chrisp65 Posted April 5, 2019 Share Posted April 5, 2019 One of our Directors dropped his phone down the bog. We all had to huddle close to a cubicle whilst he illustrated the way he'd dropped his phone down the bog - when he dropped his new phone down the bog. He was doing some strange combo of phone in to shirt breast pocket, exaggerated bend to lift toilet seat, phone shoots out of pocket in to toilet. Christine the office manager made him buy his own phone as a replacement replacement. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AJ Posted April 5, 2019 Share Posted April 5, 2019 I don't really get how this could be interesting. After the job's done, its all just paperwork. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vive_La_Villa Posted April 5, 2019 Share Posted April 5, 2019 If you sit while wiping. How do you check the damage? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tayls Posted April 6, 2019 Share Posted April 6, 2019 Look at the outcome of the poll - I wonder if there is a direct correlation between how you wipe your ass, and also those that voted for Leave in the referendum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skruff Posted April 6, 2019 Share Posted April 6, 2019 48,51% standing up. I expected there to be something like 3-4 votes on that due to medical issues. I could never imagine standing up whiping. Your ass cheeks clamp together. Seems like sitting is just as foreign to you standing people out there as standing is to us. Strange, fascinating and funny. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RimmyJimmer Posted April 6, 2019 Share Posted April 6, 2019 I'm baffled as to what sort of stance you have to adopt to wipe standing? Surely you have to bend over quite far to gain sufficient access and then there's the reach around...sounds like a young mans game to me! 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demitri_C Posted April 6, 2019 Share Posted April 6, 2019 22 hours ago, bickster said: Off topic!!! Also depends if I'm in work or not. If I'm in work, obviously I am, how else do you expect me to use my phone. Going to the bog is a euphemism for going to use my phone in our place Just for work... Not for Facebook... Instagram... Tinder Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted April 6, 2019 VT Supporter Share Posted April 6, 2019 I can't imagine anything worse than going for a shit and not having my phone with me. That would be so boring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VILLAMARV Posted April 6, 2019 Share Posted April 6, 2019 25 minutes ago, Stevo985 said: I can't imagine anything worse than going for a shit and not having my phone with me. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
il_serpente Posted April 8, 2019 VT Supporter Share Posted April 8, 2019 On 06/04/2019 at 15:29, Stevo985 said: I can't imagine anything worse than going for a shit and not having my phone with me. That would be so boring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bickster Posted April 8, 2019 Moderator Share Posted April 8, 2019 On 06/04/2019 at 23:29, Stevo985 said: I can't imagine anything worse than going for a shit and not having my phone with me. That would be so boring. agree, though I upgrade to my iPad at home Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted April 8, 2019 VT Supporter Share Posted April 8, 2019 25 minutes ago, bickster said: agree, though I upgrade to my iPad at home Fancy bastard 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A'Villan Posted May 19, 2019 Share Posted May 19, 2019 I remember being at child-care in the early days, one of my earlier memories. I called out "FIIIINIIIISHED" and to my rude surprise the lady charged with my care responded with the exact phrase, and I quote: "I'm not doing that for you...!" Ladies and gentlemen that moment in history was the catalyst for my technique, and here goes.. 4 ply of paper folded neat, ensures enough padding. 3 ply when the risk of seepage or a tear is zero. Thumb rests on the butt cheek, whilst the paper rests on the combined fingertips of the index, middle, ring and little finger. One firm swipe with fingertips to navigate the crevice of Uranus, covering as much ground as you can without overdoing it. Inspect the damage on the paper, this will indicate the quantity and area of remaining doo-doo. Fold the paper in half so that the damaged side faces inwards and has no chance to make contact anywhere undesirable. Another firm swipe, with concentrated effort on areas of the bum-holeo that need the attention, as indicated by paper trail. Repeat as needed. And on a side note, I swear people who wipe standing are like those who pull their pants down around their ankles when taking a wee-wee. Unnecessary and unbecoming. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted May 19, 2019 Share Posted May 19, 2019 I just don’t get how you can sit and wipe. Stand and wipe everyday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RimmyJimmer Posted May 19, 2019 Share Posted May 19, 2019 1 hour ago, Rugeley Villa said: I just don’t get how you can sit and wipe. Stand and wipe everyday. I've heard some of your confessions on here but this takes the biscuit...weirdo!! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A'Villan Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 Just some random unsolicited advice for anyone who has constipation. We're meant to squat, not sit, when we poo. So if you elevate your feet, perhaps on your tip toes or with a small stool, you might find pooing a little easier. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 7 hours ago, A'Villan said: Just some random unsolicited advice for anyone who has constipation. We're meant to squat, not sit, when we poo. So if you elevate your feet, perhaps on your tip toes or with a small stool, you might find pooing a little easier. The struggle to get it out is part of the enjoyment. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leemond2008 Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 We have been debating how to wipe your arse for a decade and still failed to come up with a conclusive answer 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xela Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 16 hours ago, A'Villan said: Just some random unsolicited advice for anyone who has constipation. We're meant to squat, not sit, when we poo. So if you elevate your feet, perhaps on your tip toes or with a small stool, you might find pooing a little easier. This is the reason why I am on this forum. Every day is a school day 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xela Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 6 hours ago, leemond2008 said: We have been debating how to wipe your arse for a decade and still failed to come up with a conclusive answer There is only one correct answer - sit to wipe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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