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JohnCresswell

WAHEY! It's a JOKE thread : Enter at your own risk.

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Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver are having Easter at their holiday home with guests, after a long hunt Arnold is unable to find even one egg while all the others have mountains of chocolate.

Maria asks him “Does this mean you hate Easter now, Arnie?”

Schwarzenegger replies “I still love Easter baby”.

 

Copyright Adam Buxton ;)

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Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver are having Easter at their holiday home with guests, after a long hunt Arnold is unable to find even one egg while all the others have mountains of chocolate.

Maria asks him “Does this mean you hate Easter now, Arnie?”

Schwarzenegger replies “I still love Easter baby”.

 

Copyright Adam Buxton ;)

 

 

I don't even know who Adam Buxton is, I copied the joke from another forum. I couldn't even begin to try and make my own jokes up, lol.

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You don't know who Adam Buxton is?

 

He's only the funniest man with a beard this side of Coventry.

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Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver are having Easter at their holiday home with guests, after a long hunt Arnold is unable to find even one egg while all the others have mountains of chocolate.

Maria asks him “Does this mean you hate Easter now, Arnie?”

Schwarzenegger replies “I still love Easter baby”.

 

Copyright Adam Buxton ;)

 

 

I don't even know who Adam Buxton is, I copied the joke from another forum. I couldn't even begin to try and make my own jokes up, lol.

 

 

They (Adam & Joe) used to do a made-up jokes section on their podcast (which are highly recommended btw) and this joke originated from there. For tortured punchlines and punnery of the highest order, check it out. :)

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I've recently started using food in my magic act.
I start by crushing garlic, basil and pine nuts and then I blend them together with grated parmesan and olive oil.
Hey Pesto!

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I was going down on a woman last night when I started to taste horse semen.

 

I looked up at her and said 'Oh, so that's how you died, Nan'.

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My missus laughed in my face when I told her I was going to make a car out of spaghetti

Should of seen her face when I drove pasta

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I said to my wife, "What do you want for Valentine's day?"

She said, "I don't know, a CD of love songs would be nice."

"Any particular artist?" I asked.

"Well," she said, "I don't want to spoil the surprise, but I do like a particular black person who's blind."

That's just great! I thought to myself. I'm going to look like a right word removed standing in HMV asking if they've got anything by Harvey Price.

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What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?
I wouldn't pay £200 to have a lentil on my face.

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did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist who went to trial for public indecency?
he got off on a technicality.

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Not really a joke but a funny story my friend told me (Is there a funny stories thread?)

 

He was working for a new company about 3 weeks into new job at a meeting with some clients he had never met before. A fella mid 40's a girl early 20's.

 

They had a good meeting and all went fine and towards the end my friend said "before we finish dont you think we should discuss the elephant in the room" (in reference to some product line that was going to be stopped in the near future). 

 

The meeting carries on and they discuss that and other matters then as everyone is getting there things together the girl pipes up (who hasn't spoken at all so far in the meeting) and says that she is really offended that Tom (my friend) has just referred to her as an elephant!

 

The other two are just stunned into silence until the girls boss says to her no thats just a saying and explains...

Edited by villaglint
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Not really a joke but a funny story my friend told me (Is there a funny stories thread?)

 

He was working for a new company about 3 weeks into new job at a meeting with some clients he had never met before. A fella mid 40's a girl early 20's.

 

They had a good meeting and all went fine and towards the end my friend said "before we finish dont you think we should discuss the elephant in the room" (in reference to some product line that was going to be stopped in the near future). 

 

The meeting carries on and they discuss that and other matters then as everyone is getting there things together the girl pipes up (who hasn't spoken at all so far in the meeting) and says that she is really offended that Tom (my friend) has just referred to her as an elephant!

 

The other two are just stunned into silence until the girls boss says to her no thats just a saying and explains...

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