rjw63 Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Banned from Kids Corner at Dudley Zoo. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turnbull Posted October 5, 2014 Share Posted October 5, 2014 Made the kids a curry last night, which they were really enjoying until they were sick after I told them I'd put Ginger in it. They really loved that cat. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
il_serpente Posted October 5, 2014 VT Supporter Share Posted October 5, 2014 Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't. I'm reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can't put it down. A neutron walks into a bar and ask how much for a beer. The bartender says, "For you, no charge." 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smetrov Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 An Insect walks into the kitchen and then explodes, - It was a Jihadi Long Legs 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LondonLax Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 I assume it's based on that thing that people say when arguing with someone about Religion. If someone says you can't prove there isn't a God, the funny reply is "you can't prove there isn't a giant spaghetti monster orbiting the Earth" or something like that. It sort of has a point. But it doesn't really work, imo. It comes from Richard Dawkins' book "The God Delusion". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted October 10, 2014 VT Supporter Share Posted October 10, 2014 I assume it's based on that thing that people say when arguing with someone about Religion. If someone says you can't prove there isn't a God, the funny reply is "you can't prove there isn't a giant spaghetti monster orbiting the Earth" or something like that. It sort of has a point. But it doesn't really work, imo. It comes from Richard Dawkins' book "The God Delusion". Oh. Still doesn't really work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LondonLax Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 I assume it's based on that thing that people say when arguing with someone about Religion. If someone says you can't prove there isn't a God, the funny reply is "you can't prove there isn't a giant spaghetti monster orbiting the Earth" or something like that. It sort of has a point. But it doesn't really work, imo. It comes from Richard Dawkins' book "The God Delusion". Oh. Still doesn't really work. I agree, you're misquote doesn't work but we are getting off the point of this thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyh29 Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 Ebola causes headaches, feelings of nausea and is very difficult to get rid of. Is it a virus or a free U2 album? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomaspg Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 A rapist and a con artist gets caught by the sheriff in a small town. The town doesn’t have much money to take care of prisoners so the sheriff gets an idea. He decides he’ll charge money to let the townspeople punish the crooks and use the money to keep them in jail for as long as he can. The sheriff figures even a short stay in jail will be plenty after a little “justice” from the townspeople. The sheriff takes the criminals to the town square, handcuffs them posts and sets up shop. He tells the people that the punishment should fit the crime so anyone can pay $1 to kick the rapist in the groin. Since the con artist used his image to wrong his victims, anyone can pay $1 to hit him in the face. After a while there are two long lines for the criminals. Some people paying $5, $10, even $15 to get their licks in. After a long while, a guy steps up for his turn and sees the con artist’s face is a bloody pulp and thinks “He’s so beat up at this point, he probably can’t even feel anything anymore. I’m not going to waste my money on that.” So the guy walks up and kicks the con artist squarely in the groin. The sheriff sees this and hurries over and says, “Hey son, you can’t do that here.” The man asks, “Why not?” And the sheriff replies, “Because this is the punch line.” 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginko Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 That is awful. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villarocker Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 (edited) There's three mates working on a building site - one English, one Scottish and one Irish. They all sit down to eat their lunches: "Oh no, not Ham again" says Tom, the Englishman. "I told the missus I'm sick of having Ham sarnies every day. If I get Ham again tomorrow, I'm jumping off this roof". Jock opens his lunchbox and says "bollocks man, I've got corned beef again. I've had enough of that stuff to last me a lifetime. If I get it again tomorrow I'm off this roof as well, pal". Paddy opens his lunchbox and pulls out his sarnies. "not cheese again. I'm fecking sick of cheese. If I get cheese again tomorrow, I'm off the roof too lads". The next day the lads sit down together for lunch. Tom opens his sarnies "**** sake. Ham again! That's it lads, I've had enough. It's been a pleasure knowing you" and jumps off the roof to his death. Jock looks nervously at Paddy and opens his lunchbox. "I can ne believe it. Corned beef again. That's it Paddy, nice working with ye son" and Jock jumps off the roof. Paddy's shitting himself as he opens his lunchbox. "oh feck, it's cheese! I promised the boys I'd do it so here goes" and Paddy jumps too. A week later and the three builders are all buried. Later on, at their wakes, the three wives are sat together. "I'm devastated. I really thought he loved Ham. He always brought an empty lunchbox home" says Tom's wife. "I can ne believe it either. I thought Jock liked his sarnies, otherwise I'd have made him something else" says Jock's widow. Jock's wife turns to Paddy's missus and asks if she wished she had done something different. Paddy's wife replies: "Yeah, I wish I never let him make his own fecking lunch". Edited October 11, 2014 by villarocker Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 Older than Eric Morecambe's underpants Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarewsEyebrowDesigner Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 Is it bad that I don't read jokes longer than a few sentences? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 Not in the last case, no. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 News Reports: What would the consequences be if ISIS were to head for Jordan next? My guess is she'd shag them all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoelVilla Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 An Asian fellow has moved in next door. He has travelled the world, swum with sharks, wrestled bears and climbed the highest mountain. It came as no surprise to learn his name was Bindair Dundat. I laughed way more to this than I probably should but its funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomaspg Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 That is awful. Its the awfulness that makes it good though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted October 11, 2014 VT Supporter Share Posted October 11, 2014 A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave as they realise the potential danger in the situation. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowychap Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 I assume it's based on that thing that people say when arguing with someone about Religion. If someone says you can't prove there isn't a God, the funny reply is "you can't prove there isn't a giant spaghetti monster orbiting the Earth" or something like that. It sort of has a point. But it doesn't really work, imo.Bertrand Russell does not like this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kingman Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 An Asian fellow has moved in next door. He has travelled the world, swum with sharks, wrestled bears and climbed the highest mountain. It came as no surprise to learn his name was Bindair Dundat. Same here but my new neighbour claims to be a DIY expert... Amed me-shed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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