drat01 Posted October 15, 2010 Share Posted October 15, 2010 Oh shit. my computer uses U.S. English. I wanted to 'save' the document but accidentally blew it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted October 15, 2010 Moderator Share Posted October 15, 2010 Oh shit. my computer uses U.S. English. I wanted to 'save' the document but accidentally blew it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leemond2008 Posted October 15, 2010 Share Posted October 15, 2010 whats worse than being kidnapped by the taliban??? being rescued by the americans Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted October 15, 2010 Share Posted October 15, 2010 Mildly racist joke here...... Why do irish people wear two condoms? To be sure, to be sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted October 15, 2010 Share Posted October 15, 2010 Three children are playing with their mohter. The first one says "Mother, why am I called Petal?" The mother answers, "Because Petal, when you were born, a petal fell onto your forehead." Petals says "Oh, thats nice" The second child says "Mother why am I called Daisy?" THe mother answers "Because Daisy, when you were very small a Daisy fell on you head." and Daisy smiles. THe third child shouts "Gllaalghhhghhllglh" and the mother says "Oh shut up Dishwasher." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brommy Posted October 15, 2010 Share Posted October 15, 2010 Three children are playing with their mohter. The first one says "Mother, why am I called Petal?" The mother answers, "Because Petal, when you were born, a petal fell onto your forehead." Petals says "Oh, thats nice" The second child says "Mother why am I called Daisy?" THe mother answers "Because Daisy, when you were very small a Daisy fell on you head." and Daisy smiles. THe third child shouts "Gllaalghhhghhllglh" and the mother says "Oh shut up Dishwasher." Heard the same (about 30 years ago!), except the last child says in a 'mongy'* voice "Why am I called Anvil?". * not a word I would use now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted October 15, 2010 Share Posted October 15, 2010 Older than Bicksters y-fronts :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 Wayne Rooney has said to the media he wants to quit his job. DreamWorks hasn't yet released a statement... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 Got talking to a woman at the bus stop yesterday, and she mentioned her seven year old daughter had been asking awkward sex questions. "Tell me about it", I said. "Oh, are you in the same boat?" she asked. "No", I said. "I just really fancy a wank." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted October 20, 2010 Moderator Share Posted October 20, 2010 Rooney is on his way to Liverpool apparently. A mole writes "I know because I heard Roy Hodgson say "Looks like Waynes' coming". I didn't hear anymore because it started pissing down and I had to run for cover." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted October 20, 2010 Share Posted October 20, 2010 I hear Man City have offered Wayne Rooney 250 grans a week.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted October 21, 2010 Share Posted October 21, 2010 While watching the Commonwealth Games in India recently I saw a sign that said "English speaking taxi driver". I thought, "What a **** great idea! Why don't we have them in our country?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted October 21, 2010 Share Posted October 21, 2010 Garry Glitter is moving to Chile. He says it's the only place you can slide a minor up and down, and have an audience cheer you on at the same time... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted October 21, 2010 Share Posted October 21, 2010 A little Pakistani girl goes to her mother and says, "Mummy, I don't want to be a lesbian when I grow up!" Her mother says, "What makes you think you'll be a lesbian, Minjeeta?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted October 21, 2010 Share Posted October 21, 2010 A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room. "What the **** are you doing?!" she asked. "I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered. "But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed. "This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained. "Love dress? But you're naked!" "Mike loves me and wants me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me!" The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch, waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively. "What are you doing?" he asked. "This is my love dress," she whispered sensually. "It needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted October 21, 2010 Share Posted October 21, 2010 An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhoea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window. A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet. As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely containing his laughter), and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, "What the **** is going on here?" The drunk, still staring down replied "I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wainy316 Posted October 22, 2010 Share Posted October 22, 2010 Garry Glitter is moving to Chile. He says it's the only place you can slide a minor up and down, and have an audience cheer you on at the same time... Up and down a shaft. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyh29 Posted October 22, 2010 Share Posted October 22, 2010 Wee Irish boy crying by the side of the road. A man asks "What's wrong?" Boy says "Me Ma is dead" "Oh bejaysus" the man says "Do you want me to get Father O'Riley ?" Wee boy replies"No thanks Mister, sex is the last ting on me moind roight now." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted October 22, 2010 Moderator Share Posted October 22, 2010 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Designer1 Posted October 22, 2010 VT Supporter Share Posted October 22, 2010 What's blue and **** old ladies? Wayne Rooney in a Man City shirt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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