Popular Post mattboyslim Posted July 3, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted July 3, 2014 I bought some shoes off my local drug dealer earlier. **** knows what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day. 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post mattboyslim Posted July 16, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted July 16, 2014 Does Sean Connery like herbs? Yes, but only partially. 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PussEKatt Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 A women with hairy armpits goes into a crowdwd bar and to try to get the bartenders attention she raises her arm above her head. A drunk at the other end of the bar notices this and calls out to the bartender and says " there is a ballerina wants your attention" Bartender: How do you know she is a ballerina. Drunk: Who else can raise their leg above her head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post rjw63 Posted July 17, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted July 17, 2014 The devout cowboy lost his favourite bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him carrying the bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the book from the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward, and exclaimed "It's a miracle!" "Not really" said the cow. "Your name is written inside the cover. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Risso Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 A women with hairy armpits goes into a crowdwd bar and to try to get the bartenders attention she raises her arm above her head. A drunk at the other end of the bar notices this and calls out to the bartender and says " there is a ballerina wants your attention" Bartender: How do you know she is a ballerina. Drunk: Who else can raise their leg above her head. Nearly.... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meath_Villan Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 I went to my optician & told him that everywhere I looked I thought I saw dwarfs ., he said I was a little short-sighted I have a fear of speed-bumps but am slowly getting over it The past, the present and the future walked into a bar..., it was tense A radical union of woodworkers have broken off to set-up a splinter group I went to the doctors to tell him I could hear music from the base of my spine, he said that I had a slipped disco Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StanBalaban Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 I went to my optician & told him that everywhere I looked I thought I saw dwarfs ., he said I was a little short-sighted I have a fear of speed-bumps but am slowly getting over it The past, the present and the future walked into a bar..., it was tense A radical union of woodworkers have broken off to set-up a splinter group I went to the doctors to tell him I could hear music from the base of my spine, he said that I had a slipped disco Pfftt, call that a poem? Doesn't even rhyme. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post TrinityRoadSteps Posted July 20, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted July 20, 2014 I was walking past the bookies, and there was a sign on the door that said "Open Sundays 11-4"Well, I think I'm having £10 on that, because they were open last Sunday... 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xann Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 What do you call a psychic dwarf on the run from prison? A small medium at large. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vive_La_Villa Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 Why did the washing machine laugh? It was taking the piss out the pants 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattboyslim Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 I saw a man today whose face was covered in black dust, he was wearing a bright yellow hard hat, royal blue overalls size xl, carrying a pickaxe with a hickory shaft and he had a small scar on his left hand... ...but those are just miner details. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post useless Posted July 25, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted July 25, 2014 Is joke from Latvia. I tell now. Joke: Latvian try to cross river. Has dog, potatoes, and dead son's body. Can only take two across river at one time. If he leave dog with potatoes or corpse, dog eat them. Is very sad. Also is not good boat 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dont_do_it_doug. Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 A guy is burgling a house when he hears a voice " Jesus is watching you" He stops and stays still..............after a while he carries on and he is just unplugging the DVD player when he hears the voice again "Jesus is watching you" He flashes his torch around and sees a parrot. Burgler:Was that you Parrot:Yes Burgler whats your name Parrot:Moses Burgler:What sort of person would call a parrot Moses ? Parrot:The same sort of person that would call a rotweiller Jesus. Oh my god. This is a real joke. It has a punchline and makes sense and everything. It even made me smile. Was shamefully stolen from sickipedia as well. You don't genuinely think everyone in this thread is making up these jokes themselves do you? Let pussE have his moment! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Risso Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 Is joke from Latvia. I tell now. Joke: Latvian try to cross river. Has dog, potatoes, and dead son's body. Can only take two across river at one time. If he leave dog with potatoes or corpse, dog eat them. Is very sad. Also is not good boat one day latvian man is sitting on balkony admiring of potato. Suddenly potato is fall down. Man scream and jump after down for potato, is thinking of heroic deed. Man hit ground and die, potato live. Good man. Good potato. Such is life 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
useless Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 (edited) There's an whole load of them here on reddit. Latvian daughter say, "I want go America". Father say, "I send you America". Daughter cries joy and father use tears for salty potato. Father thinks. Says, "Daughter, I no send you America" Potato is more salt Edited July 26, 2014 by useless 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 Scientists in Switzerland say they've isolated atoms of anti-matter. Apparently it's going to help solve some of the biggest mysteries of the universe. Like, for example, how the **** Cliff Richard hasn't been arrested by Operation Yewtree yet ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted July 26, 2014 VT Supporter Share Posted July 26, 2014 A guy is burgling a house when he hears a voice " Jesus is watching you" He stops and stays still..............after a while he carries on and he is just unplugging the DVD player when he hears the voice again "Jesus is watching you" He flashes his torch around and sees a parrot. Burgler:Was that you Parrot:Yes Burgler whats your name Parrot:Moses Burgler:What sort of person would call a parrot Moses ? Parrot:The same sort of person that would call a rotweiller Jesus.Oh my god. This is a real joke. It has a punchline and makes sense and everything. It even made me smile. Was shamefully stolen from sickipedia as well. You don't genuinely think everyone in this thread is making up these jokes themselves do you? Let pussE have his moment!I'll have you know I write all my own jokes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turnbull Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 Scientists in Switzerland say they've isolated atoms of anti-matter. Apparently it's going to help solve some of the biggest mysteries of the universe. Like, for example, how the **** Cliff Richard hasn't been arrested by Operation Yewtree yet ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legov Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 Some of those Latvian jokes are skirting the line between good-hearted humour and racism. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wainy316 Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 They are skirting the line between not making any sense. I don't know if I'm stupid or if that's the point (or both). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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