How do you wipe yer arse?

[TheSufferingVilla]

Bizarro thread of the week candidate but believe it or not this is really bugging me. I've always stepped off the throne to wipe my arse, ever since I was a lad. never considered any other way of doing it. however since I moved to America where the toilet cubicle offers about as much privacy as taking a shit in a phone box I've noticed that the natives wipe their arses whilst sitting down.

Now before you wonder how such a thing is noticed, it initially came from a bizarre assumption that Americans never actually wiped their holes. In the early days of my 6-year residency in Mad World I noticed whilst waiting to shite that in most cases the person already sitting on the shitter would go from the sitting position to standing flushing and leaving in a very disturbingly short timeframe. In my mind this simply equated to the filthy bastards not cleaning up. However at one point I was leaving the cubicle in a pub when some bloke in the queue says to me "Dude, you clean yourself standing up! I've never seen that", my usual reaction to such an outrage would be to firmly belt the sick bastard with my fist for so closely scrutinising my bathroom etiquite. However, understanding the aparent Engineering impossibility that an American could design a cubicle door that doesn't have at least a 4 inch gap either side of it, I let this one slip to simply ponder the question. Am I weird for wiping my arse whilst standing up?

[Nigel]

If it is weird wiping whist standing then make room for another sicko!

[rendelc]

I usually sit down and hold my bollocks out of the way.That way i just reach under.You get the perfect angle for total cleansing.

[Brumerican]

I wrap the bog roll round my hand like an oven glove, then whilst still sat down I poke my hand through my legs and remove the bad news.

Hope that helps.

[Wol.]

I'm a sitter, broken many a toilet seat in the process. Don't think I like the idea of standing up, what about the smearage !!

[Jondaken]

Lean forwards a bit for the first one or two, then stand up for the last one to make sure I never missed anything.

[AVFC-Prideofbrum]

standing up obviously.

surely far more uncomfrotable and harder while sitting down.

[TheSufferingVilla]

I wrap the bog roll round my hand like an oven glove, then whilst still sat down I poke my hand through my legs and remove the bad news.

Hope that helps.

Interesting, question to "Sitters" is this a standard technique? I had assumed sitters wiped from the rear?

[sled]

I'm one of the silent majority. I like to have a long hard look at what's on today's paper. Standing.

EDIT: Silent minority it seems. :|

[OutByEaster?]

Seated, with one hand round the back. I have always assumed this to be the "orthodox" position and am disturbed by those of you standing.

[paddy]

I wrap the bog roll round my hand like an oven glove, then whilst still sat down I poke my hand through my legs and remove the bad news.

Hope that helps.

Interesting, question to "Sitters" is this a standard technique? I had assumed sitters wiped from the rear?

Yeah I do, never considered any other way (either standing or from the front).

[JoeFoSho]

I don't. Seriously though I triple fold and wipe firmly from front to back in a seated position.

[TheDon]

You commoners, do you people not have bidets?

Seriously though, sitting, it's so much less effort. I used to be a stander, but saw the light and now remain firmly seated.

[stretford420]

Lying down, outside, naturally.

[Jondaken]

My mother does it for me sometimes.

[LondonLax]

You commoners, do you people not have bidets?

Seriously though, sitting, it's so much less effort. I used to be a stander, but saw the light and now remain firmly seated.

"This"

[Gingerlad]

Gingers dont poo.

[jonno_2004]

Standing up

[Wol.]

I don't wipe as much as mop up. :|

[rjw63]

Seated, with one hand round the back. I have always assumed this to be the "orthodox" position and am disturbed by those of you standing.

This