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WAHEY! It's a JOKE thread : Enter at your own risk.


villadude

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Seeing as Drat mentioned Gladstone Small in another thread:

 

Ian Botham and David Gower are in a restaurant overseas and both decide to have the "special of the day"

This special turns out to be the local delicacy of sea turtle.

When they both order it the waiter goes to check they have enough left and returns 5 minutes later saying there is a problem and they only have 2 left but one is still alive but the chef cant coax the turtle out of his shell so he can chop his head off and cook him.

Beefy then steps up to the mark and tells the waiter he will deal with it.

The waiter tells beefy he is welcome to try - but the chef being a seasoned expert hasn't been able to sort it so doesn't think he will.

Beefy gets the turtle in one hand and with his other sticks his index finger into the rear of the turtle, the turtle then stick his head out and the chef chops it off....job done.

Amazed, the waiter asked how Beefy knew what to do

Beefy" I'm used to it .....we use the same technique to get Gladstone Smalls Bow tie on for the post match Gala's"

 

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What's the difference between a cup of gravel and a cup of placenta?

You can't gargle gravel.

Rob you know how old I am and I remember that joke when I was at school !

 

2/10 Must do better Mr W.

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After a successful trial, David Moyes has made a tentative loan move for William Roaches defence.

 

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"I managed to go all the way on Flappy Bird last night." "For the last time, her name is Sarah and the correct term is, 'Elongated Labia'."

Edited by drat01
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After going to see 12 Years A Slave at my local cinema, I now understand how it feels to be exploited and robbed of your dignity by ruthless, mercenary overseers.

£4.20 for a Pepsi Max FFS.

 
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"Are you from America madam?"

"You think I am American just because I am a little overweight?"

"No madam, it's because this is Tesco and we don't sell guns."


 
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A Mullah was trying to convince a Catholic priest that Islam was best.
"When we die we get seventy two virgins in heaven," said the Mullah
"I've already had seventy two virgins," replied the priest.


 
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Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver are having Easter at their holiday home with guests, after a long hunt Arnold is unable to find even one egg while all the others have mountains of chocolate.
Maria asks him “Does this mean you hate Easter now, Arnie?”
Schwarzenegger replies “I still love Easter baby”.

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Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver are having Easter at their holiday home with guests, after a long hunt Arnold is unable to find even one egg while all the others have mountains of chocolate.

Maria asks him “Does this mean you hate Easter now, Arnie?”

Schwarzenegger replies “I still love Easter baby”.

 

Jesus wept...

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