AvfcRigo82 Posted November 7, 2010 Share Posted November 7, 2010 What's the difference between Lily Allen and a MILF? ...About 3 months! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFC_Hitz Posted November 7, 2010 Share Posted November 7, 2010 oh wow!^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ryanvilla_1994 Posted November 7, 2010 Share Posted November 7, 2010 What's the difference between Lily Allen and a MILF? ...About 3 months! I think thats a little bit too early Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YLN Posted November 7, 2010 Share Posted November 7, 2010 What's the difference between Lily Allen and a MILF? ...About 3 months! I think thats a little bit too early I think I read that one three days ago. If anything, it's late Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted November 7, 2010 Share Posted November 7, 2010 Rigo, that is **** funny if a little soon! What do you call a man with no shins? Tony. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wainy316 Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 I saw a guy pissed out of his face last night. He was a dickhead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 A woman walks into a bar. The bar asks her what she would like to drink. 'I'll have a double Whisky, straight please.' she says. After drinking what is her 6th straight double whisky, two women noticed her drinkning and asked the barman if she would be ok. the barman said 'she is an alcohol and its destroying her family.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leemond2008 Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 What's brown and sticky? A stick! barrack obama having a wank binnedunne by me before I know but the stick version has binne dunne as well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarethRDR Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door. "Can I interest you in a... oh, shit, you've got one". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarethRDR Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 I'm English, and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate; nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair. I call them the Eggs Of Numbing Inevitability. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 What do you call a hooker in a wheelchair? Park and ride. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andykeenan Posted November 9, 2010 Share Posted November 9, 2010 A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and asked, "May I see your driver's license?" The driver answered, "I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI." The officer asked, "May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?" The driver answered,"It's not my car. I stole it." The officer asked, "The car is stolen?" The driver answered, "That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there." The officer asked, "There's a gun in the glove box?" The driver answered, "Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk." The officer asked, "There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?" The driver answered, "Yes, sir." Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by! police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation. The Captain asked, "Sir, can I see your license?" The driver answered, "Sure. Here it is." It was valid. The Captain asked, "Who's car is this?" The driver answered, "It's mine, officer. Here's the owner' card." The driver owned the car. The Captain asked, "Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?" The driver answered, "Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it." Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box. The Captain asked, "Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it." The driver answered, "No problem." Trunk is opened; no body. The Captain said, "I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk." The driver answered, "Yeah, I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NulliSecundus Posted November 9, 2010 Share Posted November 9, 2010 Bindunne but very good! ^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Qwpzxjor1 Posted November 9, 2010 Share Posted November 9, 2010 There was a ginger guy using the self-checkout in Tesco earlier and the machine said "unexpected item in the bagging area". Condoms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Qwpzxjor1 Posted November 9, 2010 Share Posted November 9, 2010 I honestly didn't think you could find 50 virgins in Essex, but sure enough, I stand corrected ... There they were, queuing up at midnight last night for Call of Duty. I got love sick when I was away from home. Or Chlamydia as the doctor calls it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvfcRigo82 Posted November 10, 2010 Share Posted November 10, 2010 I was arrested yesterday - by complete misunderstanding though.. All it was really was a woman doing one of these stupid survey things came across to me in the street and started asking a few relationship questions.. It got to the last one where she asked me "what do you like to see most in a woman?" ... So I showed her! :notsure: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted November 11, 2010 Share Posted November 11, 2010 A guy goes to the doctor with hearing problems. "Can you describe the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor. "Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastard and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted November 12, 2010 VT Supporter Share Posted November 12, 2010 A guy goes to the doctor with hearing problems. "Can you describe the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor. "Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastard and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair."It's a running gag in our family that if anybody ever says the word "symptoms", people immediately break into singing "The Syyyyymptommmms.... doo do do de doo, etc." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Risso Posted November 12, 2010 Share Posted November 12, 2010 A guy goes to the doctor with hearing problems. "Can you describe the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor. "Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastard and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair."It's a running gag in our family that if anybody ever says the word "symptoms", people immediately break into singing "The Syyyyymptommmms.... doo do do de doo, etc." Those long winter nights must just fly by! :winkold: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted November 12, 2010 VT Supporter Share Posted November 12, 2010 A guy goes to the doctor with hearing problems. "Can you describe the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor. "Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastard and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair."It's a running gag in our family that if anybody ever says the word "symptoms", people immediately break into singing "The Syyyyymptommmms.... doo do do de doo, etc." Those long winter nights must just fly by! :winkold:Oh they do, they do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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