standing up. Such a relief to find out i'm not alone. I don't get it. I really don't. Standing forces the cheeks together surely? That's like laying a cable in the palm of your hand, then clenching your hand into a fist before cleaning it. Odd. I think you need to read some of the posts above Stanley. I don't think the standers (of which I am one) actually stand vertically upright when performing the procedure. Like myself, I would imagine other standers do a degree of ' stand-squatting' in order to maximise access. That way, 'standing' gives you easy access and cheek-freedom away from the toilet seat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts