WAHEY! It's a JOKE thread : Enter at your own risk.

[drat01]

Me - Fuschias - Michael J Fox  ...................

[mattboyslim]

'Hello Microsoft support, what's the nature of the problem?'
'Eggshell'
'Eggshell??'
'Yesh'
'Oh hello again Mr Connery. Spreadsheet issues?'

[rjw63]

Katie Price has named her new baby Bunny.

I thought bunnies came out of a wizard's hat, not a wizard's sleeve?

 

[rjw63]

I was in Edinburgh yesterday, and saw a woman wearing a T-shirt that said, "Yes".
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Long story short, I'm up on a rape charge tomorrow.

 

[turnbull]

Apologies in advance.

 

 

 

What's big, Scottish and depressing?

 

Scotland.

 

 

[TrinityRoadSteps]

Apologies in advance.

 

 

 

What's big, Scottish and depressing?

 

Scotland.

 

 

 

I thought it had been renamed Scotchland 

[mjmooney]

We can call it what we like, seeing as we still own it.

[Genie]

Yet again Scotland fail to get out of the group.

[drat01]

Local Police were hunting the 'knitting needle nutter' who has stabbed six people in the backside in the last 48 hours.
They believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.

[drat01]

What's brass and sounds like Tom Jones?

Trombones

[tomaspg]

i got a hand job from a blind girl yesterday

- you got the biggest cock ive ever felt

- you're pulling my leg

[rjw63]

I saw a nun smoking outside a convent and said, "That's a pretty disgusting habit."

"I know," she replied, "Father Theophilus just wiped his cock on it."

[drat01]

Think the CCTV may have spotted me stealing those pool inflatables.

Best that I lilo for a while

[Xann]

I got one of those new DLT watches.....



..... amazingly it tells the time correctly even though the hands are all over the place!!

[dAVe80]

My Grandad started to do some really weird stuff the more senile he got. Towards the end he started greasing his back up. After that he went down hill pretty quickly. 

[il_serpente]

3 Villa supporters and 3 Baggies supporters are at the station to catch a train to London to watch their teams play Spurs and Arsenal.

The Baggies supporters go to the ticket window and say, "3 tickets to London, please" and pay.

One of the Villans goes to the window and says, "One for London," and pays.

The Baggies supporters are puzzled and ask how the 3 Villans can get to London on 1 ticket.   The Villans say, "Watch."

 

All 6 board the train and the conductor starts coming through the car to check tickets.   The villans head into the loo (did I say that right?  I'm 'murican) and lock the door.   The conductor gets to the loo door, knocks, and says, "Ticket, please!" and the door opens a crack and an arm hands out a ticket.   The Baggies are impressed.

 

After Villa smashes Spurs and Arsenal have ripped WBA a new one, the 6 encounter each other again at the station to head home.   One of the Baggies fans goes to the window and buys one ticket, feeling smug.   the villans bypass the ticket window and get on the train.   The Baggies ask, "How are you going to get home without a ticket?" and the villans say, "Watch."

 

As the conductor starts going through the car, the Baggies supporters run off to the loo and go inside.   The villans wait a minute, then one of them goes to the loo, knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please!".

[il_serpente]

4 nuns are lined up at the pearly gates to try to get into heaven. St. Peter tells the first one that he assumes as a nun she has led a virtuous life and will be a shoo-in for admission. But he asks her first if she has any sins to confess to. She says, sheepishly, that she once watched one of the priests take a shower and saw his johnson. St. Peter tells her to take some holy water from the basin and rinse her eyes and then ushers her in.

Similarly, St. Peter asks the second nun if she would like to confess to any sins. She admits that she and a priest fooled around once and she fondled him. St. Peter tells her to go rinse her hands in the holy water and go on in.

Meanwhile, a scuffle has broken out between the third and fourht nun. St. Peter asks what's going on. The fourth nun says, "I'll be damned if I'm going to gargle with that water after she's washer her arse in it!"

[Ginko]

3 Villa supporters and 3 Baggies supporters are at the station to catch a train to London to watch their teams play Spurs and Arsenal.

The Baggies supporters go to the ticket window and say, "3 tickets to London, please" and pay.

One of the Villans goes to the window and says, "One for London," and pays.

The Baggies supporters are puzzled and ask how the 3 Villans can get to London on 1 ticket.   The Villans say, "Watch."

 

All 6 board the train and the conductor starts coming through the car to check tickets.   The villans head into the loo (did I say that right?  I'm 'murican) and lock the door.   The conductor gets to the loo door, knocks, and says, "Ticket, please!" and the door opens a crack and an arm hands out a ticket.   The Baggies are impressed.

 

After Villa smashes Spurs and Arsenal have ripped WBA a new one, the 6 encounter each other again at the station to head home.   One of the Baggies fans goes to the window and buys one ticket, feeling smug.   the villans bypass the ticket window and get on the train.   The Baggies ask, "How are you going to get home without a ticket?" and the villans say, "Watch."

 

As the conductor starts going through the car, the Baggies supporters run off to the loo and go inside.   The villans wait a minute, then one of them goes to the loo, knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please!".

 

Right, but then only one of the three Villa fans could have used that ticket, so two of them would have been in trouble.

[Morley_crosses_to_Withe]

I took it that the Villa fans get the one ticket so they can then run to another toilet and repeat the same trick when the conductor does finally come. It took a bit of thought, though, and wasn't worth the effort

Edited September 27, 2014 by Morley_crosses_to_Withe

[coda]

Spurs and Arsenal wouldn't be playing at home at the same time.