skarroki Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 Fancy another? oK then............ A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parent’s house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious." The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist." I realise I'm going WAY back but my phone opens pages on the last page I read and as I rarely visit off topic it sent me to page 1. Thought this was brilliant. Some of you guys have been kicking about for over 10 years! Had no idea how long the forum had been going That poster seems familiar... Is it... You? I don't get it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 Could be... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyh29 Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 that RantinRob was a tool , I remember the party atmosphere in here when he stopped posting 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 You loved him, admit it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post markavfc40 Posted August 20, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted August 20, 2014 (edited) I can't stand people who think they're worse off than everyone else....my mate Derek is brilliant, he had a nasty accident and lost both feet and his voice! Does he make a song and dance about it? Does he f*ck Edited August 20, 2014 by markavfc40 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DelboyVilla Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 I was surprised when my Dad got accused of stealing from his job as a lollipop man, I don't know why, all the signs were there? I started a VD clinic from scratch! Ref Stewart Francis 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nigel Posted August 21, 2014 VT Supporter Share Posted August 21, 2014 Oooh I could crush a grape! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Folski Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 A man goes to the doctor and says "Doctor, every time I masturbate, I find myself shouting "C'mon Man United!"" The doctor replies, "so do most rocket polishers!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post TrinityRoadSteps Posted September 6, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted September 6, 2014 A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "Why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer." 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram85 Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 Terrible Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post choffer Posted September 6, 2014 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted September 6, 2014 I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him go faster. If anything, it made him more sluggish. 12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post TrinityRoadSteps Posted September 6, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted September 6, 2014 I covered myself in bubble wrap this morning. The wife had a right go at me. And now the rest of my family are having a pop 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chewie Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 I haven't read all 340 pages of this thread, so my apologies if this was posted before, but it is one of my favourites, and much better said face to face with emotion... Three guys go in for a job interview, all at the same office. The first one goes in for his interview and the boss says, "What's one thing you notice about me?" "Well", the guy says, "You've.. you've got no ears." The boss says in angered voice, "That's it, get out!" The second applicant takes his turn, sits down, and is asked "What's one thing you notice about me?". The applicant replies "I don't mean to be rude, but you've got no ears." The boss stands up in a fit of rage and shouts "Get out of my office!" As the second applicant is leaving, he warns the third guy in the waiting room, "Listen man, whatever you do, don't say the obvious, OK?" The third applicant nods, and proceeds inside the office... "So 'Mr third applicant'" the boss says with a wryly smile, "What is one thing you notice about me". The third applicant thinks for a moment, and response with "I can tell you're wearing contact lenses". "Very good" the boss replies, "How did you know that". The applicant replies with "Well you can't wear glasses can you? You've got no **** ears". "GET OUT!" 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meath_Villan Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 Just found out my friend is addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drat01 Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 Just woke up having a nightmare that Gloria Gaynor was in the room, First I was afraid then I was petrified...... I'm after the detergent killer - and this time it's Persil My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak. Saw a film last night about a doctor who mistakenly voted Labour instead of Conservative in the General Election. Not much of a story, more of a doc you meant Tory I quit my job at the helium factory.......I refuse to be spoken to in that tone. I once put everything I own on a racehorse....squashed it! I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit. A man was in court for stealing a bag, took just three minutes to get sentenced, it was a briefcase. A man was arrested for stealing helium balloons, police held him for a while then let him go. Weird feeling... I just saw Tony Blackburn put a record on the turntable.....just as he did in 1967. It must be DJ View. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted September 7, 2014 VT Supporter Share Posted September 7, 2014 Are you Tim Vine? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drat01 Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 I think I just saw Michael j fox at the garden centre. Can't be sure as he had his back to the fuschias 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StanBalaban Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 I think I just saw Michael j fox at the garden centre. Can't be sure as he had his back to the fuschias Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginko Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 Are you Tim Vine? EXACTLY what I was thinking as I read through those Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted September 7, 2014 VT Supporter Share Posted September 7, 2014 I think I just saw Michael j fox at the garden centre. Can't be sure as he had his back to the fuschiaswouldn't he be facing you then? So it would be quite easy to tell who it was 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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