Jon Posted November 12, 2010 Share Posted November 12, 2010 A guy goes to the doctor with hearing problems. "Can you describe the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor. "Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastard and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair."It's a running gag in our family that if anybody ever says the word "symptoms", people immediately break into singing "The Syyyyymptommmms.... doo do do de doo, etc." Those long winter nights must just fly by! :winkold: Blackadder FTW! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarethRDR Posted November 12, 2010 Share Posted November 12, 2010 **WARNING** Potentially offensive joke (it's not sexist/racist or any of that rubbish, but it is pretty near to the knuckle). If you want to read it, you'll have to highlight it. Seriously, it's pretty bad. You've probably already heard it, and this build-up is for nothing but nevertheless I'm providing ample warning. What's 12 inches, stiff as a board and makes a woman scream all-night? Cot death. You can't say I didn't warn you. I even checked through the rest of the topic to see if a joke of similar ilk was deemed acceptable (fortunately, as early as page 1, post 2 I found my answer). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Qwpzxjor1 Posted November 12, 2010 Share Posted November 12, 2010 Dead baby jokes have had their time. I'm not someone who's ever offended by jokes but I am quite pleased they aren't really around any more. A few were funny (the one above isn't a bad one ) but alot of them just turned into a challenge of who could be the sickest, and most of them weren't even funny. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted November 12, 2010 Share Posted November 12, 2010 Really poor joke alert What pantomime character was always getting burnt? Cinderella. "Waiter, waiter, have you got frogs legs?" "No, I'm disabled you word removed" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted November 12, 2010 Share Posted November 12, 2010 Dear Students & Poppy burning Muslims. Sorry I could not attend your demonstrations this week. This was due to me having to work for a living. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted November 12, 2010 Share Posted November 12, 2010 I hate having Tourette's. It makes you shout out things you don't want to shout out. For example, yesterday I was walking along the road when I spotted a Pakistani guy walking on the other side of the road and I shouted out "Good morning sir, I hope you are well." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted November 12, 2010 Share Posted November 12, 2010 I made a really great sandwich today, cheese, ham, tomato, a crisp lettuce leaf, garnished with whole grain mustard and coleslaw, all wrapped lovingly in a fresh baguette. Anyway, I left the room, for a few minutes (due to a fairly troublesome shit) and when I came back in it was gone. I was completely beside myself. I checked the fridge, the microwave, desperately trying to think where I could have put it. I had a look in the oven even though I knew I couldn't have put it there. I went back to the bathroom, tears forming in my eyes (though I maintain that it was from the smell I left in there rather than my emotional trauma) to see if I might have taken it up with me. Next I rushed round my housemates' rooms trying to find a potential thief, or failing that, at least getting some help on my search. After half an hour of looking I came to a stunning realisation... I could easily have made another sandwich in the time I had spent looking for it. In a completely unrelated matter, I have some advice for Kate and Gerry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonno_2004 Posted November 12, 2010 Share Posted November 12, 2010 I reckon one of those three would get you sacked if you emailed it round at work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted November 12, 2010 Share Posted November 12, 2010 I reckon one of those three would get you sacked if you emailed it round at work. which one? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonno_2004 Posted November 12, 2010 Share Posted November 12, 2010 Sky News: E-mails sent to Firm's Dublin's offices asking them to "rate female workers". They think that's bad, wait to they find out about the typo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonno_2004 Posted November 12, 2010 Share Posted November 12, 2010 I reckon one of those three would get you sacked if you emailed it round at work. which one?My one probably! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phumfeinz Posted November 12, 2010 Share Posted November 12, 2010 I don't get the third one. Who are Kate and Gerry? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonno_2004 Posted November 12, 2010 Share Posted November 12, 2010 I don't get the third one. Who are Kate and Gerry?Kate and Gerry McCann. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phumfeinz Posted November 12, 2010 Share Posted November 12, 2010 Oh right. I never bothered with that whole thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted November 12, 2010 Share Posted November 12, 2010 I reckon one of those three would get you sacked if you emailed it round at work. which one?My one probably! oh, did i repeat one? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MMFy Posted November 12, 2010 Share Posted November 12, 2010 What's the difference between Lily Allen and a MILF? ...About 3 months! I think thats a little bit too early Never. Armando Iannucci tells it like it is. If you're going to mock something of someone you don't know, why wait? It's not like you're telling the joke to Lilly Allen herself... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duncandares Posted November 14, 2010 Share Posted November 14, 2010 Why are women so ungrateful? Last night I gave my missus an orgasm and she spat it out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted November 15, 2010 Share Posted November 15, 2010 A wife was dying, husband was by her bedside. She said in a tired voice. "There's something I must confess." "Shhh" he said, there's nothing to confess. Everything's alright." "No I must die in peace. I **** your brother, your best friend, his best friend and your father!" "I know," he whispered "That's why I poisoned you, you word removed, now close your eyes' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrbojangles Posted November 15, 2010 Share Posted November 15, 2010 ha ha quality Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Risso Posted November 15, 2010 Share Posted November 15, 2010 Sky News: E-mails sent to Firm's Dublin's offices asking them to "rate female workers". They think that's bad, wait to they find out about the typo. Haha, excellent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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